Child’s confidence…again!!

[kidsandponies]

Hi, if it were me I would completely take all pressure off of your daughter, pony and yourself. The weather is atrocious and their confidence so fragile at this age.
I have two daughters (7 and 9). We are extremely lucky to be able to keep their ponies at home but even then have completely stepped back from anything other than a quick hack around the block at weekends (fields too wet to ride in). The ponies live out, no hard feed and even they are on their toes. Both girls have been off the leadrein for some time now but are firmly attached to me again when we venture out at the moment. I would rather know I am there to give them a helping hand/stop the bouncies when the ponies go into racehorse mode and keep their confidence up than risk something going badly wrong and shattering it completely. We sing, play eye spy, trot-can they sit for two and rise for one etc all to make it fun and a little less boring for them and I am praying for a settled early spring so they can get going again. We are never going to be world beaters and I do feel a bit disheartened at times that they could be doing more (they have friends out jumping most weekends) but they are happy, the ponies are happy and we will get going again come spring/summer.
Good luck with your daughter and forthcoming yard move, will there be other children on the yard? That could make a huge difference to her and is something mine miss terribly.

 

[Barklands]

Not masses because it’s not great where we are, but we are moving to a yard with loads of off-road hacking so we plan on doing more.

We are going through a similar thing at the moment with 10yo - we have come out of the school and are just doing loads of hacking on weekends in the light with pony following a very quiet schoolmaster, this has helped 10yo (and pony) loads. We don't have great off road hacking but lots of quiet lanes and this has been fine for us. We have just started going back in the school with pony following schoolmaster - is there someone else she can ride with? This has been very effective for quietening our mare down over the winter.

Best of luck, it's so tricky!

 

[eahotson]

Kick a longs can be improved a lot by decent schooling.

 

[Bobthecob15]

We are going through a similar thing at the moment with 10yo - we have come out of the school and are just doing loads of hacking on weekends in the light with pony following a very quiet schoolmaster, this has helped 10yo (and pony) loads. We don't have great off road hacking but lots of quiet lanes and this has been fine for us. We have just started going back in the school with pony following schoolmaster - is there someone else she can ride with? This has been very effective for quietening our mare down over the winter.

Best of luck, it's so tricky!

Thank you, unfortunately hacking is 10 times worse! She gets anxious in the open space I think. She had a good ride yesterday in the arena and was very relaxed riding with 2 others in the school. Today hacked down the lane with the same two horses and she got more and more tense, pony started to snatch the reins and got more joggy..she ended up getting off and I led her home she just gets herself in a nervous tizz and the pony reacts to to understandably.

I’ve said to her no more hacking until we’ve moved, she finds it too nerve wracking (she was the same with previous pony towards the end but her general anxiety with him was getting worse). I think until we’ve moved to the new yard we’ll just do whatever she wants in the school or nothing at all. Once we’ve moved the instructor there is going to give her lessons and I hope help the situation. She’s a lovely pony so we really want to work it out with her if we can. She was the perfect horse for her until her confidence started to go in November… I really want her to be able to work through it. Dad isn’t keen to keep financing new ponies either which doesn’t help my anxiety!!

 

[Tiddlypom]

I think I posted on a previous thread how I was once that nervous child after falling off my own pony and being dragged aged very small, maybe 4.

It took a very long time, but it was vital that it was me that wanted to ride. No pressure. I can vividly remember being terrified to ride in case the pony ran off with me again. I didn’t have a pony of my own again for years, but eventually I wanted to ride again, and I went to a good riding school. Maybe 2 years later, aged 12, I got a horse of my own, an older hand me down diamond mare who had belonged to my older sister, been sold and then came back to us. I ending up hunting her and doing all sorts. 50 years later I’m still riding.

Please don’t allow your daughter to get into a situation which scares her. If all she wants to do is be led at walk, then that’s grand. If that is too much, then she needn’t ride.

 

[maya2008]

Thank you, unfortunately hacking is 10 times worse! She gets anxious in the open space I think. She had a good ride yesterday in the arena and was very relaxed riding with 2 others in the school. Today hacked down the lane with the same two horses and she got more and more tense, pony started to snatch the reins and got more joggy..she ended up getting off and I led her home she just gets herself in a nervous tizz and the pony reacts to to understandably.

I’ve said to her no more hacking until we’ve moved, she finds it too nerve wracking (she was the same with previous pony towards the end but her general anxiety with him was getting worse). I think until we’ve moved to the new yard we’ll just do whatever she wants in the school or nothing at all. Once we’ve moved the instructor there is going to give her lessons and I hope help the situation. She’s a lovely pony so we really want to work it out with her if we can. She was the perfect horse for her until her confidence started to go in November… I really want her to be able to work through it. Dad isn’t keen to keep financing new ponies either which doesn’t help my anxiety!!

Are you choosing ponies who are too forwards going for her? Are you perhaps too ambitious? Sounds like she needs a brain dead kickalong who will only canter with large amounts of effort and wouldn’t spook if you set off a bomb next to it. I sold one of those last autumn, she was only young but I could guarantee she would never frighten anyone - the very concept that she would go too fast was hilarious. Our nickname for her was ‘health and safety’ because she kindly risk assessed every activity then made it safer and slower. We could have herds of horses or cows galloping along fence lines next to us, shooting in the woods next door, birds bursting out from under our feet, stallions lunging at us over fences, scariest fillers ever under jumps…and she never once cared a bit. That’s the pony you need!

 

[Bobthecob15]

Are you choosing ponies who are too forwards going for her? Are you perhaps too ambitious? Sounds like she needs a brain dead kickalong who will only canter with large amounts of effort and wouldn’t spook if you set off a bomb next to it. I sold one of those last autumn, she was only young but I could guarantee she would never frighten anyone - the very concept that she would go too fast was hilarious. Our nickname for her was ‘health and safety’ because she kindly risk assessed every activity then made it safer and slower. We could have herds of horses or cows galloping along fence lines next to us, shooting in the woods next door, birds bursting out from under our feet, stallions lunging at us over fences, scariest fillers ever under jumps…and she never once cared a bit. That’s the pony you need!

Absolutely this is something I’ve been really cautious of when we were shopping for this one. She was kickalong for months, we tried her twice and took an instructor with us who also rode her and thought she’d be ideal. They’ve been fab together, absolutely haven’t pushed her at all given the previous issues. she’s only become more forward since about November. I really don’t think it’s the ponies fault..she’s not doing anything other than reacting to my daughter. Unfortunately she’s got herself in an anxious headspace and we’re struggling to get out of it. The girl who was teaching her really hasn't helped her confidence and has repeatedly told her everything is fine, stop being a wimp etc… obviously she’s not qualified but is experienced. We stopped the lessons with her last month as I didn’t feel it was helpful. She’s at the yard we are on and frankly is one of the reasons we are leaving.

My daughter knows she’s in control of what we do now, im letting her decide if and when she rides for the foreseeable future. If she needs to be sold on then so be it but in her case I do think it’s not really the pony but my daughter. We’ve had very frank conversations and she does want to ride, I’d happily stop altogether but it’s still something she wants to do so my hands are a bit tied. Thanks for the help x

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

Absolutely this is something I’ve been really cautious of when we were shopping for this one. She was kickalong for months, she’s only become more forward since about November. I really don’t think it’s the ponies fault..she’s not doing anything other than reacting to my daughter. Unfortunately she’s got herself in an anxious headspace and we’re struggling to get out of it.

She knows she’s in control of what we do now, a letting her decide if and when she rides for the foreseeable future. If she needs to be sold on then so be it but in her case I do think it’s not really the pony but my daughter. We’ve had very frank conversations and she does want to ride, I’d happily stop altogether but it’s still something she wants to do so my hands are a bit tied. Thanks for the help x

Please, please do cut out all hard feed ASAP. I think you will be surprised what a difference that makes. Although I wouldn't expect a nervous child to ride a pony that hasn't had turnout that day.

 

[Bobthecob15]

Please, please do cut out all hard feed ASAP. I think you will be surprised what a difference that makes. Although I wouldn't expect a nervous child to ride a pony that hasn't had turnout that day.

Yep have asked them to stop the feed, and she is going out every day. Thanks x

 

[Upthecreek]

I’m sure you don’t mean it that way, but your post comes across that your daughter is the problem, when the fact is the pony’s behaviour has changed recently, for whatever reason, and this has affected her confidence. If the pony had continued to behave like it did in the first few months I assume your daughter would be happy still?

You need to own a horse or pony for a year through all seasons before you truly know them and the factors that can affect their behaviour, which was why I said earlier in the thread it could be that this pony may not be a good match for your daughter, even though it seemed to be initially. It sounds like she needs an unflappable pony whose behaviour is very predictable and consistent and this just might not be the one. Things will change again when you move yards and this might cause more changes in the pony’s behaviour. Buying ponies for children is tough and a gamble and sometimes no amount of lessons or changes in management can make them suit each other, particularly once a nervous child has doubts about their safety on a pony.

 

[Bobthecob15]

I’m sure you don’t mean it that way, but your post comes across that your daughter is the problem, when the fact is the pony’s behaviour has changed recently, for whatever reason, and this has affected her confidence. If the pony had continued to behave like it did in the first few months I assume your daughter would be happy still?

You need to own a horse or pony for a year through all seasons before you truly know them and the factors that can affect their behaviour, which was why I said earlier in the thread it could be that this pony may not be a good match for your daughter, even though it seemed to be initially. It sounds like she needs an unflappable pony whose behaviour is very predictable and consistent and this just might not be the one. Things will change again when you move yards and this might cause more changes in the pony’s behaviour. Buying ponies for children is tough and a gamble and sometimes no amount of lessons or changes in management can make them suit each other, particularly once a nervous child has doubts about their safety on a pony.

Absolutely thanks for your thoughts it’s so tricky because I know dad isn’t keen to change ponies again and basically said if this one doesn’t work out then we won’t be getting another…which puts a lot of pressure on me and her inadvertently. I am more than prepared to admit defeat and sell her on if things don’t improve in a few months…
Thanks so much x

 

[eahotson]

Absolutely thanks for your thoughts it’s so tricky because I know dad isn’t keen to change ponies again and basically said if this one doesn’t work out then we won’t be getting another…which puts a lot of pressure on me and her inadvertently. I am more than prepared to admit defeat and sell her on if things don’t improve in a few months…
Thanks so much x

Just a thought. Is the new instructor light enough to ride the pony?Perhaps she could ride her a couple of times a week and ride her for the first few minutes of her lesson.This will give your daughter confidence if she sees her settled and behaving and it will set her up for your daughter as well.

 

[Bobthecob15]

Just a thought. Is the new instructor light enough to ride the pony?Perhaps she could ride her a couple of times a week and ride her for the first few minutes of her lesson.This will give your daughter confidence if she sees her settled and behaving and it will set her up for your daughter as well.

Yes she is, she’s going to school her and give lessons once we’ve moved x

 

[Winters100]

In my opinion you will probably see a huge difference with no hard feed, pony turned out every day and regular schooling. It seems a lot to ask for a pony who has been in for 24 hours to behave calmly with a nervous child on board. Good decision to move yards, and fingers crossed that it works out for you.

 

[tda]

In my opinion you will probably see a huge difference with no hard feed, pony turned out every day and regular schooling. It seems a lot to ask for a pony who has been in for 24 hours to behave calmly with a nervous child on board. Good decision to move yards, and fingers crossed that it works out for you.

100% this, good luck with the move

 

[Bobthecob15]

In my opinion you will probably see a huge difference with no hard feed, pony turned out every day and regular schooling. It seems a lot to ask for a pony who has been in for 24 hours to behave calmly with a nervous child on board. Good decision to move yards, and fingers crossed that it works out for you.

Oh we didn’t ride after she had been in for 24hrs as we could see she wasn’t in the right frame of mind! she is much better with regular schooling and we will cut the feed right down so by the time we move she’s not having anything bar a handful of chaff. Fingers crossed

Thanks for all the advice xx

 

[Aperchristmas]

It does sound like a classic case of overfed and underworked, and unfortunately if your daughter isn't in a good headspace then that will further unsettle the pony. Hopefully a break, a change of scenery and most importantly a change of routine will help.

 

[SO1]

It is very difficult as a child or adult when you loose your confidence to get going again.

Is the pony clipped as sometimes that can make them sharper as well in the winter. I agree take the pony off top spec it has a reputation for whizzing up some ponies.

Could you try putting the pony on a calmer?

I think you then start again with an instructor who specialises in teaching nervous children if need be start with being back on the lead rein and gradually go from there.

Lessons with a good instructor will help a lot. If the instructor is also small enough to ride and assess the pony that will help.

A lot of ponies are more forward in the cold weather and spookier in the wind and rain.

Finding the right match for any nervous child or adult is difficult, I think it takes a good year to really get comfortable with a new pony or horse.

The pony maybe unsettled when you move yards so do not expect this to immediately solve the issue.

Explaining to your daughter why the pony's behaviour changed might also help her realise the pony may return to her saintly self once off the top spec and in a better routine with more turnout and a good instructor. If your daughter can understand why the pony behaved differently and what you have done to mitigate the situation she may be less scared to get back on.

 

[Bobthecob15]

It is very difficult as a child or adult when you loose your confidence to get going again.

Is the pony clipped as sometimes that can make them sharper as well in the winter. I agree take the pony off top spec it has a reputation for whizzing up some ponies.

Could you try putting the pony on a calmer?

I think you then start again with an instructor who specialises in teaching nervous children if need be start with being back on the lead rein and gradually go from there.

Lessons with a good instructor will help a lot. If the instructor is also small enough to ride and assess the pony that will help.

A lot of ponies are more forward in the cold weather and spookier in the wind and rain.

Finding the right match for any nervous child or adult is difficult, I think it takes a good year to really get comfortable with a new pony or horse.

The pony maybe unsettled when you move yards so do not expect this to immediately solve the issue.

Explaining to your daughter why the pony's behaviour changed might also help her realise the pony may return to her saintly self once off the top spec and in a better routine with more turnout and a good instructor. If your daughter can understand why the pony behaved differently and what you have done to mitigate the situation she may be less scared to get back on.

Thank you, fully agree with everything you’ve said. I’m not sure a calmer is needed as she really isn’t that fizzy…but I guess what my daughter is telling me is that she feels more forward than she did a couple of months ago. That definitely coincides with the top spec so am 100% ditching it! Shes actually now adopted this forward leaning position when she’s riding her I think as a protective posture…that combined with short reins does wind the pony up. Very hard habit to break! Funnily enough yesterday in the sunshine she didn’t do it and had a lovely ride!

Yep instructor can get on and ride her (plan is to school her once or twice a week in addition to a lesson) so hopefully that will help reassure my daughter.

Thanks all you are ever so helpful