Confidence Building - Rider

[dorsetladette]

request for advice from the HHO collective.

I've not ridden consistently for about 8 years. B was my daughters horse and we never really clicked ridden wise. He was a safe hack but I didn't enjoy doing anything else with him so I didn't. Before this I had my welsh C stallion and trusted him implicitly. We were a partnership for 20yrs. In this time I rode other ponies but never consistently. In the last couple of years I ridden a few friends ponies and now have access to a welsh C to ride when ever I like.

The problem is I really don't have much confidence. I'm second guessing what might happen and worried about every jog, jump, skip, etc. I've really lost my bottle. This isn't the kind of rider I am. My stallion would jog sideways down the road and I would find it hilarious, we'd go flat out across field without a thought. Now I worry the pony might trip. I'm not sure what to do to fix it.

Do you think a few schoolmaster lessons would help? I feel like I've lost all the ability I once had. Or do I just need more time in the saddle? or both.

For context I used to compete at county level, was at HOYS most years. I've never enjoyed jumping but can (could) and did if needed too.

Feeling sorry for myself really - but I really need to get past this before I get started with Robin next year (when he turns 3)

anyone else felt like this? Would getting generally fitter help with my confidence? I've always had quite good stickability, maybe that's what I'm doubting?

 

[Skib]

This isn't the kind of rider I am. My stallion would jog sideways down the road and I would find it hilarious, we'd go flat out across field without a thought. Now I worry the pony might trip. I'm not sure what to do to fix it.

Forget the rider you used to be. Forget riding (?backing) a 3 year old. Find a nice quiet horse, at an RS if necessary, and have a plod round. Your balance and feeling for the horse and the physical communication with an animal will all return.
In all my 22 years of RS riding and sharing, I have ony once known a horse to trip. Ridden by my RS escort as we neared home on a long rein.
If my old share tripped, I blamed myself. She was slopping onto the forehand. A tiny bit of leg and a tine bit of contact is enough to correct that. One doesnt need to be a prize winning athlete to comunicate with a horse and to ride it safely.

 

[dorsetladette]

Forget the rider you used to be. Forget riding (?backing) a 3 year old. Find a nice quiet horse, at an RS if necessary, and have a plod round. Your balance and feeling for the horse and the physical communication with an animal will all return.
In all my 22 years of RS riding and sharing, I have ony once known a horse to trip. Ridden by my RS escort as we neared home on a long rein.
If my old share tripped, I blamed myself. She was slopping onto the forehand. A tiny bit of leg and a tine bit of contact is enough to correct that. One doesnt need to be a prize winning athlete to comunicate with a horse and to ride it safely.

Trip was probably the wrong word. B would stumble a lot. I now worry about uneven ground, rabbit holes etc. I'm second guessing things to much.

 

[Red-1]

I had a real dip when I was dealing with mum's illness.

I bought Rigsby. He was what I needed at the time. I'm sure most people would not have recommended I give him house room as he was older and had medical issues. He was also not talented or spectacularly submissive.

I was even nervous on Rigs to start with! I literally walked once round the school in each direction and got off, with a huge sigh of relief. I started with in-hand hacks! But, we met in the middle and went to all sorts of things, such as hacking, an intro dressage, stressless clear round, boxing out to hack with friends, riding club lessons and generally hanging out.

He gave me my mojo back, so much so that, in less than a year, I bought a 4yo in Ireland and imported him. He was more cold-blood than the horses of my youth, but still capable. We have had huge fun, dressage, SJ, XC schooling, beach rides, farm rides...

I think finding the horse that suits you NOW is key. One that won't leave you feeling overwhelmed.

I wouldn't have enjoyed going straight for the 4yo. I needed a Rigs to just be with and do stuff as and when I felt able.

 

[Peglo]

After my TB retired I didn’t ride much for 4 years. Here and there but nothing consistent. I got to ride a lovely cob X but much like you I didn’t have the confidence I did when I rode my reliably unreliable TB. I would pop on most things when I rode her.

now I’ve got me new pony my confidence is back up. She’s very good and rarely does anything silly but just having a horse that suits you and feels so right is what helped me.

 

[Alibear]

Unfortunately, the riders we used to have little bearing on the riders we are now. Now we're far more aware of things that could go wrong (insert mutter here about the general scaremongering in horsey media and in general yard chat).

 

[ArklePig]

I completely lost what bottle I had-hypnotherapy fixed me, quickly. Highly recommend giving it a go.

 

[southerncomfort]

Great advice above.

I would highly recommend Karl Greenwood's book as well as his YouTube videos. He runs the Centre for Horseback Combat where they have rider confidence courses.

ETA he has a background in hypnotherapy.

 

[Lamehorses]

Sorry I don't know know your age group, but any chance you could be peri menopausal/ menopausal? This can have a huge influence on confidence. Hrt helps hugely, but if you don't want to medicate then at least it helps explain things.
Sorry if you are far too young for this.

 

[dorsetladette]

Sorry I don't know know your age group, but any chance you could be peri menopausal/ menopausal? This can have a huge influence on confidence. Hrt helps hugely, but if you don't want to medicate then at least it helps explain things.
Sorry if you are far too young for this.

Do you know the dr has suggested peri menopause recently. I am to young, but it runs in the family ?‍.

Just another downside to being female - oh the joys!

 

[sbloom]

Definitely hunt down a confidence coach either online or in the flesh. And hope this is a help not something else to add to your anxiety but horses naturally have good "proprioception" ie knowing where their feet should be - it's life or death for them. Any horse that stumbles more than very occasionally needs front feet investigating (the most common cause) and probably a bodyworker to get a good holistic take on why it's stumbling.

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

Great advice above.

I would highly recommend Karl Greenwood's book as well as his YouTube videos. He runs the Centre for Horseback Combat where they have rider confidence courses.

ETA he has a background in hypnotherapy.

I can highly recommend Karl I've done the confidence course and it really helped me after my horse fell on me and I broke my ankle.

I turned into a nervous wreck when I was at the start of the menopause HRT made all the difference for me.

 

[mustardsmum]

Do you know the dr has suggested peri menopause recently. I am to young, but it runs in the family ?‍.

Just another downside to being female - oh the joys!

@dorsetladette I really would follow this up. Reading your post was like reading what happened to me - I had an older safe pony who I just hacked, but suddenly everything started to change and I found my anxiety through the roof. He was old and could only canter for about three strides which suited me down to the ground as I had an excuse not to canter on rides. I worried he'd trip, or take off (unlikely!!). I would catastrophise every ride, and overthink every situation for potential incidents. I also was suffering really awful joint pain, so struggled to ride physically. I was really quite down about it, I wanted to canter, but when the moment happened the anxiety kicked in and I would pull him up. In the end, the joint pain was stopping me sleep so I went to my GP thinking it was arthritis. They suggested a bloodtest to check my hormones as I am in my early 50"s and it turned out I am in peri-menopause. I would add, never had a hot flush or any of the more well know symptoms. But there are so many symptoms! I really would go a talk to your GP - they will do a blood test and then you will know. Once I started on HRT, I felt like I'd been given my life back. I lost my old boy, and went and bought a ten year old who I just love riding now. Bizarrely, I told my instructor about my anxiety issues and joint pain, how it was affecting my riding, she turned round and said shed been through exactly the same. You've not lost your bottle, your oestrogen levels may have started to fall. Its real, and it can really can be helped. Can highly recommend Menopause Matters website and the Balance app, lots of really helpful info. Good luck! (and dont worry, HRT is no longer made with mares urine, but comes from yams!)

 

[dorsetladette]

@dorsetladette I really would follow this up. Reading your post was like reading what happened to me - I had an older safe pony who I just hacked, but suddenly everything started to change and I found my anxiety through the roof. He was old and could only canter for about three strides which suited me down to the ground as I had an excuse not to canter on rides. I worried he'd trip, or take off (unlikely!!). I would catastrophise every ride, and overthink every situation for potential incidents. I also was suffering really awful joint pain, so struggled to ride physically. I was really quite down about it, I wanted to canter, but when the moment happened the anxiety kicked in and I would pull him up. In the end, the joint pain was stopping me sleep so I went to my GP thinking it was arthritis. They suggested a bloodtest to check my hormones as I am in my early 50"s and it turned out I am in peri-menopause. I would add, never had a hot flush or any of the more well know symptoms. But there are so many symptoms! I really would go a talk to your GP - they will do a blood test and then you will know. Once I started on HRT, I felt like I'd been given my life back. I lost my old boy, and went and bought a ten year old who I just love riding now. Bizarrely, I told my instructor about my anxiety issues and joint pain, how it was affecting my riding, she turned round and said shed been through exactly the same. You've not lost your bottle, your oestrogen levels may have started to fall. Its real, and it can really can be helped. Can highly recommend Menopause Matters website and the Balance app, lots of really helpful info. Good luck! (and dont worry, HRT is no longer made with mares urine, but comes from yams!)

Thank you. I've not even hit 40 yet. I feel like I've got 'old' overnight. I'll definitely contact the Dr again.

 

[Petmurf]

I completely lost what bottle I had-hypnotherapy fixed me, quickly. Highly recommend giving it a go.

I did the same and it worked wonders, 3 sessions was all it took.

I can highly recommend Karl I've done the confidence course and it really helped me after my horse fell on me and I broke my ankle.

I turned into a nervous wreck when I was at the start of the menopause HRT made all the difference for me.

I have also done Karl’s confidence course and it’s brilliant

 

[teapot]

Thank you. I've not even hit 40 yet. I feel like I've got 'old' overnight. I'll definitely contact the Dr again.

36 and almost post peri menopausal here - it did all sorts to my angst and anxiety! I’ve not had any medical guidance but am certainly moving way through the stages!

A good lesson on a school horse will also help, especially if you get the right person the ground

 

[Winters100]

I think finding the horse that suits you NOW is key. One that won't leave you feeling overwhelmed.

For me this is absolutely spot on. The horse who suits you right now will be the stepping stone.

Like Red I had a crisis of confidence. In my case it was caused by a couple of serious accidents, these resulted in having time off riding, and when I was able to ride again I just no longer felt safe on a horse. I sold my super horse and purchased a lovely schoolmistress. Reading Red's description of feeling nervous on a safe horse brings it all back, as I remember being nervous on my lovely schoolmistress at first, and like OP tripping was a major concern. The horse however was a saint, I rode every day and she gradually built my confidence. I since purchased 2 more, much more powerful than my lovely schoolmistress, but without her I would not have been able to confidently ride and enjoy them.

My advice would be to buy / loan / share a lovely schoolmaster / mistress and see where that takes you. When you ride every day you feel more secure in the saddle, but for this you need, as Red says, the horse who suits you now.

Good luck, and do remember that confidence can be rebuilt given time and the right horse.

 

[Kunoichi73]

49 and perimenopausal. I started in my early 40s but didn't realise it, even with the hot flushes. I put a lot down to a really stressful work environment. I had hot flushes, heart palpitations, massive anxiety issues, depression and other symptoms. I ended up in A&E twice with a heart rate of 168, thinking I was having a heart attack. Noone mentioned perimenopause as a possible cause.

It wasn't till I looked at a support page on our work intranet that I even considered that it might be an issue. I printed off a checklist, filled in yes to most of the symptoms and took it to my gp who immediately put me on HRT!

Once I got the dose sorted, the HRT has really helped. The palpitations have virtually disappeared. It has been less successful with the anxiety (but work also contributes to that). Day to day I'm ok, but work issues can really set me off. When it hits badly, I get tightness in my chest, upper arms, neck and jaw, almost homicidal anger and tearfulness. I've been prescribed propranolol, which helps to some extent and makes things bearable. I only take it when things get really bad or if I'm in a new stressful situation.

It was around the time I started the propranolol that I started riding again after a 30 odd year break. I had to take it just to get to my lessons. Now I've been riding again for a few years, I don't need it anymore.

 

[mustardsmum]

Thank you. I've not even hit 40 yet. I feel like I've got 'old' overnight. I'll definitely contact the Dr again.

I know that feeling, but honestly - there is something that can help you if it is peri menopause. I think it’s so telling that several others on this post have experienced similar. We don’t have to just grin and bear it. ?

 

[Barton Bounty]

Ive had one hot flush so far last year.

BB went through a terrible phase of bronking , rearing, spinning, moonwalking all at speed when he was frightened. I have always been super confident, and would get on anything. But This started to throw me slightly , it wasted every hack we were on and I wasnt riding regularly because of it but I knew I had to get a grip because if I let him see my fear he would take the pee basically. So I started to take shorter hacks on my own. Every day and at the same time if I could, Id pop some music on my phone and just chat away to him eventually lengthening the hacks by 5 minutes every week then I literally forgot what I was doing, no dramas no hassle and I no longer worried what was going to set him off. Now Ill go anywhere ?I think it took 4 weeks to work properly.
you have to believe in yourself, take a deep breath and dont panic, sing a wee song to calm your nerves if you need to ?

 

[Dontforgetaboutme]

I had complete loss of confidence about 3 years ago after couple of nasty falls off a previous horse. Even though my pony is pretty safe she’s a cheeky welsh and I have found since doing Rider Pilates I am more flexible and strong so feel way more capable. I got some Karl Greenwood’s videos in lockdown which has helped do away with what ifs. This weekend I put up some 2’6” jumps & we popped them alone. Even 6 weeks ago I’d need someone there and them to be tiny. Read somewhere that confidence is a bank account, you need to build up lots of good experiences (deposit) so that when something inevitably “goes wrong you can cope. So doing this infrequently probably isn’t helping with nerves. Could you share something safe, maybe people near you would like help exercising their horse over winter.

 

[eahotson]

Kelly Marks has a good book on confidence in riding.She thinks that some riders who have had a bad fall or bad fright with their horse have a form of PTSD.She says that if you are riding a newly broken horse by the side of a busy road without a hat and with badly fitting tack you are absolutely right to be frightened.
If, on the other hand you have on all the right gear,your horse is within your capacity to ride and has well fitting tack and you are riding in a safe area and are still frightened you have a problem.

 

[eahotson]

The other thing I would say is having the right people around you.Too often,sadly,in the horse world you have people only too willing to put you down.

 

[SpotsandBays]

Great advice above.

I would highly recommend Karl Greenwood's book as well as his YouTube videos. He runs the Centre for Horseback Combat where they have rider confidence courses.

ETA he has a background in hypnotherapy.

Just had a nosey on his website after reading this comment and ordered the book!

 

[dorsetladette]

Ive ordered the Karl Greenwood book and I'll emailed the Doctors. Hopefully I'll find my big girl pants again soon.

 

[canteron]

Ive ordered the Karl Greenwood book and I'll emailed the Doctors. Hopefully I'll find my big girl pants again soon.

One of Karl Greenwood’s sayings is along the lines of don’t be brave be trained and if you are not progressing it’s because you are taking too large steps.

There are some interesting videos of the tiny steps he takes with the stunt horses so they eventually can preform in venues with pyrotechnics and flashing lights etc.

 

[throwawayaccount]

go easy on yourself, be kind. if you haven't ridden consistently for 8 years, then you won't be at the level you were at. i can relate, as i haven't ridden consistently since 2018 and i'm paying for it in a lot of ways as its the worst thing I could have done. (confidence issues, body getting older and what not). i constantly belittle myself because i'm not out competing anymore and wonder how i could jump 1.20 when approaching a crosspole now, fills me with dread!

find a horse that suits you for now - realistically - and do as much as you are able to do. also, if you have a local directory of events near you it may be worth seeing if they have anything scheduled. i've taken a look at cheshire horse for example and they have a few events on for nervous riders or back to basics etc. I'd love to enroll on them..we'll see!

good luck and keep us updated X

 

[WBGG]

I really relate to all these comments about having a long gap from riding combined with perimenopause symptoms. (Brain fog!!)

I had a 15 year break from riding having got my stage 3 and A.I and taught in a riding school in my early twenties before university. I went into primary teaching, didn't have time to ride and just kind of gave up in the end. Eventually, fast forward 15 years, I ended up having 6 months off teaching dealing with stress/mental health issues. This made me re-evaluate my whole life basically. I ended up going on supply and now teach at a lovely school 3 days a week.

I decided to start riding again 2 years ago as I missed it and felt I had more time to enjoy things for myself. I found myself a share on Preloved, started hacking out and fell in love with riding again. Luckily I found an absolutely bombproof horse (my avatar) who my partner ended up buying for me. She is an absolute Saint and gave me back my confidence. She has since been retired with various soundness issues but I'm still so glad I bought her and she'll have a home with me forever. Luckily, I can hack out a friend's horse and can go for the odd lesson at the local RS.

I'm nowhere near the rider I used to be but I've come to realise that I don't care! In short, don't put pressure on yourself...just do what you enjoy ?

 

[dorsetladette]

So I've spoken to the Dr who is pretty happy its perimenopause. He's not wanting to put me on HRT yet, but happy to chat again in the near future. Reason being is I went and had a chat with a slightly embarrassed man at Holland and Barrett, I've started taking Health and Her perimenopause. It seems to be helping clear the brain fog. I'm sleeping better too. It comes with an app which gives you coping strategies and reminders. I've found it really helpful.

I've started reading a Karl Greenwood book and the logic of it is brilliant. I need to feed my subconscious with positive thoughts and stop all the what ifs.

I'm riding a friends pony again on Friday, just a quiet hack round the village so we shall see how my confidence is then. I know it won't be a instant thing, but if I can get past the impending boom and freezing then that is massive progress.

 

[Annagain]

I missed this the first time round but everything you're describing was me. Eb my old Sec D was a nutter and all I did was laugh. Arch had no malice whatsoever but was ridiculously strong, again I just laughed. Monty was a saint and I did loads with him, then he and Arch retired and I got Charlie and it all fell apart. He never did much wrong but I was always anxious so he was always anxious and round and round we went. I'm pretty sure there was some lockdown blues and peri-menopause issues (I had other symptoms too) in there that started it but once that trust was gone (it was never really there) we both needed to move on. I too would catastrophise. In my head if I knew what the worst-case scenario was, I could prepare for it but, in reality, it was crippling me. I'd be scanning the horizon for potential problems and then worrying about things that were never really going to be an issue.

I nearly didn't go to see Wiggy as he was 14 and a bit older than I wanted (only because this will likely be my last horse so I wanted him to see me through to retirement in 15 years when OH and I plan to go travelling) but I decided I needed the horse I needed now and I couldn't be worrying about 10 years time. Best thing I ever did. I adore his bones and am so happy I made that decision to go to see him. I never believed in 'love at first sight' with horses (or humans for tht matter) before, I thought it was a relationship you had to build over time but the second my bum hit that saddle, Wiggy had my heart.

My confidence isn't back 100% yet (it's only been 3 months) but it's getting there (see some of my recent posts) and my anxiety has gone. I feel like I'm having a lull in the peri symptoms at the moment too, I'm sleeping better and the night sweats have reduced. Not sure whether it's all a coincidence or whether there's a link but I know Wiggy will help me through it rather than making it worse.

Find your Wiggy. He /she's out there somewhere.