Can comp nerves ever be conquered?

[Muddywellies]

Over the last 6 years I took my native from very wobbly unaffiliated w&t tests, to still pretty wobbly affiliated elementary, including several area festivals. I was always absolutely crippled with nerves - so much so that life was put on hold for the days (or weeks) beforehand, and then afterwards, with all the stress, I'd be ill for a week afterwards. I tried everything from Bach flower remedies, to alcohol and spent a fortune on sports phychology. Nothing helped. Goodness knows how on earth we got up through the levels as the fear seriously affected my riding and many times my horse played up as I just didn't ride positively, was rigid with fear, didn't breathe, so couldn't support her. This scared me further and added to my fear of literally dying in that ring!! (unlikely of course, said from the safety of my sofa). I then had a few issues with the horse, covid hit, and my general riding confidence hit rock bottom and I went back almost to being on the lead rein. Over the past few month I've managed to improve the confidence a bit, and am now just about training at medium (though some days I'll still be too scared to canter). I keep looking at schedules and thinking about entering something very low key, and as soon as I think about it, the heart starts racing, I get sick and shaky, and just can't do it. I'm absolutely terrified! Terrified of the warm up and all those seasoned competitors dominating the warm up and cantering past too close (I have a sensitive mare), terrified of my horse playing up in the ring, terrified of forgetting my test and going COMPLETELY blank, and then terrified of that truly awful feeling when you've done your absolute best yet still been totally slated by the judge. All these things have happened to me time and time again so it's not all completely imaginary. I've lost count of the number of times I've decided the investment just isnt worth some of those quite cutting comments by a judge and pretty much decided to give up and become a happy hacker. The quality of horse and calibre of rider is so very high these days that I can't hope to keep up. I do still have the teeeeeeniest bit of fire left in my belly, but I just know I can't do it. And i'm simply not resilient enough.

Do I just give it time, or do I just resign myself to the fact that it's no fun, too expensive, and we'll never really be 'competitive'. I've learnt, after a rubbish couple of years, that life is too short, and we should enjoy what we do. If I accept I'll never compete again, what's the point in me training and having lessons? I had may as well move to grass livery with pretty hacking and save myself a small fortune.
Just doing some soul searching, and wondering where I'm going with all this.

 

[Sail_away]

It’s tricky, and I’m probably not the best to answer this because once I’m up on the horse I’ve got no fear at all. But in the run-up I always feel less nervous if it’s something I don’t care about so much. Last week we did a prelim dressage test, because the simpler tests are harder for me with a very busy, tense horse, and I just didn’t really care if I did well or not because I was only doing it to practise tests for eventing.
So would it be worth going out and doing something super tiny? As in intro dressage, or x poles? Something you wouldn’t mind doing badly in, because it’s got no reflection on your training at home?
Another thing is, covid has made a huge difference to warmup arenas. They are so much quieter. So you may find the whole experience is less stressful now.

 

[paddi22]

for the sports psychology you did, was it one on one with someone good, like Charlie Unwin, or was it more general talks etc?

 

[Muddywellies]

for the sports psychology you did, was it one on one with someone good, like Charlie Unwin, or was it more general talks etc?

Yes, private face to face and telephone sessions with a very well respected lady who works with Charlie Unwin. Though I have also been to more general talks. (it cost me an awful lot of money)

 

[paddi22]

I had a really bad accident and found it tough to get back riding. what really helped me was hypnotherapy sessions. I did three sessions face to face with a good hypnotherapist ands it was the best thing I ever did, I totally changed after it. what was interesting was that I went over nerves, but during the therapy he found out it was really about my issues with control as I was from a difficult family. and those control issues were messing up my riding as I'd just panic if I felt like I couldn't control a situation. you're might be something similar as it sounds like you have an underlying issue that isn't even about riding (because you are obviously a good rider).?

 

[Muddywellies]

I had a really bad accident and found it tough to get back riding. what really helped me was hypnotherapy sessions. I did three sessions face to face with a good hypnotherapist ands it was the best thing I ever did, I totally changed after it. what was interesting was that I went over nerves, but during the therapy he found out it was really about my issues with control as I was from a difficult family. and those control issues were messing up my riding as I'd just panic if I felt like I couldn't control a situation. you're might be something similar as it sounds like you have an underlying issue that isn't even about riding (because you are obviously a good rider).?

Oh my goodness, that's fascinating. I had a truly wonderful childhood with incredible parents. However, I did have a hard time at school which has indeed affected me ever since. I'd be a bit worried about hypnotherapy though and what I might say ?

 

[milliepops]

Some good advice above. As for why do you keep on going if you're not going to compete... I think that's a personal decision but I'd give some thought to why you do it and what you want from it- I enjoy training my horses as an intellectual and physical challenge as much as anything, having done very regular competitions for years I haven't been out for over a year now and do not feel less motivated to continue training because I get more out of that than the shows themselves.

There's no right or wrong there, some people wouldn't ride if they didn't compete, but for others there is fulfilment in the training process too.

 

[paddi22]

Oh my goodness, that's fascinating. I had a truly wonderful childhood with incredible parents. However, I did have a hard time at school which has indeed affected me ever since. I'd be a bit worried about hypnotherapy though and what I might say ?

It could easily be linked to that, traumatic stuff like that can surface in other areas of life.

What he said that really stood out to me at the time, was that it wasn't an a particular event that causes a reaction, but what your brain associates with it. so if you look at even one of your reactions, (say the judges criticisms on a test sheet), some people can laugh that off, some use it as a focusing tool, but for you it have a very negative extreme reaction. so it's well worth exploring why that is. I found the hypnotherapy brilliant because it was a quick way to rewire my brain. I've done therapy and counselling before, but the hypnotherapy seemed to work quicker and less painfully, and it only took three sessions. I came out of it a totally different person than I went in.

 

[Wizpop]

Muddywellies, I would second hypnotherapy as a good way for you to go. You always have control of what you say in clinical hypnotherapy.A trained and skilled hypnotherapist can help you to understand and deal with negative issues very effectivel. we often put ourselves into mini hypnotic states- remember arriving home in your car but not remembering part of the journey??

 

[paddi22]

agree with wiz pop, I didn't find my sessions traumatic at all, and we went into a few things that happened me in childhood (nothing terribly traumatic)but stuff that was stressful. I felt a massive sense of relief after I finished the sessions and I could feel the stress leaving my body afterwards, it was really amazing and helped me in a lot of other aspects of my life too, not just riding.

one of the interesting points was that he asked me (hypnotised) to describe how I felt after I fell, and then got me to go back to other times in my past when I felt that way. he basically said 'a fall is just a fall' but your brain adds meaning to it and it triggers back to your past. and until you break that cycle it will just keep happening.

I knew a woman at the time who was absolutely petrified on her horse as she was scared of falling off. she wouldn't do anything more than walk. I advised her to go the hypnotherapist and as they went through the session he regressed into 'when did you feel this fear before' and it turned out when she was a teenager she was walking up the road past apartments and saw a toddler climbing over a balcony a few floors up, the mother caught it at the time and it didn't fall. she totally forgot about it until she got hypnotised, but it turned out that was the base of her falling fear. her brain was traumatised at the time seeing the baby nearly all it buried it and she totally had forgotten it had even happened. mad!

 

[daffy44]

I think the hypnotherapy sounds fascinating!

Lots of good advice, I would suggest if you want to compete maybe try an online competition first? See if someone could film you at home, so no scary warm ups etc, it might be a way to ease you back into things. But I do think you need to do something like hypnotherapy to address the issues properly, but online might be a nice place to start.

 

[paddi22]

oh that online idea sounds brilliant! it would cut out all those issues in warmups etc

 

[DabDab]

Thanks for sharing your experiences paddi, it's really interesting.

 

[blitznbobs]

Can you go to loads of competitions and never go in the ring - so you are in the situation but not with the need to
Perform - or go in the ring with the goal of coming last... that always helps me ...

 

[laura_nash]

I also found hypnotherapy made a huge difference to my riding confidence and I didn't even go for that (was pregnant and went for labour prep).

 

[Muddywellies]

All those who have had hypnotherapy, do you know what you're saying? I've seen it used for entertainment (I've seen it in real life too, not just on telly) and whilst it is hilarious, I couldn't bear the thought of not knowing what I'm doing or saying.

 

[southerncomfort]

Another one who found Hypnotherapy really useful. I saw a hypnotherapist, who was also a trained psychiatric nurse, for help with a severe phobia.

It's really just being in a very deep state of relaxation. You are very much in control and can open your eyes and end the session any time you want. It's really not being in a trance like on TV hypnotist shows. Thats just for entertainment purposes. ?

 

[southerncomfort]

All those who have had hypnotherapy, do you know what you're saying? I've seen it used for entertainment (I've seen it in real life you, not just on telly) and whilst it is hilarious, I couldn't bear the thought of not knowing what I'm doing or saying.

Honestly it's nothing like on TV. It's just a state of deep relaxation similar to meditation.


And yes, you do know what you are saying and you are completely in control.

 

[timefort]

Sorry to hijack, but those of you who have had hypnotherapy, how did you find a hypnotherapist? I have had group hypnotherapy for confidence (part of the Karl Greenwood confidence course) and found it really useful. I would like to try a couple of 1-2-1 sessions but don't fancy just using someone who happens to have acquired an online certificate during lockdown....

 

[paddi22]

All those who have had hypnotherapy, do you know what you're saying? I've seen it used for entertainment (I've seen it in real life too, not just on telly) and whilst it is hilarious, I couldn't bear the thought of not knowing what I'm doing or saying.

it's nothing like it is on telly at all. I was aware of what I was saying, I never felt uncomfortable or stressed at any stage. if anything I felt safer and that on some level I could open up more. I definitely wasn't in a trance. I researched mine like mad and checked up on qualifications and stuff. it was expensive enough but I only had to do three sessions so it was well worth the money.

 

[Winters100]

Poor you, sounds very stressful. But I would also say that to me it sounds as if you are pushing yourself into a corner and forcing yourself to make a final decision to compete, or to give it up forever. Personally I don't really see it like that. If the thought of competing now gives you massive anxiety, and you don't anyway enjoy competing then don't do it...for now. Keeping yourself and your horses in training has many benefits, both for you and the horses, and it also means that if one day you feel differently you will be ready. No need to beat yourself up whatever you do, it is just a hobby and you need to enjoy it.

Speaking personally I quite enjoyed having last season at home. I have not decided what I want to do this year, but my horses and I are ready, so if something that I want to do comes up then I will do it, if not I will continue to have fun at home.

I say take the pressure off a bit, be a bit easier on yourself, and just focus on doing what you enjoy.

 

[Boulty]

Would it be worth either building up to where you'd like to get back to very gradually (eg maybe you could start with some of the online competitions if you can get someone to film you? That way you've no warmup to worry about & if you forget the test then you can always just film it again but you're still getting a score & some feedback?) or trying other disciplines for a bit that maybe aren't as pressured / where you're not focussed on a million goals so you might feel more able to relax & enjoy it? You can still set training goals at home & keep improving even if you're not currently out competing or are experimenting with other disciplines. Even if you did want a break from competition for a bit there's no hard & fast rule that says it has to be forever.

Obviously some nerves are normal / even beneficial (I do TREC & still feel sick before (& normally after!) every map room & every PTV course) but not to the extent that you're feeling the way you have been doing. Will admit that I stopped going to SJ competitions because I used to just freeze in the ring & be as much use of a chocolate fireguard which isn't ideal on a horse who needed his hand holding too. It wasn't enjoyable for either of us so we mostly stopped doing it.

 

[Red-1]

In my case, I look to what else is happening in life. I used to be a most fearless rider, but then life threw a few curve balls and, although I seemed to cope with them admirably, the fallout definitely affected my confidence.

I am a great believer in regaining confidence step by step. So, as someone else said, start by something that is only just blurring the line between what you feel happy to do, but is towards your goal. So, that could be riding a test within a lesson, but staging the lesson so you warm up in one arena, then go to a second arena for a test. Or, it could be having a group lesson, so you practice collecting rings, but all of the people are controlled, for your benefit.

The judges comments need re-framing. The judge doesn't know you, only sees you for a few minutes. I was once judging a dressage comp, the horse did not go well, the rider was frozen, I did out some nice comments, but being as the horse exited the ring, went sideways, barely cantered etc, as well as being inverted, jogging, snatching etc. it was hard to give a good mark. It got 44. Genuine, and that was being generous. Couldn't give more. It barely rode the test.

The rider came to me afterwards and hijacked me in the cafe. He scrunched the sheet up in my face and threw it to the floor. He was incandescent. I was surprised, as I had given some lovely comments. I tried to get the the bottom of where he thought I had been unfair, he spat out at me, "Don't you know how this horse used to go?"

Erm, no, never seen you before.

But, I think that instance shows why we should not take comments/marks to heart. The judges don't know you.

I would, when you read the sheets that are not helpful to you, give the comments a silly, squeaky, sulky voice. Takes the sting out. Sometimes, if I score really badly, I choose to not even pick the sheet up.

I am another who schools and trains simply for the sake of it. I love lessons even if I have no wish to compete.

I would also look at a hypnotist. I went to a Paul McKenna evening just before lockdown, he isn't about making people eat onions any more, his books are ace, the CDs good too. He really helped people that evening.

I think you need someone by recommendation though, as you say, people can do a quick course. I am an NLP practitioner with a bit of hypnotherapy bolted on. It frightens me that I qualify for insurance to practice in this area.

 

[Mrs G]

I haven’t competed my horse in any way, shape or form for about 7 years after my horse completely lost it in a warm up arena and sent the other competitors diving for cover, cowering in the corners until they could make a dash for the exit while we rodeo’d!
I do however go as groom regularly for friends and I’ve lost count of the times I’ve seen them come out of a dressage test smiling, only to see them almost physically deflate when they get their score later, or come back buzzing from a xc round but be disappointed by their final placing.
I can see that competing gives some people an aim or challenge but for me its just a lot of money, time and stress. I enjoy riding my horse, I still have lessons and try to improve and keep my horse fit and sound and a nice comment from my instructor or a friend is enough.
Don’t force yourself into anything, take the pressure off and maybe you’ll get your competing mojo back or maybe you’ll find you don’t miss it!

 

[exracehorse]

My friend competed at high level dressage. But suffered with crippling fear. Over the pandemic last summer she done on line dressage tests and really got the bug. Great feedback. Rosettes and prizes.

 

[Muddywellies]

Oh my goodness, I've just caught up with your comments and I'm so so grateful to you all. Want to make you all a coffee and dish out some doughnuts ?. Each comment has a very valid point, with some superb suggestions and quite seriously has made me feel a whole lot better. You've no idea how much you've all helped. Thank you xxxxx

 

[Coblover63]

I had some hypnotherapy as part of a brain retraining process to overcome a huge, long-standing jump phobia. I had a really weird reaction to it though. The therapist said that once I was hypnotised, she'd ask me some yes/no answer questions, with instructions to move certain fingers to answer yes or no. I felt myself pleasantly relaxing and drifting away, although I was completely aware of my surroundings but the therapist started asking her questions, I felt like my arms were suddenly encased in concrete. It wasn't scary, but I just felt like my arms were totally immobilised and I wanted to be able to speak to tell her that I wouldn't be able to answer her questions, but I felt unable to - again, it wasn't at all scary - in fact I was fascinated by how my body was reacting. She asked a few questions and when she got zero response, she brought me back round and I was able to blurt out that I hadn't been ignoring her. She concluded that my subconscious was in a very protective state and clearly did not want to engage, so she moved on to some different forms of therapy instead.

(It did work, btw, I did overcome my fear!)

 

[eahotson]

I had a really bad accident and found it tough to get back riding. what really helped me was hypnotherapy sessions. I did three sessions face to face with a good hypnotherapist ands it was the best thing I ever did, I totally changed after it. what was interesting was that I went over nerves, but during the therapy he found out it was really about my issues with control as I was from a difficult family. and those control issues were messing up my riding as I'd just panic if I felt like I couldn't control a situation. you're might be something similar as it sounds like you have an underlying issue that isn't even about riding (because you are obviously a good rider).?

That is so interesting.I am not a bad rider and I have a very suitable horse but I still suffer from nerves and thinking about it I think it is to do with past life experiences (rather than riding experiences) that make me this way.

 

[DonskiWA]

Hypnotherapy for me was brilliant to get my confidence back after some bad falls. I had two sessions and decided against a third as I didn’t want to get too cocky!
most of what you say is with the practitioner prior to being hypnotised To find out what your goals/issues are. During the session itself, I didn’t speak at all.

 

[AngelHerd]

Over the last 6 years I took my native from very wobbly unaffiliated w&t tests, to still pretty wobbly affiliated elementary, including several area festivals. I was always absolutely crippled with nerves - so much so that life was put on hold for the days (or weeks) beforehand, and then afterwards, with all the stress, I'd be ill for a week afterwards. I tried everything from Bach flower remedies, to alcohol and spent a fortune on sports phychology. Nothing helped. Goodness knows how on earth we got up through the levels as the fear seriously affected my riding and many times my horse played up as I just didn't ride positively, was rigid with fear, didn't breathe, so couldn't support her. This scared me further and added to my fear of literally dying in that ring!! (unlikely of course, said from the safety of my sofa). I then had a few issues with the horse, covid hit, and my general riding confidence hit rock bottom and I went back almost to being on the lead rein. Over the past few month I've managed to improve the confidence a bit, and am now just about training at medium (though some days I'll still be too scared to canter). I keep looking at schedules and thinking about entering something very low key, and as soon as I think about it, the heart starts racing, I get sick and shaky, and just can't do it. I'm absolutely terrified! Terrified of the warm up and all those seasoned competitors dominating the warm up and cantering past too close (I have a sensitive mare), terrified of my horse playing up in the ring, terrified of forgetting my test and going COMPLETELY blank, and then terrified of that truly awful feeling when you've done your absolute best yet still been totally slated by the judge. All these things have happened to me time and time again so it's not all completely imaginary. I've lost count of the number of times I've decided the investment just isnt worth some of those quite cutting comments by a judge and pretty much decided to give up and become a happy hacker. The quality of horse and calibre of rider is so very high these days that I can't hope to keep up. I do still have the teeeeeeniest bit of fire left in my belly, but I just know I can't do it. And i'm simply not resilient enough.

Do I just give it time, or do I just resign myself to the fact that it's no fun, too expensive, and we'll never really be 'competitive'. I've learnt, after a rubbish couple of years, that life is too short, and we should enjoy what we do. If I accept I'll never compete again, what's the point in me training and having lessons? I had may as well move to grass livery with pretty hacking and save myself a small fortune.
Just doing some soul searching, and wondering where I'm going with all this.

Hi there - just wanted to asked if you'd managed to explore any of the suggestions and how you are doing now? Also were all of these experiences with the same horse? Hope you are doing well