MidChristmasCrisis
Well-Known Member
Only this week….do you get sea sick on her? A comment on my mares action as we were picking our way down the sloping hill past a house (Friesian)…
Comments on your riding that make you laugh
- Thread starter Rowreach
- Start date
vickyb
Well-Known Member
Doing a dressage test as a child at a pony club event. I was more interested in going cross country - the dressage bit was just something you had to do to get to the best bits, so I never really used to do any training for it, so I was somewhat inept. The comment on my entrance at A, trot down centre line etc was 'You are supposed to bow, not curtsey, when you halt'!
planete
Well-Known Member
"Pea on a drum" comment at the sight of me (5ft nothing) on the big hunters i worked with.
supertramp
Well-Known Member
My instructor to me " I am like marriage guidance to you and the pony"
Ample Prosecco
Still wittering on
When Amber literally pinged me out of the saddle over jumping a tiny straight, and I ate dirt, my RI said ‘basically Amber is a Ferrari and you’re more used to Fords’. Made me laugh which was better than crying which was my other inclination!
Mrs. Jingle
Well-Known Member
Only 4 years ago the saddle fitter out to fit my new horse. After I had trotted away and back past her a few times in different saddles "My Goodness you are one of the straightest riders I have seen in a long time.!" Within just a year or so I was unable to even get on a horse without straddling about like a beached whale, let alone sit straight! 
Oh and another one from an instructor, not mine someone else's and I just happened to be in the school at the same time as her client. She shouted out "You ride very well for an old lady, shame your hands look like Liberace playing the piano!" That told me then!
Oh and another one from an instructor, not mine someone else's and I just happened to be in the school at the same time as her client. She shouted out "You ride very well for an old lady, shame your hands look like Liberace playing the piano!" That told me then!
CluelessShowjumper
Active Member
On a dressage test in the end comments after my first prelim on my rather argumentative TB…
“Try to get some help.”
And from OH at a show when I was in a jump off…he turned to a friend of mine as I did quiet a nice roll back and said, “why is she rushing, is she in a hurry?”
“Try to get some help.”
And from OH at a show when I was in a jump off…he turned to a friend of mine as I did quiet a nice roll back and said, “why is she rushing, is she in a hurry?”
Rowreach
Adjusting my sails
Do I know this person??Only 4 years ago the saddle fitter out to fit my new horse. After I had trotted away and back past her a few times in different saddles "My Goodness you are one of the straightest riders I have seen in a long time.!" Within just a year or so I was unable to even get on a horse without straddling about like a beached whale, let alone sit straight!
Oh and another one from an instructor, not mine someone else's and I just happened to be in the school at the same time as her client. She shouted out "You ride very well for an old lady, shame your hands look like Liberace playing the piano!" That told me then!
Mrs. Jingle
Well-Known Member
Possibly. I actually thought it very funny and quiet grounding. But as it happened I didn't rate her as a rider or instructor but far too polite to throw that back at her.
Velcrobum
Well-Known Member
I have also had that and yes also knew what they were getting at!!Approaching fences while being taught by a show jumper, repeated command "Sit down! Sit up!"
I knew what she meant though.
Red-1
I used to be decisive, now I'm not so sure...
To my embarrassment, I have actually said this.
The rider was bouncing out of the saddle in canter - sit down.
They then tipped forwards - sit up.
It was in quick succession so, in real time, it sounded ridiculous.
BronsonNutter
Well-Known Member
Olympic dressage rider: 'Your sitting trot isn't as bad as I thought it would be'
Skib
Well-Known Member
I was told I was a legend on the yard which suggests mare and I must be about 2,000 years old.
sugarpony
Well-Known Member
I have a few favourites from dressage sheets over the years on a series of project horses.
“Nice jump over boards!” as my thelwell first pony decided halfway through a dressage test he was finished and proceeded to bomb back to the gate, jumping 2 sets of white boards in the process (and once he was ensconced at the gate refused to move)
“Airs above the ground not required at this level” probably doesn’t need much explanation, it was a prelim test
“Tactfully ridden, your horse didn’t make your life easy today” a very much needed compliment after possibly the worst dressage test of my life on a very fresh horse who just wanted to go XC and spent the whole test somewhere between a coiled spring and an unexploded bomb (with the occasional small explosion)
“Nice jump over boards!” as my thelwell first pony decided halfway through a dressage test he was finished and proceeded to bomb back to the gate, jumping 2 sets of white boards in the process (and once he was ensconced at the gate refused to move)
“Airs above the ground not required at this level” probably doesn’t need much explanation, it was a prelim test
“Tactfully ridden, your horse didn’t make your life easy today” a very much needed compliment after possibly the worst dressage test of my life on a very fresh horse who just wanted to go XC and spent the whole test somewhere between a coiled spring and an unexploded bomb (with the occasional small explosion)
Ratface
Well-Known Member
I had a dressage test write-up with a number of critical points made. The final piece of advice was "I suggest that you give up riding hot-blooded horses as you are quite incapable of riding them properly."
Hmmm. I was in my fifties at that point and had ridden naughty ponies, off the track TBs and rescued Arabian horses since early childhood. I didn't give up the Arabians and have carried on regardless. My current one is a loon, and as I'm old, arthritic and my balance compromised by M E. I don't ride him.
Now, even if I did ride, I certainly would avoid all dressage tests and such unhelpful comments.
I had a lot of training from successful dressage riders and trainers who thought that I was sufficiently competent to enter the most basic levels. We did quite well at show jumping though!
Hmmm. I was in my fifties at that point and had ridden naughty ponies, off the track TBs and rescued Arabian horses since early childhood. I didn't give up the Arabians and have carried on regardless. My current one is a loon, and as I'm old, arthritic and my balance compromised by M E. I don't ride him.
Now, even if I did ride, I certainly would avoid all dressage tests and such unhelpful comments.
I had a lot of training from successful dressage riders and trainers who thought that I was sufficiently competent to enter the most basic levels. We did quite well at show jumping though!
Bellalily
Well-Known Member
I’ve had a similar “tactfully ridden” comment too as I ended up riding my daughter’s Connie in a PC ODE after she broke her wrist 2 days earlier. Pocket timebomb he was, so fit. I did eventually relax into the test and tried a bit of breathing, but omg! I was just waiting for the explosion. When I asked for the first canter I thought that would be it, but nope, he actually behaved very well. Aged me about 10 years tho!I have a few favourites from dressage sheets over the years on a series of project horses.
“Nice jump over boards!” as my thelwell first pony decided halfway through a dressage test he was finished and proceeded to bomb back to the gate, jumping 2 sets of white boards in the process (and once he was ensconced at the gate refused to move)
“Airs above the ground not required at this level” probably doesn’t need much explanation, it was a prelim test
“Tactfully ridden, your horse didn’t make your life easy today” a very much needed compliment after possibly the worst dressage test of my life on a very fresh horse who just wanted to go XC and spent the whole test somewhere between a coiled spring and an unexploded bomb (with the occasional small explosion)
SEL
Well-Known Member
We added a few unscripted moves to Intro A back in Jan. I got a round of applause from the judge and writer when I saluted at the end - mouthing an apology - and "don't think he was really listening to you today" written on my sheet. Correct 
The writer brought the sheets back after my test and said her and the judge were betting how long my stickability would last.
The writer brought the sheets back after my test and said her and the judge were betting how long my stickability would last.
Bellalily
Well-Known Member
That’s so sweet.We added a few unscripted moves to Intro A back in Jan. I got a round of applause from the judge and writer when I saluted at the end - mouthing an apology - and "don't think he was really listening to you today" written on my sheet. Correct
The writer brought the sheets back after my test and said her and the judge were betting how long my stickability would last.
Maxidoodle
Well-Known Member
I must have been about 30yrs old, I had a newly backed mare at home and I went to a riding school to get my confidence up cantering, after a bad accident, the instructor was lovely and when I said I didn’t feel confident just yet to canter, she yelled across the school “well, you can ride and if you don’t canter, I’m going to clip you on a lunge line like a big baby “, it did break the tension and make me laugh.
I was finally just into canter and due to nerves, my position admittedly awful and she screamed out, just as a group of children and parents were stood at the gate to the indoor “Ride with your arse, not with your f*nny”.
I was finally just into canter and due to nerves, my position admittedly awful and she screamed out, just as a group of children and parents were stood at the gate to the indoor “Ride with your arse, not with your f*nny”
.
Goldenstar
Well-Known Member
This happened to me last week .
Riding past a building site I thanked a worker for turning off the JCB .
He said beautiful horse he looks exactly like Desert Orchid, Sky is an Irish Draft.
We managed to get out of earshot before we broke down laughing .
Riding past a building site I thanked a worker for turning off the JCB .
He said beautiful horse he looks exactly like Desert Orchid, Sky is an Irish Draft.
We managed to get out of earshot before we broke down laughing .
Bellalily
Well-Known Member
I’m hoping he is at least grey?
Goldenstar
Well-Known Member
Oh yes he’s a very white grey .
abbijay
Well-Known Member
Once got told to "lift your inside hand up and carry it in front of you, at the moment you look like you're scratching your f*nny". I was laughing so hard I nearly fell off and had to stop the horse!
dorsetladette
Well-Known Member
'Look up - I can see your double chin'
'sit on your bum, not your f#nny'
'roll your shoulders back, sit up straight!!! No more! just stick your t#ts out'
The above usually echoed round the indoor for everyone on the yard to hear!
'sit on your bum, not your f#nny'
'roll your shoulders back, sit up straight!!! No more! just stick your t#ts out'
The above usually echoed round the indoor for everyone on the yard to hear!
PinkvSantaboots
Well-Known Member
I used to have lessons with a real old school showing lady and some of the things she would say were hilarious she used to really shout as well.
One of her favourites was I want to see that horse really trotting and remember your own t*ts and teeth
I felt like I was grinning like a Cheshire cat in her lessons and what with my chest out like a page 3 girl I must have looked ridiculous
And if you moved your hands about too much she would shout stop waving at me.
I always knew when my friend next door was having a lesson with her as I could here her shouting if I was out on my yard.
One of her favourites was I want to see that horse really trotting and remember your own t*ts and teeth
I felt like I was grinning like a Cheshire cat in her lessons and what with my chest out like a page 3 girl I must have looked ridiculous
And if you moved your hands about too much she would shout stop waving at me.
I always knew when my friend next door was having a lesson with her as I could here her shouting if I was out on my yard.
Tiddlypom
Carries on creakily
I’d lay good money that you are prettier on or off a horse than I am elegant on or off a horse
EventingMum
Well-Known Member
A very long time ago I was on a course with the late Dick Stillwell, he told one rider his legs were "as ineffective as two straws hanging out a hay loft" and another rider, who was already riding internationally, "if you want to play with yourself go outside till your finished" when he was consistently carrying his hands too low.
The Xmas Furry
🦄 🦄
Nah, thats rubbish!I’d lay good money that you are prettier on or off a horse than I am elegant on or off a horse
Alibear
Well-Known Member
Both were from dressage judges who are the masters of understatement.
Try to give and take the rein even more gently in the future to avoid take off. - At least she saw I'd tried to manage it
A little late to halt - We stopped with the mare's chest on the car grill and her head and neck over the bonnet. The writer looked like they'd tried to make a quick exit.
Both were on the same little mare who was always either top 3 or the talk of lorry park.
Riding wise, "I can see you're helping the horse, but can you please try for something resembling a riding position?" X-race horse, my first horse, where lessons were few and far between.
Try to give and take the rein even more gently in the future to avoid take off. - At least she saw I'd tried to manage it
A little late to halt - We stopped with the mare's chest on the car grill and her head and neck over the bonnet. The writer looked like they'd tried to make a quick exit.
Both were on the same little mare who was always either top 3 or the talk of lorry park.
Riding wise, "I can see you're helping the horse, but can you please try for something resembling a riding position?" X-race horse, my first horse, where lessons were few and far between.
Gloi
Too little time, too much to read.
Riding my admittedly not very forward Icy at a course with an Icelandic trainer.
"That is a very good horse but you need a bigger stick!"
and at another part of the day
"If you have time to clean your horse you aren't riding enough"
"That is a very good horse but you need a bigger stick!"
and at another part of the day
"If you have time to clean your horse you aren't riding enough"