Starzaan
Well-Known Member
So, I know I wittered on for hours a few months ago about how much my Roy boy means to me, but he's just proved himself to be my once in a lifetime horse once again.
The illness I have developed as a result of my reaction to the hair dye has been really getting me down recently. I'm still rushed to hospital at least once a week, I still can't do a full day of anything without going to sleep at some point, and still feel absolutely dreadful the whole time. I don't like asking for help, or admitting that I'm not coping, so I tend to just soldier on, and pour my heart out to Roy when it's all getting too much to bear.
The last two weeks have been absolute hell. I have developed solar urticaria (hopefully not permanent...please god not permanent) now, which was the straw that broke Starzaan's back. Not only am I constantly dizzy, nauseous to the point where the Spag has me surviving on one protein shake a day, shaking like a crack fiend, faint, allergic to oranges6, dark clothing dyes, spices, nuts, and so allergic to PPD that if I go out anywhere I'm constantly jumpy and nervous about encountering someone with the chemical on them, or some sort of black dye or paint, just in case I pop my clogs, but now I also can't go out in the sun. Or, I can, but only if I put factor 50 on, (difficult, as most sun cream contains a derivative of the chemical that I reacted to...problemo.) and cope with the weird fever, shivering, and mental weirdness that goes on when I do go out in the sun. Apparently I turn into a raging mad woman and start slurring almost as badly as I do when I'm tired or have missed a round of drugs... PHITT.
So, I've been in and out of hospital over the last two weeks, and got to the point where I completely and utterly, royally fell apart about it last night. I got to the point where I had literally had enough and would rather have just been hit by a stray meteor or mown down by an angry penguin on a stolen tractor, than carry on with my life as it is at the moment. I ended up going out to see my Roy boy in the dark last night, sobbing so hard I could barely stand up, collapsing at his feet in the middle of the field, wrapping my arms round a foreleg, and bawling my eyes out.
My horse, my magical, wonderful, beautiful best friend of a horse, nuzzled me while I cried, whickered at me, and licked my snotty, teary face like a dog when I looked up at him. I stayed sitting next to him for so long that eventually my darling boy lay down, and I ended up snuggling up to him and looking at the stars for about four hours, telling him all the reasons why I couldn't carry on, and being reminded of all the reasons why I should.
My world was falling apart around my ears last night, and my horse held it up for me.
Now, I love my other horses so so much, but with Roy it's a completely different thing. We absolutely know each other, and I really do feel like there's a piece of me attached to him in some way, and vice versa.
Whenever I feel like I'm on a horrid, scary rollercoaster all by myself, and that if I don't just throw myself off I'll be alone on the ride forever, Roy boy whinnies at me, or rests his head against mine, and it feels like he's squeezed my hand and reminded me that I'm not all alone. I've got my Roy.
So, I'm very sorry for waffling, but I think my Roy boy would like to know that there's something out there that's all about him and how special he is to me. I'm sure he knows how grateful I am, and how much he means to me, but...
thank you Roypers. Here's to you.
The illness I have developed as a result of my reaction to the hair dye has been really getting me down recently. I'm still rushed to hospital at least once a week, I still can't do a full day of anything without going to sleep at some point, and still feel absolutely dreadful the whole time. I don't like asking for help, or admitting that I'm not coping, so I tend to just soldier on, and pour my heart out to Roy when it's all getting too much to bear.
The last two weeks have been absolute hell. I have developed solar urticaria (hopefully not permanent...please god not permanent) now, which was the straw that broke Starzaan's back. Not only am I constantly dizzy, nauseous to the point where the Spag has me surviving on one protein shake a day, shaking like a crack fiend, faint, allergic to oranges6, dark clothing dyes, spices, nuts, and so allergic to PPD that if I go out anywhere I'm constantly jumpy and nervous about encountering someone with the chemical on them, or some sort of black dye or paint, just in case I pop my clogs, but now I also can't go out in the sun. Or, I can, but only if I put factor 50 on, (difficult, as most sun cream contains a derivative of the chemical that I reacted to...problemo.) and cope with the weird fever, shivering, and mental weirdness that goes on when I do go out in the sun. Apparently I turn into a raging mad woman and start slurring almost as badly as I do when I'm tired or have missed a round of drugs... PHITT.
So, I've been in and out of hospital over the last two weeks, and got to the point where I completely and utterly, royally fell apart about it last night. I got to the point where I had literally had enough and would rather have just been hit by a stray meteor or mown down by an angry penguin on a stolen tractor, than carry on with my life as it is at the moment. I ended up going out to see my Roy boy in the dark last night, sobbing so hard I could barely stand up, collapsing at his feet in the middle of the field, wrapping my arms round a foreleg, and bawling my eyes out.
My horse, my magical, wonderful, beautiful best friend of a horse, nuzzled me while I cried, whickered at me, and licked my snotty, teary face like a dog when I looked up at him. I stayed sitting next to him for so long that eventually my darling boy lay down, and I ended up snuggling up to him and looking at the stars for about four hours, telling him all the reasons why I couldn't carry on, and being reminded of all the reasons why I should.
My world was falling apart around my ears last night, and my horse held it up for me.
Now, I love my other horses so so much, but with Roy it's a completely different thing. We absolutely know each other, and I really do feel like there's a piece of me attached to him in some way, and vice versa.
Whenever I feel like I'm on a horrid, scary rollercoaster all by myself, and that if I don't just throw myself off I'll be alone on the ride forever, Roy boy whinnies at me, or rests his head against mine, and it feels like he's squeezed my hand and reminded me that I'm not all alone. I've got my Roy.
So, I'm very sorry for waffling, but I think my Roy boy would like to know that there's something out there that's all about him and how special he is to me. I'm sure he knows how grateful I am, and how much he means to me, but...
thank you Roypers. Here's to you.