coming to terms with the news

pippixox

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sorry, I hate posting negative things, but I've had some bad news this morning and just need to get it off my chest to understanding horsey people (other non-horsey/animal people will say kind things but don't really get it)

10 days ago my boy came in with a nose bleed, and slightly puffy nose. but not unhappy- eating and grooming his friends in the barn. vet came and said it may be a reaction to something like a bite or inhaling grass seed, so gave steroid and other than a gross nose he happily went back out grazing.

yesterday morning he was fast asleep on his side in the field when i arrived, but when i brought breakfasts out my other 3 zoomed over and he did not. walked over (well tried to run, but I am nearly 7 months pregnant) and he was breathing and then looked up at me and over the next couple of minutes he slowly got up and wandered over to his friends and breakfast. his nose was running- blood and mucus and his nose was swollen. so i slowly brought him into the barn. by this morning hole face was swollen and one eye almost shut. he had barely eaten or pooed all night and was even more lethargic.

so I tried to remain positive while waiting for the vet- maybe he has suddenly developed a pollen allergy, or sinusitis. just needs some medication and management, but my gut told me otherwise and sadly I was right. scoped and x-rayed and it appears he must have a brain cyst or tumor :(

He is 18 but was still full of life until the last few days, and not long ago I was cantering him across the common. I have had him 10 years, he was my first horse. spent his hole time since being a race horse with me. I am absolutely devastated. I thought he would have many more years with me. He is the sweetest horse, who I hoped my baby would meet and even sit on as he is so safe. sadly I now don't know how long he has :(

I don't know if anyone has any experience of this? Vet completely agrees that (regardless of massive cost) doing a CT is a waste of time as I would not want to operate, and the likelihood of a positive outcome is so slim anyway. so he has given me antibiotics and pain killers to reduce swelling and make him comfortable, and I will put him back out with his friends tonight. Then in 2 weeks we will reassess, unless he goes downhill. But ultimately I know PTS is inevitable and probably quite soon. just feel helpless right now and although he has had a great life, 18 is still young to me. just such a sudden shock.

not really after much advise (although welcome to share similar experiences) just had to write it down to help process the situation.
 

3OldPonies

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What a heartbreaking tale. I've no experience or encouraging tales to relate to you that might give hope, but I just wanted to say that you sound like a very caring owner and whatever the outcome you'll know that you did your best. Huge hugs of sympathy to you and your horse.
 

The Fuzzy Furry

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Oh bum :( poor you & poor horse, very distressing.
I cannot offer any advice as the only catastrophic tumours I've dealt with have been discovered after.

Hope you are able to sort the pain management for him xxx
 

Sandstone1

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So sorry to hear this. Many years ago I had a pony who developed a lump up his nose, vet thought it may be a tumor, he also had cushings but at that time not much was known about it. He started to get nose bleeds and sadly I did lose him a few weeks later.
Fingers crossed your boy can come through it. If not I hope you have time to spoil him and say your goodbyes. Sorry again.
 

Antw23uk

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You poor poor thing, my heart absolutely breaks for you. Ten happy years with you is a blessing, you sound very kind. I was told once 'Better a day too soon than the guilt of a day too late' and its stuck with me but it doesn't make it any easier. Don't know what else to say really but good luck x
 

Sandstone1

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So sorry to hear this. Many years ago I had a pony who developed a lump up his nose, vet thought it may be a tumor, he also had cushings but at that time not much was known about it. He started to get nose bleeds and sadly I did lose him a few weeks later.
Fingers crossed your boy can come through it. If not I hope you have time to spoil him and say your goodbyes. Sorry again.
 

lottiepony

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So awfully sad I totally feel for you. No help to offer other than to say make sure you do him the last kindness you can. Life is so cruel. Enjoy every last minute with him. x x
 

Cara_E

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Oh this is awful. My heart breaks for you. I have no words of wisdom, unfortunately, just lots of sorrow.
 

Lanky Loll

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What utterly horrible news :( absolutely no consolation at all I know but at least you weren't riding him when the symptoms appeared. Hope there is a way to make him comfortable for the time being.
 

Tobiano

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So sorry Pippixox - your poor boy. He has obviously had 10 years of happiness with you and i hope that is some comfort to you x x x
 

_GG_

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I'm so sorry. There's not much that can be said other than what a lucky boy to have you as his mum, giving him the life you have and ultimately, ready to make the right decision when he needs you to. Bless you and huge hugs xxx
 

claracanter

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Sorry to hear your sad news. Lucky boy to have you, you sound like a wonderful owner. What an awful thing to deal with what with you being heavily pregnant too. Big hugs.
 

Sukistokes2

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So sad and a horrid thing for you to go through. Losing our furry family is unbearable, I hate it when people suggest it's less soul destroying. I hate it yes, but having just sat through the death of my father in law in hospital, I can say that for our animals we have a choice. We can ease their suffering, and allow them to slip away peacefully or a least without knowledge of their own end and without lingering pain. Your boy has been healthy up to this point, he has been loved and ridden and had fun with his friends in the field, he is blessed, he is so lucky to have had a owner such as yourself, who will put him first, if all horses were as lucky the world would be a brighter place. Best wishes. Xx
 

Pearlsasinger

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I'm so sorry, I know from experience how devastating it can be to face the loss of a relatively young horse. I hope he comes through this crisis but whatever the outcome, remember that he has had a fabulous home with you ever since he came out of training, which many horses would envy.
 

mytwofriends

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Oh that is so sad. What a horrible outcome.

OP you sound level headed, even though it must be terribly hard, and I hope you can spend some quality time with your boy. Miracles might happen, but if not at least you'll know you've done the best for him and you'll be able to treasure 10 years of happy memories.

Hugs for you and him.
 

Anna*

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I'm so very sorry 😢 I have no experience either but just wanted to send you some virtual love. Xx
 

pippixox

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thanks everyone
he is back out in the field with his friends, taking things slowly. on bute and anti-biotics to try and bring swelling down and keep him comfortable, but still very hot and puffy this morning, and right eye only half open. he was having a nap as I left this morning. Unless he perks up over the next few days, I will make the call. But just want to see how it goes with pain relief, as he was calling out and walking very fast yesterday afternoon when I took him back towards the field to join his friends, so still has a spark left.
 

Maesfen

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Having had a horse and a dog with this, I would say to remember, what the vet told me and is only common sense after all for any growth related issues; that the symptoms shown are the only ones you can see and the internal picture will be much worse behind the scenes so you will usually see a very quick deterioration when it does happen; the trick is in realizing it in time. Sad to say I missed it with my horse (which I still kick myself about) but managed better for my dog, both very sad days.
Sorry to sound so gloomy but I know you'll do the right thing for him which is all he can ask; it's just so hard for us.
 

Antw23uk

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Having had a horse and a dog with this, I would say to remember, what the vet told me and is only common sense after all for any growth related issues; that the symptoms shown are the only ones you can see and the internal picture will be much worse behind the scenes so you will usually see a very quick deterioration when it does happen; the trick is in realizing it in time. Sad to say I missed it with my horse (which I still kick myself about) but managed better for my dog, both very sad days.
Sorry to sound so gloomy but I know you'll do the right thing for him which is all he can ask; it's just so hard for us.

I'm with you on this one. I would be calling it now knowing in my heart he had that little spark left in him on the day rather than the guilt of knowing you left it too late. Stay strong x
 

PorkChop

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So, so sorry, how horrible for you both.

Glad to hear he is more comfortable this morning, however I am in the better a day too early than a day too late camp.

Sending you a huge hug x
 
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