ANGRY!! She's always like this!!

From the moment I started working as a Saturday girl I had to give my parents money, as did my friends. Nothing abnormal in that at all.
 
I can't really comment on the 'no pony' side of things, or the mother either. I have been extremely, extremely lucky. I got my first pony on loan when I was 9, had one bought for me at 13 and then my first horse at 16. My family are in no way wealthy, infact the very opposite. But have always been very supportive of my hobby. It helps that my Mum had horses as a child so was really overjoyed that I was so passionate so she could have a way to get back involved.

I worked part-time while I was at school to contribute toward livery etc, and then left at the age of 17 and since have worked full-time. I moved out to live with my boyfriend, paid £400 rent, £150 livery and then bills for horse and home on top of that. Skint is not the word but i was on my own two feet and felt I was doing well.

Then about 6 months ago it all went rapidly down hill - I lost my job, and me and my boyfriend split up. I had no home, no money. And my Mum took me back in, didn't expect rent and took over payment of the horses until I got back on my feet.

I am now back in employment, very badly paid. I am still living at home and contribute as best I can. And have recently taken back over payment for one of my horses.

I guess what I am trying to say, in a very long winded way, is please don't defy your mother. You WILL need her one day, believe me. You are only 16 years old, you will have little or no experience in the working world, you will be first to be laid off in this economy. Then what will you do? Jobs are very scarce I'm talking from experience. As others have said, a free shetland? Hmm. Laminitus rings like an alarm bell!

I'm sorry to be harsh but I would say politely turn down this opportunity. I know it doesn't feel like it now but there will be more. Perhaps join the Pony Club? Or volunteer at a riding school at the weekend. There are lots of ways to be involved with horses without owning one.

Good luck :)
 
HashRouge said:
Tbh I was astounded that a 16 year old is having to pay rent to her own mother, but maybe that's just me :o
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I was a single mum, and I got maintenance from her dad and tax credits when my daughter was in full-time education. I could only work part-time due to my health back then.

When she left school and got a job, the maintenance and tax credits stopped so she started paying me rent instead. I didn't think there was anything "astounding" about that? :confused:
 
If I was your age again and had no commitments or ties then I would find a live in job at a yard where you can ride and get further training and the chance to compete! Preferably somewhere abroad :p I wish I had done this instead of owning horses since I was 8 and them limiting what I can do in my life. :o
 
touchstone said:
I understand that she's left school and working though, so should be contributing to the household, and £25 isn't a lot.

It teaches respect and responsibility to donate towards the family household I think. :)
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Exactly. All you youngsters had it soft, and expect it on a plate. Even youngsters today have it very soft! In my day as soon as you left school (which I did at 17 with 3 good Alevels to gap year intending to go to Uni the following year) and got a job you paid rent. Mine was £100/month. This was 1978. My salary was £1800/year to start, it did increase to £2400.

Frankly I can't see the point if your 16 of getting a sheltand you can't ride, if you want to show it you'll be lucky there's more than 1 show you can walk to. Much better to see if you can find a pony you can ride, maybe in return for chores perhaps?

Oh and FWIW my parents didn't approve of riding (too dangerous) so they wouldn't fund any lessons when I was a keen teenager at 12/13. I used to walk 5 miles to the riding school, leaving by 5.30am to get there early to muck out, clean tack catch in ponies, groom etc on the off chance I might get a free lesson. I walked to and from school and saved the bus far which afforded me a lesson about once a month.

Anyway it did make me save and save and throughout my life I've been careful with the pennies so I make up for it now, having 2 ponies kept at home for me (oops my daughter really). But I get to do anything I want with them. :D
 
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Black shadow, my OH tends to say no a lot, particularly where it comes to horses.

I would say that I would not buy a pony and go against your mum, does she allow you to ride other peoples horses? I would share /loan/or put your money to lessons, or wait until 18, and keep saving your funds.

I know that it is really hard to hear. I do think she is not being fair, you sound like a good kid. But it is not worth going against what she says, while you are in her home. It will just cause more issues than it is worth, imo.
 
You'd be far better getting a share you can ride surely. 20 quid a week commitment and any disasters are the owner's problem not yours.

When you are 16 you do often kind of live at loggerheads with your parents. It's hard to believe now but it will change as you get older.
 
I have always been horse mad & my mother would not let me ride horses even when my father bought me a pony when I was 15 she forbade me to have it so it got sent back.
I got my first pony when I was 35 but prior to that when I left home I rode once a week & that kept me sane especially when I had 3 children under 4 years!

Unfortunately while you are under her roof I suppose you will have to abide by her rules & wishes. A sad fact but never give up!
 
When I was 17 and not working I still had to give my mother money (in the 80s). Neither of my boys pay me money as both are students and daughter still in school.
I would say LEAVE well alone and think about maybe helping someone you know or ask a local stables if you can help them.with their horses.
Just remember us """Mums know best""" :)
 
If I could go back to the start and do everything again I would.

I have always been a spoilt brat - yes I admit it :D - and I have always had ponies. I had generic ponies in England and when we moved to Scotland I got the ride on a cracking Welsh A and that got me hitched on the showing bug. Ever since then I have always had top class natives - yes I got all bar 1 of them as youngsters and brought them on myself but mother dearest bought them. They live at home so no livery. I quit school at 15 and started working in a racing yard and since have brought home 4 tb's ... The problem with my mother is she never says no!

If I could go back to being 15/16 when I had Flint, my fell pony, a stallion, broodmare and the yearling colt I would! I would stay at school,do it all properly and not gain any more animals!

Instead I earn a decent wage for the job I do and every penny of that goes on the 17 equines I appear to have accumulated ... Not all mine! My mother gathered some and so instead of paying her rent I pay for the ponies.

I'm now 24yo, I'm stuck in a job I no longer really want to do but I can't afford to leave it until I have another job to walk straight into that pays the same if not more than I currently get - really not easy! It's a good job I don't drink, smoke or dance because even if I wanted to I couldn't afford to. I really need to sell some beasts and move out of home but that is easier said than done.

Forget the pony. It's a shetland, you can pick them up ten a penny year in year out. If your not planning on continuing your education then work your backside off, earn some money, save it and when you are far more financially secure, have moved out of home or are completely independent bar the house THEN and only then should you really think about getting a horse.
 
jhoward said:
a shetland?

tame so good with your brother???

did i just miss something?
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To be fair I could hand on heart say that 95% of the time all of my shetlands, including the stallion, can and do take great delight in dealing with children - the other 5% of the time - well it's every man for himself! Lol!
 
Black shadow I know how you feel, i wanted a pony from about the age of 5 but came from a surburban background with unhorsy parents, wasnt allowed anything but a hamster ! I went down the road and rode the gypsy horses but thats another story. Once i was out at work I saved up and bought my own horse, without telling my parents but I paid for it all plus rent so no problem. I wonder why you want a shetland ? they actually are not the easiest of equines, also you say you want something to love and cuddle, is this the heart of the matter ? If it is, there are easier animals (cost and commitment) to fulfill that role, you dont say if you ride or what you want to do with the shetland but i think as others have said if it is a horse you want I would aim for something more user friendly on a share or loan basis then perhaps your mum would feel happier with the situation.
 
coming from someone who bought a horse andrung my mother from the horsebox on its way home....
and bought another pony thats " on loan" (and dad dosent even know about it!!)

either keep it a secret or do it and tell her afte.r....



as long as you can afford it properly...!! dont if theres any doubt...!

FWIW ive had the youngster for 4 months now.... and its disappeared to crewe for 18 months -she will magically appear then and "ive just bought it.....

there are ways...........!
 
I would suggest sharing a horse you can ride OP. Shetlands do appear tempting when you don't have an awful lot of money as they are so cheap to buy and keep, but at 16 I would suggest that the novelty will wear off quite quickly. It seems to be oldies like me who struggle ride any more but who don't want to leave horse ownership forever who get a little herd of Shetties :)

Is there a riding school or livery yard nearby where you could ask if anyone needs any help, or a sharer? If you can show your mum that you are serious, that you are happy to get up early before work in all weathers and tend to a horse, she may be happy to back you in a few months time.

Whereabouts are you? Perhaps there is someone on here who could help you out.
 
Please don't "get it anyway" that will only show your mum you disrespect her
wishes, my daughter wanted her nose pierced, was told wait till you're 18, then please yourself, she came in with a nose piercing and a 'well it's done now attitude, I gave her 5 mins to remove it herself, 18 yrs later she only has
her ears pierced.
You are of an age when a social life appears and or boyfriends, so enjoy life
now, you could always help out at a RS for now and be friends with your mum
 
EKW said:
To be fair I could hand on heart say that 95% of the time all of my shetlands, including the stallion, can and do take great delight in dealing with children - the other 5% of the time - well it's every man for himself! Lol!
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it was the sentance.. tame so will be good with my brother.. tame????
 
Shetties aren't the easiest to keep either...ours is an escape artist as many are so have to pay out on lots of fencing to contain him & restrict grass intake.
 
How terible that a child is being taught about money management at ab early age?! Perhaps if more people had some of the worlds financial problems wouldn't be as bad. You also don't know the family situation so how can you judge it as disgusting?
 
amymay said:
We can't always have what we want when we want it op.

You have budgeted well, I agree. But there are other considerations as well. The commitment is massive - twice a day, 365 days of the year. Come rain or shine.

I think that if your mum's not on board then sadly you must pass on this opportunity, and wait until you're a bit older, and in full time work.

A lot of us here have found horse ownership financially crippling - and we're in full time work, earning good wages.

Also you need to know that you can pay a big vets bill, If required, because vets do required payment upfront sometimes. And not all vet incidents are ones you're necessarily going to claim for.

So think long and hard before taking advice from those that say go ahead regardless of your mum.
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^^This^^

Very sensible post.
 
Thanks for all your replies, I see both points of view.
£25 is not a massive contribution I know! Tame - I meant it wasn't off the rails so my brother who has learning difficulties and behavioral problems would possible get along with it, I know tame isn't the right word, i'm sorry.

I've been riding since I was 4, haven't ridden this year at all. It sounds sad, but i've always loved shetlands and have dreamed of owning one. I'm not bothered about riding anymore as trying to do so just backfires, i'd rather have something I can just cuddle and love.
I didn't mean to come across as stubborn or spoilt:o

But you're right, I haven't thought this through well at all. Maybe in a few years instead. Thanks for your help
xxx

(I have a rabbit, cat, and a dog - so I get cuddles at home, i've always wanted a shetland. I'll get one when i'm an adult!)

I know shetlands aren't easy and are prone to laminitus (sorry about the spelling), I know they're well known escape artists. I have done my research, please don't think this is a spur of the moment thing!!
 
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Sameru said:
Is no one else astonished that a CHILD is having to pay rent at all?! Utterly disgusting IMO!!
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i don't think its wrong at all any child who is 16 and working should learn to contribute towards the cost of the house bills food and their clothes etc. as for getting a pony to the OP although you have been more mature than a lot of adults in working out the budget properly I would say don't do it as although it may seem harsh if your mother did say get out you would be paying rent which would be more than the £25 you are paying now and also for heating electric your food clothes and you would not have any spare money for a pony at all. like others have said save up for a bigger one and until then find somewhere to ride sometimes or help out at your local RDA then get yourself out with your friends of an evening and enjoy beeing a teenager! when you have saved enough get yourself a horse you can ride and by then I doubt your mother will say no as you will have proved that you can put away what you would have been paying for keep and shown her that you really are going to stick with it and not get bored after a while and leave the pony for her to do.
 
Black.Shadow said:
I understand what you're saying but i'm not like that, I wouldn't get bored of it, sorry if I came across that way:o:o
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It's not so much getting bored, but a pony can live 30 years. This means you could be 40 years old by the time that pony passes away. In that time you will probably have left home, got married, had a family, probably moved house and jobs numerous times. So at some point you will lose interest.

Not getting what you want is a normal part of life. Learning how to deal with it gracefully can make the difference between a happy and contented life and a miserable, resentful one. :D

Paula
 
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