Bullying on livery yards....

[Roasted Chestnuts]

There are no nasty replies. Only peoples experiences which apparently were making up.

Making up? I think I must be having a slow day lol

 

[Shilasdair]

There are no nasty replies. Only peoples experiences which apparently were making up.

No, there are no nasty replies, and if you read my posts, that's NOT what I said.
Accuracy is important, Cheeky Chestnut; it's people being creative with reporting other people's words that is often at the heart of yard troubles.

 

[Gingerwitch]

Not everyone is truthful, unfortunately.

So what does this mean then ?

 

[Roasted Chestnuts]

No, there are no nasty replies, and if you read my posts, that's NOT what I said.
Accuracy is important, Cheeky Chestnut; it's people being creative with reporting other people's words that is often at the heart of yard troubles.

so since we are extrapolating then I’ll go further. Your post mentioned that the ones shouting bully are usually the bullies, now bullying is a nasty business but you were insinuating that some of the replies on this thread were those of bullies. I’d like to know which replies? You were the one that used the words ‘nasty things’ being said on this thread ?

Also those reporting stuff are of course going to twist it to suit their agenda, it’s the whole reason they are reporting it. So accurate or not that’s irrelevant. I’ve had it done to myself, needless to say the person got called out on it in front of others and has since been keeping their head down.

 

[Shilasdair]

so since we are extrapolating then I’ll go further. Your post mentioned that the ones shouting bully are usually the bullies, now bullying is a nasty business but you were insinuating that some of the replies on this thread were those of bullies. I’d like to know which replies? You were the one that used the words ‘nasty things’ being said on this thread ?

Also those reporting stuff are of course going to twist it to suit their agenda, it’s the whole reason they are reporting it. So accurate or not that’s irrelevant. I’ve had it done to myself, needless to say the person got called out on it in front of others and has since been keeping their head down.

Except I wasn't.

 

[Roasted Chestnuts]

Except I wasn't.

so are you just stirring the pot for shits and giggles then? Sounds like what happens on yards?

Whatever your agenda Shils enjoy your game ??

 

[Shilasdair]

so are you just stirring the pot for shits and giggles then? Sounds like what happens on yards?

Whatever your agenda Shils enjoy your game ??

Quoting for posterity lest you delete.

 

[Shysmum]

I dont like the way my thread is going ?

 

[Gingerwitch]

I dont like the way my thread is going ?

I know xx

 

[HorseyTee]

I've been on a few yards now and currently ren't a sole use field.
I would do everything possible never to go on a yard again after my past experiences and treatment of my horse.

 

[Gingerwitch]

I've been on a few yards now and currently ren't a sole use field.
I would do everything possible never to go on a yard again after my past experiences and treatment of my horse.

I almost can cope with people being horrid to me, but not my horses. I have said before that I know of a horse who was having his hay taken out and salt put in his stable waters because he did not fit the liveries opinion of what was permissible on the yard.

 

[Shysmum]

Another little gem.. my stirrup lengths kept getting changed, the bit set at different lengths, my Barrow was used to overflowing and then left standing. 100m from the muck heap. This was at a yard where they considered themselves eventers. But all three of their horses were put down shortly after I left. I was an RDA Coach, so they took the piss out of that, then sent me to Coventry. I was desperately looking for another yard through all this.

It was a very sad set up, and did my mental health a lot of harm.

 

[Gingerwitch]

Another little gem.. my stirrup lengths kept getting changed, the bit set at different lengths, my Barrow was used to overflowing and then left standing. 100m from the muck heap. This was at a yard where they considered themselves eventers. But all three of their horses were put down shortly after I left. It was a very sad set up, and did my mental health a lot of harm.

Were they riding your horse or using your tack ? X

 

[Shysmum]

Were they riding your horse or using your tack ? X

Nope, just changed the lengths while it was stored in the tack room ?

 

[Shilasdair]

I dont like the way my thread is going ?

Me neither - nowhere did I make a personal attack - yet posters seem to be shouting 'Burn the witch at me'.

I know it's difficult to be objective about one's own experiences, and that people like the simplicity of a world to be full of good people (the victims) and bad people (the bullies) but people are a mixture of good and bad, with their own perspectives on situations and interactions.
Sometimes trying to step into the other person's shoes can give an insight into the reasons for their behaviour, which might be entirely unintentional/oblivious.

We need to be sympathetic to people who feel bullied (me on this thread!) and yet also aware that the other person has a perspective, and a right to be heard and treated respectfully.

People disagreeing with you is not bullying you.

Anyway I'm going to leave this thread whilst you all collect the firewood and get the stake ready, fuelled by righteous zeal.

 

[Shysmum]

Me neither - nowhere did I make a personal attack - yet posters seem to be shouting 'Burn the witch at me'.

I know it's difficult to be objective about one's own experiences, and that people like the simplicity of a world to be full of good people (the victims) and bad people (the bullies) but people are a mixture of good and bad, with their own perspectives on situations and interactions.
Sometimes trying to step into the other person's shoes can give an insight into the reasons for their behaviour, which might be entirely unintentional/oblivious.

We need to be sympathetic to people who feel bullied (me on this thread!) and yet also aware that the other person has a perspective, and a right to be heard and treated respectfully.

People disagreeing with you is not bullying you.

Anyway I'm going to leave this thread whilst you all collect the firewood and get the stake ready, fuelled by righteous zeal.

Would I ? Only because you don't like cobs ?

 

[HorseyTee]

Ye i had 1 ym refuse to let my horse be turned out because she didn't like cobs. Then had a go at me for using too much hay.
So apparently he wasn't allowed turn out or to have hay in his stable. I moved asap after that.

Had liveries slag me off for feeding oat straw mixed with hay telling everyone I feed straw....well it's either that so my horse has forage and lower his risk of lami or let him stuff his face on grass...nothing wrong with how I manage my horses thanks.
She also locked me in the yard (I had key but just petty) and shouted at me for not using a headcollar as I just popped leadrope around neck to turn out...literally 3ft from stable to field gate. Was my own field, not shared with her and impacted her in no way at all.
Also kept turning my electric fence off.
She was vile.

Had 1 ym decide horses could only be allowed 6 hours of turnout a day regardless of time of year or weather...this doesn't suit welshie at all, he was bouncing off the walls. Not bullying though obviously.

 

[Shysmum]

Ye i had 1 ym refuse to let my horse be turned out because she didn't like cobs. Then had a go at me for using too much hay.
So apparently he wasn't allowed turn out or to have hay in his stable. I moved asap after that.

Had liveries slag me off for feeding oat straw mixed with hay telling everyone I feed straw....well it's either that so my horse has forage and lower his risk of lami or let him stuff his face on grass...nothing wrong with how I manage my horses thanks.
She also locked me in the yard (I had key but just petty) and shouted at me for not using a headcollar as I just popped leadrope around neck to turn out...literally 3ft from stable to field gate. Was my own field, not shared with her and impacted her in no way at all.
Also kept turning my electric fence off.
She was vile.

Had 1 ym decide horses could only be allowed 6 hours of turnout a day regardless of time of year or weather...this doesn't suit welshie at all, he was bouncing off the walls. Not bullying though obviously.

Yes, that is bullying ?

 

[Shilasdair]

Would I ? Only because you don't like cobs ?

In my opinion, cob owners deserve every toe-crushing they receive.

 

[Gingerwitch]

Its all too often when other folk are getting attention it irks the bully, they just have to have the spotlight on them as lord forbid they can not not be the centre of the universe. So then they have to bully someone or be spiteful and nasty to get attention. I suppose you have to have a bit of sympathy for them as when you know the signs you can walk away from the interaction.

 

[Gingerwitch]

Nope, just changed the lengths while it was stored in the tack room ?

That's very sad x

 

[McFluff]

This is such a sad thread. Sadly bullying is far too common.
Shysmum that behaviour to you is very serious bullying, designed to make you doubt yourself. I’ve had to deal with it professionally before, awful to get to a resolution, as it is very intentional. Never have found what drives it (the majority of bullying is actually unintentional, and a lot can be resolved if picked up and addressed early enough). The intentional bullies though are really evil and in my experience of the workplace very difficult to deal with.
Shilasdair, I have seen what you are referring to, not on this thread but in my job. I actually train my team to expect the person accused of bullying to then claim that it was actually them being bullied. This is why it is so important to keep a record (date, time, action) and speak up. In the work place examples, this is what has helped us take effective action.
These yard examples are more difficult to deal with than employment situations, as the only person that can ‘fix’ it is the YM/YO, and in some examples they are the perpetrator.
Please, if you are feeling bullied on a yard, speak to friends and/or family and make a plan to get away from it.
Even if you are strong, the impact can be debilitating.

 

[Roasted Chestnuts]

Quoting for posterity lest you delete.

why would I? I’m not playing?

No I don’t like how the thread is going either hence why it’s off my watch list now. I felt very sad for some of the posters, been there done that with folk being deliberately horrid and making hard life hell. Would be nice if folk could just let folk be.

 

[GTRJazz]

I am really lucky because I do not care what people say in fact I find it funny, I try to keep to polite hello goodbye conversation but people are desperate to pull you into the circle.
I did have a problem that others could have their horses out in the winter, but mine because he was young caused the others to run around so he had to stay in.
So I got him his own field for the winter a couple of miles up the road.
Which caused more moaning how did he get the money to buy that type of thing.
Then I got a Lorry which was quite a nice one and that was wrong, they started blocking it in parking cars in front while away for the weekend.
Imagine how angry they got when my other Lorry arrived.
Soon I got another two horses and that finished them off.

 

[Flicker]

I have done a lot of mediation at work and the cycle of ‘you’re a bully’, ‘no, you’re the bully’ often evolves from quite an innocuous place. Usually someone does or says something, intentionally or unintentionally, that upsets someone else. Instead of dealing with it then and there (either one to one or via line manager) the person who is upset then does or says something to upset the first person. When I probe this in the mediation space, they usually say it is to ‘teach them that they can’t get away with it’ and so the cycle of behaviour escalates until everyone is just flinging it about, others are drawn in and the battle lines are laid down.

A good YM will nip this sort of behaviour in the bud. In my experience, the best YMs are part horse-whisperer, part-psychologist. They recognise that there are two individuals behind every livery contract, the horse and the owner, and make sure they are catering to the needs of both AND setting boundaries in respect of both too.

Some people do genuinely thrive on conflict, usually because they don’t have enough going on in their own lives. Interesting point about the worst offenders often being the ones with the most time on their hands. In my experience, the ones who are the most critical of others tend to not have a huge amount going on outside the yard - they spend a lot of time there (and do ride a lot to be fair) and it becomes their little domain. I guess they run the others down to keep the feeling that they are on top.

 

[SEL]

Having managed large groups of people over my career I don't think bullying is limited to livery yards - I've pulled people up on awful behaviour before and been on the end of it in a workplace. The problem is you need to be pretty robust to deal with a bully especially when it's the talking behind backs type. I suspect most YO / YM just want an easy life.

I like being on livery yards for the social side but I'd have my own place in a heart beat if I could afford it!!