AIBU

[CMcC]

I have a small private yard and one friend here as livery.

For the second time this week (today and Christmas Day) I have come home from being out, having prepared all hay nets for tonight before I went, to find livery has removed her horses hay net from the pile and added at least 3kg of hay to the net.

The amount of hay/feed horse gets daily is perfectly adequate for her needs, she is good/slightly overweight.

I am absolutely fuming (and have obviously removed the extra hay!) She has not mentioned to me that she thinks I am under feeding.

just needed to vent but any views welcome!

 

[nagblagger]

I would ask her if she has concerns about her horses weight as you noticed she had put more hay in it. If she does want more, just increase the livery fee to pay for it.

 

[blitznbobs]

Can she not feed her horse what she wants? If it’s the cost just tell her the price of hay has gone up?

 

[CMcC]

Can she not feed her horse what she wants? If it’s the cost just tell her the price of hay has gone up?

She is on full livery, I do everything. Her horse gets the exactly the same feed/hay as mine. I am just p*ssed of that she thinks it is OK to do this without discussing it.

 

[bonny]

Sounds like she thinks her horse isn’t getting enough hay and for whatever reason she doesn’t want to say anything, I think you just need to have a conversation about it and you probably do need to feed more hay.

 

[KittenInTheTree]

If there's enough room left in the net for her to fit another three kilos of hay in, then I'd say that you're underfilling the net to begin with.

 

[Tiddlypom]

If you are so 'absolutely fuming' about a full livery topping up her horse's haynet that you have to post on an internet forum to ask for advice may I suggest that you are not cut out offer livery with services.

A simple friendly chat with your livery about the hay would have sufficed.

Removing the extra hay without even checking first with your livery sounds very control freakery.

 

[meleeka]

Does she pay for hay separately or is it included? I think you sound far more bothered than you need to be. It’s her horse and she ought to be allowed to have a say in how much it eats. Of course you need to be paid for that, but it’s quite possible that she just doesn’t want the horse to run out overnight.
Perhaps if she wants it to have more she could pay extra?

 

[blitznbobs]

tbh my horse would be off any yard ASAP if the yard owner was dictating what my horse got to eat… if it’s a cost thing I’d pay more if that was the issue but it sounds more than that which would freak me out completely… what exactly is the issue here is it the money or something else?

 

[ester]

Fuming?!

Speak to her if it's a money issue.
Speak to her if you absolutely won't do it so she can move.

 

[BSL2]

You say she is a friend, have a chat re hay prices. I bet if she is on full livery, never had at home herself, she hadn't really considered costings. To be honest, the way your posts reads, maybe you would be better not having a livery? She is your client who I'm guessing pays for a service. I'd be gutted, if a "friend" posted about me this way.

 

[foxy1]

Yes, I think you are being unreasonable.
I would speak to the livery and say if she would like her horse to have more hay, she needs to pay a little extra. I would happily do this, rather than have my horse run out of hay.

 

[planete]

My pony is on full livery and I tell the staff how much hay to give him.
You would not see me for dust if you rationed him without my consent. I am the only one to decide that. If you are not charging enough to cover the cost then increase your livery fees.

 

[HBB]

I'd be interested to know the weight of how much hay her horse is getting (not including the haynet weight), how big the horse is and how long it is stabled.

 

[ycbm]

I'm sorry but yes you are being completely unreasonable. You don't sound as if you are cross about the cost, or cross about having your judgement about how much hay her horse needs questioned, you sound absolutely furious about losing control over how a horse which doesn't even belong to you is managed.

Her horse gets the exactly the same feed/hay as mine. I am just p*ssed of that she thinks it is OK to do this without discussing it.

This is completely irrelevant. Two horses who look identical can have completely different feeding requirements.

I'm suspecting she didn't mention to you that she wanted hers to have more food because she thought you would get mad with her.

This actually sounds so unreasonable that I'm wondering if this is just a bad relationship and this incident the straw that has broken the camel's back. Has there been any other friction lately?
.

 

[Fruitcake]

I’ve never had my horses on livery so I’m not entirely sure how it works, but I don’t think it seems unreasonable for your friend / livery to be able to control how much hay her horse gets. (Obviously paying accordingly if that’s the issue). I’d be a bit cross at someone for making decisions about rationing my horse’s hay on my behalf and to be honest, I think she’s the one that should be “fuming” at you for removing the hay without telling her.

Surely the owner should be the one making the decisions about her horse’s management. If there’s a ration/limit on something provided, I would assume that should be specified. Eg. Livery includes 2 bales of bedding per week and 4 slices of hay per night and any extra will be charged in addition (or whatever quantities you deem appropriate). If you haven’t specified this, I can’t see how you feel your friend needs to discuss topping up a net.

 

[Barton Bounty]

I would never go full livery for this reason, I like to know my horse is getting- adequate for me -feeding. When I was at a friends place and had part livery, I paid extra to the hay or I would buy an extra bale between times as I definitely fed more than her ponies ?

 

[Barton Bounty]

@ycbm is completely correct. At the place I am at, my horse who is the same size as another gets fed much more hay and eats it. Whereas the other horse doesn’t and still maintains as he is a better doer.
A horse shouldn’t be left without at all, especially an ulcer horse.
BB gets 3 x 9.5 kg haynets ? always has some left but I would prefer that than nothing!

 

[ycbm]

I’ve never had my horses on livery so I’m not entirely sure how it works

On full livery the horse should be given what it needs. If the owner thinks it needs more than it is being given, then they should negotiate this with the yard manager. In practice, I've been in two yards where I took over the horses hard food myself, which I was happy about. I've been in another where the yard manager was so unreasonable and impossible to deal with that I visited after the staff had left to give the horse more. I left that yard, of course.

 

[Fruitcake]

On full livery the horse should be given what it needs. If the owner thinks it needs more than it is being given, then they should negotiate this with the yard manager. In practice, I've been in two yards where I took over the horses hard food myself, which I was happy about. I've been in another where the yard manager was so unreasonable and impossible to deal with that I visited after the staff had left to give the horse more. I left that yard, of course.

That’s what I would expect. I couldn’t stand the thought of someone else making decisions over my horse’s feeding.

 

[fidleyspromise]

Does her horse have any hay left in the morning or when does he run out?
I like my horses to have enough hay there's at least a little left in the morning however mine don't eat much hay during the night if stabled- about 3 kg is what they eat but I still gave them 8kg.

 

[Ali27]

I’ve been on livery (full and DIY) before and it’s made me so cross seeing horses with empty nets by 7/8pm! She probably wants to try and ensure that her horse has hay all night! Think you are the one in the wrong here!

 

[jules9203]

Unfortunately you may have mixed business with friendship. Not sure if you are a livery yard or just a friend helping out? If you are a livery yard you should have a contract which covers these situations. If not you may need to have a conversation about this and the implement a contract?

 

[AdorableAlice]

Does her horse have any hay left in the morning or when does he run out?
I like my horses to have enough hay there's at least a little left in the morning however mine don't eat much hay during the night if stabled- about 3 kg is what they eat but I still gave them 8kg.

Is the remainder skipped or re fed/netted.

i had a livery whose hay was included. The horse was given way in excess to what it needed or could eat and each morning the owner would put top quality hay or haylage depending on the time of year, in her barrow and skip it. Needless to say she was short lived in her stay, her attitude was I pay for it so I will do as I please with it. She had no concept that the amount charged was to feed a 15h fat TB adlib, the amount she gave it would have beaten a heavyweight hunter. To add insult to injury after she had skipped the overnight hay fed in the stable she would then take fresh hay out to the paddock which the horse never touched and trampled into the mud.

 

[dogatemysalad]

My sympathy is with your livery. It is unreasonable that you removed the extra hay without first having a conversation with the owner. I suspect that she has suffered in silence, didn't feel that she could talk to you and judging by your reaction, she was right.
If money is the issue, charge her extra, but at least allow her to have the choice. Rightly, or wrongly, she's doing what she thinks is best for her horse. Have a respectful conversation.

 

[MereChristmas]

I think all he replies show that communication is lacking between the friend / livery and the OP.

I think the OP is becoming over agitated about this situation.

If I felt some one would react in this way I would be cautious about raising any subject.

I put my pony in full livery last year after nearly a lifetime of having my horses at home.
On my exploratory visit I took with me a list of questions. All were answered satisfactorily. I then asked the YM what she needed to know about me and my horse.
It was difficult at first to hand over a great deal of control but I know we can communicate easily.

I do agree with all the previous comments.
@CMcC you just need to talk calmly and sort it out.
.

 

[Rowreach]

It's a weird friendship if the pair of you can't discuss how much hay her horse needs/is getting.

I have some sympathy if the horse is overweight and you think it needs a closely managed diet (YO having duty of care and all that) but again, that's a discussion to have with the owner, not a rant to have on a forum.

 

[EllenJay]

I think you are all being pretty harsh on the OP, who by the sounds of it charges for the correct amount of hay, which the livery then takes extra. The OP also states that the horse is overweight. If the OP is responsible then it is down to the livery to say “I want my horse to have more gay, at an obvious extra cost” and to open up communication

 

[stangs]

If the OP is responsible then it is down to the livery to say “I want my horse to have more gay, at an obvious extra cost” and to open up communication

Now that would be a weird conversation

 

[tallyho!]

Sometimes in life, for whatever reason, the question is so confusing that you need someone else’s take on the situation. No matter how big or small. Wood for the trees and all that.

I totally see your perspective OP, I mean, why wouldn’t your friend just ask for a bit extra if she felt the need to top up like that. Her perspective could be; but we don’t know, that the amount isn’t enough.

what’s clear is that you’re both feeling awkward about it. Don’t feel bad you’ve asked on a forum, it’s fine, it’s what it’s here for. A way through will come to you, and, reading what’s been said here from a truly objective view - that you need to talk to her - bring it up nicely somehow. No need to fall out about it. The beauty is though that you expressed your feelings here, she’s not to know, you can now process and move forward.