ANGRY!! She's always like this!!

I think you sound like you have lots of drive and initiative. It's a shame you don't want to share, as you would probably be ideal! I haven't had a Shetland but is there some sort of Shetland enthusiast's club you could join, which might have local meetings, for you to meet up with other enthusiasts who might appreciate help with their Shetlands? You could put some of the saved cash aside for transport to a yard when you are 17.

Actually if you were my daughter I'd be pretty proud of you. I wish I'd had your motivation at 16. My parents never expected me to pay rent until I worked full time, then it was 10%, but I do feel lucky for that!

Just wondering as well whether there are any horsey charities near you, who you could volunteer for? The horses there would really appreciate a caring person who wouldn't be disappointed at being unable to ride.

Chin up, you will get there eventually!
 
Hope you're not too disheartened now you've made a decision :) you have heaps of time to move out and get a Shetland on your terms. I was in a similar mind frame at 16, determined to get a horse. I'm so thankful that my dad told me to forget it, because I'd never have met the horse I have now. It's all worth it in the end, promise!
 
I've had ponys since I was a child, we all had them but then one by one they left as the others lost interest until I was the only one left who wanted one, at which point mums words were more or less if you want to keep him you've got to pay for him. Which I have done including paying rent (from 16!!) paying for anything I want for myself, in short from the minute I was earning money I was independent. Mum provided me a place to live and food but I had to pay rent, I paid my way through college, still paid for my pony, paid for all my driving lessons etc. She was supportive emotionally but never financially. I don't complain because my family has never been well off financially.
My point is while I love having my own pony it is a bit tie, a big responsibility when I'm still only 23, there's lots of things I would like to do but the horse ties me down. Not that I mind but I do often think if I could do it again I probably wouldn't have carried on with my own horses until much later in life. They're here now and will be forever but to do it all again I just would have made different choices. I would love to travel.
OP I think the best plan would be find someone who wants a sharer as others have said. Also you're 16, that's not long til 17 when the money you've saved will come in useful for learning to drive, buying a car which then opens up more job opportunities, or college, or even makes the choice of having a horse more likely. But cars are expensive, moving out is expensive. I would prioritise those things first before you get a horse. there will always be horses looking for homes
 
Black.Shadow said:
I understand what you're saying but i'm not like that, I wouldn't get bored of it, sorry if I came across that way:o:o
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You did not come across that way at all but as paulag says they do live a long time and you are young so old people like me can see the problems that may happen! go out and enjoy yourself and with your determination one day you will get your pony. I was typing when you posted but well done for the decision you made its hard right now but when you look back you will realise its the right thing to do. try and find somewhere like a proper rescue place or a RDA that you can help out at as if you really don't want to ride you could get a lot from it and so would they
 
I have gone a bit 'yes/no/yes/no' several times through this post.

I was horse mad pretty much from birth and eventually scraped enough to buy my own at just shy of 18 years old.. I had left college and got work (very fine margin here :o ) and had him for 18 years. My parents were non-horsey and my stepfather was not impressed but we had a stable at home, some grazing, local field rent and I was earning just enough to keep both of us afloat. Looking back, I'm glad I had no major vet bills but I loved him and we spent many happy years together. He pretty much saved my life, really, and I stood by him till the end. He is buried in the field of the home we eventually bought mostly for him, so he's 'still here' and I don't regret a minute of it - except I had no money AT ALL for normal teenage stuff :rolleyes: My choice.

Somehow you DO manage and I only ever ONCE left him overnight and my mum had to shove a haynet over the door for him in the morning (whilst living at home this incident) and got a rollocking off the s-f for ALWAYS asking her to do stuff for him :( Anyway.

I think if you are just after a pony to cuddle you could do worse than taking a Shettie on loan. I'd caution you that they need all the attention and know-how of rideable horses without (IMO) the fun of riding to balance out the drudge. It also depends how cooperative the owner is going to be and you need to possibly be prepared to shoulder the whole pony for the rest of its life if they offload it onto you :eek: Shetlands are ten a penny, really and get passed around like sweets round here :mad:

There are two sides to every story, though. I'm a mum left holding the baby (pony) for my daughter and being more equine-inclined than people-inclined, my loyalty was to the abandoned pony :eek: :o who is happily installed with a new mum (on loan ;) ) and being loved more than ever. Does your mum know you better than you do?

So, I am torn between helping a Shetland out and you being happy (for how long, I can't guess ;) ) and where your mum is sitting. TBF if the pony can go back to its owner if everything goes belly-up and you are intending to include your brother (a very generous thought IMO as animal therapy can be very beneficial) AND you know what you are doing or have access to proper help, then I can't see a problem. A Shetty won't need feed other than haylage or good quality hay if the grass gets desperate. Read up on that or you will be having vet bills for laminitis.

Good luck.
 
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I'm surprised if anyone thinks you come across as selfish / spoilt / thoughtless. It seems to me that you have done a lot of research and sound reasonably knowledgeable about most aspects of getting this pony - you only lack, perhaps, the realisation that has come to most of us with horses that they always cost more than you think. For a 16 year old I think you are considered and cautious, and it's a shame that you have to be so tentative in what you say on here for fear of being accused of being a spoilt brat. Compared with many of the kids I know that have been given lovely ponies all their lives, you are far from that.

I feel so sorry for you, having been there... I still think (at 35) that my parents were wrong to deny me a pony when I was younger (yes, they could have afforded it, or allowed me to pay for it myself). However, I don't think it is the right thing to do it anyway - if your mum does make you leave then even a cuddly shettie won't keep you warm at night. It would be easy to find a share that you could love and cuddle, even if you don't want to ride it - I'm sure many people would bite your arm off if you offer to do some of their work for them, and would probably pay you rather than the other way around.

It sounds as if you aren't a keen rider any more but how about considering at some stage leaving home to work on a yard, either as a working pupil or live-in groom? You love the horses and perhaps being away from your mum might help your relationship. My mum and I loathed each other until after I left home.

Good luck in whatever you decide. Life does get better, and you'll get your horses in the end... better to be able to afford them without too much worry.
 
OP - why don't you contact local shetland owners / breeders and see if anyone would like a hand. If you were local to me you'd be very welcome to come & help out - I'm in Hampshire. I know another breeder in Dorset who would probably welcome you as well.
 
You've had some really good advice here. I really do understand your frustration, i didnt get on with my mum at all as a teenager, she was exactly as you describe irrational, negative, mean, inconsiderate etc...etc... I begged and begged for a pony, but i had weekly lessons at a riding school (which she moaned and moaned and tried to get out of taking me to) but i had to rely on her for lifts, i ended up 'helping out' at the stables all weekend every weekend in exchange for leading horses round in lessons :rolleyes: looking back on it now, we were just free labour, but i never ever thought of it like that, i used to dream and long all week for my weekends at the stables, mucking out and just being with the horses, sitting in the hay barn eating my sandwiches and at the end of the day getting the honour of riding a horse bareback down to the field leading another one.:D:):confused:

When i was about your age my dad lost his job and everything stopped, i was on regional swimming teams, music lessons, riding lessons stopped, and even my beloved weekends 'working' at the yard stopped.....i must have cried myself to sleep for months. I felt like my world had ended.

Then my dad got a job and things seemed to be alot easier, but i was doing exams at school so was told no- no horses. ever.

I resented my parents alot for denying me the one thing in my life i loved.

Its only now that im older i can look back and realise how it must have been so hard for my parents, the worry of being faced with zero income and two young children. But also, my mum and dad are not horsey at all, dad was never involved at all, mum hated it, hated the dirt, the smell, the expense, the stangeness of it all, its not her 'thing' at all and reallly didnt (and still doesnt) 'get' how much i loved it.

Then when i was older, and money was easier, they neither had the will or inclination to re-start the old 'horse arguements' but also they wanted me to do well in school, focus on my exams, go to university, and travel. I volunteered with the RDA from when i was about 17 (on sat mornings only- i worked sat afternoon and sunday mornings, sunday afternoons where for homework) it was a compromise that worked, as i could walk there,so my mother had no involvement what so ever, and i got my horsey fix helping with the horses and with the disabled kids, i also learnt an awful lot.


When i went to university, 4 hours away from home, i found a new RDA branch to help out with, i joined the uni riding club and found a stables i had monthly lessons at. But i also had a full student experience, friends, partying, and ended up working in america in my summer holidays at a US summer camp in their horse-riding programme teaching beginners to ride. Without all my experience helping out my RDA i wouldn't have been able to go to america.

I guess what im saying is that it may seem that your mum is being mean and inconsiderate to your own feelings, but she may have her own worries, be that financial, or she may be worried about being left with the responsibility (you say you already have a dog and other pets, does your mum do most of the walking, feeding looking after of these pets?) they may also be worried that even though you have budgeted for your pony, that you will be stretching yourself too much and wont be able to do other 'normal' teenage things.

I have had my pony budget worked out from when i was 13 years old, i knew the cost, and knew the level of work and comittment it would have taken from me. Was i ready, absolutely. However, I am so so happy that I had the chance to go away to university and go abroad, i spent a year in france, went to america for several summers (experiences that changed my life for the better massively), went to india and africa, i wouldnt have been able to do any of those things if i had been financial or physically restrained by having a horse at the time.

Once i finished uni took a mare on loan, then when i was 26 i bought my own. I have a good full time job so am financially able to pay for him, inspite of my meticulous budget- he still manages to cost me more than i thought he would - does that matter- at the moment, not so much. The night before getting him, i felt like i was 5 years old again waiting for christmas, and i love him unconditionally. Recently though, when i had to have an operation on my ankle and was totally unable to walk, my mum was absolutely brilliant and looked after him for me, (she does have several sets of marigolds, and latex spares squirreled away in several locations) she pretends like she doesnt really care for him, but i caught her whispering to him and sneaking him carrots and him snuffling her face- so i think hes managed to melt her heart a bit ;):)

This has been a long and rambling post- sorry- but I just wanted to say really, as others have, find somewhere to volunteer to get your horsey experience, charities are desperate for people, and the ponies there are equally in need of a little one-on-one attention and love. Save your money, you will get your pony one day, but in the intervening time there is a whole world out there that your parents are probably afraid you might miss out on if you get a pony now- and honestly there are horsey ways to travel the world if you want....you just have to find them!:D Plus, you cant always do everything on your own, i thought i could, but what would happen if you get sick and cant make it down to look after your little shetland. A part-share might be the best way for you at the moment, you could ride, look after without the responsibility but it also requires a financial and time commitment.

Good luck, you sound like a lovely girl, just be aware that your mum may actually have your best interests at heart, she just might not be able to express it in the best way. Im sure you'll get your pony in the end, it just might not be right now.:)
 
How about a share op for now? You don't actually have to ask your mum if its ok, just tell her you're helping with someone else's, its not a lie.
And I think some of you are being a bit hard on op, while she may be young, we don't know enough to judge that her age alone prevents her from making rational decisions about her life.
My parents were pretty well off, bought me a pony at 10 & limited their involvement to handing cash over. My dad had remarried & neither my mum or his new wife worked, my dad kept two big houses & both my mum & his new wife & kids in pretty well off lifestyles. When I was 15, his step daughter apparently needed another horse. So I was told mine was going to fund it. I said over my dead body. Parents said I could keep the money from the sale. I ignored all the adults telling me I wouldn't cope, the pony would live another 20yrs, respect your parents etc etc. I said **** you to them all, & earned the money to keep her myself. Tbh, I don't think they even noticed I'd kept her. Neither had even seen her ever. The point is at 15 I was more used to being independent than many adults are, so well meaning bs about respecting my parents had no relevance as they didn't know anything about my life. Interestingly, the ym & his wife who did know some stuff, & my best friends parents told me to go for it & that they'd help if I needed it. For me, I had nothing to lose by falling out with my parents, the relationship was destroyed before that. But if you do op, think long & hard before you fall out with your mum, you only get one lot of parents in life, but lots of horses.
 
I too am pretty astounded that a 16 year old child is paying rent. I worked when I was at school and college and that money was pocket money for me to buy myself clothes, pay phone bill etc. I was never expected to pay rent until I was 18 and in full time work!
 
In a totally non-patronising way, I feel really sorry for you! I know I was very luck at your age, but I think you sound very grown up and committed.

Unfortunately its not that simple.... Will your mum have to take you to the field everyday? Because that is quite a commitment for her.

Another big thing is vets bills. My pony was bought for me when I was 11 and she was the healthiest hardiest little thing, but she got a really rare cancerous tumour behind her eye. If it wasn't for my parents I'd never have been able to have any treatment done on her, and even though I lost her to it, the vet bills were still thousands.

My advice is to help other people, as annoying as it is that you don't have your own. Maybe work at a livery yard, they often look for weekend workers.
Travel to world one day, you won't be able to with a horse!! Go out with your friends and have a laugh, its not impossible but difficult to do that with a horse. I know your only 16, but in 2 years time you'll be going out getting drunk and hangovers and horses don't mix!

I somehow manage to afford horses and have a great social life, but I work a lot to make it happen!

I also think paying rent at 16 is a bit unfair, but that's just my opinion! :p

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!
 
jhoward said:
a shetland?

tame so good with your brother???

did i just miss something?
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This bothers me too!

Why waste your time and money with a Shetland? (Scuse this all shetland lovers) Save your money for another two years, become of age and then do what you like. Are you riding or just pony mad - do you work with horses, or just want a pony?

Your mum is doing what many parents do - be unreasonable in a teenagers eyes but are more worldly in that they know youo will a) Discover boys and lose interest, b) want to go off to Uni or the big OE, c) you'll lose interest d) stop working and who will then pay for the keep.

I was pony mad and rode for many moths in secret so as my parents banned riding as too dangerous. Once they found out - hard to pick off all the hairs during the spring moult - they said OK but you will not be allowed a horse. Soon as I became of age I had a horse, I was sooo lucky there as I turned 18 the year that the age limit dropped from 21 to 18.
 
I won't comment on your desire to have a Shetland, you obviously have your reasons for choosing that particular breed. I will however agree with other posters who say until you can pay proper rent, not a nominal amount, which is only about £10 more than child benefit, you should not consider owning any animal.
For the posters who think its wrong that you pay rent at all, I'm confused. Should her mother keep her until she is 18? 21? Moves out? My son got a job after school when he was 16 . First pay day he handed me £5. I took it, didn't even cover the price of a days meals for him, but it taught him the value of money, and that there is no such thing as a free ride.
 
Also to add - it bugs me that everyone is slating you for choosing a shetland... After recently loosing my perfect 14hh pony, I've just bought two shetland weanlings, and got a huge amount of stick for it 'why don't I get a real horse' etc.

Its my choice, and besides you can do loads with a shettie! I've seen teenagers/small adults riding shetlands! They're great fun!

Where abouts do you live? If you're close to me my I'm sure my babies would love extra cuddles!
 
Sameru said:
Is no one else astonished that a CHILD is having to pay rent at all?! Utterly disgusting IMO!!
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Not at all disgusted - what a wise parent she has.

From the day I started working - initially just Saturdays - my clothing allowance from dad stopped - I was responsible for buying my own clothes. Then from the day I worked full time I had to contribute to the household expenses.

Many of my friends did too and some of them got the money back when they left home or bought their first house as their parents had secretly saved the money for them.

I learnt at a young age that if yoou want something you have to save for it. It was a great sense of achievement to buy my own horse.
 
Thank you again for all your lovely comments, just been at work:p
I'm pleased that you all don't think i'm stubborn or selfish I was terrified you would!

I love riding, just haven't done it in so long I don't miss it anymore if that makes sense, also a mate has offered to let me compete hers next showjumping season, the negative is that she's too far for me to loan/share.
Again, i'm rather far from anyone with a horse to share so that's why I decided on this loan. I hope I don't come across as silly!!

I'm just outside a place called Skipton, North Yorkshire. And although there's alot of riding centres, I wouldn't be able to help due to family issues (long story)

The travel thing, The field I was going to use it 3 miles away, short enough for me to walk to twice a day:)

I love shetlands, always have. I figured it would help my little brother calm himself down too as he has a fondness for ponies. I'm sorry if you feel I need a riding horse:o:o

Thank you all again,
xx
 
Sorry, bit off tangent, but I just had to say this in relation to some of the outraged comments made about 'house keeping'. :)

I have 4 children and will fully support them whilst they are in full time education, even up to and over the age of 21 if they need it, but as soon as any of them opts out and decides to get a job instead of studying I will expect them to make an appropriate contribution to house keeping whilst living under the family roof.

If and when they consider themselves 'old enough' to take themselves out of education and choose to work instead then they they are old enough to start realising that life isn't a free ride. When I sat down with my 15 year old recently and went through what it costs his dad and I to maintain the bare bones of running our 3 bed semi, he nearly had a heart attack. He was very naive. I don't think hiding 'real life' from our children and protecting them from the financial side of living does them any good whatsoever. It would be the same even if I were a billionaire! Put the money into a savings account for the child if you can afford to, but don't let them loll about at home free of charge if they are out of school and working!

Incidentally, my two eldest boys do odd jobs here at there around school and whatever they earn is theirs. I wouldn't dream of asking for house keeping from that money they earn for themselves. I am proud of them earning it and am pleased to see them enjoying saving/spending it. It gives them a real sence of pride. That's different from them dropping studies and working full time, though.

And of course, we will always be there for our children, whatever their age be it 16 or 60, to support them and help them through the good and the bad.
 
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Black.Shadow said:
I'm just outside a place called Skipton, North Yorkshire. And although there's alot of riding centres, I wouldn't be able to help due to family issues (long story)

The travel thing, The field I was going to use it 3 miles away, short enough for me to walk to twice a day:)
xx
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I actually dont blame your mum on this. 3 miles is too far to walk twice a day, especially in the winter. Its not safe. It would also affect your school work / job or whatever you are doing.

I used to live in Skipton so I know that a three mile walk in any direction would put you onto dark rural roads without footpaths in many places. The bus services are also poor or non existant.

Keep saving and look nearer home for somewhere to keep a pony. Call in to West Cumberland every week, they have a notice board for loans etc.
 
rockysmum said:
I actually dont blame your mum on this. 3 miles is too far to walk twice a day, especially in the winter. Its not safe. It would also affect your school work / job or whatever you are doing.

I used to live in Skipton so I know that a three mile walk in any direction would put you onto dark rural roads without footpaths in many places. The bus services are also poor or non existant.

Keep saving and look nearer home for somewhere to keep a pony. Call in to West Cumberland every week, they have a notice board for loans etc.
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Go in there every week looking anyway:D
It's wierd because I used to live in Leeds:)

There's a bus, the pride of the dales but it's not good in snow.:(
 
I think you sound very sensible, but leaving it for now is definitely the right thing. You're about to find that life is going to get very expensive - driving lessons, pubs, eventually moving out and paying your own bills!

FWIW three miles takes the average human an hour to walk, so a field three miles away would mean four hours of walking a day. Can you afford a bike? And keep looking for a shares or think again about lessons; finding other ways to ride might be a good way to demonstrate to your mum how much this means to you :)
 
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