An honest ad for your horse - please write here

[tabithakat64]

14.3hh stunning buckskin unregistered Welsh cob gelding, 11 years old. Needs confident capable rider who is able to challenge him when schooling and give him confidence out hacking. On a bad day spooks at own shadow, can be bargy, has short attention span and likes to take charge as he thinks he's a know it all. Very loving, would make super dressage, show horse for someone with more money. Comes to call, good to shoe, load and in traffic but hates being lunged.

13.2hh Welsh B X Arab, 18 year old chestnut mare. Very pretty, good with children, in heavy traffic, to shoe, load etc. Scared of dogs and sheep. Enjoys hacking out alone, in-hand work, schooling, jumping (less than 2ft 3'), being lunged and shown in hand. Too excitable to hack in more than a group of three, lives on fresh air, rider must be able to sit a buck or ten.

 

[Happytohack]

These are great
Mine are:
17.3 Russian heavy draft gelding.
18 year old complete woss
Frightened of own shadow
Arthritic
Capable of walk, will trot with a good wind behind him

16.3 Clydesdale x mare, 9 years
Will put minimum effort into everything apart from eating and having a fuss
Arthritic
Main aim in life is to keep vets in luxury

14hh Icelandic gelding, 20 years going on 2
retired due to health problems (too numerous to mention)
Main aim in life as for mare above

8hh Falabella x shetland, 7 years
"teeth-on-hooves"

 

[pottamus]

Welsh Sec D black in winter but not in summer for some reason. 15hh high and wide! Absolutely adorable pretty looking gelding with a huge character. The most daft food driven horse ever that will be anyones for a hot cross bun.
Gets his knickers in a right old twist over not very much and more like a TB in temperament...along with being very stubborn at times. Needs a very patient approach and loads of positive attention...but not hugs and kisses as these are not for boys! Very nosy and stares at everything and anyone as a good old excuse for a spook or slow down in pace to get out of work.
Not for sale at all though because he is the bestest horse in the world!

 

[Geraldine]

16.3hh hulking chestnut gelding.
Will fidget when tied up unless stuffing his face.
Prefers to hack with company, will start at front but comes to a sudden stop and refuses to move when he thinks it's someone else's turn at the front.
Scared of absolutely everything unless on the way home when all the scaries have bu**ered off.
Will school but throws a hissy fit and stamps and huffs when he's had enough.
Will condescend to have correct head carriage and show off paces when there are mares watching.
Very loving nature, huffs if you haven't fussed over him for long enough (while he's stuffing his face).
Excellent to shoe but has a habit of lifting farriers up by their belts.

 

[lastresort]

5 yo yob for sale ISH x damien the omen.
Eats anything thats to hand (whips and wheelbarrows no excepton. Laziest horse known to man except when pointed at a jump. Only known living brain donor horse.
Has only one love in life - food
Has some distance relatives that apparently do well eventing but skipped a generation obviously

Suitable for human brain donors or nuns and monks as only people with probably enough patience!!!!

POA- ( i will pay you to take him)

 

[wench]

16.3 handsom 11yo bay gelding. bad to catch, load, hates lorries. doesnt bother going over jumps, just goes around them. Hates getting feet wet, as messes up his nail varnish. naps at shows towards the gate and generally acts like a prat. is also gay and a kiddie fiddler. on the plus side will hack out on own and company, providing there are no lorries about.

 

[lastresort]

Ment to ad- rubbish with farrier and has no plans on getting any better sees it as a bore and trys to lie down whilst being shod!

 

[Cop-Pop]

15.1 Mare of dubious colour and origins
Likes food and boys
Prone to sudden attacks of paranioa
Loads easily (once she's decided to go in - this may take several hours)
Loves being groomed but clip and pull at your peril
Fabulous for hacking out as long as you can guarantee no cars can be seen or heard.
Has twisted sense of humour

11.2 Chestnut Mare aka The Ginger Menace. Enough said

 

[harrihjc]

15hh 6yr old lazy, obnoxious, mentally deficient coloured gelding, dutch swamp donkey. Stunning looks and amazing elevated paces when in the field or showing off to the vet and preventing lameness work up. All the ability in the world, especially for jumping, but completely dead to the leg/whip/spurs, verging on impossible to wake up and motivate, and a successful result is very short lived (we're talking a matter of seconds here). Very likely suffers from attention defecit disorder, often described as 'like a delinquent child'. Constantly under your feet and in the middle of anything going on, likes to 'help' poo picking in his field by standing with his front legs in the wheelbarrow, and emptying filled sacks or buckets of poo by picking up in his teeth and shaking them. Absolutely vile in the stable, could not get more disgusting if he tried. Always coated in mud and poo. Identity crisis, believes he is a puppy and will run around chasing his boyfriend with a branch. Totally food orientated, despite being totally thick at anything else, takes a matter of seconds to get into anything food related. Full of character- far too much of it. Any takers?!

 

[hellspells]

[ QUOTE ]
16.3 15yr old red bay gelding, who thinks he is still 4.
More or less a schoolmaster when it suits him, on other days he has complete memory loss. Loves to jump enthusiastically.
Good with combine harvesters, however blades of grass, purple flowers or twigs can be a problem.
Has to be kept warm all of the time or else will bronk when you try to get on. May bite if he feels like it.
Sway backed with interesting conformation.
Everything has to be done to suit him, if his routine is broken he does gymnastics in his stable

[/ QUOTE ]

Good God - That would be completely right for my big horse - except change Gelding for Mare,'May bite when feels like it' to can kick when in the stable and food around and 'Sway backed with interesting conformation' to very sensitive back muscles - buyers beware!

 

[BigBird146]

I think Naturally has already done mine (the Fire breathing dragon x)!!
But here goes my version...
16hh hansome hanovarian x TB, bay gelding.
Has some fantastic advanced dressage moves, perfect leg yields, piaffes and caprioles... unfortunatley generally only performed when asking for a simple working trot to be done in an outline in the menage.
Jumps for fun, so long as only required to do so over jumps in his own field, ask him at a show and he regretfully declines, 3 times at the first fence usually.
Great to catch (as long as there are treats involved) shoe (we have a vist from the farrier every couple fo weeks when going through an over-reaching 'phase') and clip (except the bit behind his ears, which you'll just have to leave) but really crap to load.
A real character of a horse (think Shetland pony in 16hh body), who you will be very priveleged to be owned by.

EDTS Forgot to mention his excellent bloodlines, only one gene away from a hippo and digs his own mudbaths in the field. Very talented.

 

[zoesophie]

oh this has had me in fits - so here is mine....

very loving and handsome 17.1h bay heinz 57 type

prefers to be injured and at the vets rather than in work which hes actually quite good at but is never well enough to actually get to any decent shows! Good to shoe, box and load but turn the clippers on within a mile of him and hes a quivering mess. Has hacked in company fine in the past but on his own the green stuff may eat him and anything that moves may kill him. Hates being brushed and is scared of velcro or loud noises so a field in the middle of no-where would be perfect. Oh and he jumps fields for fun so if you are lucky enough to have in work long enough to jump you will be on a winner!

Only owners married to or are vets may apply coz he will cost you a small fortune otherwise

 

[bloke]

[ QUOTE ]
16h Moody Chestnut Mare
Likes to eat
Likes to eat more
Refuses to work in an outline
Will not work off your leg
Thinks she likes to Jump
Extremely Lazy unless jump put in front of her
Very messy in stable
Oh did i mention likes to eat
Doesnt mind hacking out as long as only walking, not trotting etc far too tiresome why would she want to do that!
Complete prat when bringing in from field
Loves all male counterparts
Need I go on....

also loves to go verticle on the lunge and attempt to steal peoples fingers.

Is Partial to the odd bush.

and gives evil stares ton anyone who will take notice and be intimidated

but above all elese this horse will eat and eat and eat and eat and then when she has eaten something she will go on to eat a bit more

See Cant even give her away!

[/ QUOTE ]

 

[Blackhawk]

16.3hh 6 year old IDxTB
Absolute star of a horse
Only three working legs
Buyer must enjoy paying vet bills and seeing their vet on a regular basis.

 

[Dogbetty141]

16.1 TB who is 16 but thinks hes a 4 yr old. Very good to catch but will make you come to him not because he is eating but because he thinks its rather funny to hear me shouting for him at the top of my voice then to look at me move a few steps then say yeah right as if im coming to you. follows me about in the stable with his bottom attached to me because he has an itchy sheath. will life back leg up for easy access to scratch. loves tractors big gritters with flashing lights on, scared of 20 mile signs written on the road, leaves and other scary monsters that live in bushes. Will school happliy and work in a nice outline if he can be bothered. Loves turning on a sixpence, then standing still looking at me when im on the floor. but i love him to bits. wouldnt want any other

 

[SDH]

16.2 Chestnut Gelding. Very good looking.
Brakes excellent.
You may struggle to locate the accelerator.
Prone to frequent breakdown & large repair bills.
Hates school. Hates girth & rug straps.
Loves hacking alone or in company. Doesn't know how to get excited.


(another) 16.2 Chestnut gelding. ID X TB.
Attitude of a thelwell. Hair to match. Barges. Jogs. Spins in the road. Brakes are questionable quality. Throws frequent tantrums. Cracking jumper - even if we do have to do a "head down and charge" style approach. Won't hack alone. Hacks in company if allowed to lead.

 

[MaverickMD]

15.1 Coloured Show Cob - Stunning - Wins Every Time Out - for ANY OTHER FECKING RIDER apart from her owner - the one who gets up at 6am every morning to see to her needs, who provides a complete 5* hotel room service, and who goes to a really pantz office job to pay for her every whim and to keep her in the lap of luxury that she has become accustomed to !

16hh Liver Chestnut Gelding WBxTB - Spoon ! Nuff Said !

 

[Hovis_and_SidsMum]

16HH 5 year old cylesdale cross gelding. Gorgeous face and donkey like eyes. Looks like butter wouldn't melt in his mouth particularly a split second after smacking you in the face with a dandy brush.
Schools well when he feels like it which is dependant on tidal patterns and the position of the moon.
Hacks alone, when he feels like it alhough brakes are an optional extra. Prefers company preferably older slutty mares.
Selectively deaf.

 

[ecrozier]

16.1hh chestnut mare, 17 years old, only one, sorry one part-time functional leg. Fused hocks, artritis in one front fetlock. About as well schooled as your average 4 year old.....when in the school! Impeccable to ride out on a hack. However very heavy on her forehand so to get a decent outline you need to be built like a WWF wrestler and physically lift her front end yourself as she sure as heck won't do it! Ridiculously attached to others in her field, if with them is very calm and sensible. Seperated from them turns into a whirling dervish and will stamp on or barge through whatever or whoever prevents her from getting back to them! However she is a good looking girl and a sweetie when not in an absolute panic! And will happily take novice riders out for a nice hack!

15hh (just, with his shoes on) bay arab gelding, 11 years old. Dreadful cow hocks still even after corrective shoeing as a foal. However he is a lovely ride (now) and the easiest horse in the world to handle, will load (now!) clip, be shod, tie up on the yard/at shows, stable anywhere, and is generally a complete love. Nice paces, is just beginning to do a good dressage test (although can evade in about a million different ways) and jumps 1m happily (although not very respectful of plastic poles!)

However 3 years ago his ad would have read:
15hh bay arab, only does jog or gallop, will NOT lower his head below the height of his withers. Doesn't load, pathological fear of fillers, banners, and all XC jumps, any obstacle without these MAY be jumped, but they will be approached at 500mph and a decision as to whether it will be jumped or not will only be made in the last 2 strides. If decides not to, he will skid to a halt, doing his very best to deposit his rider over his shoulder!

 

[soph21]

Im loving this post LOL!!

Very handsome dopey bay 15hh 5 yr old cob gelding.
Loves to eat, and TLC.
hacks out alone or in company, is sh1t scared of dodgy looking leaves/bushes, but will never spin and run, will just dodge it by doing a lovely half pass!
Great with all other horses, and humans alike.
Well behaved to school, might canter sideways towards the gate once he's had enough.
Very good doer.
Will let young novice riders plod out on him with no bother.
But has 'go' when you want it!
Likes to gallop and come to a halt from gallop at the other end.
enjoys XC/showing and hunting.
Needs some schooling work with SJ as he thinks its a game of skittles!

So if anyone in Cornwall wants a SJ'ing challnge come and try him out!

After writing that I cant really moan about him LOL!

 

[Rana]

Field ornament for sale. 16hh chestnut mare, very pretty, 26 years old (going on 5). No good legs. Loves the company of the vet. Hates other horses, unless they're grooming her. Tries to beat them up before realising she's too old and limping back to the stable. Impossible to catch, so new owner must have patience of a saint. Once caught, an absolute angel, until something frightens her, when she will passage at the drop of a hat, demonstrate spanish riding school movements, and attempt to leap into your arms. Can be hacked, if you have a death wish.

 

[HenryandPeta]

[ QUOTE ]
Henry1997 - is your gelding gay?

BettyBoo - I like yours she sounds lovely

[/ QUOTE ]

He is indeed!!!

 

[RedVendetta]

15.3hh chesnut grumpbag. Bring big spurs and big whip if you like going any faster than walk. Potential purchaser must enjoy sitting to bucks.
Very grumpy in the stable. Although he has never bitten or kicked me, he will try and murder your vet and your farrier. Will act like he hates you until you bring food, in which case he will quite happily barge through you to get at it.
Needs to be dragged in from the field, but runs to the field without a leader given half a chance as he likes to go there by himself, and fast.
Hacks out alone but acts like he is a trampoline as he thinks rocks, things that dont move, and flowers are very scary.
Don't scare him - he will quite happily rear on your head.
However, put a course of jumps in front of him, anything up to 1.20m and he will behave like the mechanical horse from heaven complete with remote control with buttons that say 'clear round' and 'jump off' - which is precisely why I bought him! And he does love me, hes just pretending he doesnt.

 

[conniegirl]

my lot:

1) 14hh 18 yearold (thinks he is 3) purebred connemara, built like a tank and can pull like on as well. He has 2 settings, absolute superstar or rodeo horse. On a good day will win everything in the show ring, on a bad day will put rider in hospital, can do both in one day if the wrong buttons are pressed.
Good to hack alone but is very silly in company (not dangerous just hyper). Does not like tractors when he has company but good with them when he doesnt. Distinct race horse tendancies as likes to be in front when galloping and will lack any form of brakes untill he is in the front. Suicidal XC and he lacks any sense of self preservation. Will only jump coloured poles if he is in the mood, if he isnt no one on earth can get him over the 1st jump.
Good to load when you know his tricks. Good to clip (starts grooming the door). Brilliant with the farrier although will happily stick his toungue in any glass that you hand to said farrier and steal farriers sandwiches. Star to wash as he stands like a rock.
has cereal intolerance, has sugar intolerance, has sweetitch but that is easily controlled with a boett.
Gives kisses and cuddles and will stay lieing down when you go in with him, very very good to sit and talk to.
General a very happy soul who never seems to get sick or sorry.

2) 15hh 17 yearold arab. Bad back, bad hocks bad manners. Ideal field ornament for someone who can deal with his temper tantrums. Permanantly lame although it is a technical lameness and he is not in pain. Can smell bute a mile off and no matter how much you try and disguise it he will still spot it. highly intellegent and overthinks everything.

3) 25 yearold Bay show pony, breeding unknown. Absolute saint on hacks, as safe as it gets when it comes to horses helicopter and jet plane proof (including jumbo jets) nothing phases this pony. Still in full ridden work although he is very hard on the legs in the ridden showing ring. good to shoe, bath, clip, loads himself normaly at the trot. brilliant ridden by even the most novice rider. Needs special handling from the ground. He does not like strange men and does not like yard brushes near him. Can be very defensive when handled by strangers and pulls the most horrible faces. has been badly beaten in his past so you just have to be careful. Very cuddley when you get to know him

4) 28 yearold 12.2hh welsh b. Absolute star on the leadrein, absolute horror off it. semi retired, likes going round the block with a tot on his back. good to shoe, box, clip, cuddle and bath. Supreme houdini, knows how to undo kick bolts and can open field gates to they have to be chained and padlocked. Undoes knots so difficult to tie up as he just undoes the knot and walks off. Absolutely fearless in traffic. Unfortunately knows his own strength and often takes full advantage of it.
Knows how to stomp purposely on feet. Absolute chronic weaver will weave when in or out, happily stands in the middle of the field with a mouth full of hay and weave, doesnt seem to affect him at all and non of the others have picked it up. chronic box trotter regularly grinds beds into dust.

 

[Marchtime]

16hh2 TB x show hunter pony. Excellent eventing bloodlines, however nobody has told him as yet. Gelding but isn't aware of the fact and therefore refuses to share his field with horse or human, enter at your own risk. Requires chiffney if you wish to make it to the field alive. Uninsurable on all legs (Right fore - collateral ligament, Left fore bruised soles and pedal bone issues, Hinds PSD/suspensory issues) comes with x-rays and numerous scans to prove this. Prone to colic. Dangerous to lunge unless heavily sedated (ask the vet who tried). Enjoys leisurely ambles providing you have paid farrier extortionate amounts for the silicone gel pads. Loads like a dream but can't compete! Weaves and cribs. This lovely 9yr old horse would provide you with numerous vets bills. Open to vet but would fail. Also any potential buyers may wish to warn their vets that he will attempt to kill them - he only likes HIS vet!

 

[Bossanova]

Moon-

The ugliest horse you'll ever see out eventing BUT god she's good. Ignore BE record- rider is cr*p at dressage and often forgets to point horse at the correct fence so read between the lines and you'll realise this is a talented, careful, scopey and bold little horse who'd appreciate someone who can get all 3 phases right on the same day.
Comes complete with massive ego and more than a small amount of attitude!

 

[Halfstep]

Oh dear Marchtime......your ad really made me giggle out loud. And I thought mine was bad - he actually still has two working legs......and likes all vets.......

 

[Marchtime]

Halfstep - I forgot to add also prone to bouts of 'man flu' as my vet nows says. We've had the darling 5yrs and despite wrapping him in cotton wool he's been a disaster. Bought at 4yrs old frshly backed he got man flu twice and had three months off. He then did his hind suspensory aged 5yrs and had six months off. Before coming back into work he tore a dorsal ligament in his back. Upon return to dressage (we gave up any hope of jumping!) he spent six months off with bruised soles and concussion of pedal bones, then six months off with arthritis of the coffin joints and then finally last year permanently damaged his collateral ligament. Sometimes I wonder what I did wrong!

 

[kit279]

16hh chestnut TB gelding - priceless. Does it all, plays polo, hunts, does dressage & SJ, events, hacks, teaches small children and old folks to ride. Loves mares, is occasionally mistaken for a pregnant one. Will climb into your car if you have mince pies. Not for sale ever. (Farriers say worst feet ever seen..)

16.1 grey TB gelding - totally bombproof. Jumps anything and everything. Unfortunately cannot/will not stop, pulls like a tank. Has cruel sense of humour and a keen sense of smell - can sense food from 50 paces. Must be bribed into loading. Super flexible, can get hind leg over ears. Always looks mule-ish in photos. One leg is shorter than the rest.. has funny little boxy foot but never lame!

 

[BroadfordQueen]

15.2hh grey- however skewbald 90% of the time- mare (lives up to her gender!).
Likes to do things, fast. Potential buyer must be brave, as she likes to take whole strides out- no matter how big the fence.
Loves jumping into water. However, will not go within 10ft of a puddle out hacking. 100% with motorbikes, tractors, dustbin lorries, low- flying jet planes. However, petrified of strange coloured leaves/grass and will try and bolt back home if faced with any.
Always has the fastest round of the day when eventing (both sj and xc). Hold her back and you will most likely end up in a heap on the floor.
Flatwork...she's like a giraffe painted grey.
An ugly horse- never catches anyones eye. However she does the job in hand and enjoys beating posh WBs.
Only loads when she feels like it. Headshy- has a guilty conscience and often thinks she has done something wrong, therefore fears getting hit round the head. Tries to bite and kick when being tacked up.
Can jump big. Too brave for her own good.
Likes hunting. Abit too much. Often results in leaping and plunging, especially when waiting to jump.