Advice on new horse please

[Waxwing]

Hi Southern Comfort

Thank you for your reply; we did try to find something that would suit us both and I do wonder if in the longer term she is going to be a nice horse for my daughter to do Pony Club on ; there is no doubt in time she will school nicely and she already jumps well and enjoys this and while I happy riding in the school would like to do some low level dressage
ultimately I do want a horse I feel safe on hacking out three or four times a week. My daughter isn't that bothered about hacking; she doesn't really like to do it with her loan pony and she is a perfectly safe hack (unfortunately to small for me to ride - she is a part rather than full loan and the owners would not be happy with me riding her.)

 

[paddy555]

Whilst it is early days with your horse, it doesn't sound like she's probably the right horse for you. I'm quite experienced but getting on a bit and mine is spooky. I can manage it and it doesn't unnerve me but would I buy another high maintenance snorting idiot horse? No. I love mine but it's not a restful ride. I'm always aware of what might happen. If this mare is making you anxious this frequently (it sound like you can manage her but aren't comfortable doing so) then it might be best to get something else. It maybe worth giving yourself a timescale of say 2- 3mths and if you still feel the same you have your answer. Don't ignore your gut feeling, you are likely aware she isn't for you and you should be enjoying yourself. No shame in saying she's not a good fit and she sounds like a nice horse who would suit someone else with no problem.

this.

You are perfectly capable of riding her, you know she is young that you have to make allowances for that, you have help from your friends, you watch your friends ride her and no doubt think what is the problem. You have everything going for you and still your mind cannot let you relax on her.

Your response to the geese was not, "Jeez, I stayed on, I did brilliantly, can't believe I did so well! It was fear, getting off and crying. However well you did with the geese, and you did really well, you cannot mentally accept you can cope.

Looking at your post no. 15 and the riding school horses would you happily get on and take one out for a hack now (if it was possible to take it) if the answer is "yes" does that tell you something.

I appreciate your OH wants you to keep her until spring. Do you really see that you will be happily climbing on top each day to go off hacking? Or will you simply end up with totally shattered confidence.

I think you have to put one person at the front of all of this and think only of them and what will make them enjoy riding. That person is YOU.
She may or may not end up being a good match for your daughter in a years time. In the meantime there is you to look after.

 

[Fluffypiglet]

Just a thought - make the decision to sell her. Write the advert and tell people that's your choice, decision made. Does it give you a massive sense of relief? If so, perhaps you have your answer? You're allowed to be sad about deciding she's not for you because she's a nice horse but it feels from your posts that, whilst you can ride her, you really don't want to. But IMO you need to test that gut feeling you are getting to fully understand what is the right way forward.

But maybe it is just time. New horses are unsettling and unfortunately only you can decide whether to allow more time. It's not an easy decision at all.

Another thought - is this horse for you or your daughter? It feels a bit like you might be trying to think ahead for your daughter rather then getting something suitable for you?

 

[Cortez]

Goodness, why do people get themselves in such knots about horses? Not a dig at you at all, OP, but really, having a horse is supposed to be a pleasure. If this particular horse is not doing the job then sell her to someone who will have fun with her and look for another which is a better fit for you.

 

[eggs]

In my opinion you are probably better off selling her as I don't think a rider lacking in confidence is a good match for a green, spooky horse. It may be that her spookiness is not a problem for a more confident rider and some may not even consider it as spooking.

Alternatively let you daughter take her to pony club camp as it may be the making of her. It does sound as though she has done a bit with her previous owners so should be able to cope.

 

[splashgirl45]

it sounds to me like you have bought a horse who is too talented for your mental ability, physically you seem to be able to deal with problems but mentally it is making you unhappy. i may be wrong but i think you need a happy hacker who could do riding club events but would allow you to have fun. the saying on here is buy the horse you NEED now not the one you want...and you dont need this horse. i would sell, you should get a good price and look for something that has done a bit of everything but wont be a world beater....i know if i was looking now i would like a blood horse as that is what i have always had, but at my age and level of confidence i would need exactly what i suggest for you...hope you get something sorted out

 

[Wheresthehoofpick]

it sounds to me like you have bought a horse who is too talented for your mental ability, physically you seem to be able to deal with problems but mentally it is making you unhappy. i may be wrong but i think you need a happy hacker who could do riding club events but would allow you to have fun. the saying on here is buy the horse you NEED now not the one you want...and you dont need this horse. i would sell, you should get a good price and look for something that has done a bit of everything but wont be a world beater....i know if i was looking now i would like a blood horse as that is what i have always had, but at my age and level of confidence i would need exactly what i suggest for you...hope you get something sorted out[/QUOTE

Totally agree. Horse owning is supposed to be a pleasure and not a torment.
I have the most lovely ISH. We all adore him but he is not the right fit for our family life. Have just made the toughest choice ever to sell him. I've never sold one before. Always kept them and battled on but I feel too old for that now. Time is limited. Some times it is just not meant to be.

 

[asmp]

Just wanted to say when my daughter lost interest in her pony I decided to buy one for myself. Meant to buy a safe slightly older horse but went and bought a 7 year old who only knew Western! For the first year I wondered what I’d done, he was quite spooky and would spin, dumping me and daughter. I was rather scared of riding him at times. Forward a couple of years and it all had clicked. Daughter used him at PC and came on leaps and bounds, winning at SJ and XC. Their forte was TREC and really excelled at it. I hacked him out and still do, 14 years on. He’s still spooky but I know him inside out.

What I’m trying to say is it sometimes does all come right so perhaps give the horse a chance but no one would think badly if you do decide to sell on

 

[Winters100]

To me the thing is that I like to own horses that I can enjoy and have fun with now, not maybe in the future if they work out.

As you have a daughter at pony club I am guessing that your age is not dissimilar to mine. It is natural as we get older that we lose the 'will ride anything' attitude and become more cautious. Does not mean that we are unable to stay on if something happens, but younger or trickier horses become a stress, rather than a fun challenge.

Speaking personally I persevered for years with a horse who was too much for me. Spent a fortune on having him in full time training, endless lessons etc, and I only wish I had made the decision to sell sooner, rather than waiting for a serious accident. Since selling him I have had a schoolmistress who has done wonders for my confidence. Still forward going enough to be fun, but a real 'been there, done that' type. She built my confidence so well that I added 2 more to the family, more powerful, but sane and sensible types. The funny thing is that keeping the 3 costs not much more than keeping the 1 previous horse, since I just take lessons when I feel like it, and do not need the trainer to ride them.

Personally I would give serious consideration to selling. It does not sound to me that she will be the right horse for you, and I can also imagine that it would be a big stress for you watching your daughter ride her.

Whatever you decide to do good luck, and do remember that whatever anyone says there is no 'right' or 'wrong' decision here.

 

[Waxwing]

Thank you everyone for your replies; I think on balance I am going to give serious consideration to selling her, everyone around me is telling me it will be ok and I need to give it time but I am deriving very little enjoyment from her, ironically I am riding less since I bought a horse that I have in the last twenty years; apart from when everything was shut during the first lockdown; during the second I had a horse on part loan and was hacking another horse out for someone else and was riding five or six times a week. I am going to have a few more lessons with her; as whatever I do getting off in a quivering mess after she was scared by some geese should not be my abiding memory of riding her. She was meant to be the horse I had long term which my daughter did pony club with for a few years, not the other way round. I was having a little look at for sale ads earlier and a local dealing has a horse the spitting image of her, same size and age, up for sale for two thousand more than I paid for her; I will be far more interested in getting the right home for her than maximising her price, but it reassuring to know I would have the funds for a new friend.

 

[Waxwing]

Well the horse is still here... and I have actually started to look forward to riding her; today it was just a walk and trot round the school and a ten minute off road walk on the tracks around the yard with my other half on foot, but I enjoyed it and came home in a good mood. I am going to book some ground work sessions with someone a friend has recommended, she will continue to be schooled/ hacked out two to three times a week by the person schooling her for me and I will continue to have a lesson once a week and ride a couple of other times. I've also booked back into a group lesson I used to enjoy (on a school horse) once a fortnight. Still not sure wh and stopped. She sleeps more than any horse I ha ever met; yesterday she was flat out on her side an snoring; I said hello, and she sat up, went to get the grooming kit and came back to find her flat out again; she is out at night enjoys spending the morning in her stable sleeping snoozing.

 

[Waxwing]

Sorry posted the above to soon and realised it made no sense in the middle Well the horse is still here... and I have actually started to look forward to riding her; today it was just a walk and trot round the school and a ten minute off road walk on the tracks around the yard with my other half on foot, but I enjoyed it and came home in a good mood. I am going to book some ground work sessions with someone a friend has recommended, she will continue to be schooled/ hacked out two to a three times a week by the person schooling her for me and I will continue to have a lesson once a week and ride a couple of other times. I've also booked back into a group lesson I used to enjoy (on a school horse) once a fortnight. Still not sure what our future together holds but I am enjoying our time together at present. I am definitely starting to form a bond with her; she is more respectful of my personal space and the face pulling when I tack her up has more or less stopped. She sleeps more than any horse I ha ever met; yesterday she was flat out on her side an snoring; I said hello, and she sat up, went to get the grooming kit and came back to find her flat out again; she is out at night enjoys spending the morning in her stable sleeping snoozing.

 

[Kaylum]

Well done op you never learn to ride until you get your own horse.

Schooling a horse and learning how to cope are all part of horse ownership. My first horse was a total idiot and wouldn't even tie up. We learnt things together and handled situations. It's too easy to give up. Spooky is definitely what he was and he even reared at shows. I cried more than I laughed, but with work and the correct routine he got better. What I am saying is its too easy to give up and the horse needs you x

 

[Jellymoon]

Goodness, why do people get themselves in such knots about horses? Not a dig at you at all, OP, but really, having a horse is supposed to be a pleasure. If this particular horse is not doing the job then sell her to someone who will have fun with her and look for another which is a better fit for you.

I complete agree Cortez, but it’s not quite as simple as that for many of us! We get rather attached to our horses and feel a sense of responsibility. It’s not that easy to accept you’ve made a mistake, and you worry where the horse will end up. We also have to deal with people who get cross with you wanting to give up on a horse too soon. And there’s that horrible sense of failure to deal with, and the thought that it’s all your fault and not the horse’s.
Anyway, all that said, I do completely agree, we all get far too wound up about them, and I think the OP should def sell. The horse needs to be happy with the right owner, and she needs ro be happy with the right horse.

 

[Bernster]

Plus there‘s a difficult line between it being new horse settling in/adjustment issues and being the wrong horse or the ‘wrong’ environment/owner for the horse.

 

[Antw23uk]

Have you actually said how old the horse is yet? sorry if i missed it. In horsey terms you sound very green but then you sound like you ride a lot so its a bit confusing as to what the issue with the horse is other than she has knocked your confidence. I think perhaps you write what other people have said to you rather than decide for yourself (easily done when green, lol)
Your recent post sounds positive which is great news. Relationships with horses do take time so you may well have the right horse but when i started reading your posts i would have said sell but now with your recent post i'd say keep doing what your doing but you have to mentally teach yourself to be more positive. Set yourself some goals, pay for her to go out to a low level dressage or local clear round to get some experience with a professional rider and then book yourself in for a nice intro or prelim to get out and about. Setting goals really helps focus the mind. Good luck

She cant be that young as from what your saying she is doing pretty much 6/7 days work a week?

 

[Annagain]

That sounds really positive. I'm 11 months into a new horse having had my old boys for the last 15 years. I can honestly say it's been the hardest year I remember of horse ownership. It probably isn't, but it's how I feel at the moment.

I probably said the same 15 years ago about Archie. I do remember thinking about selling him many times when I first had him but now I can't remember why! It'll the same with Charlie. I know I won't remember the (very few and pretty mild) bad days in a few years time. I'll remember I had them but not what they were!

I really feel like I've turned a corner in the last month. (I say "I" rather than "we" as Charlie has really been great throughout, I've just been very nervous about things for no particular reason other than being that much older) Archie did far worse than Charlie does and I just laughed at him (eventually, after the first two years!) but while it was all new to me with Charlie, I was nervous. It really does take at least a year to get to know them and get comfortable with them. Your mare is only 5, you potentially have 20 years together so if it takes you 2 to get really confident with her, so be it. Take your time, do what you want to do and you'll get there. It sounds like you enjoy the lessons so keep plugging away at those and the rest will fall into place.

 

[Bernster]

That’s a great post for me AA, being 4/5 weeks into having a new horse. I have forgotten any issues I had with finnegan but I know I had them! I trust and know him in pretty much every situation but it takes time and experience to get to that point. I’m trying to maintain that perspective with the new boy!

 

[Wishfilly]

It sounds like she is doing a lot of work? If she is being schooled 3 times a week, then ridden 3 more by yourself and your daughter, she is probably quite fit. If she is being ridden by a pro, they may well have got her really off the leg and responsive as well- this is not a bad thing as such, it's how you want a young horse to be BUT may be a bit of a shock to the average rider.

She almost definitely does not need to be worked six times a week, and you may find her a more enjoyable ride if you scale the pro back to once a week. If the pro rides once a week, you/daughter ride 3 times, and she does a groundwork session, that is more than enough for most horses, but she won't be quite so fit and tuned up, if that makes sense? And you may find her a bit more enjoyable to ride.

I am glad you are enjoying her, and continuing to have lessons on a horse you feel confident on is also a good idea!

 

[saddlesore]

Honesty I would sell her. I’ve had horses for 30 years and I hung onto my previous horse for 5 years despite it being the wrong partnership for us both. Despite lots of help it didn’t get better. I sold him and bought another. I’m now enjoying myself again. If you’re needing to pay someone to ride your horse whilst you’re paying for lessons on another horse you know it’s not right. You would both be better suited in different partnerships imho ?

 

[Renvers]

Does your daughter love the horse, have you bought the horse she needs and not really the one you want? How would she feel about selling this one and buying something else?

I have only had to worry about my own needs when horse shopping, I can imagine finding a horse that is suitable for two different people is far more difficult so don't worry that you may not have found it yet.

 

[mini-eventer]

I had similar with a new young horse, I was very experienced, worked with horses ridden fit sharp eventers, youngsters etc, owned a couple of my own. But had just come from a nasty fall and owning a horse with major issues.

I actually had a god friend sharing with me who genuinely though they were helping by letting me know when he was fresh/naughty etc.

What actually happened was that this eroded my confidence because I would be nervous before I even started expecting naughtiness. My sharer gave up after a year or so.

Since then me and the horse have blossomed, as my confidence returned his has grown and to be fair he wasn't bad to start with. In hindsight he did have a few baby moments but noting unexpected or malicious and that I couldn't handle and he was genuinely a nice person.

The sharer although it came from a good place was actually giving me anxiety by listing every minor spook etc.

Sometimes it is better not to know and use your own judgement. If they come in on their toes or even if you are having a windy day, a good lunge is helpful

 

[Waxwing]

Still not sure if she will stay or go; was idly horse window shopping and prices overall have definitely gone up in the two months since we bought her. What would be a reasonable price to ask for a five year old ISH (she is well bred with a green Irish Passport), jumping well, schooling well with an experienced rider and improving all the time, starting lateral work. She is hacking out in company and will now lead and is good in the traffic she as seen ( I wouldn't advertise as hacking alone yet but I expect she will with an experienced rider, this is still a work in progress). She is good to catch, shoe, handle etc and is a friendly if opinionated madam. I would advertise as requiring an experienced rider; she could do a lot with the right rider. Price isn't everything but if she goes I want enough for a new friend.

 

[I'm Dun]

Sell her. I hung onto mine for over a year dithering. It didnt work, I knew it didnt but I loved the horse herself and thought if I kept trying the good days would increase. They didnt. I sold her 3 weeks ago and shes happier than she ever was with me. And I got a new horse. I adore him already and while its early days, I just get so much more out of owning him. I wish I hadnt wasted a year winding myself up about it now, but f course hindsight is a birlliant thing!

 

[Waxwing]

Well we decided to keep her; I hacked out twice with friends this week and we had our first solo expedition today, with my daughter on foot. Just a twenty minute circuit from the yard but she was fine. She canters really well behind others; she is no longer spooking in the school and we have ridden her with other horses in the school. She is much more settled on the ground and now ambles to and from the field on a loose rope, rather than prancing about; she is fine to tack and now lifts her feet prior to you asking, rather than refusing and threatening to bite you. Longer hacks for me and pony club for my daughter now seem achievable for next year and we both love her; we still have some ups and downs but unless there is a dramatic change in circumstance she isn't going anywhere...

 

[Trouper]

Great -it just takes time and patience. They are not machines and need time to settle to new places and people and to learn to trust them.

 

[Tracking_up]

Lovely to hear it's going better and you are all bonding - thank you for updating the Forum.

 

[Cortez]

That's great news OP, long may she continue to be the horse that suits you.

 

[Goldenstar]

Good news I wish you many years of fun with her .
My top tips for new horses .
Routine is key especially at first .
As little food as you can get away with in the early stages .
Work regularly and everyday and I don’t hesitate to work twice a day if I feel it will help Sky was worked twice until he got his head around the fact that the rules had changed .
if you are not a confident rider get help quick if you start having wobbles about it .
Turnout as much as you can .
I don’t bother about hacking alone at first I think that’s a big ask for a young horse in a strange place with a new rider I wait until I feel the horse is confident with its new home .