Can't get over his loss.....how do I??

Chestnutmare

Chestnutmare

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I can't get over the loss of my boy who sadly was PTS last year from a sudden illness I did everything I could to save him and so did the vets whilst he was in ITU for a week progressively getting worse so I had to make the decision to let him go peacefully he didn't owe me anything I owed him the world and was thankful I had the opportunity to be part of his life for the last 10years.

I would've thought by now I would be over the loss, but I'm not really it's starting to affect me now though as I want to move on and look for another horse but I can't...I can't afford to buy one yet as I'm not working yet.... I can have one on share / part loan and have a couple to think about but would it really be the same? I haven't had this opportunity since the loss of him to get another one I want to get back into saddle and being around horses again in general as I am slowly going mad lol....

How do you all cope? how long was it til you got another horse for those that didn't have two or more....I had my little mare at the time too but she has since gone back to her original owner.

Am I just being totally daft and need to pull my finger out and get on with it??

Sorry, but I need to speak to like minded people who have been through this....

Giant Buttons here....help yourself lol
 
Hi there I know how you feel. I lost my soul mate over two years ago and still think about her every day and miss her so much. I was lucky enough to purchase soon after her half sister who I love to bits and whilst I wasn't emotionally ready for her I believed adn still do that she was so meant to be mine. It is hard and no it won't be the same but having another one definately helps. I've also recently bought a gelding and having the two of them has really helped fill the gap. Good luck in what you decide.
 
you generally don't 'get over it', you just learn to live with it. Ive lost horses years ago and could still cry at the touch of a button at the thought! Getting another horse is in my experience one of the better things to do, it WONT be the same, it will be different. You wouldnt want it to be the same - its a different horse with different charactoristics and you can love it in a different way, for its own sake, not because its the same as the last one. You will never forget your last horse and neither should you! But, there are other horses out there that need your love now. You wont love them or click with them straight away because you are too hurt, but if they can help you peice yourself back together, think of how strong that bond could be between you in the future.
 
I had my mare at the time too so had to carry on as normal and even went back to the yard after I left him to do her, as she was on box rest..

Soon as I am working again or hubby gets his payrise I can get another horse of my own but can't afford one full time right now although I would just love that...it would probably help in build me up again I have so much love to give to a horse, it just feels like a peice of me has gone and I'm trying to replace it somehow?

Thank you for your comments, this has helped as I don't have any other horsey people to talk to here even though Hubby understands slightly, he was with me that dreadful day and he was hurt too he loved him too.
 
Merlywerly said:
it just feels like a peice of me has gone and I'm trying to replace it somehow?
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Of course you are, its only natural! It IS a replacement you are looking for- not a replacement of the horse or his charactor or your love for him but a replacement of the direction of your time and energy and hopefully this will grow into a NEW love and devotion. You sound like you need to fill in the spare time you have now and if you are happy to fill it with horses then do it and dont feel guilty! The loan/share horse idea is great to start with to fill that void untill you have more more ideas (and cash!)of what you want for your own.
 
Merlwerly, my heart goes out to you.
Its ok to feel like you do...you learn to find the level and you live with it and although its a cliche, time does make it easier to deal with. A year is no time, and you still have anniversaries to get through.
My horse of a lifetime sleeps at the end of my arena, with a weeping cherry tree to shade her eyes, and I say "morning" to her or "afternoon" whenever I ride in the arena. I had her with me for 22 years.....thats longer than most marriages! (And longer than my first one and she saw me through the divorce!) I loved her more than it was reasonable to love a horse, and when I lost her in 2002 I didn't know how to start getting past the big black hole.
Just like you.......and you will get there but don't let anyone tell you to hurry up and get over it or pull yourself togther or any of the other crap people come out with....you will find your way through this in in your own way, in your own time, then you will do it all over again with the next horse....because that is what we do!!! Big Hug....just flow with it, and your friends will support you....others who won't don't count!
Seville
 
Merlywerly said:
I had my mare at the time too so had to carry on as normal and even went back to the yard after I left him to do her, as she was on box rest..

Soon as I am working again or hubby gets his payrise I can get another horse of my own but can't afford one full time right now although I would just love that...it would probably help in build me up again I have so much love to give to a horse, it just feels like a peice of me has gone and I'm trying to replace it somehow?

Thank you for your comments, this has helped as I don't have any other horsey people to talk to here even though Hubby understands slightly, he was with me that dreadful day and he was hurt too he loved him too.
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Hi Merleywerley,
I totally agree you will never get over the loss, but you will hopefully learn to work with it.
Might I suggest a compromise on the horse front as I feel that as quite a bit of time has passed since losing your beastie, it might be quite a big ask for you when you are able to have another of your own.
How about going along to your local riding school and having a go on some of the ponies/horses till you find one you get on with reallly well, and keep having regular sessions on the beastie so that when you start looking for the next gee in your life, you are not trying to find one who is the same as the last one. Having a go on different horses will also give you a good idea of what you do and don't want/like, whilst still keeping your eye in.
Good luck with the job hunting adn hopefully you will have a new friend soon.
Best wishes,
Bryndu:)
 
First of all I'm very sorry that you're still struggling, I know exactly what you're going through as it took me a long time to deal with loss of my mare in 2008. I don't think you ever get over their going but you learn how to deal with it and honestly it does get easier. I still very much think of amy moo moo but it is with happy thoughts now, not with sadness.

I didn't want anything to do with horses initially apart from my friends mare who was my girls best friend but apart from that I lost all interest and I am horse mad! Gradually though I wanted to start doing more and went back to having riding lessons again and then to cut a long story short 6 weeks ago my friend rang me to say would I be interested in sharing a shire x - you can probably guess what my answer was :) so along comes mr b, I am very lucky as although I can't help hugely on the financial front (saving for house) I can help with time etc and also this friend is my best mate and we have a very laid back arrangement.

When you are ready and you'll know when believe me then start doing more but don't ever ever think you're replacing him, you're not but that love is there for another horse too. There will always be a amy in my heart but now there is a mr b space aswell, oh and also a space for friends pony cause I love her also although she is very very naughty but she is 37!! Xxx
 
so sorry for your loss. we have all been through it and all have to come to terms in our own way.......if you feel ready to deal with going to a yard again, how about finding a local RDA group and helping, or a local riding school and doing the same. then there is no pressure to ride etc but you could still be involved with horses. OR , how about a change of direction, either get a cat/dog/rabbits/guinea pigs so you have something to look after and focus on.....big hugs for you, you will never forget but will be able to move on in your own time, theres no rush......
 
I'm not sure you ever get over loosing an animal you just learn to cope.

Not a day goes by when I don't think about the 4 year old mare I lost nearly 2 years ago. I was devastated she was going to be my horse of a lifetime and there it was all taken away from me.

I got rid of everything. I decided I was never going to have another horse again.

Thankfully a lovely HHOer came up with an offer I couldn't refuse and a few months later I was sharing another horse. I was worried about how I'd cope but I actually found that this helped me move on. It made me realise that even though I was enjoying another horse I never did forget my beautiful little mare.

Now nearly 2 years on I have my own horse again. She truly is a little star.

I believe in fate, I wasn't looking for another horse and here she is. This is very hard to say but she is probably far better suited to me than the 4 year old I had PTS 2 years ago.
 
Be kind to yourself - it took me 2 years to come to terms with it, the first time I lost a horse. I can still run the video of her loss in my mind if I let it. As the others have said, introduce yourself gently to horses again, volunteer at a rescue centre or perhaps there is a stable near you struggling with stablework where you could help, just to be around them again. Don't rush to find another horse, it will find you, when the time is right.
 
I am sorry to hear this. You are certainly not alone and you shouldn't feel silly about your feelings, especially if you have reached a point where they are affecting you so much. You are probably also feeling a bit resentful towards the circumstances you are in, as you are not able to get another horse right now. This won't help as you are stuck in a sort of limbo where you can't move on in practical terms - does that make sense?

There are organisations who can help you - have a look at this website, it has quite a few links you can check out further.

http://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/bereavement_pets.php

I hope this helps a little. x
 
I do understand how you feel. I lost my boy, my first horse, very suddenly after owning him for 10 years. I was left without a horse which meant that a whole area of my life had changed - what do I do at weekends? After work? etc ..... horses take up so much of your life, its not just the riding and mucking out, its getting the feed, sorting the farrier, fetching hay etc etc.
Then when that goes you need something to replace that lifestyle.
I did actually get another horse within 3 months but I have to admit I didn't really bond with him for about 5 months. I would still find myself going to the area of the paddock where I had scattered Jake's ashes and cry my eyes out - I still could now.
But then me and Jerry really started to bond and I feel as though I was really lucky to have had Jake but it was time to move on and concentrate on Jerry.

I really feel you should try to either get a horse on loan or offer to exercise someone's just to help you to move on.
Good luck.
 
Rowenna said:
you generally don't 'get over it', you just learn to live with it. Ive lost horses years ago and could still cry at the touch of a button at the thought! Getting another horse is in my experience one of the better things to do, it WONT be the same, it will be different. You wouldnt want it to be the same - its a different horse with different charactoristics and you can love it in a different way, for its own sake, not because its the same as the last one. You will never forget your last horse and neither should you! But, there are other horses out there that need your love now. You wont love them or click with them straight away because you are too hurt, but if they can help you peice yourself back together, think of how strong that bond could be between you in the future.
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Very well put.

Sister and I lost our first horse (a bay gelding) in a field accident and took 2 years to get another, partly but not wholly for financial reasons. When we got our next horse we deliberately looked for something completely different. We bought a spotted mare.
Since then whenever we've lost one we have had others to do and we have actually been looking at the adverts the next day in some cases.
The trouble is that when you have only one horse, you don't just lose a 'pet' but a way of life. They take up so much of our time and provide so much of our social lives that there is a huge hole left when we no longer have them. In your position I'd look further at the possibility of sharing, it sounds like a good way back into horses. IME although some horses have similarities, no 2 horses are exactly the same, just as no 2 dogs or cats are the same - that is part of the joy of getting to know them.
 
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