An honest ad for your horse - please write here

[sloulou]

Shamelessly stolen idea from a post further down (thanks BigBird146)

So - assuming you not actually selling your horse - please write your 'honest' ad for him/her here.

Mine:
15.3hh 6 yr old piebald ISH
Essentially lazy, but can get going with concerted effort. Inists on jumping at least 3ft higher than jump he is doing. Will work properly but currently patchy in this regard... Good to hack, shoe, box - but appears petrified of clippers. Tedious to lead as inists on being dragged - attempts to aviod this using a schooling whip involve sideways leaps - everyone loses.
Would suit person with strong legs.
Conformation slightly unconventional.

Your go

 

[Eira]

17 Hand Coloured Mare
Potential Purchaser must bring own parachute

 

[Bettyboo1976]

16h Moody Chestnut Mare
Likes to eat
Likes to eat more
Refuses to work in an outline
Will not work off your leg
Thinks she likes to Jump
Extremely Lazy unless jump put in front of her
Very messy in stable
Oh did i mention likes to eat
Doesnt mind hacking out as long as only walking, not trotting etc far too tiresome why would she want to do that!
Complete prat when bringing in from field
Loves all male counterparts
Need I go on....

See Cant even give her away!

 

[RunToEarth]

15.3hh coloured gelding. Great to look at, impossible to ride well!
Looks like a real winning horse- until you sit on him. HUGE scopey jump- used best to escape from fields and scare rider to death out hunting. Lacks any kind of brakes- and never tires.
Has two gaits- walk and gallop.
Comes to call, but when he sees the leadrope pisses off again.
Ideally buyers must have a srew loose and want something totally crackers.

 

[sloulou]

I like that one

My sisters horse could be this:

Dun ISH - 14.2hh
Purchaser must like paying vets bills

 

[MarinaBay]

[ QUOTE ]
17 Hand Coloured Mare
Potential Purchaser must bring own parachute

[/ QUOTE ]

Haha brilliant!

15.2 very pretty Section D Mare. Purchaser to live within riding distance or to bring camping gear as will not load, purchaser to also bring suitable hacking partner as tricky to hack on her own.

 

[Stoxx]

16.3 15yr old red bay gelding, who thinks he is still 4.
More or less a schoolmaster when it suits him, on other days he has complete memory loss. Loves to jump enthusiastically.
Good with combine harvesters, however blades of grass, purple flowers or twigs can be a problem.
Has to be kept warm all of the time or else will bronk when you try to get on. May bite if he feels like it.
Sway backed with interesting conformation.
Everything has to be done to suit him, if his routine is broken he does gymnastics in his stable

 

[HenryandPeta]

17hh Piebald gelding
Full of his own sense of importance, too clever for his own good. Will insist on attacking anyone he meets in the search for food. Purchaser must be willing to be rubbed against and licked at all times.
Will only jump fences higher than 3 feet and will then add 3 feet to the height of the fence, smaller jumps and trotting poles will be kicked and disregarded.
Likely to get distracted by own reflection in puddles and mirrors resulting in sudden stop and stare.
Prefers geldings to mares ;O)

 

[Bettyboo1976]

Lol Rosie.. pisses off when sees leadrope!

That made me laugh,

 

[sloulou]

Henry1997 - is your gelding gay?

BettyBoo - I like yours she sounds lovely

 

[JaneMBE]

15.1 chestnut Anglo Arab, 4 white socks.
Absolute dope in hand, will nudge you if you stop grooming. Will let you sit underneath him and won't budge an inch.
Need a ladder to bridle him, he likes to pretend he is a giraffe.
need to get on quick as saddle on means go.
Ridden work involves lots of leg to move him, and a rugby crash helmet in case he headbutts you (has high head carriage!)
Will school but gets bored and will run for the gate when had enough.
Traffic ok, bicycle's are the spawn of the devil and are out to get him.

13.1 coloured New Forest, mare.
Loves being ridden, jumps to the moon. Mostly. However, will stop dead and shake her head 'no' when had enough.
Easily gets jealous and will talk constantly.
Likes to squeal loudly at any horse if they so much as look at her!

 

[JessPickle]

17.1hh, clydesdale x, Bay Gelding

Can school well, but only when he feels like it. Usually pretty dead to the leg, and decides he cannot do "working properly". Loves jumping but looks down upon any jumps under 2ft which he considers as elevated trotting poles. Good to hack as long as there is no plastic about, not perfect on roads far from it! Hacks alone but the distance he will go is limited. Overall though perfect schoolmaster, novice rider with lots of POTENTIAL!

 

[BBH]

16,2 Chestnut Gelding, 8 yrs, Stunning to look at, very good bloodlines, Would suit either very lazy non rider as won't load, hates being ridden, throws enormous tantrums when doesn't get own way. or suit poser who wants good looking horse to feed carrots to and decorate field.

 

[Natch]

He he! I'm going to have to write about an anonymous one, not one of ours...

16hh firebreathing dragon x TB
Stallion is his own eyes, Gelding in the eyes of the vet.
Flashy eye-catcher, not always for the right reasons.
Not a novice ride. Well, thats not quite true. If you don't pretend to know anything about riding, you'll be safe as houses. If however you make the mistake of thinking you are boss or that you are in fact a competent rider, and are looking for a challenging ride, this is the horse for you. An impressive range of agile and unique evasions for every purpose and gait. 6 impressive paces, with special offer of jog and continuous leg yield often displayed at local shows. Loves jumping, to the point where he will get ridiculously overexcited at the sight of a pole on the ground. Bombproof, as long as he's not feeling fresh. Slightly forgetful when it comes to minding the rider's legs/head when out hacking. Runs on Duracell.

He he! this is fun!

Might come up with some others.

 

[sloulou]

[ QUOTE ]
16,2 Chestnut Gelding, 8 yrs, Stunning to look at, very good bloodlines, Would suit either very lazy non rider as won't load, hates being ridden, throws enormous tantrums when doesn't get own way. or suit poser who wants good looking horse to feed carrots to and decorate field.

[/ QUOTE ]

PMSL - shame...... and I take it you attempt to ride this field ornament

 

[Grey_Arab]

I love these...
14.1hh arab gelding,18 years old, although sometimes acts like a 6 years old. LOVES to jump as long as you would like to go at 100mph. Good on the flat, as long as there are no white boards involved (they bite you know!)

 

[sloulou]

Scary horsie

 

[SilverSkye]

16hh Mud coloured mare, comes up a lovely white colour when bathed.
Bombproof to hack when it suits when it doesnt will spook at a blade of grass.
Bit of a loner and a bully in the field and will kick bite chase anything she takes a dislike too (especially chestnut horses)
Great to hunt but you have no option than to be at the front and to jump everything as no brakes.
Dressage is all on her terms some days fantastic other days 3 different speeds of canter are the best you can hope for.
Any takers?

 

[RachelB]

15.3hh 12yo grey mare. Irish thing, bit of a mongrel with head too large for body (and body too large for legs). Total genuine sweetheart. Been off work since March 2007 with torn tendon, unlikely to be ridden again. Definitely no-one wanting to school or jump. Total plod but dislikes pidgeons and builders' bags. If you are looking for a long-term project, she could be your dream horse - almost guaranteed to have bad luck and go lame every other day with a new ailment she has dreamt up. Currently lame on right hind due to large sore on heel, is also growing out seedy toe cavities in all four feet.
If you have too much luck and want to give this unlucky girl a try for no apparent benefit seeing as she'll only ever hack again anyway, give me a call!
Meat money

Actually, it's really difficult to say much bad about Maiden apart from that she's lame! If she wasn't she'd make a perfect nervous novice's happy hack

 

[KatB]

16.2hh irish bog pony. Believed to be around 6 years old. Good looking when not scowling/biting/headbutting. Likes hacking out (and exploring show grounds/other peoples yards/own yard/running away) on own. Good in company although insists on going infront. Very good at foraging for own food if left tied up for too long (more than 30 seconds). Good with farrier if asked nicely. Loads (and unloads) himself. Likes anything that involves all eyes on him. Uncanny knack of turning himself into a plank when asked to do something he disagrees with under saddle. Lots of ability jumping, only really shown when freeschooling (over school boundary fence) or over XC fences.

 

[spaniel]

I hope none of you want to sell your horses in the near future!!!

 

[sandr]

Echo Spaniel

 

[sloulou]

Ha ha - I did say only if you not selling

Am not selling mine - I love him

 

[rara007]

13.3hh 9 yr old bright chestnut heinz 57. Bred by someone who thought the Fizz of a hackney mixed with the speed of the TB and guts of a welsh was a wise idea. Was previously owned by some sucsesssful carriage drivers, they all sold him on within a week. Very opinionated. He can be caught easily, when the mood suits him. Favorite tricks include refusing to go into lorry, stable, menage, or stalls usually infort of other people. Very sensitive, takes atleast 45 mins to settle. Loves trotting and galloping...fast. Jumps with a unique style, nose to tail all horizontal. Can do well at dressage, if your lucky. He has fab extension, best shown off if a normal length stride can be established. Seriously falls in around all corners, so any bends are a joint effort. Is hilarious to watch pro.'s try to exercise him, so far none of them have lasted more than 2 laps. Previous reputation for:Bolting, rearing, bucking, cantering at every opertunity, pacing at every opertunity. Once settled down goes very,very,very calmly with relaxed person and make people laugh when you tell them he is fizzy. Super trot- can look like a nice pony for stides at a time. Canters very fast, and hasn't yet realised to importance of being on the correct leg. A pain to groom or trot as headbutts boobs. Loves driving marathons, unbeaten, but must have strong and heavy person on the back to keep everything grounded. Squeals alot when driving fast. Large head, large feet, skinny legs and round middle. Can't drive as a mulitipe as he has learnt to not pull, and not have a contact by making himself look like a bananna. Can't do much menage work as goes off the rails. Responds reliably to schooling whip, with large buck. May suit display team due to ability to almost fall over fowards. Known around the driving circuit as the pony with a hinge in the middle. Once hinge can be contolled some potential may be realised.
Would suit...no, wouldn't suit anyone.


And no he isn't for sale, hopefuly ever

. We ARE going to the pony world champs 2011, we ARE.

. He really is my pony of a lifetime.

 

[Stoxx]

[ QUOTE ]
I hope none of you want to sell your horses in the near future!!!

[/ QUOTE ]

I couldn't give mine away, let alone sell him

 

[Halfstep]

16.1 7 yr old KWPN gelding. Huge movement, unlimited talent for dressage. Trainability about nil, usually throws toys out of pram as soon as you put the pressure on. Typical test sheet shows 8s and 4s with little in between.

Has legs of glass and an uncanny ability to injure himself. If you want to spend all your money on vets fees, this horse is for you! His favourite place is the veterinary hospital, and he has spent rather a lot of time there.

Good to box, shoe, clip, and hacks alone or in company (when he feels like it). Oh, and headshakes when the flies are bad.

Anyone want it?????

Didn't think so.........

 

[madiz123]

this post is so funny!

15.2hh mostly-brown-splodgy-but-actually-grey gelding
polo pony
if your looking for a barrel on legs this is the horse for you!
appalling conformation
worries about being alone, food, creatures, grass, horses, you, bags, bushes etc, if theres something to worry about he will worry about it dont you worry
will not challenge your intelligence
good social network included, regular visits from vet & farrier
sex on legs
very unique trot, goes upwards not forwards
would rather not anything but does it because he has to
very hard done by
£1000000000000000000000000000000000000000 because he is adorable!

lol

 

[Mollymillymoo]

9 year old 15hh dun cob gelding

good to shoe (when farrier not trying to remove chesnuts), box (when he's surrounded by lunge ropes and whips), clip (as long as he has 60quids worth of sedative squirted into him), catch (he's quite sweet when he knows he's gonna get fed

) etc.

Can work in an outline but prefers not to, likes jumping but absolutely no idea when it comes to striding(canter really fast at it and hope for the best is his favourite approach), loves cross country when on the way home, hacks alone or with others(likes gallop races so not for a complete novice as he tends to initiate them and win them against 16.2 ISHs). Does buck, but lures you into false sense of security first, so potential buyers must be mind readers.

cuddly sweet nature unless you touch his nose or you're a man. never been unsound or ill. No vices but likes his food. viewers to bring sweets at their own risk.

lol

 

[Natch]

Widget - nah, FUN horsie!!

How about this one?
13hh & 13 year old childs riding pony, not suitable for children. Would make idea lead rein pony, as too clever to be let off the lead rein. Does have a few quirky habits, this pony has been there seen it and done it (mostly to the rider’s detriment). Prone to laminitis and attacks of feining fear at being caught. This one in a million (of other similar little gits) is sure to win the heart of every little girl. Huge jump, can clear 5 bar gates no problem. Will also limbo under any fencing. Coat too thick to shed or feel any effects from electric fencing. Dislikes getting wet feet or loosing weight. Loves putting weight on.

 

[ihatework]

1. Beautiful Cripple.
16.2hh 12yo bay gelding. Despite having near textbook conformation only has 1 correctly functioning leg. Very spolit and often brat like. Curently appears to shortly make medical history and drop twins. Good sense of humour (especially with new riders) and partial to kicking hole in back of stable during attention seeking tantrums. £priceless

2. Teenage Geek
16.2hh grey 4yo gelding. The ultimate teenage geek. Partial to breaking elbows. When his spacial awareness improves could be quite good. £offer me enough and hes yours.

3. Absolute Sweetheart
16hh 8yo chestnut gelding. Everybody's friend. Lovely person to hack and handle in all ways. Will happily pop a fence but he is no mega star. £ I am actually for sale (PM me!) for some reason my current owner likes the brats above.