bullys and no it alls... experiences please

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jackbobs

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I moved my horse a few months ago from a small friendly yard to a big livery yard, partly for the facilities and partly because i am pregnant and will need to take advantage of the the full livery services. Since moving him there my partner has bought me a new horse, a lovely big quiet irish horse, hes only 5 years old and very green, obviously he needs to be ridden due to his age his education needs to be continued consistently so after giving a girl on the yard a chance to work him for me i have decided to get a professional in. ( it didnt work out with the girl because he was just picking up naughty habbits and she was not experienced enough to deal with them) Being pregnant i cannot ride him myself. Since I have had him being schooled professionally i feel that people are bitching and talking about me. my other horse has some issues with his back so is not in work at the moment, hes currently having treatment with the vet and physio. I have been asked repeatedly why I am not using the yard owner to ride my 5 yr old and why I am not using the physio that everyone on there uses. People are making it difficult for me to have the school for when Daniel comes to ride. also a girl on the yard who is a lovely young girl has offered o help me with the horses when i go off to have the baby, this is great because it saves me a lot of money and I trust her 100%. People are now talking behind my back saying this girl will ruin my horses, I cant see how she can ruin them!! I thought the yard was a knowledgeable yard when i first moved there but it really isnt, the majority are novice riders with very little experience bringing on young horses. I just feel like i am being bullied a bit but i am in no position to move them as my baby is due is 7 weeks, the last thing i want is to unsettle them and go through the stresses of moving at the moment. Especially with my thoroughbred having treatment for his back. Can anyone see if im doing anything wrong and does anyone else have any suggestions to stop this. Im not sure if its the pregnancy hormones making me sensitive or if i am in fact doing something wrong. Any one else have experiences with interfering liveries?? thanks for reading
 
also the yard owner has no issue with me having Daniel down to ride for me, nor does she have a problem with me choosing not to take advantage of the full livery service. I bought the 5yr old off the yard owner and so people are treating him like they know him. She only had him 5 weeks so they do not know him! Shes a dealer so he was brought over from Ireland and sold to me 5 weeks later
 
You're unfortunate in that you've found yourself on the wrong yard. Luckily, you have someone that you're happy with to help with your horses when you have the baby, so that is one worry less.
I guess you are feeling more sensitive with the baby's birth so near but as moving isn't possible at the moment, try to ignore the bitchiness, which is easier said than done, I know.
By the time you've had your baby and got into a routine, spring will be here and things will seem a lot easier. You can then move somewhere else and enjoy a summer with the horses and your little one.
 
You have the support of the yo, a pro to ride your 5yo, a good person to help out with both while you''re busy with your baby, so ignore everything else and good luck with the baby :)
 
Unfortunately there will always be bitching on yards and, in order to stay, you have to develop skin like a rhinoceros and just ignore it.You aren't doing anything wrong and the YO is happy. Also you have found a reliable person to do your horses when you have your baby. Try to ride it out for now. If things haven't improved by spring, maybe start to look for something else. Good luck with your baby :)
 
I have been the victim of ridicule bitching vindictiveness and more recently, by the yard next door not my lot. This yard cannot MTOB, I am now ignoring all of them , having nothing or doing nothing to help them in the future (hehe they will be sorry:mad:) .

As above you have a nice hubby who bought him your having a baby and a reliable person to trust and a good YO. That is what is important, hearsay from small minded people its not worth anything, ignore them and just get on and do your thing don't stress its not healthy for you or baby.

Have a word with YO tell her your predicament she should help you , if not smile sweetly and once baby born if its still like this move on.
 
my yard owner said its jealousy but it infuriates me. some of them came to watch my horse being rode the other day and all they did was criticize the rider. How can they, hes a grand prix level dressage rider with far more experience than anyone one including myself and he seems to be doing an excellent job. They are all saying I am spending too much money, I think i will be the judge of that! sorry I just need a good rant! I just want to be left in peace to enjoy my horses why I have some time off before baby arrives.
 
jackbobs said:
my yard owner said its jealousy but it infuriates me. some of them came to watch my horse being rode the other day and all they did was criticize the rider. How can they, hes a grand prix level dressage rider with far more experience than anyone one including myself and he seems to be doing an excellent job. They are all saying I am spending too much money, I think i will be the judge of that! sorry I just need a good rant! I just want to be left in peace to enjoy my horses why I have some time off before baby arrives.
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Sounds like it is jealousy or just petty minded squabble, they are obviously jealous you have such a high person riding him and your horse must look good with him riding.

What is it to them what money you are spending??? its your money you do with it and spend it how you want.

I would just say to them " I want the best therefore I pay for the best" and with that walk away leave them opened mouthed. Maybe put your head phones on when your up there then you cannot hear them bitching.



They will get bored and move on if you do not react to them.:) I will send a pm as this is private in case those who are involved read this
 
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" I want the best therefor I pay for the best" I really like that :)
He looks amazing when Daniel is on him, I could never do the things he does with him. I think you are right, its a case of the green eyed monster, calling me for not riding him myself is another but until they are pregnant themselves they will not understand, its far too risky, I would never forgive myself if anything happened to my unborn child all because I fancied a ride... they just find this too difficult to process. I've never been on a livery yard before until now, if Id have known that it was going to be like this id of struggled on at the old yard :(
 
Rowreach said:
You have the support of the yo, a pro to ride your 5yo, a good person to help out with both while you''re busy with your baby, so ignore everything else and good luck with the baby :)
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All this? No wonder they are jealous :D

Just ignore them - you will always get some sad cows on a yard but you seem to have a good relationship with the YO and the girl who will do your horses. Concentrate on that and just accept that not everyone will like you or agree with you and indeed you will not like and agree with them and if they are like that why care?

Also it takes quite a bit of time to integrate on a new yard and be comfortable so do give it time.

Good luck with baby :)
 
Gosh, first time on this kind of yard = baptism of fire.

I don't know what it is about people that when they see someone doing better than them they would rather bring that person down than work to have the same. There's a lot of it about I'm afraid, and you will find a way to cope! I try to briefly review any negative comments I get (in case there is any sort of truth) then ignore them and move on. Sometimes I just go straight to ignoring them and moving on.

On a positive note, you've got the support of the YO and not everyone there is horrible if the young girl is someone you can trust 100% with your horses.
 
no your right, Sophie is a lovely girl and is being a massive help. In return I am paying for her to have a lesson on my 5yr old once a week ( she has recently lost her confidence) and its such a shame because shes a good little rider. Im worried they are now going to pick on her for helping me. I like the yard and the yard owner, shes also really helpful but i cannot stand all the interfering and bitching thats going on. I have tried to not get too involved with people, I dont go to the yard for a social life i go there to see to my horses. why can people just leave me in peace?
Also my thoroughbred is a windsucker, I told the yard owner this before moving him and she has no problem with it, I also spoke to the people who are stabled near him and they also said they had no problem with it and now people are calling me telling me he should have a collar on because the sound he makes is irritating. I dont stop him from windsucking because when I did it caused further problems. he has been treated for gastric ulcers but the windsucking has stayed with him.
 
we have two windsuckers on the yard neither wears a collar both do it with pulling their chin back against the door.

NO other horse as copied it so I have no worries. Both horses did this before they came here.
 
We were at a yard & experienced similar things said that you are getting. This is normally orchestrated by a ring leader, the 'Queen Bee' of the yard. The one that has probably been there the longest, thinks she runs the yard, has a horse but rarely rides it & uses the yard as a 'social club' for drinking coffee & bad mouthing anyone that actually rides, schools or competes their horse. They are invariably female & consider anyone who grooms, rides & spends plenty of time enjoying their horse & stays out of her little gang of coffee drinkers as 'Obsessive'.

It's difficult to ignore them because they influence many of the other liverys who are weak willed but just exchange pleasantries with them & carry on enjoying your horse. The YO is friendly to you & you will probably make friends with the genuine people at the yard.

Eventually the self appointed most important livery on the yard will overstep the mark with the YO & have to leave. Then the yard will be a much happier place. As I say we've been there & eperienced this & it's not nice. We actually moved to another private yard 2 years ago & have never been happier. The Nasty piece of work from the old yard did overstep the mark, exercised her mouth to the YO at the wrong time & got the 'bums rush' & not before time. Things will eventually sort themselves out. Good Luck.
 
Take comfort in the fact that what you are doing, what you know, and the people you choose to have to support you, is right for you and yours.

Provided what you're doing is not dangerous or detrimental, and you trust your supporters to tell you if this is the case, then everything else is just white noise and you can ignore it.
 
Trust me, once you have that little babe in your arms it suddenly puts the whole world into perspective especially in situations like this. I used to be far too sensitive and dwell on things taking it all to heart. Now it's water off a ducks back as in the grand scheme of things their views are so unimportant and not even worth thinking about.
Enjoy your horse, enjoy your baby and focus on the positives in your life, forget the rest. Time moves on so quickly, please enjoy every moment of it.
 
thank you for that. your probably so right. soon the horses will be the last thing on my mind. I just wish some people would keep there noses out! :)
 
Leviathan said:
we have two windsuckers on the yard neither wears a collar both do it with pulling their chin back against the door.

NO other horse as copied it so I have no worries. Both horses did this before they came here.
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I can understand why some people may have an issue with it for fear of there horse copying etc but I made everyone aware of this before I moved him there. Hes always done it for as long as I have had him and I dont think he is going to stop any time soon either ha. All I can do is what I did and make everyone aware of it. I am not prepared to put a collar on him, id move him before doing that. I feel like these people are just trying to make my life difficult because this was never an issue until the other day, I have been there since September.
 
Shame that you feel like this but I know how it is!
Wouldn't go as far as saying I'm bullied but there is a girl on my yard who constantly criticises me! She's the same age as me, been at the yard for 5 years, had several horses etc while for me this is my first horse, first livery yard so she feels the need to boss me about and comment on everything I do nevatively.
Eg. I bought a second hand saddle for the saddler to have a look at on my horse. It was on the rack waiting, she came in and said 'lovely saddle, who's is it?' 'mine' 'no offence but that is way too short for your horse' (she then picked it up and tried it on her horse!) Funny thing is that it wasn't too short for mine :D
Another example. I was sampling wood pellets with a lady there and she walked over and said 'Oh my god, look how dusty they are, they're horrible, do you want your horse to develop a dust allergy?'
Urgh!! Hope things get easier for you after having your baby :)
 
timiton said:
Shame that you feel like this but I know how it is!
Wouldn't go as far as saying I'm bullied but there is a girl on my yard who constantly criticises me! She's the same age as me, been at the yard for 5 years, had several horses etc while for me this is my first horse, first livery yard so she feels the need to boss me about and comment on everything I do nevatively.
Eg. I bought a second hand saddle for the saddler to have a look at on my horse. It was on the rack waiting, she came in and said 'lovely saddle, who's is it?' 'mine' 'no offence but that is way too short for your horse' (she then picked it up and tried it on her horse!) Funny thing is that it wasn't too short for mine :D
Another example. I was sampling wood pellets with a lady there and she walked over and said 'Oh my god, look how dusty they are, they're horrible, do you want your horse to develop a dust allergy?'
Urgh!! Hope things get easier for you after having your baby :)
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these people need to get a grip, it spoils it. I love going to my horses but its putting me off because of all this. Sounds like your friend also has a case of the green eyed monster. its so hard to ignore it though isnt it
 
Im really tempted to just move my boys to the yard where my sister is but the facilities are poor, no arena, well a very very small one, no good for a 17hh hunter type.
 
Cant quote on my phone but yes, it really does ruin it! I've made a note of when she works so I go up extra early on those days to ride and muck out so I don't get criticised for 'strangling my horse' when I make sure I can get a hand between the throatlash or so I have time to sweep up before I get told to do it!
 
Jackbobs- in the scheme of things you should remember that these type of people just aren't worth getting upset about. It appears that you have two lovely horses, who are getting the best treatment that you can afford, you have the YO on your side and a friendly helper and you are expecting a baby by a very generous OH. Don't let these idiots get to you. Either smile sweetly at them or tell them to go pickle their heads.
 
Sounds like jealousy I would just ignore it they will soon get bored and move on to someone else, its horrible though I know I have been a target from people on a livery yard, why cant people just be nice I always think some are very sad and get off on being nasty, dont let them think they can get to you always have a big smile on your face and look really happy even if your not, they hate that good luck with the birth of your baby x
 
Look, in the real scheme of things they have absolutely no power over them. The only power they have is by allowing them to upset you! The YO is on your side so I would approach her and ask a: either that she talks to these people and gets them to back off or b: that you will be having strong words yourself.

So next time they start bitching, confront them! Ask them do they really think their behaviour is appropriate? and you had not asked for their opinion and do not wish to hear it. And also ask them WHY on earth do they think YOU need to justify your choices to them? You can say that you are sure they do not realise how unpleasant it is to have this constant bickering but would like them to consider their words and behaviour and that you do not expect to hear anything else unpleasant in the future.

A long time ago I did have a livery who started to make it her job to criticise how I rode/trained etc. I bit my lip but it didn't go away so we ended up having a massive showdown one day when I ripped into her. I could have managed it better if I had preempted it so maybe bear that in mind!
 
Could very well be your pregnancy hormones! I could kill a man at 100 paces with my tongue when I was pregnant!!!

Seriously though, they do all sound like a complete nightmare. May I suggest you speak to the YO about this. Using your pregnancy could actually help! Something along the lines of. Dear YO, I am getting very stressed and am so worried I think it affecting the pregnancy ....

It is none of their business what you do with your youngster so please do stand your ground on this one.

Oh and congratulations!! When is the baby due - and we need pictures when he/she arrives!!!
 
You always get people like this in horsie world unfortunaty and it does sound like you are at a yard with more than the average fair share of them. I would ignore them, carry on as you plan to, have your baby and then move the horses when you are ready.

I have come across people like this and to me they don't even exist. Not worth it.
 
If they are watching your pro ride just be sweet and say you hope that by watching they are learning how to ride properly and if they try to say anything about the way yours is ridden just ask them to get their horses out and show you that they can get their own working as well :) I suspect they will soon learn to shut up
 
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