Barn witches and yard bitches!

Crackajack

Crackajack

Well-Known Member
Joined
7 June 2010
Messages
568
Visit site
Im so sorry for this rant but I am totally sick and tired of people who think it is their job to bully people at the stables....

I helped this Swedish woman out to move her horse to our stables and she took the stable next to me....since then all I have had is god damn problems...abusive messages via Facebook and she even screamed and shouted in front of my face - how i kept my cool I dont know!

Why is it that people come down to the stables and feel it is a place to socialise/bully/tell you what you should or shouldn't do?

Is it so hard to expect people to stay away from my horse, keep out of my stable and to stay out of my way when Im trying to care/play/train my horse?
 
And what does the yard manager say about this? Seriously, I would not be at a yard where anyone was allowed to get away with shouting on the yard. Our horses deserve to live in peaceful surroundings at the very least...but to allow one livery to shout at/bully another is ridiculous.

Personally, I would not keep cool and quiet. I would laugh right in her face and tell her to grow the hell up and get out of my space. She does it because people let her do it. Stop letting her do it.
 
Yard bullies/bitches are a nightmare - however, I agree with GG that standing up to her is your best way forward. You don't have to shout back, but you can get the message across firmly that her behaviour is unacceptable and could she please be respectful and polite.

I get that people can fall out - that's normal and acceptable - what isn't acceptable is nastiness. If you don't like someone, fair enough - just leave them alone.

Sigh.

P
 
_GG_ said:
And what does the yard manager say about this? Seriously, I would not be at a yard where anyone was allowed to get away with shouting on the yard. Our horses deserve to live in peaceful surroundings at the very least...but to allow one livery to shout at/bully another is ridiculous.
Click to expand...

Exactly. This behaviour would not be tolerated on any yard I've been at (all diy).
 
You can meet some seriously nasty people. We had a spate of food being stolen from our metal bins. One young blonde girl spouted about how she'd only bought 4 bags of feed all winter for her wb. We went to yo, did not name names, but explained the situation and asked to put locks on our bins, which she agreed to. Blonde came down, saw the locks and went mental even though no one accused her of theft.

I seemed to get the brunt having the stable next to her. She and her dealer partner spent a week mucking out chatting about how they were going to beat up the people who had accused them of theft (we hadn't even though we knew it was her). Went to yo, explained situation, were gone in a week. They left huge unpaid livery bill, had taken other stuff as well. Dealer bloke had abused yard by pretending to clients her owned yard and that woman sweeping was groom, whereas really was yo. Also used to pretend we were his liveries.

We also had an issue with her, she used to try and dominate sand school. Everyone could book it for sole use for an hour a week, and in my turn she thought she could come in without asking. Didn't work, I'm not the type to be intimidated by a bimbo. Was a all gear/no idea type, all mouth. Not easy but you just have to learn to be tough without being aggressive.
 
I have never experienced this with other liveries, although I have with one yard owner who thought he could shout at people when he'd had a couple of drinks - needless to say, we all left in fairly short order.

I think you do need a thick skin and a faint "don't mess with me" aura on some yards. My instinct is always to tell people to grow up but I usually don't as it can be counter-productive. Body language can be a useful tool however and I do tend to square up to bullies in the same way that I would if my horse was being "rude" in the field or on the lunge and I wanted to send him away. Give it a whirl!
 
Unfortunately it's all to common in the horsey world, I have had the misfortune to come across a couple of really vicious types and I have found the only way to deal with them is to stand up to them and let them know you won't put up with their behaviour. Pip6 did you have an issue with her hair :) just joking!
 
I've no idea why there is a need by some people to behave like they do on yards. I've been on some yards with awful people and some really lovely ones too.

we all know the horrid ones can spoil it for everyone.

I've been bullied, horse had things put in his food and water (soon moved!)

Had a YO's OH scream and shout at me (because I thought my horse was lame and he didn't)

Luckily the worst thing that happens at my yard now is someone that goes back and tells others (with a horrid twist) every innocent thing that 'you' say about them. ie someone might say oh X is later than normal today turns into X is so late its not fair on the horse. At least now everyone else knows what person is like, but at first it caused a few bad feelings

I am one of those people that always always gets the blame even when I've had nothing to do with 'it' luckily Ive been there so long now everyone knows I do so make a point of being sure before blaming me
 
moleskinsmum said:
I think you do need a thick skin and a faint "don't mess with me" aura on some yards. My instinct is always to tell people to grow up but I usually don't as it can be counter-productive. Body language can be a useful tool however and I do tend to square up to bullies in the same way that I would if my horse was being "rude" in the field or on the lunge and I wanted to send him away. Give it a whirl!
Click to expand...

This is great advice :) I've let myself be trodden on in the not so distant past and really I should've squared up and said what was what. It would've nipped the following drama in the bud. The things you learn with hindsight.
 
fattylumpkin said:
This is great advice :) I've let myself be trodden on in the not so distant past and really I should've squared up and said what was what. It would've nipped the following drama in the bud. The things you learn with hindsight.
Click to expand...

We've all been there and mostly, those of us that have, will end up there again because that's just who we are...but each time, for me at least, I am quicker to see and quicker to stop what is clearly just unacceptable.
 
I once had YM's OH come down to where I worked and mouth off at me in front of my staff and a shop full of customers... ok, so he was 'stressed' but that wasn't my problem and the things he accused me of were downright lies. He did us a favour really, that was our cue to move to the farm livery we have been at ever since and wouldn't now swap for anywhere else.
 
I once stabled at my best friends yard (she owns it) along with two other women. They seemed really nice.

One of the horses went lame and my friend kindly texted the owner to say that she wouldn't be riding on the weekend and the owner could borrow her horse, a stunning grey Warmblood who was the most easy and sweet boy.

She then received a text, obviously not meant for her, saying "that spoilt little madame is so stuck up, she demanded that I school her horse for her because she's too lazy."

It was quite unbelievable. I was with my friend when she sent the text and it was genuinely a kind offer. She even suggested she go on a nice hack.

People are crazy?
 
as a YO i wouldnt out up with this sort of behaviour- i select liveries i know will suit the yard and so far we havent had any problems. everyone gets on really well. we are small 12 stables which helps- i can imagine to do this on a large yard would be more difficult. i would definately be speaking to your YO. my motto is that horses should be a pleasurable thing- they cost too much not to be! good luck x
 
I live in Malta guys so we dont have the same yard set up as back home.....there are only a limited amount of yards to move to with each one being worse in another way than the last!
I chose this yard and have been there for over 2 years now because it is a block of only three stables and is away from the main yard so I get peace and quiet - there has been more than just this happening...in fact I am ashamed to say this woman has been bullying me for some time now and as I have a new horsey coming I will have to be brave and stand up

I just don't understand people's attitudes - I pick the best yard for my horse and go the the yard for my horse....not to gossip, critise other people, pass my judgement etc

So to continue the story - the farmer built a new tackroom for her and yet she has (while I havent had a horse) stored her stuff around my tackroom and at the back of her tackroom and at the side of her stable....to the point that its blocking access to my tackroom!!
Do I:

A. Move her stuff away from my tackroom but say nothing in the hope she will get the hint and not put it back
B. Move her stuff away and replace it with mine
C. Confront her
D. Do nothing and suffer in silence

My friend suggested I remove her outdoor storage box and put it behind her tackroom where the rest of her stuff is stored and then replace it with mine but instead of putting feed/rugs inside, to instead put rocks/stones inside and lock it so she cant move it and tell her nothing - if she doesn't say anything then Ive "won" so to speak....

To give you an idea of how nasty this woman is please read the below messages she sent me because I refused to remove my stuff from the tackroom as I was still paying for it because her friend, who I was forced into letting use my stable, wanted it to store her stuff. She was complaining as all her stuff was being damaged inside her tackroom as she was sharing space....

No promise was made and the 10 year old kid had no idea about this tackroom...

just been discussing with ann... you went on your word ... not good for you... be sure that it will be known about for people in the horsey world not to trust you... you burnt a 10 year old girl ... not me as you thought... you are such cowards you and elaine for not coming down but we called janey directly and no matter how many blow jobs elaine will give to anyone the truth about you blaming janey and how you made a promise to a kid and broke it... be sure it will be out
Jane
08/02/2014 19:31
Jane
no matter who you contact on this island now they will know your word is for nothing.... cause for maltes to treat a kid as you did that is a big sin.... proset
Jane
08/02/2014 19:39
Jane
btw we will be checking now so all our stuff is there all the time and that the horses are not injured cause we dont trust you not hurting horses for your cursaid... can you hurt a kid you can hurt an animal
Jane
08/02/2014 19:48
Jane
no matter who smiles at you at charlie still thinks you are an ******* doing this to a kid so people might say yes but they despise you for doing this vicki when it was so easily solved and Ann even offering to store it for you... you never ever go on a kid down here...
ok so you have read it ... now face the fact to apoligize to Louise for your fake promise.. which you will never have th guts to do
have a nice evening and talk soon

I might add this is the mild section of the conversation lol

Im at a loss as to how to handle this situation and I am trying to ignore my instincts to go to war/take revenge because it means lowering myself to her standards and wasting time on an idiot
 
Crackajack said:
I live in Malta guys so we dont have the same yard set up as back home.....there are only a limited amount of yards to move to with each one being worse in another way than the last!
I chose this yard and have been there for over 2 years now because it is a block of only three stables and is away from the main yard so I get peace and quiet - there has been more than just this happening...in fact I am ashamed to say this woman has been bullying me for some time now and as I have a new horsey coming I will have to be brave and stand up

I just don't understand people's attitudes - I pick the best yard for my horse and go the the yard for my horse....not to gossip, critise other people, pass my judgement etc

So to continue the story - the farmer built a new tackroom for her and yet she has (while I havent had a horse) stored her stuff around my tackroom and at the back of her tackroom and at the side of her stable....to the point that its blocking access to my tackroom!!
Do I:

A. Move her stuff away from my tackroom but say nothing in the hope she will get the hint and not put it back
B. Move her stuff away and replace it with mine
C. Confront her
D. Do nothing and suffer in silence

My friend suggested I remove her outdoor storage box and put it behind her tackroom where the rest of her stuff is stored and then replace it with mine but instead of putting feed/rugs inside, to instead put rocks/stones inside and lock it so she cant move it and tell her nothing - if she doesn't say anything then Ive "won" so to speak....

To give you an idea of how nasty this woman is please read the below messages she sent me because I refused to remove my stuff from the tackroom as I was still paying for it because her friend, who I was forced into letting use my stable, wanted it to store her stuff. She was complaining as all her stuff was being damaged inside her tackroom as she was sharing space....

No promise was made and the 10 year old kid had no idea about this tackroom...

just been discussing with ann... you went on your word ... not good for you... be sure that it will be known about for people in the horsey world not to trust you... you burnt a 10 year old girl ... not me as you thought... you are such cowards you and elaine for not coming down but we called janey directly and no matter how many blow jobs elaine will give to anyone the truth about you blaming janey and how you made a promise to a kid and broke it... be sure it will be out
Jane
08/02/2014 19:31
Jane
no matter who you contact on this island now they will know your word is for nothing.... cause for maltes to treat a kid as you did that is a big sin.... proset
Jane
08/02/2014 19:39
Jane
btw we will be checking now so all our stuff is there all the time and that the horses are not injured cause we dont trust you not hurting horses for your cursaid... can you hurt a kid you can hurt an animal
Jane
08/02/2014 19:48
Jane
no matter who smiles at you at charlie still thinks you are an ******* doing this to a kid so people might say yes but they despise you for doing this vicki when it was so easily solved and Ann even offering to store it for you... you never ever go on a kid down here...
ok so you have read it ... now face the fact to apoligize to Louise for your fake promise.. which you will never have th guts to do
have a nice evening and talk soon

I might add this is the mild section of the conversation lol

Im at a loss as to how to handle this situation and I am trying to ignore my instincts to go to war/take revenge because it means lowering myself to her standards and wasting time on an idiot
Click to expand...

Based on that I wouldn't be doing anything behind her back. I would be upfront and grow the biggest pair of balls in the world and just have it out with her...in front of everyone, not alone. I wouldn't shout, I wouldn't scream and I definitely wouldn't swear, but damn right I would be doing it all in the open and asking her what the hell her problem is, to get her stuff away from mine and leave me in peace.
 
Absolutely, do NOT do anything underhand or to retaliate, no matter how much you want to and how much she deserves it. With the approach she's taking you need to be pure as the driven snow to prove she's full of crap - if she has even the smallest thing to hold against you (that is true) then I expect she'll be on it like a terrier. If she can make this much out of nothing, imagine what she could do with something!
 
OMG that's crazy! I would move her stuff neatly into her tack room, put yours in your tack room and padlock the door.

If the space outside the stable is also meant to be yours, I would move her box and put yours there, doing as your friend suggested. A layer of breeze blocks under the rugs etc should stop her moving it! Padlock the box too.

Then tell the yard owner that although you lent her your tack room and box area whilst you didn't have a horse, your new horse is arriving soon and so you've moved her things back into her area. Either show him or take a photo or both, in case she trashes it then says you did it, but do it all kindly and don't say anything bad about her. If the yard owner was going to do anything about her bad behaviour he would have done it by now (assuming he knows about it), so you don't want to make yourself look like the bitch or provoking person if he's the kind of yard owner who wants a quiet life.

Clear out your stable and padlock that too.

Then send those concerned a polite friendly text explaining that your new horse is coming and you needed your storage space / stable back so you have moved their things back to their own area for them. Then its just a matter of ignoring their abuse I guess! Maybe get a new phone number?

Don't feel guilty, its your space and you've been paying for it. It's not like you stopped paying and the yard owner rented to them and now you're demanding it back. The other lady is probably just trying to drive you away so she can have the quiet 3 stables for herself and her friends.
 
I'd be very wary of touching her stuff to move it. Just think what she could accuse you of if anything gets damaged or she can't find where you've put it. Personally I'd tell her out in the open that your horse is coming soon so you need your tackroom back and give her a date by when you need her stuff moved. Then tell the YO so they know what's intended and can remind her if she goes complaining. If you do end up moving her stuff after the deadline do it with somebody else so you have a witness that you didn't damage anything, and as somebody else has said, take photos. Even better, go to the YO after the deadline has passed and ask their advice on what to do - they may help you move it or have a word with her to do it.
 
Wow op that sounds like serious stuff! Don't touch her stuff, do what GG said and grow some.

I personally find that DIY yards are the worst. There is always a clique of a few people who think they rule the roost. The ones who spend their time sitting round drinking tea and coffee but never seem to exercise or do anything with their horses and spend their time gossiping and criticising the others who just get on with their horses.

Hope you get your situation sorted OP - it sounds awful :(
 
I've just left an awful yard. I tried to stay out of the politics by speaking to everyone as in 'hello & goodbye' and keeping myself to myself. The bullying was horrific... And when I eventually said I was leaving.... things got vandalised and went missing! Rumours started and malicious phone calls eye were being made.

The YO has refused to do anything about it (he's already lost 6 liveries in the last 3weeks as a direct result if the 3 problem people) and has said he is only becoming involved if there is a problem with facilities. Each yard these 3 have been on has had these exact problems that started when they arrived and stopped when they left!

So glad I'm now on a private yard
 
I suppose one angle is that you can't monitor your horse, tack & other property 24/7 and if you did "upset" this person she might do some damage...... This is a horrible situation for you
 
Wow, sounds like you have a proper crazy there. In your position I'd have a nice G&T.

Four days before your new horse arrives (exciting) I'd say to her, calmly, firmly and in front of other people, that you expect her to shift her stuff in thee days so you have time and room to sort things out before your new purchase arrives on the xth.

I'd try really hard not to get drawn into her bullshit, & just reiterate that you need YOUR space for YOUR stuff. I've got a bad habit of putting myself in the wrong, and IRL I'd probably end up screaming in her face. I know its way easier for us to advise than for you to do. If she refuses I'd (try and calmly) tell her that if she doesn't move her tack I'll do it & send her photos of where I've put it.

Edited to congratulate you on your thread title. Don't let the horse harpies drag you down.

If she didn't shift her stuff I'd drag in the YO if I thought they'd do their job, otherwise like Cowpony I'd document moving her stuff and make sure I had a witness.

Anyway, good luck. It sounds horrid for you, but it'll get better once you make a stand.
 
You need to stand up to this bully. Be upfront and tell her to move her things as you now need the space you are paying for back and give her a reasonable time limit. Smile when you say it but make sure others are around when you do it.
Role playing the situation before hand will help keep the nerves at bay.
Remember, bullies have really low self esteem and sad lives BUT you only have one life and spending time being bullied by this women is wasting it.
P.S. As a VERY last resort I would print off several copies of the texts she has sent you and hand them around to the rest of the liveries and YO.
P.P.S. Forgot to add good luck with your new horse :-)
 
Crackajack said:
Im so sorry for this rant but I am totally sick and tired of people who think it is their job to bully people at the stables....

I helped this Swedish woman out to move her horse to our stables and she took the stable next to me....since then all I have had is god damn problems...abusive messages via Facebook and she even screamed and shouted in front of my face - how i kept my cool I dont know!

Why is it that people come down to the stables and feel it is a place to socialise/bully/tell you what you should or shouldn't do?

Is it so hard to expect people to stay away from my horse, keep out of my stable and to stay out of my way when Im trying to care/play/train my horse?
Click to expand...

Oh my, i am in the exact same situation! Well the part at the end where you said is it so hard to expect people to stay away from you horse, keep out of your stable and to stay out of your way when you're trying to care/play/train your horse. The person I share my yard with has kids so they're running around all the time so I can't get my yearling out in case she accidently stands on one of them so then I have to spend time with her in the stable but that only leads to the children coming in the stable! Another thing that annoys me is that they use my stuff, I don't mind if they use it, JUST PUT IT BACK AFTERWARDS! The kids even go in my horse when im not there! Am I in the wrong here? I'm fed up of it but can't do anything as she is yard manager:( sorry for my rant guys, I'm just glad that I'm not the only one with this problem!
 
Last edited:
LuandLu24 said:
Oh my, i am in the exact same situation! Well the part at the end where you said is it so hard to expect people to stay away from you horse, keep out of your stable and to stay out of your way when you're trying to care/play/train your horse. The person I share my yard with has kids so they're running around all the time so I can't get my yearling out in case she accidently stands on one of them so then I have to spend time with her in the stable but that only leads to the children coming in the stable! Another thing that annoys me is that they use my stuff, I don't mind if they use it, JUST PUT IT BACK AFTERWARDS! The kids even go in my horse when im not there! Am I in the wrong here? I'm fed up of it but can't do anything as she is yard manager:( sorry for my rant guys, I'm just glad that I'm not the only one with this problem!
Click to expand...

Why is a yearling even in a stable at this time of year? Presumably she has turnout with other horses for at least part of the day? <unless there is some medical reason> Seriously, this seems odd to me. It's summer. Why isn't she out, and why can't you interact with her in the field, away from the children?

As to the children, I would take the view that they are their parent's responsibility and no one else's. Especially given that their mother is the yard manager; she must know something about horses. Ignore them, and keep your belongings under lock and key. If they get underfoot, tell them to move out of the way/stop bothering your horse etc. And if they mess around with your horse in your absence, let the insurance company handle any consequences.

Or else move yard.
 
Arizahn said:
Why is a yearling even in a stable at this time of year? Presumably she has turnout with other horses for at least part of the day? <unless there is some medical reason> Seriously, this seems odd to me. It's summer. Why isn't she out, and why can't you interact with her in the field, away from the children?

As to the children, I would take the view that they are their parent's responsibility and no one else's. Especially given that their mother is the yard manager; she must know something about horses. Ignore them, and keep your belongings under lock and key. If they get underfoot, tell them to move out of the way/stop bothering your horse etc. And if they mess around with your horse in your absence, let the insurance company handle any consequences.

Or else move yard.
Click to expand...

I bring her in to give her a feed because she shares a field with 3 other horses, I did not say she she was in the stable for a long period. Sometimes she breaks out the field and I have to put her in her stable whilst I repair the electric fencing she breaks and thats when the children interfere.
 
So speak to the parent and ask her to keep the kids away from your box, simple. You don't need to have a confrontation or be unpleasant or think that you're in the wrong, just ask her politely. If polite doesn't work, tell the kids directly to stay out.
 
LuandLu24 said:
I bring her in to give her a feed because she shares a field with 3 other horses, I did not say she she was in the stable for a long period. Sometimes she breaks out the field and I have to put her in her stable whilst I repair the electric fencing she breaks and thats when the children interfere.
Click to expand...

Lol, electric fence limbo dancer, by any chance? I know that feeling! :)

Put your foot down re the children.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top