Am I over-reacting?

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laura_nash

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Am feeling really upset and angry this evening. Sorry, it'll be a bit long, but I need to get it off my chest.

Had a really sh**t week (work / personal, not horsey). This meant I haven't ridden since Saturday, all I did was a bit of quiet long-reining on Tuesday. So this evening (despite having an equally bad afternoon) I decided I better ride. I was happily pottering about cheering myself up by messing about with something (having a go at neck reining in fact) when in comes my YM / Instructress. I went on a clinic about 4 weeks ago, and since then haven't had lessons with her (partly so I could work on stuff I'd learnt without getting confused, partly due to strained finances, partly due to lack of time).

Anyway, she comes marching in and starts going on - my horse is crooked, can't I tell. He's forgotten everything he'd learnt in the last year. He's going terribly / on his forehand. My pirouttes are terrible, need to be much tighter (yeah, because I was using neck rein instead of usual aids / any leg!).

I didn't ask for her opinion or help, she knew full well I didn't want a lesson and that I hadn't done anything all week due to having a terrible time away from the stables, what exactly does she think gives her the right to ruin my evening and upset me - she knows I have no ambition to do anything but hack and have fun so what does it matter if he's on his forehand if we're both happy? Don't feel I can have lessons with her anymore if she's going to think it gives her the right to march in on my 'me' time. After all - I got my horse last year because I wanted to ride outside of lessons!
 
gosh wish i could ride a piroette!! if you are working at advanced dressage, PSG why are you neck rieining? if you just want to hack and have fun it is much easier and more comfortable on a horse that isnt crooked or on his forehand!! i think your instructor is trying to tell you this politely by offering help!. sorry you had a crap week but you dont want your horse going crap too!!
 
I don't think you are over reacting. It's your horse so you can please yourself what you do when you are riding. I don't think it's fair that your instuctor voiced her opinions without you asking her advice. Mine would have been a lot more diplomatic about it! I think you need to let her know that you are not really interested in lessons at the mo as you just want to relax and have fun, but if that changes in the future, you can let her know.
 
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gosh wish i could ride a piroette!! if you are working at advanced dressage, PSG why are you neck rieining?

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm guessing maybe walk pirouettes?

OP - I agree with DR1 - I think you could politely say you are having some time to relax with your horse for a bit to let what you have learnt so far settle in, and you will be back in touch when you are ready for more. She probably thought she was being helpful, esp if she didn't know you'd had a rough time lately. Don't let it get to you.
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Sorry, should have said it was actually a turn on haunches (instructress calls them walk pirouttes, her terminology not mine). And she wasn't politely offering to help, she was kicking off because she's feeling threatened by the fact I went on the clinic in the first place, and is upset that I'm doing something without asking her advice (have seen the same thing with other liveries if they have a lesson with someone else).

My horse isn't some schoolmaster dressage horse I'm ruining, he's a middle-aged cob whose had much worse riding in the past than anything I might be doing, at least I'm not thumping him in the ribs every stride or yanking his mouth about. And personally I find it's nicer to go on a hack with a horse you can steer and stop, rather than one that's 'lovely and forward-going' as she puts it but has no brakes - however straight and off its forehand. If I'm plodding along on a long rein enjoying the countryside (which is generally what I want to do), I thought being able to neck rein might be handy for manouvering around manhole covers etc.
 
Tell your instructor to **** off.

Your horse, your choice.

Find a new instructor, she needs to learn she cant treat people like that!

xxxxxx
 
I dont think you are over reacting, if she knew you had a shitty week she should have just buggered off frankly, its friday and often a day where people want to unwind.
I have had a rather rough week and would not be chuffed about this right now either, try ignore the silly sod and unwind
 
Laura you ned is totally gorgeous. I'd just take him for a nice happy hack and enjoy the last days of summer together with him. Sadly, many instructors know their stuff inside out and back to front but can't communicate this to a pupil to save their lives. Where I learnt to ride, the "instructor" regularly had adults leaving her lessons in tears! I don't call that instructing, I call it paying to be bullied and made to feel useless. If she interferes again, why not invent a "method" and tell her it's brilliant and you are following that schooling method now. Let's think.....EquiPartnership? Make something up. The wilder the better. Come on Forum members - your chance to shine!!!
 
I would say it is just her way - I have an old instructor, the motto on the yard was 'if she doesn't shout, she doesn't care'. She has sworn at me and reduced me to tears, but when she said things like 'I've never seen that pony going so well!', coming from her, it meant a lot.
She also pushed my boundaries and threw me up on horses I would never have dreamt of riding!

I have since found a nice new instructor who tells me my faults without tearing a strip off me and is also nice and encouraging. But the highs and lows of my old instructor also made me a bit braver and a bit more able to cope with difficult things.
And of course she was quite apologetic if you explained that she had hurt you.

I also agree with Box of Frogs, some instructors really aren't 'people persons'
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