AIBAAK (an absolute knob)

ester said:
If there wasn't what you considered an excellent option on the table I would suggest a bit more caution, having someone you think you can trust, who will enjoy your mare and a situation you think your mare will thrive in makes it a very attractive option IMO.
I've had friends do both and both been happy :).

I thought Clodagh meant that kids cost money, therefore automatically you are likely to have less knocking around not that they were paying for more livery?
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I think OP said with no horse they could go back to work one day less a week, so could therefore spend it with baby. Will go back and check now!
 
amymay said:
None of my friends have given up/loaned their horses due to pregnancy and subsequent kids - they've never felt the need. If your yard offers assistance use it for the first week or so, and then as and when it's needed.
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amymay said:
I'm not sure finances came on to it, they simply carried on as normal with child in tow.
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Forgive me but I've heard you say this so many times on similar threads and I can't see how this information is relevant to my Op.

I'm sure I could carry on. I'm asking whether people think that loaning would be the best decision considering the information that I have offered.
 
Whatever decision you make you'll doubt it (welcome to motherhood!) but it does sound like loaning would fit you best right now. It's reversible and nothing bar children are permanent.

This may be your only baby (although I know of plenty of post ivf natural babies) so make sure you give yourself time to enjoy it.
 
Mongoose11 said:
Forgive me but I've heard you say this so many times on similar threads and I can't see how this information is relevant to my Op.

I'm sure I could carry on. I'm asking whether people think that loaning would be the best decision considering the information that I have offered.
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Just because some people continue to do their horses with baby in tow does not make it the right decision for everyone, my livery owner will be having a cesarean and will be grounded for weeks so for her loaning was the most sensible and realistic way to keep her pony so she can get back to riding when the time is right.
I think for you it makes the most sense as you have someone suitable ready and willing to take her on, who knows how you will feel once baby has arrived, I don't see it as a failure in any way any more than I see someone juggling baby and horses in mid winter as being successful, I had a livery here for a short while who left baby shut in a freezing car while she played with her horse, it did not sit well with me and I was pleased when she moved the horse to a loan home.
 
Mongoose11 said:
Forgive me but I've heard you say this so many times on similar threads and I can't see how this information is relevant to my Op.

I'm sure I could carry on. I'm asking whether people think that loaning would be the best decision considering the information that I have offered.
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Sorry, in your initial post you said "I could keep her"

My response was based on that.
 
If I had said 'I could keep her, what did all of your friends who were probably in quite different circumstance do?' then I could probably understand your reply. This is your standard reply to most threads on this topic and you haven't taken in to account any of the issues that I have raised.
 
I would loan. I think your plan sounds good of a trial period on your own yard. This way you can rest assured she's safe and happy and you can concentrate on your baby.
I tried to keep mine and tbh I ended up feeling guilty all the time as baby cried while I raced around doing the horse as quickly as I could and horse got no attention or riding.
It was the right decision. Babies turn into opinionated teens one day and you will be grateful for every second spent with them when they were tiny.
Also a lovely thing was I had my horse back due to old age/health worries etc when my daughter was 5 and he taught her to ride and love horses. I think the fact she wasn't forced to endure him for her first years helped.
 
I will be blunt. I lost my 6 year old daughter 2 years ago in April.
This is going to be your only child...the time is precious and you never get it back. I would trade my soul (and anyone elses!!) to have one more day.
Your horse will cope...and so will you.
I wish you the very best with your new baby xxx
 
Mongoose11 said:
If I had said 'I could keep her, what did all of your friends who were probably in quite different circumstance do?' then I could probably understand your reply. This is your standard reply to most threads on this topic and you haven't taken in to account any of the issues that I have raised.
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I have no idea if their circumstances were different to yours.

At the end of the day you must do what's right for you and your family.
 
SatansLittleHelper said:
I will be blunt. I lost my 6 year old daughter 2 years ago in April.
This is going to be your only child...the time is precious and you never get it back. I would trade my soul (and anyone elses!!) to have one more day.
Your horse will cope...and so will you.
I wish you the very best with your new baby xxx
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Oh my gosh, I'm so so sorry to hear that. I can't begin to imagine
 
If it helps OP - I've just loaned out my horse due to pregnancy. I'm 30 wks today and he went out on loan to friends of a friend a week or two before Xmas. I want to concentrate on my baby. Horse likes & needs to be in full work & I felt he deserved to have someone who can give him their full attention. I plan to take a year's maternity leave so money is also a factor. I don't personally feel it's fair for my OH to pay all house bills while I'm off so that I can spend my SMP (which is rubbish anyway) on livery.

I was initially absolutely devastated when I dropped him off but have seen him twice since then (he's only 25 mins away) & they send me updates, pics, and vids. He's already been hunting, starts PC soon & is as happy as he's ever been. He whinnies and nickers at me when I visit which is lovely but he's being looked after & given the attention I can't.

We're now in the midst of NCT classes & other baby related stuff so less time for horsey things, plus I wasn't really enjoying riding much & having to force myself to ride as it was hurting my pelvis, back & hips. I do miss him like mad as he's my best mate but it is so far working out for the best. If there is someone who is interested in your horse then I don't see a problem with loaning out while you get to grips with having your baby.
 
The only reason I kept my horse, the only reason I have him at all is that he lives for free (bar feed costs etc) on my parents land. He's also the type to not bother if he's off for ages, something he's perfected due to all his lameness. I'm very lucky on that this time around being pregnant I have an arena so I can happily keep him ticking over without riding him. Currently also unemployed due to finishing my PhD pregnant and no one would give me a job now lol.

SLH I'm so sorry to hear that, I cannot even imagine that xx
 
Given that you went to a great deal of trouble to be able to have this baby and that you have what appears to be a perfect loan home waiting, I say loan her. My answer would probably be different if you did not know the potential loaner but IMO baby should come first. If loaning would enable you to take a longer mat leave, that would clinch it for me.
 
If its a good loan home, then do it! I spend my time worrying I'm not with the horses enough when I'm with the baby, and vice versa. The only reason I haven't loaned mine is that I have them at home, have taken 12 months maternity leave and will go back 3 days a week. Trust me, there aren't enough hours in the day and you'll want to spend every minute of them with your precious little un. Good luck btw!
 
IMO put the horse on loan, I was walking Zombie for 12months when my daughter was born, babies are so precious and so hard work (but so worth it my heart still melts when she's asleep). if your loaner is on FB ask her for posts about how she's getting on with him so you can still feel connected but trust me once little one comes along and your living of 2 hours sleep every night not having to worry about a horse is a relief,
 
Mongoose11 said:
You are all really helping - especially the idea that she may well love it. The good thing is that I could really imagine her being very happy with this particular person.
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Also what's to stop your arrangement with the loaner being that you can come and see her (and perhaps even ride her) once a week/fortnight/month/ad hoc?
 
Dubsie said:
Also what's to stop your arrangement with the loaner being that you can come and see her (and perhaps even ride her) once a week/fortnight/month/ad hoc?
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This is the agreement I have with mine. I had more time than you OP as found my loaners when I was about 22 wks pregnant then they came to ride him a few times, took him to a lesson, for a XC session, to get to know him. I took him to live with them when I was 27/28 weeks, originally with the plan I would school him once a week for them on my Friday afternoon off but that hasn't happened as riding was hurting my back, hips and pelvis too much. But we've agreed I will go up and ride him sometimes once I'm feeling like it after baby is born. They've already taken me in the car to show me their fave ride all through a private estate and to the pub on the other side, which they've promised to take me on in the summer, plus they're happy for me to go up for other hacks out. All being well they will compete him a lot this year so I'm hoping to get to some of their local comp's to support and see them in action.

Just because the horse goes out on loan doesn't mean contact has to stop. I've found some fab loaners and while there are a few things we might do differently to each other, all of their others horses are happy, healthy and look well so I'm just happy he's being looked after and loved while my priorities are elsewhere. I've put mine on loan for 2 years....
 
I'll admit I'm a bit precious about mine now, it's taken a lot of work and money to get him sound again and he's 17 this year. I'm not sure I'd find a loaner that would follow all my requests!
 
My only (minor) reservation with the loan is that she would be 2 hours away so visiting would be difficult. This may suit you if you'd rather let the person get on with it, but if you're hoping to call in for a ride every so often (and loanee is happy with this) it's obviously not ideal. Other than this, I'd say loan her out for a year. Have you explored loan options closer to home (even to stay at same yard) or is it a case of you've stumbled across this person and know he/she would be perfect?
 
Thank you all for your advice. I've been thinking about it all day and I should probably stop because she's with me for the forseeable. The lovely potential loaner has a horse to sell first (which I don't think will be a problem) but I'd need to hash out what kind of access I could still have as that will be the thing that swings it for me.

Thank you for all of the best wishes with the baby and it's been great to hear from those of you who are going through the same thing or have made different decisions for different reasons.


SLH, I'm so sorry to hear how you are aching for your little girl and thank you for sharing your perspective. I can't imagine how ridiculously difficult life must be for you xx
 
Just thought I would update for anyone interested.

So, baby is now almost six weeks old and whoever said that I should use services for a week and then crack on has clearly never tried to breast feed! We are coming out of the other side now though and life is wonderful. That said, I've only managed to spend a few hours at the yard in the last six weeks and more importantly I haven't wanted to spend any more time up there because I genuinely want to focus my time and energy on the baby.

Liv will be going on loan at the end of the month to the home that was previously mentioned on this thread. Her new loaner visited last Sunday and absolutely loved her. I think they will be fantastic for each other and I completely trust the home that she is going to.

A few weeks before having the baby I was washing Liv's tail and talking to the yard owner about what to do with her when the baby came and YO said to me 'she does have a value, you could...'.
I promptly burst in to tears and said that I could never let her go and yet here I am excitedly getting her prepared for her next adventure.

I adore my horse and she will always be mine, owe me nothing and have the best of care but I'm very grateful to now be able to put being a mother first. It's been a very long time coming and I don't want to miss a moment.

Thanks for all your encouragement. I won't 'out' her loaner as it's not my place but I just know they are going to have such a fantastic time together. I'm welcome to visit/ride when I like and I'm sure that FB will make it feel like she is still just up the road.
 
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Mongoose11 said:
First prize to you FW. You were absolutely right!
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Red-1 said:
I think that the baby will be your focus in 3 weeks, and it sounds like you would be happier if the horse were on loan.

.
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I think I was second prize too????

Congratulations on your new baby, and in finding a way to loan your horse too :-)
 
Nativelover said:
I've just had my ivf baby in November. I made the decision not to loan my perfect (to me he is and I worked so hard to buy him) pony as loaning is so precarious. So I found grass livery whereby I wouldn't have the responsibility of going once or even twice a day but I can go whenever I can to give him a pat and see he is fine.
I'm incredibly glad that I did this as the pressure was off me and I could/can concentrate on my baby. I know you've only got 3 weeks left but if you can arrange something like this whilst you have your baby and decide how much time you can afford your horse, you may well feel better about things. Don't forget you'll be full to the brim with hormones and will be for a while yet !
Congratulations and enjoy every minute with your baby.
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I agree with this. When I had my first children I had no family support, no transport and no money. The baby had been a happy, but wanted accident.
No matter how bonded you are with a horse it will live in a field with company with food and water, it may come to the gate when you visit, but it will look after its self. A baby definitely will not and not matter how much you want to be the perfect mother, it never goes o plan and takes it's toll on you physically and emotionally.
Its the end of the winter, turn him away and not have the worry of sharers. It will be light in the evening soon, you can have some me time giving him a brush and having time to your self. My horse was my escape, would not have sold him and the odd people that rode him it was more trouble than it was worth.
Relax, enjoy the baby and start planning for the winter. Good luck.
 
Congratulations op. I'm with you on the breastfeeding, took me at least 6 weeks to get there without one or both of us crying at each feed, and the road from then on still had its potholes!

I'm awaiting number 2 now, and whilst I know the summer will be ok (have family help too) I'm already thinking about and dreading next winter when potentially I'll be working too.

Enjoy your lovely baby in the spring weather :)
 
stencilface said:
Congratulations op. I'm with you on the breastfeeding, took me at least 6 weeks to get there without one or both of us crying at each feed, and the road from then on still had its potholes!

I'm awaiting number 2 now, and whilst I know the summer will be ok (have family help too) I'm already thinking about and dreading next winter when potentially I'll be working too.

Enjoy your lovely baby in the spring weather :)
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I had NO idea what to expect and it has been the worst pain I have ever experienced but I was told to persevere through the pain/sobbing/hysteria (all me) and 5 weeks and 2 days later we emerged in to a blissful experience that I had imagined it would be from the beginning 😂

She's heavenly!
 
Mongoose11 said:
I had NO idea what to expect and it has been the worst pain I have ever experienced but I was told to persevere through the pain/sobbing/hysteria (all me) and 5 weeks and 2 days later we emerged in to a blissful experience that I had imagined it would be from the beginning 😂

She's heavenly!
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Sounds like my experience! It's worth persevering with though as it's free, so convenient and as an added bonus means you can eat more cake.

For me through feeding was certainly worse than the birth. Nothing worse than a screaming baby, engorged cracked boobs and no sleep. People should say how bad it can be, purely so that they pass on the knowledge that it will get better x
 
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