Comments on your riding that make you laugh

Doing a dressage test as a child at a pony club event. I was more interested in going cross country - the dressage bit was just something you had to do to get to the best bits, so I never really used to do any training for it, so I was somewhat inept. The comment on my entrance at A, trot down centre line etc was 'You are supposed to bow, not curtsey, when you halt'!
 
Only 4 years ago the saddle fitter out to fit my new horse. After I had trotted away and back past her a few times in different saddles "My Goodness you are one of the straightest riders I have seen in a long time.!" Within just a year or so I was unable to even get on a horse without straddling about like a beached whale, let alone sit straight! 🤭

Oh and another one from an instructor, not mine someone else's and I just happened to be in the school at the same time as her client. She shouted out "You ride very well for an old lady, shame your hands look like Liberace playing the piano!" That told me then! 🤣
 
Mrs. Jingle said:
Only 4 years ago the saddle fitter out to fit my new horse. After I had trotted away and back past her a few times in different saddles "My Goodness you are one of the straightest riders I have seen in a long time.!" Within just a year or so I was unable to even get on a horse without straddling about like a beached whale, let alone sit straight! 🤭

Oh and another one from an instructor, not mine someone else's and I just happened to be in the school at the same time as her client. She shouted out "You ride very well for an old lady, shame your hands look like Liberace playing the piano!" That told me then! 🤣
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Do I know this person??
 
Velcrobum said:
I have also had that and yes also knew what they were getting at!!
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To my embarrassment, I have actually said this.

The rider was bouncing out of the saddle in canter - sit down.

They then tipped forwards - sit up.

It was in quick succession so, in real time, it sounded ridiculous.
 
I have a few favourites from dressage sheets over the years on a series of project horses.

“Nice jump over boards!” as my thelwell first pony decided halfway through a dressage test he was finished and proceeded to bomb back to the gate, jumping 2 sets of white boards in the process (and once he was ensconced at the gate refused to move)

“Airs above the ground not required at this level” probably doesn’t need much explanation, it was a prelim test 😂

“Tactfully ridden, your horse didn’t make your life easy today” a very much needed compliment after possibly the worst dressage test of my life on a very fresh horse who just wanted to go XC and spent the whole test somewhere between a coiled spring and an unexploded bomb (with the occasional small explosion)
 
I had a dressage test write-up with a number of critical points made. The final piece of advice was "I suggest that you give up riding hot-blooded horses as you are quite incapable of riding them properly."
Hmmm. I was in my fifties at that point and had ridden naughty ponies, off the track TBs and rescued Arabian horses since early childhood. I didn't give up the Arabians and have carried on regardless. My current one is a loon, and as I'm old, arthritic and my balance compromised by M E. I don't ride him.
Now, even if I did ride, I certainly would avoid all dressage tests and such unhelpful comments.
I had a lot of training from successful dressage riders and trainers who thought that I was sufficiently competent to enter the most basic levels. We did quite well at show jumping though!
 
sugarpony said:
I have a few favourites from dressage sheets over the years on a series of project horses.

“Nice jump over boards!” as my thelwell first pony decided halfway through a dressage test he was finished and proceeded to bomb back to the gate, jumping 2 sets of white boards in the process (and once he was ensconced at the gate refused to move)

“Airs above the ground not required at this level” probably doesn’t need much explanation, it was a prelim test 😂

“Tactfully ridden, your horse didn’t make your life easy today” a very much needed compliment after possibly the worst dressage test of my life on a very fresh horse who just wanted to go XC and spent the whole test somewhere between a coiled spring and an unexploded bomb (with the occasional small explosion)
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I’ve had a similar “tactfully ridden” comment too as I ended up riding my daughter’s Connie in a PC ODE after she broke her wrist 2 days earlier. Pocket timebomb he was, so fit. I did eventually relax into the test and tried a bit of breathing, but omg! I was just waiting for the explosion. When I asked for the first canter I thought that would be it, but nope, he actually behaved very well. Aged me about 10 years tho!
 
We added a few unscripted moves to Intro A back in Jan. I got a round of applause from the judge and writer when I saluted at the end - mouthing an apology - and "don't think he was really listening to you today" written on my sheet. Correct 🙄

The writer brought the sheets back after my test and said her and the judge were betting how long my stickability would last.
 
SEL said:
We added a few unscripted moves to Intro A back in Jan. I got a round of applause from the judge and writer when I saluted at the end - mouthing an apology - and "don't think he was really listening to you today" written on my sheet. Correct 🙄

The writer brought the sheets back after my test and said her and the judge were betting how long my stickability would last.
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That’s so sweet.
 
I must have been about 30yrs old, I had a newly backed mare at home and I went to a riding school to get my confidence up cantering, after a bad accident, the instructor was lovely and when I said I didn’t feel confident just yet to canter, she yelled across the school “well, you can ride and if you don’t canter, I’m going to clip you on a lunge line like a big baby “, it did break the tension and make me laugh.

I was finally just into canter and due to nerves, my position admittedly awful and she screamed out, just as a group of children and parents were stood at the gate to the indoor “Ride with your arse, not with your f*nny” 😂.
 
I used to have lessons with a real old school showing lady and some of the things she would say were hilarious she used to really shout as well.

One of her favourites was I want to see that horse really trotting and remember your own t*ts and teeth 😆

I felt like I was grinning like a Cheshire cat in her lessons and what with my chest out like a page 3 girl I must have looked ridiculous 🙈

And if you moved your hands about too much she would shout stop waving at me.

I always knew when my friend next door was having a lesson with her as I could here her shouting if I was out on my yard.
 
A very long time ago I was on a course with the late Dick Stillwell, he told one rider his legs were "as ineffective as two straws hanging out a hay loft" and another rider, who was already riding internationally, "if you want to play with yourself go outside till your finished" when he was consistently carrying his hands too low.
 
Both were from dressage judges who are the masters of understatement.

Try to give and take the rein even more gently in the future to avoid take off. - At least she saw I'd tried to manage it :)
A little late to halt - We stopped with the mare's chest on the car grill and her head and neck over the bonnet. The writer looked like they'd tried to make a quick exit.

Both were on the same little mare who was always either top 3 or the talk of lorry park.

Riding wise, "I can see you're helping the horse, but can you please try for something resembling a riding position?" X-race horse, my first horse, where lessons were few and far between.
 
Riding my admittedly not very forward Icy at a course with an Icelandic trainer.
"That is a very good horse but you need a bigger stick!"
and at another part of the day
"If you have time to clean your horse you aren't riding enough"
 
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