At what point would you, a parent draw the line?

Depends on the variables...
-age of the child?
-what do you expect from child regarding their involvement with their horse?
-what has caused the loss of interest? Could it be loss of confidence in disguise if something happened? or increased school work/love life? maybe something else (school bullying/other worries) has caused some emotional withdrawal ("depression" may be too strong a word or maybe not?)
Open up a dialogue... give your child time to respond once you have calmly explained your expectations. Listen carefully to their response in view of the above and take it from there, you may need to read between the lines if they like to say what they think you want to hear. If the child genuinely isn't interested anymore then you need to plan the horses future (loan/share/sell/keep as companion).
I bought our lad to share with my daughter, if she loses interest he's mine, when she eventually moves on I will consider those options. Meanwhile we can have fun together. Good luck, hope you can rekindle their enthusiasm.
 
Not sure what you mean??
I was always told I do jobs, not just ride. And if something else started to take priority or school was affected then they would be sold.


On the other side, I think if they aren't that bothered then you are keeping them for you, so don't nag for the child to be interested just because you have PC aspirations!
They can always come back to it and buy another pony. But if you force the issue it will never be fun.
 
Can't say for sure as mine aren't really old enough yet. They have a pony but don't ride often (partly my selfish fault and partly due to the vile weather that we've had for the last nine months or so). They're not horse mad like I was as a child, but they like riding and want to ride every time there's a pony in front of them.

But, I had to borrow a stable for a couple of weeks off a relative of the OH, and quite frankly, I would have kicked the arse of their daughter! This fourteen year old has two, the first week they stayed out in the field, fine, then they were brought in and in they stayed for a few days. The teen had time to ride one in the morning before school but not muck out, hay or water. This was left to the dairy hand who didn't get round to it 'til getting on for midday (and he only did it 'cause non one else had!). One evening the same happened, I was there 'til about eight o'clock when the dairy hand mentioned that the teen had 'forgotten' that she has two horses and again he had to hay and water them (he didn't muck out, but why should he, it's not his job!) It wouldn't have been so bad if she'd put them out in the day, but she didn't want them to get dirty.

If she were my child I would have banned her from using the stables ('cause when out at least they have access to grass and water constantly) and if the level of care continued to be poor I would sell her horses. But the girl is not entirely to blame because she is allowed to get away with it with someone covering her chores when she 'forgets' :mad:

This, of course, is not a lack of interest (she's very interested in hunting and competing) but laziness and lack of care, which is worse.
 
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Teenager, just starting GCSE's,horse has been sidelined, teenager has also discovered boys. Doesn't come up in the afternoons very often after school. Skips out in 5 mins (that's everything, hay feeds included), and goes.
Horse is feeling lack of attention and has started lashing out at gate.
Parents are aware and considering selling, and don't have time for horse either.
 
IMO this needs to be discussed calmly with the teenager when everyone has time to consider every angle.....throwing out an ultimatum as teenager leaves house to meet friends is not 'discussion'!!! It may well be time for the pony to move to another keen younger rider....or it may bring present owner to realise she wants to continue and is prepared to shoulder the responsibility.....but it is the parents responsibility to do this...
 
Ppp if you read this thread, that's why

Life does get in the way a bit as you get older but the dedicated teens balance things nicely like my friend ppp who not only manages blooming good grades and study but looks after keeps fit and competes her own horse, kept at livery and other than basic rent works to fund it all herself. Oh and fits in the odd sleep over, cinema trip, meal out. This is why when she needs a hand if i'm able I don't mind giving her one. Some kids don't deserve their horses.
 
Try explaining quietly and calmly that this isn't fair on the horse and if she can't work him he must go to someone who can. Given her a set period of time to think about it - days not weeks - and talk again at the end. If she will commit to him rather than sell him - fine. If not - now is a good time to sell.

As a parent of a teenager myself (although she has not lost interest, freinds have) don't fall for the share or loan line. It will only be a couple of years before she is off to Uni or wherever and you are stuck with Ned anyway.

Sad though it is I think sometimes we just have to accept that they move on.
 
As a parent of a teenager who did her gcse's last year (now studying A levels) she managed both very well. She did drop hockey for a few months though to study more & dumped her boyfriend because he moaned that she spent more time with the pony! (He was never going to win that argument!!)

From being 5yrs old when we first got a pony she has always known that the day she can't be arsed with it, is the day it goes up for sale. I've too little time & money to keep a pony for no-one to be interested. Saying that, we always make sure she has a balance & spends time with her friends too. For example in the winter she will ride every other night & the nights she doesn't ride she will go out with friends after she has put him to bed. It's helps her being in 6th form where she has time to do all her assignments in free periods.

If she were mine, I would sell or loan it out & make sure the time she should have spent with the horse is now being spent studying more not just out with friends/boys
 
When my daughter lost interest in her last pony (admittedly he was a real plod), I sold him and bought one for me. Daughter then decided that new one was much more fun and now competes on him. However, she is rubbish at pulling her weight when it comes to looking after him but I know that I'm to blame. She wouldn't have had a pony in the first place if it hadn't been for me wanting to be around horses again. I enjoy going up the yard - it's my 'me' time.

So, in answer to the question, if the parent doesn't want or have the time to look after the pony - sell it! My daughter often says 'why can't we have another one', and I reply, 'no way - I'd end up doing all the work'.
 
This is an interesting question. Not my daughter but one rides my pony. I don't feel the passion or commitment to improve is there. I am on the verge of saying its not working (because my pony is being ruined by poor riding). The pony is for my daughter so I don't want her ruined, I suppose it would be different if she was my daughter. Hard to know what to do :(
 
I was a teenage when I got my first pony and worked my guts off to keep her! Personally, if I were the parents I would sell it, she's clearly not interested, and its a shame for the pony. My auntie has just got rid of my cousin's pony because of similar circumstances, I don't think may cousin even noticed he had gone.:rolleyes:
 
Every parent with teenage children goes through this at some point. I had 2 teenage girls & both did GCSE's & discovered boys. One drifted away from horses & the other managed to balance her studies with looking after & riding our horse. This one actually found it theraputic to come down & ride as it cleared her head & gave her a break from studies.

You cannot expect the same amount of time as normal to be spent with the horse because these exams are much more important & map out their future so you have to expect some changes in the amount of time they spend there. Give your daughter time & hopefully she will come back to riding as this may be a phase she's going through. This can also be the end of riding as so many children decide the move to something else at this age & leave riding. Sometimes they come back after a few years break & sometimes they don't.
 
I had this with my son, he was pony mad, had his first pony at 8 was totally committed, outgrew her and got a 2nd, he wanted to go further and this mare wasn't taking him there so got a 3rd, then the teenage years crept up on him and I was left caring for all of them. Unfortunately pony had been injured beyond repair so was not saleable, 2nd horse was saleable so he was given the choice to use her or lose her, he chose lose her, so she was sold to a lovely home, pony went off to very very good friends as a companion and is still there now. 3rd horse I kept as I also ride her and so i'm now down to just the 1. Hence user name 3~2~1
 
I'd draw the line if the horse or pony's welfare was being compromised or if I was struggling to afford a pony for kids who really weren't that interested. I also wouldn't want to keep a high maintenance competition type horse or pony for a child who wanted to do the odd local show & have the occasional hack as it wouldn't be fair.

My younger girls are fair weather riders. In the summer, they ride both days at the weekend and occasionally after school but in the winter they either don't ride or go on the occasional hack. They enjoy riding, are fond of their ponies but are not passionate about riding or competing. Their ponies live out (on full livery so they get continuity of care) and are just starting to be ridden after a winter off. I wouldn't be prepared for them to be kept in & clipped during the winter - it wouldn't be fair on them as they are not ridden enough. Ponies & daughters both seem perfectly happy so I'm fine with the situation.

Their older sister is more interested / committed (rides 3 to 5 days a week & works for a local pro in return for training). Her mare is clipped & stabled & they compete as often as they can. She would happily keep her mare on DIY as she enjoys looking after her but, as she is too young to drive so relies on us giving her lifts to and from the yard, it would not be practical for us as a family.
 
My daughter had ridden from a toddler, whiles she was little the chores were down to me, as she got old enough she did bits of care for her pony but ultimately it was still down to me, my fault for not insisting she did her share. She enjoyed competing and rode well, the ponies got bigger before her time as she was soooo tall. At the point of needing to change ponies I always asked if she really wanted another as I wouldn't force her to ride, the answer was always Yes (what a surprise) and so another would come along. Still it was down to me (mug) and when the first horse arrived (16.1) after the 14.2 it was a big step up for us both. He was a thug and took some manners being taught but daughter stuck with him and he was a lovely horse, for her. Exams started to come along, she started to want to be out with her mates and as her Dad was very ill she was allowed time out and I still had the horse to do (sigh) but at that point even though she wasn't doing her share of the care side I felt she needed her horse to take her away from her Dads illness so I carried on letting her get away with it. Dad sadly passed away during her GCSE's and she then decided she couldn't continue with her A level studies and wanted to go to Hartpury instead, which she then did, wanting to take the horse with her. I refused to let him go, it would not have been a suitable environment for him and she needed to concentrate on her studies, so he was sold as I couldn't ride him, to the first person that viewed him as he was nice. Best thing I could have done for him and he's still in the same home who we keep in touch with. Since then (5 yrs) she has not had her own horse as moved into live in jobs but I have never been forgiven for selling him, nor I suspect I ever will!
 
Daughter has just turned 8. From being able to walk, it was always accepted that riding meant 'helping' to groom etc. Except for emptying full barrows & heavy stuff like bales of straw, she's done everything for hers by herself since she was 6, & before that always helped. Eg I would muck out for her, she did my feeds or water etc. Tbh though she hasn't needed encouraging, she's pony mad. She'd always had one to ride & care for, when she got first official full loan pony at 4, it was on the understanding it was her responsibility. If she just wanted to ride once or twice a week, then she could do that on other ponies available & only help when she rode. She knows I won't sell hers, & I've never had to threaten her with it, tbf she's very dedicated. But I have told her if she gets bored of ponies, hers will become mine. And whilst I'd let her ride it as/when if she did some jobs that day, the whole 'my pony' or any decisions would end.
 
I would talk to the child... Give advanced notice of the intention to loan/ sell if she doesn't buck
up. If no improvement within agreed timescale then the pony goes. My daughter is thirteen, and knows that I will not keep horses as ornaments when they can be enjoyed by others.. But of course she hasn't discovered boys yet!!
 
Certainly talk to the child and explain that as it's not fair on the horse if he's not ridden x times a week and groomed etc every day he'll have to be sold. Then she can make the choice.
Sensible parents to consider selling rather than force their child to do something they aren't interested in at the moment.
The wonderful thing about our hobbie/ sport is that you can come back to it at any age - plenty of threads on here about people who'd not ridden for 10/30 years coming back to it. The child can always go back to riding after the exam/boy phase is over.
 
These replies are all from the adults. GCSE's arent the end of the world. Up to my GCSE exams I would set off for school at 7.30, get back at 4.45 (4 if we got the odd lift back.) I would do my homework in the car and bus, and during lunchtimes (only one a week, as i had sport the other 4days). If there were sports matches after school Id be back at 6.30 ish. Id then help with mums riding school until 7 on weds-fri, and all day sunday. I still managed to ride 6 days a week (1 compulsory rest day). And thats working him hard for an hour. Admittedly I valued getting my work done in school a lot more important than boys :)

When I did A-levels I moved to my dads, so didnt help at the RS. There is a lot more coursework and the homwork is harder, but I still managed to train the Yr7 girls ruby team, play rugby myself 2/3 times a week, help at the vets one evening a week and ride maybe 5 times a week, and a job for 10hrs a week. Then again, horses and sport took priority over a social life. I am now in my 4th year of uni, and I think I made the right choices.

I think you can balance work life and boys well (I live in the middle of no-where so I couldnt practically go out, even if i wanted to). At the end of the day, boys dont secure you your grades and university degree!
 
It's a pity no one has yet written a book for teenagers, 'How to balance School, horses and your social life'..
My concern is for the horse, rarely ridden, rarely groomed, out until after dark yesterday. She's already moody, now she's worse, she see's her field mates come in and getting attention, and looks so sad. She's only 6 with a whole ridden career ahead. When I speak to teenager, she does love the horse, it's just life is getting in the way. I think deep down she knows it's not fair on the horse, but she doesn't want her to go.
It's such a sad state of affairs, if I could help them I would, I have made some suggestions to them in ways as in finding a sharer or putting her on loan to stay on current yard, to help keep her in the family. She's up for sale as far as I know.
 
The thing is with exams, it depends on the teen. I had 2 horses, got paid to do jobs with others, & rode mine & others a lot. And from 16 worked in a bar between 3 & 5 nights a week. I put zero effort into exams. The big 'but' though is that I was able to get top grades without revision, & at a-level chose subjects like maths, rather than foreign language because I knew I found them easier. If my child was the same, I'd let her put minimum effort in. If however she turns out to need to work at that age, I would ensure she had time to do so.
 
Shadeyoak said:
It's a pity no one has yet written a book for teenagers, 'How to balance School, horses and your social life'..
My concern is for the horse, rarely ridden, rarely groomed, out until after dark yesterday. She's already moody, now she's worse, she see's her field mates come in and getting attention, and looks so sad. She's only 6 with a whole ridden career ahead. When I speak to teenager, she does love the horse, it's just life is getting in the way. I think deep down she knows it's not fair on the horse, but she doesn't want her to go.
It's such a sad state of affairs, if I could help them I would, I have made some suggestions to them in ways as in finding a sharer or putting her on loan to stay on current yard, to help keep her in the family. She's up for sale as far as I know.
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TBH, I think you're anthropomophising here.
Apart from being left in the field when companions have gone in, VERY few horses would care about any of this. All they need is adequate food and water with company of their own kind.
Obviously if the teenager has lost interest and the parents were never really involved (which imo is likely to be part of the problem) the best thing is for the horse to be sold, which apparently it is.
 
When I started to loan B (last Sept) both me and his owner were doing our AS levels. Maybe you could discuss with her about getting a share and then say to her that it would be her responsibility to sort out her pony on the days that the sharers doesn't do?
I absolutely love riding and don't have a massive social life, if I am going to ride when people ask me to do something I will make it clear that unless i can ride later, the horse does come first :)
Hope you can sort it all out
 
My two are 7 and 9 and have had their own pony/ies for just over 18 months,but both ridden since they were 4.They ride 6 days a week,including 1 lesson,and are expected to bring in,groom and tack up,ride,then turn back out again and do the feeds.I do the poo picking normally because they take so long and I enjoy having the time to myself with the ponies.

They both know how lucky they are to have ponies and know that if they lose interest,the loan pony will go back and I will keep knobberpony for myself. I will not sell her because she is 23 and I love her too much to be without her.I gave up riding at 11,then came back to it over 30 years later.
 
i managed to do my horse and gcse's at the same time... and my a-levels with a boyfriend and 2 horses in full work and i was working aswell... tbh if my mum had told me she was going to sell them because i wasnt interested i would have made damn well sure that that horse was ridden and cared for daily because i wouldnt be able to go through with selling them... i dont know as i wouldnt have let it get to that point but im not a parent :o
 
hm my views may be controversial.... I was mad for horses from the age of 3 if not younger. From 11 spent all weekends, evenings, holidays mucking out and tack cleaning for the possibility of grooming, leading or - gasp!- riding. Had to wait til 43 to have my own. But i foisted a horse on my daughter aged 13 because I could. she isnt me, she doesnt have the same urge I had then. IMHO many parents push their children into horses, for all sorts of reasons. we might all be better off if only those who would chop off their right arm to have a horse (as I would have done as a teen) actually have them. it IS hard for children these days, exams mean so much. They are important. as a parent you have to understand this and either organise some support for the horse or face up to things and take the pressure off your child. There is a point somewhere between 0 and 18 where the parent should step back and let the child decide - i am pretty sure it is somewhere after 11 but how much later is the most difficult question many of us have to answer.
 
I lost a bit of interest last year when my horse was on box rest for 3 months and I had my A levels, in that time I went out with my friends every night and started living the life of a typical teen, this then got me thinking I wanted to give up ( I mean who wouldn't want to give up the 6am starts and 9pm finishes:rolleyes:)so parents sat me down and we spoke about it to which I realised I couldn't live without my horses and I'm very glad I made that decision.

So my advice would be as sit down and talk it through, give her something to think about and if she is really dedicated she will stick at it and if not the horse goes
 
As a parent I would draw the line at not wanting/able to ride the horse BUT mine are kept at home with their own sand school so much easier for them. I have 2 daughters, 19 & 15. They have had their own ponies since toddlers. Both of them will always ride but the stable duties can get left to me.

My girls were/are at school till 5 and also have Saturday school, I don't work and am their groom. Both girls can and do sort the whole yard out on their own if I am out or away. I do think kids get it hard these days GCSE's seem to gone for 2 years with all the modules. I honestly think it must be hard if the horses are at livery and the girl has very little parental input.

A 6 year old is hard and time consuming perhaps she feels completely lost and doesn't know where to go from here. If the horse is up for sale then at least her and her parents are trying to sort things out and they should be given credit for this. Horses are so hard work day in and day out and without parental support very difficult. Not every child rider is destined to go on and be an adult rider. I hope it gets sorted.
 
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