'Can I cuddle your horse..?'

Snowflakedale said:
Well I stick by my thoughts.
Anyone is welcome to come and spend time with my horses while I'm there, particularly if they seem to get a slightly raw deal from life in other areas.
My horses and I seem to have survived it so far!
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As you can because they are your horses.

Not fair to sit in judgement of what someone else wants to do or not do with their horses. The OP has every reason not to want this woman at her yard and is, rather sensibly, safeguarding her horses.

Regarding the issue of how lucky we are to have horses...bullpoo.

I had no silver spoon. My first pony was a rescue saved from the knackerman and I had to be up at 5:30 every morning from the age of 9 to ride my bike and see to him before school. I ad to work all through my teens and continue to work very hard indeed to be able to have horses in my life.

Another friend of mine who is good around horses is constantly advertising for a horse to share. She wants to ride and care for a horse, but doesn't want to pay for one herself because she can't afford it. She has tried to guilt me into helping her so many times but I will not. She says she an't afford it, yet has 2-3 restaurant meals out a week, gets a new car every 6 months, constantly buying expensive new clothes. That's fine, that is her choice...but if she won't make sacrifices that most of us have to to have horses, I don't think she should get to have the enjoyment of a horse that someone is working really hard and making sacrifices to pay for.

The lady volunteer is probably lovely, but her happiness is not the OPs responsibility. Can the OP help by pointing her in the right direction? Yes.
Should the OP feel bad for not wanting her to cuddle her horses? No!

I think actually that this persons behaviour is rude and manipulative. OP should tell her straight that any more talk of her horses and a complaint of harassment will be made.

If I had people running out to the street to bother me, I would not in any way stand for it.

If this was a thread about a male volunteer and he was pestering the OP for a date, you might not think it was quite so innocent. We, as civil humans have a right to say no to anything and should expect not to have to be harassed.
 
Normally I'd agree Patterdale, I see exactly where you're coming from & agree with the sentiment. But if I had a very ill horse the last thing I'd want is someone non horsey at the yard with me, especially someone who is likely to shriek or smother them (the ill horse) with unwanted attention.
 
I take that point littlelegs......but I just don't find it funny in the way that others did :(
Some of the replies haven't really sat well with me - I'd feel sorry for someone like that, not post it on a forum for them to be further ridiculed :(
 
Snowflakedale said:
I take that point littlelegs......but I just don't find it funny in the way that others did :(
Some of the replies haven't really sat well with me - I'd feel sorry for someone like that, not post it on a forum for them to be further ridiculed :(
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I've not taken it as someone needing emotional support or isn't well.

I read it and it very much reminded me of someone we managed to get rid of after a number of years. She wasn't lonely but rather controlling and full on and persistantly wrangled herself into our lives and we had to move house to get rid of. She decided who she wanted to befriend and there was no option of them not being. The outcome was that she did far more damage to my mothers emotional wellbeing than her own. Still stand by my view that it will be a can of worms inviting her to see the horses.

I don't think that someone lonely and wanting a bit of support would be that full on bringing wellies and ambushing in town. The puss in boots impression doesn't sound like desperately begging but rather 'cutesy begging' (guilt tripping). Lots of people have seen my horses, someone this full on, no, sounds like the kind of person who would take over and suddenly be riding 'her' horses.
 
PandorasJar said:
hahahahaha.

Just completely blank the woman. I find looking right through people and completely pretending they aren't there gets rid fairly fast :)

Or I could loan you this delightful beast for one afternoon....
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looks like how i feel about getting out of bed in the mornings!

that beasty is just crying out for a cuddle :D
 
Of course I can completely understand why the op doesn't want this woman around her horses, but it's probably the way it's been posted and some of the replies that make for not very nice reading.
 
Love the pic above!! :D


I had one of these - when the penny finally dropped, I was ill spoken of. Apparently I was very rude to her and selfish as it wouldn't have harmed the horses in the slightest.

I'd stuck by the insurance route. No, you can't come on the yard because if something happened, I wouldn't be covered. In the end I explained that my veteran could possibly drop dead ontop of her - he's only covered for accidental, external, visible injury. This seemed to help her understand, but still slate me behind my back! :rolleyes:
 
Lula, rather ironically this is demanding cuddles, but when faced with this most people move! She did this to the horses close by in the field when I entered, got fussed and then all horses come back over. The first hug is definitely hers. After that she knows that anything more than ears back is not okay. The broodies have reminded her since that this look isn't always appreciated though!
 
I'm afraid I'd have said no also and personally I don't feel the need to justify the response either, no is no as far as I'm concerned.
I am lucky to have horses but none of them are free & I work extremely hard to pay for them, anyone else could do the same...
Friends are different but no way in hell would I allow a random acquaintance up to the yard.
 
Crumbs. what a lot of replies. I'm not mean and heartless, honestly, under normal circumstances I'd be happy to let anyone (well, OK, nearly anyone) come and spend a bit of time with the horses. She's obviously desperate for a bit of horsey time and I feel uncomfortable telling her no, but I'm stressed beyond belief about my poorly horse and she just isn't the type of person I need to spend time with or have at the yard right now. When the poorly horse issue is resolved one way or the other (sadly I think it's going to be 'the other') then I'll probably have a bit more time and patience.

I am lucky, I know I am, to have horses at all, I don't think I've ever denied anyone access to them before. I've made light of the situation in my original post because it's the only way I can handle it at the moment.
 
gala said:
Crumbs. what a lot of replies. I'm not mean and heartless, honestly, under normal circumstances I'd be happy to let anyone (well, OK, nearly anyone) come and spend a bit of time with the horses. She's obviously desperate for a bit of horsey time and I feel uncomfortable telling her no, but I'm stressed beyond belief about my poorly horse and she just isn't the type of person I need to spend time with or have at the yard right now. When the poorly horse issue is resolved one way or the other (sadly I think it's going to be 'the other') then I'll probably have a bit more time and patience.

I am lucky, I know I am, to have horses at all, I don't think I've ever denied anyone access to them before. I've made light of the situation in my original post because it's the only way I can handle it at the moment.
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I don't think you should feel bad, they're your horses and regardless of your reasons you have every right to say no if someone asks to visit, especially someone who you're unlikely to get rid of!
 
Although I agree that it's your choice who cuddles your horses, and if one of them is ill the last thing you want is a visitor invading at a very emotional time for both of you, but I empathise with this woman. Yes, her persistance is odd and, in my opinion, quite rude, but I was once that girl who couldn't afford riding lessons, that girl who's only equine contact consisted of feeding carrots to the horses over the fence a 10 minute walk away, adopting a pony from HorseWord and rushing out to gaze on adoringly whenever a horse came past our house hacking. Quite frankly, at the time, I'd probably be doing the same thing out of desperation if I didn't have the self-awareness. Yes, I was 11 years old, and it would be slightly (okay, a lot) less odd coming from an 11 year old, but the feelings are the same.

Wouldn't you be doing something odd like that, just to get equine contact, if you were denied it for a prolonged period of time?

EDIT: I saw your other post OP, and completely understand where you're coming from, in this post I'm referring to who seem to have forgotton what it's like not to have a horse :)
 
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gala said:
Crumbs. what a lot of replies. I'm not mean and heartless, honestly, under normal circumstances I'd be happy to let anyone (well, OK, nearly anyone) come and spend a bit of time with the horses. She's obviously desperate for a bit of horsey time and I feel uncomfortable telling her no, but I'm stressed beyond belief about my poorly horse and she just isn't the type of person I need to spend time with or have at the yard right now. When the poorly horse issue is resolved one way or the other (sadly I think it's going to be 'the other') then I'll probably have a bit more time and patience.

I am lucky, I know I am, to have horses at all, I don't think I've ever denied anyone access to them before. I've made light of the situation in my original post because it's the only way I can handle it at the moment.
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I found your post funny and quite reasonable. Under the circumstances you're uncomfortable about this lady having contact with your horses, so follow your instincts!

I think peoples' comments about harshness were more at some of the replies tbh.

To anyone saying we're not lucky to have horses though: of course we're lucky! For 35 years, I couldn't go near horses, it always hurt and I felt the loss of them from my life all the time. :( Now I'm okay again, I count my blessings and really appreciate how lucky I am, even though I struggle to afford a mare a lot of people wouldn't look twice at. :D

There are many, many people who no matter how hard they work will never be lucky enough to have a horse.
 
DreamingIsBelieving said:
Although I agree that it's your choice who cuddles your horses, and if one of them is ill the last thing you want is a visitor invading at a very emotional time for both of you, but I empathise with this woman. Yes, her persistance is odd and, in my opinion, quite rude, but I was once that girl who couldn't afford riding lessons, that girl who's only equine contact consisted of feeding carrots to the horses over the fence a 10 minute walk away, adopting a pony from HorseWord and rushing out to gaze on adoringly whenever a horse came past our house hacking. Quite frankly, at the time, I'd probably be doing the same thing out of desperation if I didn't have the self-awareness. Yes, I was 11 years old, and it would be slightly (okay, a lot) less odd coming from an 11 year old, but the feelings are the same.

Wouldn't you be doing something odd like that, just to get equine contact, if you were denied it for a prolonged period of time?
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You were 11 not a full grown adult who should know what the word no means.

There are plenty of places where this woman could volunteer and get her 'fix' - the fact that she's being so persistent & bringing her wellies and behaving like a 2 year old (that's actually unfair to 2 years olds because I have one & even she knows what no means!) despite having being told no just grinds my gears TBH and now OP feels bad for not allowing this clearly unbalanced individual to 'cuddle' her horse! It's not right.
 
DreamingIsBelieving said:
Although I agree that it's your choice who cuddles your horses, and if one of them is ill the last thing you want is a visitor invading at a very emotional time for both of you, but I empathise with this woman. Yes, her persistance is odd and, in my opinion, quite rude, but I was once that girl who couldn't afford riding lessons, that girl who's only equine contact consisted of feeding carrots to the horses over the fence a 10 minute walk away, adopting a pony from HorseWord and rushing out to gaze on adoringly whenever a horse came past our house hacking. Quite frankly, at the time, I'd probably be doing the same thing out of desperation if I didn't have the self-awareness. Yes, I was 11 years old, and it would be slightly (okay, a lot) less odd coming from an 11 year old, but the feelings are the same.

Wouldn't you be doing something odd like that, just to get equine contact, if you were denied it for a prolonged period of time?
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No. Even as a child...when I didn't have my own....I didn't ask.
I was offered the chance to ride a pony, in return for mucking out 2 stables a day. So....not for nothing.
I would never had dreamed of demanding or expecting .....even as a child.
A grown woman should take no for an answer.

What is it about horses that makes people invite themselves along? And expect that you would be ok with it?

Would you turn up at an aquaintances house complete with towel and demand to be allowed in their hot tub, just because they had one and you didn't? Honestly...it does drive me mad. As others have said....theres no 'luck' about it. Its a hard bloody slog looking after horses, especially this time of year...mucking out in the pitch dark, wading around in mud.....making sacrifices to be able to afford it. So oddly enough, in summer when I can enjoy my horses I do not want to feel obliged to be enriching anyone elses lives by having open pony time.......:mad:

Rant over. Shoot me now.
 
Is it bad that I still run to the window when i hear the sound of hooves? (I'm 35 :p)

OP in your case I'd not give in.
 
No. Even as a child...when I didn't have my own....I didn't ask.
I was offered the chance to ride a pony, in return for mucking out 2 stables a day. So....not for nothing.
I would never had dreamed of demanding or expecting .....even as a child.
A grown woman should take no for an answer.

What is it about horses that makes people invite themselves along? And expect that you would be ok with it?

Would you turn up at an aquaintances house complete with towel and demand to be allowed in their hot tub, just because they had one and you didn't? Honestly...it does drive me mad. As others have said....theres no 'luck' about it. Its a hard bloody slog looking after horses, especially this time of year...mucking out in the pitch dark, wading around in mud.....making sacrifices to be able to afford it. So oddly enough, in summer when I can enjoy my horses I do not want to feel obliged to be enriching anyone elses lives by having open pony time.......:mad:
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Totally, totally agree ;)

Also going back to opening post - the paws/begging thing sickens me. Pathetic.
 
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At the risk of sounding 'mean' I wouldn't want someone like her (can't take no for an answer and won't accept perfectly valid reasons) to know where my horses are. Would never get rid of her and what next? Giving treats? Sod that. My horses, my money, my choice. If she wants to cuddle something she can go to a petting zoo.
 
I think the perceptions on this thread range because we do not know if the individual is sound of mind or not, so some posts could be very cruel if the person has learning difficulties for example, or if she doesn't have a disability or difficulties then the puss in boots woman is behaving unacceptably oddly. Either way, I back the OP 100%. I have stopped countless times to let people cuddle/pat/stroke a horse of mine out hacking, I have sat a small child in front of me for 2 minutes, I have invited a friend who was terrified of horses to meet mine and spend a few hours at the yard with him, and would have happily let this woman cuddle him if I saw her out hacking, but each time it was with a horse who it wouldn't cause any detriment to. If it had been a grumpy, nervous or ill horse then I wouldn't have let those things happen, and the woman in the OP does sound as if she wouldn't stop pestering (because asking every time you walk past when you can't avoid walking past IS pestering) at one visit, or two, or three... and much though with the right horse I would be happy to do an occasional visit, I entirely sympathise that the OP works jolly hard to afford and keep the horses and if taking visitors all the time isn't her idea of fun she should be allowed to spend her time with her horses how she wishes.

OP, why not get hold of some details about how she can 'adopt' a horse or donkey at your nearest equine charity and give them to her? Sounds as if she would love a letter from 'her' horse twice a year, to collect the horse's gift items, to go to the horse's birthday parties and generally feel special because she 'has' a horse. She could visit that horse as often as she liked and cuddle that one (they are usually selected for their cuddly nature) and it would keep her out of your hair and do a charity a favour.
 
Perfect response Hippona, I agree entirely.
Really there are many charities and organisation who would love volunteers. Direct people their way!
 
This attitude from people really annoys me. I don't know anyone with horses who hasn't given up something else to have one. I don't spend a significant proportion of my income on a horse for everyone else to enjoy :mad:

My horse-time is a chance for me to relax, not a chance for me to entertain others. If other people want one they should organize their lives to afford lessons, a share or to own. That said, I'm not a horrid person and I have many times on the past taken a half hour ride round a housing estate, which actually takes an hour because of all the children who come out wanting to stroke the horses.

OP please don't feel bad, these are your horses, to do with as you wish. My concern with someone this pushy is that once she knows where your yard is she'd be up there faffing with your horses whenever she felt like it, whether you were there or not.
 
What bizarre non affectionate horses you all own:D

I can honestly say that there is nothing more that my horse (17.2hh ID x TB) likes than a big hug:eek:

Yes I can't believe that I am admitting this in public, but every night whist changing rugs I do say to the boy - big hug?

When he hears this he lifts his head so I can get right in under his neck with an arm each side and give his withers a nice scratch.

He reciprocates with wrapping his neck round my body and tickles my arse with his top lip :)

Only time he will have a small nip is when you stop and he wants you to keep going.

So not all horses hate cuddles - perhaps they just need some encouragement - go on - give them a big hug tonight :-)

** wanders off to admit self to mad house after asking TFC to change my user name :rolleyes: **
 
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I think the best possible approach to this kind of person is to say that you have asked your horses if they would like to meet her for a cuddle and they also gave a resounding NO for an answer....sounds like she will only take it straight from the horses mouth!;)
 
I've only just seen this thread, but I work with someone who sounds very like this lady and really battering her to a pulp with her own wellies is the only option.:)
 
M&S ChristNatch said:
OP, why not get hold of some details about how she can 'adopt' a horse or donkey at your nearest equine charity and give them to her? Sounds as if she would love a letter from 'her' horse twice a year, to collect the horse's gift items, to go to the horse's birthday parties and generally feel special because she 'has' a horse. She could visit that horse as often as she liked and cuddle that one (they are usually selected for their cuddly nature) and it would keep her out of your hair and do a charity a favour.
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Ditto this ^^^

OP your horse your choice and frankly I'd be saying no to this woman too. Whether she has problems, beit mental or emotional is not your issue and you are well within your right to say no.

Sending you some hugs for your poorly pony xx
 
Give her the number of your local riding school. Or if you're feeling super charitable buy her a half an hour lesson as a late Christmas present. The RDA is also a really good idea.

Alternatively, send her my way - all three of mine adore cuddles and I feel guilty about saying no to anyone who wants to meet them. :o I might work hard and make sacrifices to keep them but I still feel incredibly lucky - I know very well that there are plenty of people who have to work hard and make sacrifices just to afford to eat.

That sounds like I'm a really lovely person, when in actual fact I would HATE having somebody faffing around with my horses - just would feel too bad to say no!
 
I generally encourage the kids I see to come and pet Cobby (school is next to a primary school)and am happy for friends to come to the yard. However if the lady in the OP is really as bad as the OP says then she wouldn't be allowed within 10 miles of my horse or my yard - why? - because A) I couldn't trust her to follow instructions which could lead to her/me/the horse being injured, and B) because I probably wouldn't be able to get rid of her.

Am I "lucky" to have a horse - no, because I work hard and do without many things so I can keep him. If anyone wants a horse they can make the sacrifices necessary to either share, loan or buy. If they are not in a position to do so then I'm sure there are plenty of RSs and Rescue centres who could use the help.
 
Erm I agree, its a no from me! Without being mean she does sound like she would likely turn up more and more once she knew where to find you and your horse, esp as she's being so persistent about it. You have been polite and no one can accuse you different. She's now becoming a nuissance by the sounds of it and is lucky you are being so patient and kind mannered with your 'no's'!

Rightly suggested though there are lots of charities i.e. Redwings, WHW, where she can quite happily spend all day wandering round cuddling ponies til her hearts content, maybe get her a couple of leaflets??

Stay strong :-)
 
OP, if you don't feel she's a suitable person to be round your horses then stick to your guns! Nice and harmless as she may (or may not) be I can't see many people going "aw what's the harm, let her" if it was some vague acquantance's kids she was wanting to visit or cuddle rather than their pets.

No matter how nice somebody may be if you look at it that way it's a bit wierd.

Have you tried saying that your yard owners don't like liveries bringing visitors on the yard as they think it's a risk to everybody's security if they don't know who should & shouldn't be there - & as it's their land you have to follow their rules or your horses will be made homeless. Bit sneaky but it might be worth a try.
 
No way would I allow this woman to know where my horses are! Any one who uses manipulative behaviour like this, is going to be a total nuisance, at least wanting to go to the yard on a regular basis, at worst going there on her own and doing god knows what. She may just be someone who has always got her own way and so not learnt how to behave, or she may have some form of personality disorder, which can mean that understanding others emotional and practical needs is not on the cards. Whichever, she sounds like someone the OP would not like to socialise with, so why should she?
 
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