Alright alright you can have an update you hags.

Nigella's morags are my reason for being.

That and her filthy mouth...


and her sticky maple ribs.


The episode of Nigella Kitchen where she whisks carrot cake batter is EXTRAORDINARY.
 
Nigella just annoys me putting her fingers in the food late at night in the fridge, keep your grubby hands to yourself Nigella!
 
Great to see you back & in relatively good health. it has been quiet with out you.

But i have being trying not to choke on my lunch in in the office whilst reading this.

ps I hope you made it to the loo & didn't just explode where you were :D
 
Starzaan said:
I am SO desperate for a wee, but we have no curtains (every time we manage to get the money together for curtains I see a new piece of tack that I NEED or the soldier buys another sodding stupid mountain bike) and there's a man cleaning the windows.

Wee is going to start pouring out of my ears soon.


It's sod's law that as soon as I decided that I can't take it any longer, and just go and wee in the sink or in a bowl or something equally hideous, either the soldier will walk in, or the window cleaner will squash his hot little face against the window I'm next to.

I wonder if I could do some bladder exercises to sort of shoot the wee back up where it came from for a bit....


(don't pretend you're not sitting there trying to get your bladder to suck rather than blow)
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I'm not sure I should be admitting this to anyone, but I once got locked in a room for several hours after drinking a fair amount of brightly coloured alcoholic beverages and had to remedy the situation with a pringles tube :(

Incidently your threads have been THE funniest thing I have seen in a very very long time! :)
 
She can rummage around in my fridge with her grubby hands any day!

And pringles tube... why did I not think of that? I ended up weeing on the loo, hunched over, and holding a magazine at a jaunty angle to hide my bottom from the window cleaner.


My middle name is alluring.
 
Starzaan said:
She can rummage around in my fridge with her grubby hands any day!

And pringles tube... why did I not think of that? I ended up weeing on the loo, hunched over, and holding a magazine at a jaunty angle to hide my bottom from the window cleaner.


My middle name is alluring.
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HA HA HA HA!!

Starzaan you have been missed. My wafting pancakes [I can't have morags as there isn't enough of them] have missed you and your threads.

Out of curiosity [and because I can't remember] whereabouts are you based again? I seem to think you are near me, but you probably are about 3 million fandangos away!

Hope you have recovered from the crash...not sure my new Fart 500 would have taken a brunt like that!
 
I mainly lurk on here and don't post much. I am now going to search back to find other threads as I am intrigued by references to Nigella's melons. Highly entertaining stuff!
 
fine_and_dandy said:
HA HA HA HA!!

Starzaan you have been missed. My wafting pancakes [I can't have morags as there isn't enough of them] have missed you and your threads.

Out of curiosity [and because I can't remember] whereabouts are you based again? I seem to think you are near me, but you probably are about 3 million fandangos away!

Hope you have recovered from the crash...not sure my new Fart 500 would have taken a brunt like that!
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I'm in Gloucestershire.

Home of pigs with acne, and Adam Henson's fiiiine behind.
 
Glad you're back - I miss your updates although my computer has been free of spat out lunch items for some time. i have just put this right by spitting a mouth full of quavers everywhere..........
A Hovis and starzaan encounter would indeed be tres amusing but i would worry he'd like her morags more than mine. Mine are very impressive but I do fear the competition :P
 
Hovis_and_SidsMum said:
Glad you're back - I miss your updates although my computer has been free of spat out lunch items for some time. i have just put this right by spitting a mouth full of quavers everywhere..........
A Hovis and starzaan encounter would indeed be tres amusing but i would worry he'd like her morags more than mine. Mine are very impressive but I do fear the competition :P
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I'll be the judge of that.




Get 'em out, and whisk something vigourously, a la Nigella.
 
Oh Starzaan!!! Im so so so so thrilled you are back !!!!! :) In a carrotcakebatterwhiskingsoulesswhelkbucketwellywangingmoragswirling way!!! I cant believe you are still having problems after tomatogate! Its mental!! Glad you have got yourself a nice fit soldier now, they are MUCH better than FF's, and they tend not to talk as much shite either!! xx
 
I am not... she sounds nice though. I shall read her books.


The whelks are still in their bucket, waiting for the next tearful moment.....


And ROSEHIP YOU MASSIVE FITTY.

Hiiii.
 
Thank you, you delicious morga wielding hussy you, you have made my day.

It was pants with capital bits and will sadly, after this wee break (scuse the pun), continue to be pants with tears and sadnesses, but just for now, you've made me smile like a smiley thing on speed and for that I send you squishy hugs of thankingnesses.

Don't disappear again, I may need you later :cool:
 
You need to start a HHO piece with your writing lol!!!

Sort of like the confessions of a shopaholic books or Bridget Jones haha.
 
MrsMozart said:
Thank you, you delicious morga wielding hussy you, you have made my day.

It was pants with capital bits and will sadly, after this wee break (scuse the pun), continue to be pants with tears and sadnesses, but just for now, you've made me smile like a smiley thing on speed and for that I send you squishy hugs of thankingnesses.

Don't disappear again, I may need you later :cool:
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YOU are my favourite, and I'm sending you cuddles.

And I am MUCH more sophisticated than Bridget Jones. And don't humiliate myself half as much as she does.


Wait.....


oh yep, yes I do. Bugger.
 
Thankyou Starzaan. You have made me giggle and I am now, in the eyes of my two and four year old daughters at least, the most incredible person because I can make coffee come out of my nose! Or rather YOU can make coffee come out of my nose!
 
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