Caught Teenager Smoking (sort of horsey!!!) long...

[Spit That Out]

My stable is next to (lets call her S)
S and I have been friends for nearly 6 years now. We've helped each other out loads around the yard, been to shows together, events and even socialize off the yard i.e round each others houses for BBQs, Chinese's etc etc
My OH and her Hubby play golf together...you get the idea!!
They have a 15 year old daughter that is ace. A real individual and have known her since she was 9ish, we'll call her P.
I've helped her to learn to ride and every year we take her on holiday with us (folks can't afford having 2 horses and don't go on holiday themselves) She's generally a good kid and just a typical teenager that likes to sleep, hates school but is super brainy (did 5 GCSEs early and got 5 A*s!!!) likes to party with mates and dyes her hair every colour under the sun!!!
However...Last weekend P went to a party (friends 16th) and stupidly had her photo taken with a fag in her mouth!!! Her friend posted it on Facebook along with loads of other pics so was an honest error!!
As P is a friend on my Facebook the photos were available for me to view.
I saw the photo and text her straight away telling her that I'd seen the pic and to stop that s**t.
10 mins later the offending photo was removed from Facebook.
P is 16 next month.

So...Do i tell S? Do i take P to one side and have a chat? Do i leave it and don't get involved?

If S finds out and finds out i knew about it and didn't tell her it she'll hit the roof.
If i tell S and S has a go at P then P will know I've snitched on her.

I don't want to fall out with either of them and i would like to think that if P ever needed someone to talk to (teenager stuff) etc she would come to me as I'm the "Cool Auntie" that let her get her ears Pierced, has taken her to her first mosh pit etc!!!

I also feel a bit of a hypocrite as i smoke and have done since i was 14 (I'm now 30 something)!!!

I understand that teenagers need to find themselves...i wasn't a saint myself but i feel awkward knowing that she's smoking even if it's only socially?!!?

I don't have kids of my own so not sure how to handle this?!!?

What would you do?

Thanks for reading this war and peace post!!!

 

[Cedars]

I would take her to one side, say that you think shes really *****ing stupid and that smoking is NOT cool and that if you ever see it so much as suggested again you'll tell her mum.

I would then stick to that. I wouldn't tell her mum if its just a one off thing, been there done that and I NEVER did it again!

 

[Tabbi]

I would suggest that you have a word with P and suggest she may want to fess up to her mum before someone else does! If you saw the pic who knows who else has seen it.

 

[Spit That Out]

Yes, i think your right guys...I'll have a word with P next time i see her.

Just glad i don't have kids of my own...not sure how i'd cope, and god knows how they'd turn out lol

 

[Gingersmum]

Don't tell her mum - you'll upset them all !

I would say to her in a jokey/serious tone 'Glad you saw the sense to quickly remove the fag photo - see the sense not to put a fag back in!' or words to that effect !

 

[zoelouisem]

Ooooh facebook can get us in soo much trouble!!!!

I was once this teenager got caught smoking, alot!!! Some people told some people didnt to be honest i dont think its going to make mush difference what you say if she still want to do it, she will

Im now the adult who catches/ sees the picture and TBH i cant be bothered with the hasstle of telling the parents, i tell them your stupid dont do, but if you are going to i dont want to see it!!!!!!!

When they sneak off to the fields ect. i just ignore it, as teenages will be teenagers and if there gonna do it, they will whether you tell her mum or not!!!

 

[mcnaughty]

Don't tell her mum - that would be very unpleasant.

Tell her to stop smoking (stupid, dirty and no boy is ever going to want to kiss her) - actually why don't you both give up together.....

Major hypocrite for thinking you should grass her up when you are smoking yourself.

 

[pastie2]

I would forget all about it, it really is none of your business, concentrate on your own children.

 

[VioletStripe]

I think the wise thing to do is what others have said - take her to one side, say it was a silly thing to do, and that if you find her doing it again that you will have to tell S, but seeing as you are her friend, you will let this one slide, but that you are still disappointed and don't see the funny side of it. Hope it goes okay xx

 

[Snickers]

Don't tell her mum! Every 16 year old I know (at least the typical ones) have tried smoking at some point, I doubt she's a serious smoker, probably just trying to impress her friends. Maybe talk to her about how it's dangerous, but really, she's not your kid, there's nothing you can do!

 

[hudsonw]

I would forget all about it, it really is none of your business, concentrate on your own children.

Well with friends like you...glad your not looking out for my children.
SC, I'm glad your showing you care and your looking out for her.
The OP has already said twice she hasn't got kids of her own, so read a post before you comment your unhelpful advise.

SC, Don't tell the mum but just let her know that Smoking is horrid but to be honest your not going to make her stop...it's just a thing most teenagers try. Some carry on and others don't take it up. Don't envy the position your in but telling her parents will just cause a huge argument.

Let "P" know your there for her if she needs anyone to talk to but otherwise it's just something she'll have to deal with herself.

Like you said, you started young so can't really say too much but also gives you knowledge of how expensive, addictive and vile smoking is...arm her with the facts and then it's up to her and her folks to sort out.

Good luck.

 

[jokadoka]

I was in this predicament once, "caught" my best friends son smoking. After agonising over it for weeks I decided to tell "mum". Turns out she'd known about it for ages...! Perhaps your friend knows about it already too, but hasn't mentioned it to you, as was in my case.I'm not sure taking the daughter to one side and telling her smoking is bad for you makes much difference, she knows that already and will just see you as an interfering fuddyduddy (sorry!)

 

[Three]

As others have said; speak to P.

But... I think you'll have a problem given you're 'cool auntie' who she obviously looks up to and adores since you're almost certainly her role model.

My experience is that it's really really hard to justify 'don't' when you 'do'.

 

[TGM]

Like you said, you started young so can't really say too much but also gives you knowledge of how expensive, addictive and vile smoking is...arm her with the facts and then it's up to her and her folks to sort out.

I agree this sounds like a good angle to go with when you speak to her about the smoking. Admit you know it sounds hypocritical when you are a smoker yourself, but you actually wish you had never started as you are now addicted, can't give up and it is costing you a hell of a lot of money you could spend on other things, plus obviously risking your health. You could say that you wish someone had told you all that before you ever started smoking when you were young.

 

[bj_cardiff]

Don't tell her mum - you'll upset them all !
QUOTE]

I'd stay well out of it, mum prob already has her suspicions or is aware, I wouldn't of even commented on the photo or alknowledged it, if her mum does ever ask you if you knew she'd been smoking you'll have to admit you knew and risk falling out with the mother, or if you tell mother then daughter will hate you..

You've put yourself in a difficult position, I'd stay well out of any other families politics..

 

[brighteyes]

Tricky, when you are a smoker. You are both as 'stupid' (sorry, can't find a more appropriate word) as one another but I'm having trouble deciding which of you is worse!

You can't really tell - I vote for give up together - if she is actually smoking regularly, that is. Otherwise, you have to give up on your own to set an example.

 

[ruscara]

As a smoker yourself, you know that it doesn't matter who tells you how stupid it is, that you MUST stop doing it - you will smoke until you, yourself, decide to stop.
I doubt very much if the girl's mother is unaware that she is smoking. But either she has decided to ignore it in the hope that it goes away, or she is telling her to stop. Either way, it's not your concern, in my opinion. Telling the girl to stop or else you will tell her mother will not work, and will only cause her to become sneaky and on edge when you are around; which you don't want.
Personally, I would stay well out of it, except to remark that you wish you had never started and what a very foolish, expensive and ridiculous thing smoking is. The girls will stop in her own time. Or she won't. You cannot influence her in any way - except perhaps if you give up yourself. If she really sees you as a role model, this would be the very best thing you could do
(I speak as someone who smoked for years and years and thanks herself daily for having stopped!)