Any Shame In Someone Else Riding Your Horse?

C

Cheshire Chestnut

Well-Known Member
Joined
20 October 2013
Messages
2,018
Location
Cheshire
Visit site
In a nutshell: I have a green 6 year old Welsh D who I've started to jump over the last 6 months. He is a normal cheeky and energetic Welshie who likes to try it on when he can. I have 22 years experience riding and used to jump BSJA on my mare, but have since had 6 years off riding and now I'm back I've found I have totally lost my nerve in jumping (sensible gene seems to be on overdrive).

I'm having jumping lessons twice a month and I'm getting confident again, however when I'm alone without an instructor I go to pieces again! My poor boy picks up on my nerves and then gets all jumpy and silly, takes the mick spooking at jump blocks and then refuses small cross poles. There's a 14 year old girl on my yard who's a fabulous and kind rider, she has a pony that she jumps really well with and she's ridden my boy twice and jumped him with success. She's offered to jump him for me so I can watch and then get my confidence up from seeing that he CAN jump and that he's not scared. She said she will do fillers and the water tray on him for the first time too. My instructor said he's more than ready to be pushed now and doing fillers will be a great step for him.

Am I being a complete wimp by not doing them on him first or would me being a nervous wreck end up undoing all our hard work? People have made comments saying that I'm getting this girl to do the 'hard work' for me and that I should do it myself but I don't want to ruin his progress. I personally think it will do him good to have a confident rider on him as he loves jumping, I think I just put him off a bit. I WILL get back to being confident again, it will just take time and I'm not ready yet. Would you think there's a shame in it or is it normal? I've never been in this position before as I was never a nervous jumper in the past!
 
You can only do what you can do!

You know your horse and, I quite agree there is no harm in other people riding a horse. If you have lost your nerve then as you say you feel you are convaying this to your horse, which is why you feel he is taking the mick.

He may also have learnt that if he stops you put everything back in to easy mode for him. I do not see any harm in asking this girl to have ajump on him, it may be the push he needs to learn he cannot do just as he pleases. I apologise if I have got the wrong end of the situation or any of this sounds mean it is not meant in that way at all.

In a nutshell, if you think it is the right thing to do then do not worry at all what other people think!
 
Flosii said:
You can only do what you can do!

You know your horse and, I quite agree there is no harm in other people riding a horse. If you have lost your nerve then as you say you feel you are convaying this to your horse, which is why you feel he is taking the mick.

He may also have learnt that if he stops you put everything back in to easy mode for him. I do not see any harm in asking this girl to have ajump on him, it may be the push he needs to learn he cannot do just as he pleases. I apologise if I have got the wrong end of the situation or any of this sounds mean it is not meant in that way at all.

In a nutshell, if you think it is the right thing to do then do not worry at all what other people think!
Click to expand...


No - this is exactly the point, thanks :) Yeah I just do easy things with him and 'baby' him a bit when it comes to jumping so I don't scare him. Really, it's me that's scared - not him. He just plays on it and takes the mick out of me and then jumps the jumps 4ft in the air! I always just think to myself that I had the same situation with my first pony when I was 13 but I just got on with it and he ended up a jumping machine... So I find myself pondering 'what would my 13 year old self do?' and the easiest solution I can find it the 14 year old on my yard (that is a copy of me when I was her age) on my yard that will do it.
 
Absolutely not, I had someone else on my horse pronto when I realised he was far too good for my meagre talent.

Horse went on to fabulous heights and I was the proud ringside owner jumping up and down cheering him on. Trophies and ribbons on my mantelpiece with no regrets.
 
No, you're not being a wimp. You are recognising your own limitations and thinking of your horse's best interests. It won't do him any favours to learn to run out etc because he picks up on your fear. You might get away with that on an older been-there-done-it horse until you get your confidence back, but he's a youngster so needs to be brought on to be a confident well-behaved horse.

And if he is only ever used to you riding him he's going to have big problems later if you ever sell him or need somebody else to ride him for whatever reason. Just like it's good for us to have experience of lots of different horses, it's good for them to experience different riders. And by the sound of it you've chosen carefully and have found someone who is a good, brave, sympathetic rider. Don't feel, bad, view it as part of his ongoing training and ignore everybody else. We all need some help sometimes.
 
Absolutely not. I had help with my old horse when we went through bad patches. I find it's really helpful not only for the horse but just to see how your horse reacts to things and how the rider deals with problems in turn this can instill confidence to do it yourself. Ie- once you see for sure the horse can jump that certain jump and won't buck or whatever after you are more confident to have a try yourself.
It's tough but try not to listen to other people. To be honest they don't sound that supportive?!
 
Oh, and forgot to say, whose business is it if somebody else is doing the hard work anyway? It's between you and the rider. I bet she doesn't view it as doing all the hard work for you, she just sees a great opportunity to get experience bringing on a green horse and get extra time in the saddle for free! So tell the others to but out and mind their own business!
 
Cowpony said:
Oh, and forgot to say, whose business is it if somebody else is doing the hard work anyway? It's between you and the rider. I bet she doesn't view it as doing all the hard work for you, she just sees a great opportunity to get experience bringing on a green horse and get extra time in the saddle for free! So tell the others to but out and mind their own business!
Click to expand...

Agree with this
 
Thanks everyone :) I just get frustrated with myself thinking about what I would have done back when I was a teenager and how great he would have been as I would have had him at local shows doing clear round by now. If it goes well on Sunday (the day when she's riding him) then it could maybe be a more regular thing, like once a week or something if I find he benifits from it, which I have no doubt he will. He's showing a lot of talent and a flair for jumping so I'm cautious I end up putting him off and it take ages to re-train him later.

Cowpony - I think you're right about me riding another horse. I have a friend who's horse is a 'been there done it' schoolmaster so I might be cheeky and ask if I can have a jump on him or a little lesson to see how I feel. Will do me the world of good to show me jumping isn't scary :)
 
Cowpony said:
Oh, and forgot to say, whose business is it if somebody else is doing the hard work anyway? It's between you and the rider. I bet she doesn't view it as doing all the hard work for you, she just sees a great opportunity to get experience bringing on a green horse and get extra time in the saddle for free! So tell the others to but out and mind their own business!
Click to expand...

Thanks, it's always been a weakness of mine to let people's opinions get to me. He's my pony and I know what's best for him and me, plus you're right - the girl is really excited to ride him again. She wants me to be confident again too (although finds it hard to understand why I'm scared of jumping because she LOVES it) so she's looking forward to it all.
 
Good on you OP. Start small and don't feel pressured into doing anything you don't feel ready for. It's not a race and it's meant to be fun! Good luck. Let us know how it goes.
 
What everybody else says ;) just make sure she has some sort of insurance cover.
I am a confident rider but think I am going to be faced with exactly the same fear as you. I haven't jumped in years and tbh not looking forward to reaching that stage this year with my Sec D so I will see how it goes but won't hesitate to put somebody more confident on him.
 
Not at all. A young girl used to jump one of mine for me. She loved riding in the school and show jumping so I let her. He loved it and so did she and everyone was happy. And it was nice to see what heights he was capable of doing as I wouldn't have dared to have a go at the jumps she was :) oh to be young and brave 😄
 
There is shame in doing this what so ever and anyone who says so is no friend .
Enjoy your horse ,there's a lot of fun in sharing the journey with some one esle .
 
I think there is no shame in it what so ever!! He will enjoy himself, and so will she. Win Win.

I come at it from the other side of the posters above. I currently ride a youngster for someone, just because she doesn't have the time at the moment.

I said to her does she not mind me doing all his "firsts" eg first prelim/first course of jumps etc, and she said she just loves seeing him out enjoying himself and doesn't mind it at all because she can see him having fun and being useful.

Hope that helps :)
 
Firstly OP I applude you for being so honest about yourself and realistic as well. Takes alot to say what you have in your op. Secondly enjoy what you love doing with your horse and let the young rider bring him on jumping. There is nothing wrong with wanting youre horse brought on nicely. Far from it. Hes a lucky horse having a thoughtful owner so happy riding and like some else said maybe you will be a proud owner watching at ringside one day:) x
 
I've never done much jumping, and whilst my mare is quite capable (and she's no youngster) she doesn't sit back enough so seems to lose all forward momentum and tries to stop after every jump. I'm doing a lot of flatwork with her to get her sitting back more and working through properly which should help, but i've got a more experienced friend actually jumping her - I need to concentrate on not falling off/ my position and what she's doing at the moment really doesn't help! So she's schooling her jumping wise for me and I don't give a stuff what anyone else thinks - my mare loves jumping but we can't do it together quite yet. The time will come when we can! And I love seeing her with a better rider than me on her, she looks lovely!
 
All of these reponses have helped massively - thank you! They're made me feel better about the comments people have made, and they've also made me realise I am doing the right thing for him.
Cheiro1 - I wouldn't mind her taking him round a clear round at a local show, I then might have the guts to get on him and do it afterwards!
Babymare - Thanks for your kind words, I'm looking forward to seeing him progress with someone who's not nervous
Cambrica - she has her own insurance with her horse which I'm sure covers her as a rider too, plus he's insured too so there should be some cover should there be an accident *fingers crossed there's not though*

I will let you all know how they get on and if anyone tells me I'm passing off the hard work, then at least I have some good responses and support from H&H people :) x
 
No shame at all - it takes a lot for someone to admit they're not the best person for the job at a certain time. I sent my mare away to a very good friend last summer to start her jumping for me as despite having done it all before with my first pacer, after six years out of the saddle I didn't have the nerve for it at all.

I couldn't be happier with my decision - since she came back in the autumn we've been hunting plenty and have taken on a few ditches and fallen trees. Knowing that someone did such a good job getting her to just doing that makes me more confident (plus having ridden more now my confidence has improved and I'm ready to progress with the jumping by myself).

Go for it and good luck :)
 
I hope there isn't as I'd never get to ride. I only ride other peeps horses. Mainly to either school or compete them often working / competing at a level higher than the owner so the horse gets to know the job.
 
Sometimes it can greatly benefit both horse and rider combinations to have another experienced rider work them for a while, no shame in doing whats best for you and your horse, if you could get someone like Carl Hester or William Fox pitt to work your horse, would you decline because someone might remark on it, im bleeding sure i wouldnt !!
 
No not at all, I work full time and have a 4 yo who can be slightly challenging at times. My yard owner jumps BSJA grade A and is a UK qualified coach so knows her stuff! She rides Nell for me once a week and it's done her the world of good.
 
I'm with PM..I also only ride other peeples horses :)
My friend had the same issues as you and I took over riding her horse ( fondly known as Asbo cob lol) for her. With me he was calm and obedient but with owner he would turn into a nervous wreck and then dump her. My riding him and never getting any misbehaviour just showed her that the problem was not with him but with her anxiety and once she got on top of this the misbehaviour stopped. She did admit that at first she'd hoped that he'd dump me too because then she could say it wasn't her causing the behaviour but in the end she really appreciated how we were and saw it as something to work towards.
There's no shame in it. The rider and your horse will both benefit from it and you are not passing the buck either. It'll all be ok..don't worry :)
 
So an update - the girl rode him and both him and her were fab!!! I was there to set up the jumps as there were 3 of them jumping altogether. I set up and double and then some other jumps that included a scary looking plank and a filler. He refused a few times and tried it on, however she had the confidence to sit there and cling on when she made him jump from a standstill. He was a star and ended up jumping top of the blocks. With him being so good, I then had the confidence to get on him at the end and do the course too. I didn't jump as big but I went round the full thing (including the scary stuff!) and there were no refusals or silly tantums, I was so happy! The girl loved it and certainly didn't think it was 'hard work', she and my boy had a great time and I could tell he loved every minute if it, especially the higher jumps - he soared over them!

Thank you for all of your supportive posts, it was a great decision to ask her to help and I shall be doing it more often in future, especially seen as though it gave me the boost to join in the fun too :D
 
no shame at all....at least you are not in denial and either a) blaming the horse for everything or b) ruining said horse as result of living in denial -both of these would irritate me
if its working for your horse then theres nothing wrong at all well done for being honest with yourself a lot of people could learn a thing or two about that :)
 
Cheshire Chestnut said:
So an update - the girl rode him and both him and her were fab!!! I was there to set up the jumps as there were 3 of them jumping altogether. I set up and double and then some other jumps that included a scary looking plank and a filler. He refused a few times and tried it on, however she had the confidence to sit there and cling on when she made him jump from a standstill. He was a star and ended up jumping top of the blocks. With him being so good, I then had the confidence to get on him at the end and do the course too. I didn't jump as big but I went round the full thing (including the scary stuff!) and there were no refusals or silly tantums, I was so happy! The girl loved it and certainly didn't think it was 'hard work', she and my boy had a great time and I could tell he loved every minute if it, especially the higher jumps - he soared over them!

Thank you for all of your supportive posts, it was a great decision to ask her to help and I shall be doing it more often in future, especially seen as though it gave me the boost to join in the fun too :D
Click to expand...

well done...sounds fab. you'll be soaring over the top of the block before you know it :)
 
Made up for you Cheshire Chestnut. So made up. And hey if young lass goes on to show him more sit back enjoy and watch your lad learn.You have got a tickling vibe to join in and brillant. Your day will come but in mean time watch & enjoy. x
 
Well done OP, so pleased for you. Confidence is a funny thing, so easy to lose, so hard to get back, but it sounds as though you are getting there.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top