Children wanting to quit, but i love that pony

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mums the groom

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Help WWYD,
My 8 year old has had a pony of her own for a year now, has been down to the yard every day and has had lessons no problems.... NOW she has started playing up when we have to go to the yard even though she has lots of friends to play with I don't ask her to do much just a bit of running around fetch haynets buckets etc.
she used to have a friend teach her and she got on really well with him and loved riding, some one new came on the yard started stirring over insurance for people using the arena and because friend instructor wasn't qualified or insured not allowed on yard, New instructor on yard all insurance fine etc but Daughter just doesn't gel with them and has tantrums and wont ride horse and falls off through screaming and spooking horse ARGHHH!!!!!
now wants to quit riding- OH wants to sell horse as not horsey and doesn't understand, but I love that pony I have a great bond with him I'm just to heavy to ride him myself so he's not going to get ridden, my dilemma is do I just carry on and see if daughter changes mind (I'm stopping as many lessons as possible letting her not come down as much if I can get sitters for her) or do I put him on loan must stay on yard ( by the way Im a control freak over his care and would be watching loaners like a hawk to make sure they are not "ragging the arse off him". his is such a good pony who knows his job inside out and loves a good canter/ gallop across fields given a chance
 
I think if she genuinely wants to quit then respect that decision and sell the pony.
However it sounds like possibly there are other underlying reasons why she may have lost interest. It may be a change of yards helps. What does your daughter say when you discuss this?
 
Oh that is such a shame for you both is there any way you could box the pony to your friend that she enjoyed the lessons with? or maybe find another qualified instructor she likes and it may get her back being interested again.
 
Maybe its worth cancelling all lessons for now and doing a bit of hacking out, a few gymkhana type activities etc just to take all pressure off (I say pressure - even when we think there is no pressure others feel there is is that makes sense - not saying you are a pushy mum)
 
Sorry but from what you have written your daughter does not seem to be in love with horses at all.
Keeping pony and dragging her up to the yard while you look after pony will not help.
So sell or loan? Given your stated control freak nature I would suggest sell.
 
PaddyMonty said:
Sorry but from what you have written your daughter does not seem to be in love with horses at all.
Keeping pony and dragging her up to the yard while you look after pony will not help.
So sell or loan? Given your stated control freak nature I would suggest sell.
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What I was going to say pretty much verbatim
 
Change trainer at minimum, yard and trainer if possible.
If daughter is genuinely not interested anymore maybe break the pony to harness if you want to keep it? You never know she could decide to come back to riding in time and that way you'd still have the pony.
 
Could she just take a break from lessons and make it fun again? Maybe just hacking out and some pony club type games in the arena - or even join pony club itself where the kids will be enthusiastic and the instructors will be aimed at children too. It would also give you access to mums with similar aged kids.
 
she says that all she does is horses and needs a break ... life must be so hard for 8 year olds :o)
I think she doesn't like having lessons with new instructor so going to find a new one and giving her a weekend day off so she can play on computers and watch telly etc :o(
biggest problem is have to go every day as on DIY and OH works long hours so she has to come with me
 
mums the groom said:
she says that all she does is horses and needs a break ... life must be so hard for 8 year olds :o)
I think she doesn't like having lessons with new instructor so going to find a new one and giving her a weekend day off so she can play on computers and watch telly etc :o(
biggest problem is have to go every day as on DIY and OH works long hours so she has to come with me
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She does not sound like a pony mad young girl. Sell the pony and divert the time and money into something she does want to do. Happier child, happier partner and less work for you.
 
Similar happened to me around late winter... 17 year old got serious with girlfriend, stopped wanting to do his competition horse...I was doing all the work and I am not a fit healthy mum! I am older with dodgy hip.. It was getting too much for me, then I had hard time trying to keep horse fit, was paying a fortune for livery and for excercise in the week... So I had a serious talk to my son, and in the end he decided to sell the horse to a fellow club member, and it all worked out great, I sold lorry and all horse stuff, just kept a few realy expensive things for sentiment...I too loved his mare, did most of the care and transporting to events over last 5 years, but the mare is doing so well with new teenager who loves her to bits, having just gone from ponies to horses... I miss her and the yard life, but I still keep in touch with new owner. I've put a bit of money away in case he wants to start again once uni is over in 3 years time... But you can't force them to do something, you could try finding a rider for the pony for the summer, with the hope your child will pick up and have more interest, (sharer) but I would not force it on your child... My son started at age 6 and by 16 I could see him loosing interest... Good luck with whatever happens.
 
mums the groom said:
she says that all she does is horses and needs a break ... life must be so hard for 8 year olds :o)
I think she doesn't like having lessons with new instructor so going to find a new one and giving her a weekend day off so she can play on computers and watch telly etc :o(
biggest problem is have to go every day as on DIY and OH works long hours so she has to come with me
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I think it is very hard for kids when they are young to be dedicated enough to want to ride and be around horses every day, I love it but even as an adult I loose motivation for it especially when things are not going very good, I would maybe have at least 2 days off a week where she doesn't have to go up there at all pay for the pony to be bought in or put out on those days so she has time out to do as she pleases, then hopefully she will start to love it a bit more I would leave the lessons for now do some fun games in the school and hacking.
 
mums the groom said:
has tantrums and wont ride horse and falls off through screaming and spooking horse ARGHHH!!!!!
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If you are keep to keep the pony perhaps advertise for a sharer or if suitable break to drive, that way you can work the pony and enjoy him yourself. And i'm sorry, but even if your child doesn't want to ride screaming on the horse is absolutely unnaceptable behaviour and should not be without consequence.
 
Move the pony to an other yard and keep him for yourself, if your child is not interested at the moment, this does not mean you can't have him as your pet.
sounds as though your kiddie is "spoilt"
 
Get some one to break it to harness, she might like to come out in a trap with you and it will take the pressure off, she may start in the future but just take it slow all fun and games and variety as they say is the spice of life.
 
Having to go and do a pony every day on DIY when you are 8 is pretty full on if you aren't really enjoying it that much.
We have one on our yard but mum has a pony too and she doesn't have to come down every day after school. If you have no alternative but to take her with you so you can care for the pony you should sell IMO.
 
I'm astounded that an 8yr old needs a weekend off to play computers and watch the telly. Nothing captivates children as much as computers and telly.

Chuck the telly out, make the horse more fun and she will soon want to do it. It's not about forcing them but at the same time I would not find it acceptable to get a pony then lose interest and never actually really have to do any of the work either.

My daughter and my friend's daughter 7+ 8 are at their ponies (seperarely, mine are at home) every day and they do a large part of the care joyfully themselves.

They've always helped and want to help and that attitude has to be cultured it doesn't just follow that a kid is pony mad and will want to ride ponies forever and do all the chores. The chores and everything else have to be structured in such a way the child is having the time of its life doing them. As I said, you'll never win against electrical items, but are they an acceptable hobby for an 8 yr old anyway?

We do everything, make jumps, pony club games, race each other, daughter videos me riding, I video her riding. Life is a massive game for both of us. I may as well not have a TV for all the time it's on in a year.

It's no coincidence that the girls who don't have ponies are desperately keen and the girls who do can take it or leave it.
 
I'm going to go against the grain here. I feel sorry for this child. She's eight and she doesn't like riding and she doesn't like stable work. She maybe only did it in the first place to please her Mum, who is clearly addicted like most of us on this forum are.

She's screaming and falling off, and begging to be allowed not to go to the stables. Why on earth does anyone think she should be forced to carry on? If this was football or tennis would people be saying make her do it?

Mum, I think you should sell the pony, wait until your daughter doesn't need a babysitter and then buy one for yourself.
 
I own a 9 year old. A couple of months ago, she was an 8 year old.

Fickle things, aren't they?

You want her to go and ride the pony. BUT there are SO many other things to do when you're 8. Let's face it, a pony of your own is a bit of a chore, isn't it? And as you will know, getting an 8 year old to do anything that remotely resembles work is usually greeted with a bit of strop. The words 'tidy your room' are enough to set bottom lips a trembling and to glue feet to the floor. Coming to the yard when you could be trying out the latest mod on Minecraft, or drawing up the latest fashions or face-timing a gaggle of other 8 year olds is just such. a bore. Mummmmmy. Especially when only Matilda rides everyday when she gets home from school (but you know that Matilda's mummy is an eventer and has a groom, mummy, who just brings Jet to the door and she doesn't have to do annnnnyyyything else!) and Penny rides too, but she only has to go once a week because she's at the riding school...

It's such a chore when they could be doing SOMETHING else. It's especially a chore when they know they're going to have to fill a haynet, or help with the water buckets, or something. I am afraid, that's just being 8.

Also, if they weren't born on the back of the horse, learning to ride when you are 8 is a BIG frustration. There they are out at PC. All the other kids their age are scooting around like lunatics and they're just understanding what the heck you meant when you said 'inside leg on'. And all the other kids' ponies seem to be push button jobs that never put their noses in the long grass and always do as you ask. Kipper, on the other hand... well, there's a reason they're called '*****lands', isn't there? And they have to go and have a lesson once a week and the instructor just makes them go round and round and do it again and again and they never make anything fun. Not like Helen. Helen let me do jumping... she never said 'learn to use your seat effectively and then you can go jumping, she just let us go jumping, anyway...'

As you can gather, I've been there and have the tee-shirt. Twice. And now both of them are a little older, they both love it again. My son was given the opportunity to ride when he was 8 thank you to a lovely friend. He was so keen and then winter happened and he stopped giving a stuff. Thanks to another lovely friend, he was given another opportunity aged 10. And the difference was incredible. He couldn't get enough of it. Occasionally there'd be a 'I just don't feel like it'. In which case you shrug and say 'okay'. They're children.

My daughter never really had the option until this year (we didn't have the money, or another friend with a suitable pony). Then a 20yo been there, done that Shetland came into our lives. For the first couple of months, she couldn't get enough of him. She was absolutely determined - he was also determined, never to do as he should. Then her interest waned considerably. She would do anything to avoid it. This, because she HAD to ride, even though it was a couple of times a week. She also felt way behind her best friend who does go to the riding school, because said friend (and 8 yo girls are dreadful people to be around, ask any prep school teacher) put her down, saying she'd never be good enough, blah, blah.

In the last few weeks she has become really keen again. Yes, there's the odd refusal to do as she is told ref helping, but without the emphasis on 'having' to do things, she has been very enthusiastic.

I think that, unless you are literally born to the horse, a later introduction can be hit and miss. The kid who goes to the riding school is fueled by the limit of her riding; the one born into a horsey family knows no different - horses have been an integral part of her entire life. Hold on to the pony for a few more months if you can - maybe find it another jockey for a couple of days a week. And have a good long talk. Find out why she doesn't want to ride and if the reason is valid, then think again.

Personally, I think it's her age.:p
 
If she genuinely wants to stop and really isn't enjoying it then I'd respect that and not force her to carry on.
There's no point keeping a good pony and it not being ridden if there's no one to ride it.
I'd suggest sell, and if she really wants to get back into riding in a couple of years, could you get something that you could both ride?
 
Hears Hoping

Thank you for being honest. I really think most of her disinterest is down to frustration and school I know someone in the class keeps calling her spoilt cos she has a pony- a lot a green eyed monster coming out there. we came back off holiday full of love of riding she was even cantering uphill on holiday, she had a fall 1st lesson back when pony bucked, but she did sit to 5 of the 6 bucks. She has in the past loved a sport as she found it easy and looses interest the moment it starts to get difficult, which is the stage we are at now. I am going hold onto the pony a look at breaking it to drive if possible he's a Sec B and only 12 so hopefully it will be able to cope with cart & my 11stone
 
and backstep if driving ;) though absolutely no reason why not. It also might make him a bit better behaved for your daughter because there is only a limited number of times being bucked off is fun ;)
 
FfionWinnie said:
We do everything, make jumps, pony club games, race each other, daughter videos me riding, I video her riding. Life is a massive game for both of us. I may as well not have a TV for all the time it's on in a year.

It's no coincidence that the girls who don't have ponies are desperately keen and the girls who do can take it or leave it.
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FW that's a lovely outlook to have on life, and I wholeheartedly agree with your closing sentiment.
 
"It's no coincidence that the girls who don't have ponies are desperately keen and the girls who do can take it or leave it."

so true: I always loved animals and had been on a few pony rides as a child, but lived in London with non-horsey parents. Started riding lessons on holiday aged 10 (spent a whole summer in Devon) and that was it- I caught the bug. still didn't have my own horse until ages 15. now aged 25 I live in west Berkshire, have 4 horses, a dog and cat. I used to arrive early and hang around after riding lessons to spend time doing stable chores for free.

my friends who I was on a yard with as a child/teenager, who had ponies from a young age, have all given up. even though quite a few of them had them on livery so mostly just did the fun stuff, no yard duties.

at my current yard a friends girls aged 3 & 7 have 3 ponies & do love hanging around the yard at the weekend, but much more than that and they are moaning.

She is old enough, ask her what she wants
 
I wasn't allowed a pony at all until I could look after it myself and be committed, which I wasnt before age 10 tbh. It doesn't matter how good the pony is, you can't ride it and your daughter clearly doesn't want to. Someone else would probably love riding this pony and it would have a great time with them, not everyone will 'thrash the arse of it '. It is madness to keep it and have it wasted. Why not get a horse for yourself as you seem to be the one who enjoys it? Then if your daughter changes her mind as she gets older she can help out with yours to prove herself interested
 
did her attitude change completely just when new instructor arrived?
Also you mentioned pony bucking and falls, is it generally a safe pony or would you be scared of it now. Maybe the old instructor was good at being a safety net/reassurer when things went wrong and the new one doesn't have this skill, so she's struggling now?
 
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