Any1 ended a relationship/ job etc because of your horse? I am this week...

I've been with oh 14 years (engaged because we spent wedding money on a horse and a motorbike!). I developed a "i'll kill you with my bare hands look" whenever he mentioned the time spent at the farm. Now he helps out with the fencing and feeding (although I cant get him into a stable), and he's recently started to stroke foalie, which I never thought would happen, but If it ever came down to it I would leave and live in a tent if it meant keeping the horses!
 
I'm very lucky, the first time my OH met my horse he set to straight away pulling the sticky buds out of his mane. A couple of weeks later he rode him, (he'd had ponies as a kid) and couldn't cope with Harley's naturally short stride - so off they cantered, up the road! I was walking - when I caught up Harley was resting a hind leg half asleep and OH was smoking a fag! Since then (seven years in November) we're bought land, a mare for him, bred from her (his idea) bought him a trad cob, sold the cob a couple of years later, the homebred is rising four and he's suggest we break her together this spring.

I certainly do less with the horses than when I was single, but then I think he does less dog training and clay shooting too - got to compromise a bit!

OP - you only get one life, may as well enjoy it!
 
You're entitled to a hobby/passion that doesn't involve a partner. My hubby's glad to get rid of me when I see my horses. One thing though that's vitally important, shower afterwards, put some lippy on and give some undivided attention to your" hubby-child", if YOU think he's worth it - or any man'll bugger off!

If you don't wanna make the effort - get another horse - you'll be happy either way:D
 
I feel thoroughly lucky! My OH not only puts up with me and my horse but when our daughter decided she wanted a pony he came to the sales and picked one out for her - perfect choice!! He would go to the ends of the earth to keep us happy and never complains even when I decide I really really need yet another rug or some boots. If money is tight he'll just ask me to wait until the end of the month etc. He doesn't ride at all, and has no interest in learning too. He spends countless hours with me and daughter, driving us about and asking my horse 'Why the long face?!?!?' - he still finds it hilarious.............we've been together 10 years now and I couldn't imagine life without him. I went through an uncertain time about a year ago just after I'd bought my current horse and he never suggested to sell him just always said 'do what makes you happy'.

To the OP, life is short and if you are truely unhappy then yes I agree with the many others on here - go for it, but be sure you are doing it to make yourself happy.
 
My hubby is NO WAY horsey,he does whinge asI got my horse broken and hardly ride him,and WHINGES & says things such as You put the animaLS BEFORE ME lol .on the other hand,he has put hay out for me a few times.Also when they were out of their field ( some idiots let them out) HE DID TAKE ME UP there in pitch blaCK,I dont drive.. -He checked the fences and made sure knowone could interfere with the gate.He knows the horse and pony will stay for life,he can moan all he likes.
I hope you find a horsey man or someone who understands ,next time around!!!!
 
My OH is constantly moaning about the horses, although I have broken down the amount TEd costs into a weekly format, and he costs no more then £40 a week to keep, so he can stick that up his "£$% in an argument lol.

He did moan constantly after I had the baby as I was struggling with 2 horses and baby, and he told me he didnt want to be poo-picking etc, so I comprimised and now only have Ted, which has been a blessing in disguise.

I was told if I want horse I must go back to work now my moneys run out.....l Im back at work.

I just need him to buy a moto x bike now, so next time he says "you have your horse thats your hobby, what have I got?" I can then go your bike derr!!!

Just he needs major poking to go get one, its driving me nuts lol.

he makes me incredibly happy though, and no longer comes to the horse as thats my get-away.

I think I would always choose horse though, just dont tell him! lol.
 
I may well be doing so soon.... things have not been right for some time, the horse isn't the reason, just an excuse, right now it just seems another thing he can use to criticise me with/for..... at the moment it's the amount of time I'm spending horse hunting. I have friends also looking, with full support from their OH's, but not mine. Last nights tentetive attempt at a Valentines dinner out lasted about 30 mins until he started..... again.... turned a bit frosty after that. It's not that I'm even abandoning him, all I asked was what plans did we have (together) for the weekend, so I could arrange a viewing or two around it, and we were off. Apparently we don't have a life cos I spend all my spare time out looking at horses. :rolleyes:
I went to bed last night thinking I SO don't want to do this for the rest of my life. We've been together for 5 years, I wouldn't put money on the fact we'll reach 6.....
 
Men really are a strange bunch of species, after several years of marriage, as I posted on a thread a while ago, my husband asked me a very silly question, "If I asked you to choose between me or ******, who would you choose?". I realised I would have to answer very carefully "Well of course I would choose you Hun, but I would resent you for ever!!!" Thoughtful pause "that's not a very nice thing to say" to which I replied "well don't ask such daft question". He had since bought himself a motorbike so he does his thing and I do mine, but I make a point of giving up some horsey events to ho canoeing etc with him :(
 
ameeyal said:
Just had to tell you what my husband said yesterday, my horse has just been diagnosed with cushings, my husband has ALWAYS wanted a classic jaguar car at the week end he drew out £20k from the bank because he was going to look at a car, he stood in the living room with this money in his hand and said," i would give up my dream car and £20k to make your horse better, i was really touched.
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that brought a tear to my eye...thats very sweet
 
Thank you all for your different tales of the male folk- very interesting!

Crazy Dancer thats exactly how I'm feeling- I dont want to and won't spend my life feeling this way!

I'm gonna tell him tomorrow :\
 
Done it. Tonight. :(
Good luck, we are being very calm about it for now.... just means a LOTS of upheaval..... but it has been put in motion.

PM me if you need any moral support.
xxx
 
Oh, forgot to say, the major down-side is that I really think it's sensible to put the horse hunting on hold :( I will have enough on my plate selling house/s, relocating, moving my retired horse, without having the worry of another one.
:(:(:(:(

ETA - it was going to be our 5th anniversay of when we got together this Friday.
 
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KevinA27 said:
Good luck, I'm in the middle of that lot ~ what a pain :mad:

Kev
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Sure will be. I may well be heading back to Berks, I will need some contacts to find a suitable place for my boy, I'll keep you in mind!!! :p
I'm still so torn between getting a new horse and not - it may take some time before everything is sorted and I can move on.... and horses are my sanity, it would be so nice to be able to go ride when I need to. I can still hug my retired one, but not quite the same. But it would be extra cost, and another 'person' to worry about. :confused:
Anyway, seem to have hi-jacked the thread a bit, good luck to you today Sugarlump. x
 
think i couldnt have stumbled across this thread at a better time.

Spent last night in our bed alone, he was on the sofa (by his OWN choosing, which is a new one..... things are much worse than i thought) he left for work this morning without saying goodbye.... our disagreements can last a whole week of icy silence as we're both too stubborn to apologise.

Things between me and him havent been right for a long time.... now we have a baby on the way and i cant decide if i've doomed myself to a lifetime of misery or just doomed yet another child to being brought up by a single parent on a shoestring.

We too struggled through an edgy valentines. the slightest comment (i cant even remember what) destroyed the night. went to the supermarket for a shop and again, what started off as a nice outing turned volatile over something as stupid as him buying too many packs of red bull.

He was quite into my horse when we first started seeing each other, but now i think the novelty has worn off. he only started coming to the yard again when he found out i was pregnant; it wasnt in a helping manner but more of an overprotective, controlling way to make sure i wasnt doing anything stupid. But, yet again, novelty worn off. Never mind the fact that i support him at rallies, freezing my giblets off and insanely bored, i put up with his long hours in the garage playing with his own rally car, helping all of his friends with theirs, then getting angry that they never repay the favour.

I've really hit breaking point, and was all set to go home to my parents this afternoon for a very long weekend to show him just how much i do for him in this house (tho i imagine he'll just go over to his mum's for food and laundry....) but now the horse has done something to a foreleg and is on three-and-a-half legs, and i dont feel comfortable leaving him in someone else's care until i know he's ok. so i guess i'll just have to weather it out here for a few more days.

I've made the decision in the past, i sold my last horse for an ex. and its a mistake i will never, ever make again. Just need to decide what the hell to do with the current mess my life has assumed.

Something truly cathartic about spilling everything on here..... apologies for boring you all to death. Hope all goes well for you OP, i think deep down i might actually be quite jealous of you :) xx
 
Can I first of all thank everyone for sharing what they have, it really means alot.
Im wondering if Im friends with any of you on f book, Im carla (dont wana put surname) with a pink horse profile pic- gimmie a shout if you are or pm me if you want it so I can thank you personally! Dont make anythin obvious tho as I have some of his relatives on there :\ lol!

Alj7 thanks again for sharing, you brought a tear to my eye. I think this is about us looking at what we have and if its what is making us happy... and realising that we CAN change things. I got rid of an ex after 7 years and that was so hard to do as it meant loosing 2 horses. Looking back I wish I'd have done it sooner, I miss the horses and would buy them back if i was ever in a position to but my well being and happiness had to come first and I suppose its similar in a way with kids- they'd rather have mummy and daddy apart but happy. You need to do what you want deep down. It may seem like a big mess but things can be sorted out, a little at a time.

Cai thanks for asking, I have told him but its not sinking in for him... hes saying he'll try harder etc but this isn't about that its me that doesn't want this relationship.
Thankfully I put on hold the house we were moving into (which thankfully was possible as will be renting off my dad) for months as deep down even 6 months ago I knew the relationship has run its course. I do love him Im just not in love with him.
This will take afew days- just hoping he doesn't get nasty...

And Crazy Dancer OMG!! Well done that must have taken so much for you to do that so soon, yr an insparation! Yr not too far from me either Im in Cannock. Are you on f book?
Would like to hear updates on so much I have read about but don't always have the time to come on hho.

Thanks hho's yr all fab! ;)
 
Sugarlump, glad to hear you made the first steps and sounding strong.... for me this isn't a quick thing, we've been having problems for some time really. Sounds like you're not that far... I'll PM you some contact details, then you know how to reach me if you need to get out for a chat sometime. I'm a bit isolated here, moved here because of OH, and all the friends I have here are his, although I have become close with some (and one in particular, we share a love of horses!) they are still his support network, not mine.
Fingers crossed you can work this through with him without too much strife.
xx
 
Crazydancer and Sugarlump121 - well done for having the courage to put your own happiness and wellbeing first and to make a difficult move. I hope the inevitable fall out of serious relationship is as simple as could be hoped for.

Alj7: I think that happy people make the best parents and the best horse owners. I'm a firm believer in the old saying about changing the things you can't accept, accepting the things you cannot change and having the grace to know the difference. Breaking up with someone to restore your happiness is not an easy road, but while it's tough at first, the lifetime along that path is infinitely better than the 'simpler' don't change things option. Hope whatever decision you take, that you, OH and peanut are all healthy and happy 80)
 
Breaking up with someone is never easy however if your not happy then go for it. I'm a great believer that life is too short so do what makes you happy however hard it may be to do. I have to say my first horse that i had who was so special to me (who i had to sell when i had my second baby) used to vet all my boyfriends and if they didnt pass the ''chester test'' then they were gone he could always pick a good one he picked my husband out for me. My husband is in no way horsey but although he jokes ''bloody horses'' he supports me and my children fully in our horsey hobby!!! We now have a pony for my Children to share and he regularly comes to see them on him and always gives them encouragement he's also supporting me in trying to find my old horse ''chester''. So trust your instincts and your horses they'll know when you have a keeper!!! Good Luck xx
 
VVD and Archaft thank you so much :)

He's still contacting me every day which isn't good as its tearing at my heart strings :( but I know its for the best as I wasn't trully happy even though I still love him.

I've no regrets but its just hard x
 
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