advice please! abusive messages from on off yard employee

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showpony

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Ok this does sound like its out of a movie but have massive problem on my hands. Some of you may know from seeing my posts on everything confidence related lol but we have turned a corner and are a great team and went to our first jumping competition on sunday where we did 2 lovely rounds:)
Very suprising as night before got a series of abusive pm's asking if I was scared of my horse ? And spend so much time riding indoor as am scared riding in the outdoor and everyone knows it? It got far worse than that and this evening got a series of abusive texts about how everyone @ yard talks about how scared I am ..which is complete and utter BS!
Have spoken to YO but I can't cope with the fact that if the individual sorts themself out they may well appear back at the yard. What would you do?
 
So presumably you know who this person is??

And YO does as well?

I'd be inclined to text them back and say that if you receive any more abusive messages from them you will notify the police. And if it continues, then do it.

Also tell YO that you will do so. If this person is doing it to you, then ten to the dozen they're also doing it to other people and if they're not stopped now then their behaviour could escalate.
 
The trigger could have been that they heard you were going jumpingthe next day and were jealous because of how far you have come? I would do as advised above and tell them that any more abuse and you will go to the police and also speak seriously to the YO and let them know you are going to take it further if it does not stop.
 
If they are ignored they will probably just give up, however keep the messages saved as if they continue to send these messages, then you should inform the police (malicious communications) and use all the messages as evidence. The most likely outcome of this is a police harrassment order being served, which if they breach, will lead to more serious consequences.
 
I have screen shots of fb messages and all texts on phone. Am gutted - and am very very upset, trying not to let it get to me. Wouldn't even dream of posting the worst of the messages as they were brutal and brought one of my children into it:( why can people be so cruel for no reason?
 
How awful! I don't know what to suggest other than realise if they're saying things like that they've got problems, not you! Defo keep record and keep the YO informed... Surely the YO won't keep employing someone who sends abusive messages to liveries or have I misunderstood the situation?
 
Thanks for all the replys, unfortunatly the impact of all the abuse seems to be affecting my nerves:( and I seem to be mentally regressing to being at the stage I was at couple mths when I had a knock back. Here's hoping a good nights sleep will give me a kick up the a**
 
OP, do not let them win, you have gained so much recently, hold your head up high and stick two fingers up to them! This is bullying, as the others have said tell them and YO you will be reporting it to the police. Take a picture of the messages and then laugh at their pathetic cowardice.
Go jumping, and prove them wrong!!
 
There is nothing wrong with being afraid - what is wrong is if you cannot face the fear and get over it.

You are doing so well that you can hold your head up high and give this person a finger!

One of the people I admired most was a dear friend of mine who had a real heavyweight cob that was a ***** to her. There were tines when she was sick before she rode him and had he been possible to load he would have gone to the knackers.
With help she persevered, and the horse competed at HOYS in the cob class.

Keep going and just ignore her. Tell others what she has done and should she return then they will be against her and she will be made unwelcome.
Turn the tables on her.

Keep going and enjoy your horse regardless of where you ride him.
 
Its very hard to get a sp to block a number.
I have had ten years of texts and anon calls , it really does do your head in,
the best piece of advice i can give is to get a samsung phone. They are the only phones that allow you to block the number yourself. I felt this was a perfect solution for me .
My ex could send his texts and get it off his chest... but i never got them so it was a win win situation. I have had my new phone for about two months now and not barred his number yet... but it looks like getting no reaction may finally have made him give up!
You seem to be annoying this person just by getting on and making progress, you have to think they must be very unhappy.
good luck with the jumping!
 
I am appalled (uphalled) at the level some people will stoop to to bully and victimise. And why?? To satisfy some defect in themselves and not in you.

Carry on enjoying your horse and what you are doing... try not to let it get to you as that will give her the reward she wants.
 
Mandwhy- Best advice ever!!

Seriously op this sounds like jealousy pure and simple. Report them, it is affecting your life and they cannot be allowed to continue. Don't let it knock your confidence, every time you go to ride just remind yourself that 'insert name' wishes they were you so you are obviously brilliant!
 
Sorry to hear this.. it sounds like a case of the green eyed monster to me!
Don't let her get to you, you have come so far with her, don't let one bitter individual spoil her for you.
Just carry on doing what you're doing, carry on getting out to those shows and don't retaliate or rise to the bait, that will wind her up even more ;)
 
don't let them bring you down, they obviously feel threatened by your new found confidence which should make you feel proud!
i would tell the YO and the messenger that if they message you again you will contact the police, and do it!!! stand tall and show that that their pathetic little games won't stop you enjoying your horse.x
 
Dont wait. Do tell the police. That way there is a record of it. They might not react but the important thing is this is logged. You have told the YO - have you shown this to her? what is she doing to support you? Tell this person that 1. this is now reported to the police. 2. you have printed out all these messages and if you receive any more you will take legal action and ALSO be pinning all these messages UP AT THE YARD!!! 3. All future messages will be immediately forwarded to the YO and one other (for recording) and deleted without reading from your phone.

You go girl. Alternatively.... with my less than perfect hat on.. you could always post up her mobile number on here and let her get a dose of her own medicine. Ok, appreciate you are a grown up and won't do that.. but what fun if you did!!!
 
I have blocked HIM from my fb page and no further messages this morning.... For the moment. If I get one more I'm straight down to the police station. Had a crap nights sleep off the back of all the abuse:(
 
Showpony this happened to me earlier this year but not via direct communication, through mutual friends. The best revenge ever was doing well with my horse.

Despite my nerves and feeling crap about my riding I forced myself to do more competitions and started getting better, I made sure to post pictures of all my rosettes and dressage score sheets on facebook so nasty person could see just how well I was doing.

People only try to bring you DOWN because you're ABOVE them. Keep on doing what you're doing xxxx
 
showpony said:
Ok this does sound like its out of a movie but have massive problem on my hands. Some of you may know from seeing my posts on everything confidence related lol but we have turned a corner and are a great team and went to our first jumping competition on sunday where we did 2 lovely rounds:)
Very suprising as night before got a series of abusive pm's asking if I was scared of my horse ? And spend so much time riding indoor as am scared riding in the outdoor and everyone knows it? It got far worse than that and this evening got a series of abusive texts about how everyone @ yard talks about how scared I am ..which is complete and utter BS!
Have spoken to YO but I can't cope with the fact that if the individual sorts themself out they may well appear back at the yard. What would you do?
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YO has a responsibility for his employees behaviour towards clients whether they are on site or off when the incident(s) occur so keep at him until s/he is prepared to intervene.

The bully banks on the victim keeping quiet so make sure everyone on the yard knows what is going on and who is responsible. Keep a written record of all contacts from this person including print-offs of the messages if this is possible and if not able to do this make sure at least 2 reliable people (winesses!), plus the YO, have seen the messages before deleting and let it be known that you will take steps if it doesn't stop.

Are these messages on-line or on your phone? If they are on a social network report it to the company which runs it. If on the phone there is strict telecommunications legislation covering "nuisance" calls so contact your provder.

Just remember that you are the victim not the problem. It's likely that when this person realises you have teeth and are not going to be bullied he will back off and the fact that you have gone public on the yard may deter him from stating on anyone else there.
 
FestiveG said:
If they are ignored they will probably just give up, however keep the messages saved as if they continue to send these messages, then you should inform the police (malicious communications) and use all the messages as evidence. The most likely outcome of this is a police harrassment order being served, which if they breach, will lead to more serious consequences.
Click to expand...
Unfortunately ignoring the bully often makes matters worse as he or she assumes that the victim is too scared to follow it through with the result that the bullying gets worse.
 
I think you should ring the police, explain what has happened, and ask for their advice.

I did this, and the police went round and had a word with the person harassing me. The behaviour stopped immediately and when I saw the harasser about afterwards, they gave me a wide berth which is exactly what I wanted.

However, they seem to have got a bit of their swagger back now, so my only regrets are not insisting that the police attempt to prosecute them under the Protection From Harassment Act 1997 and I also spoke to a lawyer at the time who said they would write and tell the harasser an injunction with an attached power of arrest would be issued against them if there were any further incidents.

I didn't proceed with the action suggested by the lawyer and I regret it now as I bet my harasser has persuaded themselves the visit from the police was a one off, due to me being sensitive and unreasonable.

So my advice is hit them hard and hit them now with all you can to get rid of them. I ignored my harasser for ages and it just seemed to give them licence to continue and believe their behaviour was acceptable.
 
How terrible! very pathetic, dont understand why people are like this.

I agree the YO should get involved if theyre still employing this person, if it was me I wouldnt want someone of that mentality of my yard.

Youre obviosuly doing well so keep at it, sc**w them. I know its hard to put on a brave face but keep going at it!!!

And report it dont tolerate it :mad:
 
Just back in door from wonderful hack on my mare- really cleared my head. YO is taking it very seriously and one good thing to come out of it I found out today when I was up at yard, was nearly in tears - the amount of people behind me is unbelievable, people have said such nice things , have called and text aswell:) and do you know what - this episode has made me even more bloody determined to compete successfully with my mare after which I will shove my results and rosettes in his face:) also thanks to my hho family who have been very kind with all the positive comments.
 
showpony said:
Thanks for all the replys, unfortunatly the impact of all the abuse seems to be affecting my nerves:( and I seem to be mentally regressing to being at the stage I was at couple mths when I had a knock back. Here's hoping a good nights sleep will give me a kick up the a**
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Get some bach flower remedy spray or pastelles. It's really good for nerves. Also, their night remedy is excellent when you can't sleep because your mind is too active and worrying.

Personally, I wouldn't bother with the police, I would text back saying something along the lines of 'It's so funny, you are sending me all these texts to try to undermine my confidence, whilst I'm actually in stitches laughing at you. Have forwarded them to my friends for a laugh.'
 
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