Advice please- Teenager suddenly lost interest in horse. Can I help her get it back?

[lynz88]

I think this is common for this age. Was always told - and parents always told - at around the ages of 14-16 girls especially either lose interest completely or go more into their horses. I was one that got more into horses. But that isn't for everyone and if she's not interested, no point in pushing her. I would maybe look for a sharer or loan and in 6 months, revisit. If still no interest, then it's time to discuss selling and if she wants it or something else, then also time to discuss making a financial/time contribution to it.

 

[Fransurrey]

My friend's daughter lost interest at the same age, earlier last year, apparently. Friend hadn't ridden in a few years, but decided she quite like the horse and kept it. She's now having a great time as a horse owner again and I haven't ever actually met the daughter!!

Can you do that? keep her for yourself and get a sharer if you're stuck for time?

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

I would have some lessons on her pony and see if you might like to get back into it yourself before selling.

 

[DeliaRides]

I have wondered about whether this might happen with my daughter, who is 13. This winter has been TOUGH. We sold her whizzy 128 jumping pony at the end of last season and she has been bringing on a very green 14.1 sports pony, and it's been the worst winter weather wise. I do think something happens when they start to transition from essentially child riders who more or less follow instructions and feel what to do, to more adult type riders who ride with their brain more. It's not an easy thing and it can feel like it is all less fun than before. I think we're coming through it now, but I can see that many don't.

Whatever you do, if it seems like a sudden decision from your daughter, I wouldn't sell up straight away, I'd give it a few months and see. When we had bad days/weeks I have always said to my daughter that she doesn't have to ride, and we don't have to have a pony, and the look of of horror on her face when I said that told me that she did want to do it, she just wanted it to be a bit easier! It sounds like you're at a slightly different point, but still, it may not be irredeemable. However, if she really is done, then she is done, and you can't always change that. A sharer or a loan sounds like a good idea to give her and you a little time to be sure.

 

[gallopingby]

thanks for your response. I think it sounds conflicting because it's been so sudden. Last week she decided she didn't want to ride. We had a lesson booked in and for half of it she was smiling away as usual and then just dropped her head and couldn't be bothered. Previously, she'd come out of school all tense and after 10 minutes on the horse looked like a different girl.
She's adopted and her counsellor has said it is so vital for her wellbeing. I think that's why I'm keen to hold on to it. I'm prepared to keep the pony at the moment definitely.

I’ve messaged you

 

[ponynutz]

A little note from someone who is Gen Z!

I think for me, and a lot of my friends that did give up, the pressures of being a teenage girl in particular and the negative connotations of being a 'horse girl' on social media can be overwhelming. It can feel isolating as a teenager especially when you add they're starting to explore relationships on top of that. Might be an insight into the thought process if it's helpful for anybody.

 

[Cortez]

Hormones kick in and boys are becoming more interesting than ponies, I've seen it dozens of times. And no, you can't force them to go back to ponies if they don't want to. Some do come back to horses, most don't, and those that do often take years to rekindle that spark.

*I caveat my remarks with the fact that I have no children, but have taught many, many pony mad teenagers.

**I never experienced this myself and kept up the horse obsession until my 60's (so horses trumped hormones for me).

 

[Elno]

Congratulations, it's your pony now!

 

[LadyGascoyne]

My stepdaughter lost interest at 15. The mare we had for her was on loan, so we returned her.

As difficult as it was, I felt I needed to come across as taking her wishes seriously and also to make the point that horses are a privilege not a right, and if we aren’t 100% invested in them then they need to go to someone who will be.

Once the mare actually left, we had a brief period of regret but she’s actually been very mature about it. I do have other horses so she can opt into horsey activities without any pressure, and she has shown a bit more interest lately, more than a year later. I suspect she may come back to it and when she does, will probably be more committed.

 

[Crazy_cat_lady]

As someone who lost interest, albeit later in my late 20s, it can happen!

I suddenly just thought "I don't even enjoy riding anymore " - by the time I'd done all the chores (the poo picking was horrendous) I couldn't be bothered to ride. As an adult I had the added expenses of adult related things. Adding up the costs was a big contributor to the loss of interest in realising just how expensive it all was

I plodded on for a few more years. Have sat on a horse once since I gave up, and don't feel any inclination to ride still. Maybe the odd "wouldn't mind going for a blast" but it's very fleeting

I wouldn't try to force her to ride. If she wants to go for a mooch let it be her decision. Let her pick and choose what she fancies doing if she does decide to ride. I look back at past photos and i used to ride with the helpers who were having their free ride at tbe rs, we used to do gymhanah games, fun jumping challenges, then as they all moved on and tne yards style changed, it all got so serious. I think that was a part of the loss of motivation it just wasnt FUN anymore. Dont force her to ride It'll just make her resent it and sap her enjoyment more if she's being made to do something she no longer loves.

It's perfectly OK to fall out of love with horses, I'd have scoffed at someone who suggested I may lose interest as an adult when I was a pony mad child, but I have

I also don't regret giving up at all - as others have said, if you do sell pop the money into a savings account for her, it'll be invaluable to her for a future car/driving lessons/ the very beginning of a house deposit

Horses aren't the be all and all and once you realise that it almost feels like an epiphany moment

 

[Chiffy]

I am so sorry your daughter doesn’t want to carry on riding when you obviously love going to the yard , help with the pony and watch her ride.
I fear the biggest problem is lack of other children/ teenagers. She needs to have fun with her own age group.
I came from an unhorsey family but eventually managed to persuade my parents to get me a pony when I was 12. We were completely ignorant so I joined the Pony Club. It was wonderful and I made friends for life, I even married one of them!! I never stopped riding although my Mother wanted my pony sold when I was doing A levels and going to Uni. I refused and found someone to loan him during those years.
When my daughter was born we discussed that horses were our hobby and she might wish to do something else. No fear of that, she was saying Up, up as soon as she could walk.
She has never stopped riding either and now two grandchildren are utterly horsey too. The common denominator is friends with the same interest. My grandchildren have friends to stay or go to friends, they ride together, swap ponies and generally have fun and get competitive at competitions.
I shall be interested to see if the elder at 13 changes her mind in a few years, it could happen . Some of my friends gave up and thought I was super brave to keep riding. At Pony Club they were better than me!
You just never know what the future holds but my only advice would be to find her a friend to enjoy her pony with.

 

[LEC]

I was your daughter - bored with it, wanted to do other things and not have my whole life tied to horses. My mother and I bought a shared horse when I was 15 which I could ride in the summer for PC and she hunted in the winter which meant I had no looking after effectively. I pretty much gave up fully at 17 as didn’t find it fun and it was a slog. I don’t think I sat on a horse for 5 years as went to London for uni and had other interests. Then came back to it in 2005 on the same shared horse. I am now more obsessed than ever and actually living out my dreams of doing everything I always wanted to do but couldn’t before.

If she doesn’t want to do it I would just let her quit. It’s such a commitment and life is too short.

 

[Bonnie Allie]

My two gave up at 18. We told them riding is something you can do at any age but being a teen/uni student/travelling was something that is best done in one’s late teens early 20’s and all those life skills would serve them well.

We encouraged them to take up other interests and put horses on back burner for a while. Neither ride now, the horses were sold but they still ride our horses occasionally or come along to horse events with us if they feel like it.

I feel my daughter will most likely take it up again, my son has been dropping hints about eventing on his fathers horse but I’ve just let that go through to the keeper for now as I know who will be doing all the work and it won’t be my son.

Let her gain life skills - you take the horse on and have some fun for yourself. You sound like an amazing mum who is due a bit of fun.

 

[Waxwing]

Hi

I also have an adopted teenager; she lost interest in riding earlier this year but my husband was very clear that after all the all the losses she has had in her life the horse was staying until after she finished her GCSE's. After a few months of not riding her interest has renewed and she is now riding 3-4 times a week and has started going to pony club. The horse is very important to her on an emotional level; I fully appreciate your daughter's situation may be entirely different but wanted to offer the perspective of another adoptive parent of teenage daughter.

 

[Leafcutter]

When my daughter lost interest I kept her pony for another 2 years as she was big enough for me to ride and a delight to have around. Daughter didn’t regain her passion and I had to sell the mare eventually due to OH kicking up a stink. You never really know which way it’s going to go, I’d hang on to the horse if you can for a year at least, then reassess after that.