Confidence issue...bit of a strange problem..

madhector

madhector

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I have come to realise I am scared of riding my horse in the manege at home. I have no worries riding him when I go for lessons, or hacking, or competing. But when I school him at home I have this horrible feeling of dread right in the pit of my stomach.

I have had a few bad experiences in that school, one where he went over backwards with me, so I know that is why I worry, but I have to get over it as it is just getting ridiculous. He is difficult at home which doesn't help either.

I can quite happily take him out to a comp and be totally chilled and relaxed, but seem unable to be like this at home.



I really need some advice and help, as I don't know how to get over this issue
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is there always someone about when you ride? if not, it might be worth arranging it for a week or two, just until you feel a bit happier.
if i'm on a naughty one, i always feel much happier and more relaxed if someone's about, if only to put him or her away if i'm incapacitated on the floor for a bit...!
 
Just do veyr "easy" things at home for a while, just take him in and do walk trot transitions for example, set a time in your head of say 15mins to be working on something, and then call it a day. Dont do anything "new" and challenging that may cause an argument until you feel more confident. It will improve
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i dont really no what to suggest but hugs anyway
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i was a bit scared of dgiby this afternoon-he went off down the road with me again...i did stop though..it seems as soon as you get him to do something out hacking no matter what it is...he either doesnt do it and runs towards home like the other day-or like toay did it happily then just went off.... tbh did scare me a gbit as i RELY on hacking
 
Thats good advice, everyone here (as in my jump trainer and my flat work trainer) are always on at me to ask him questions and have an argument because the work you get afterwards is so amazing, but I don't like arguing with him as I feel one day I might not win
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Having someone chat to you while you ride might stop your mind straying into the "what if...." scenarios? Or if you talk about how you feel as you're riding then get them to fire something positive back at you eg. you say "he feels like he's getting tense" and they say "but I can see that your rhythm is good and your position is relaxed". That might turn a negative thought into a positive one?
 
It sounds like your sub conscious kicking in due to your bad experiences. I think it will just take time and after a while you'll suddenly realise that you don't get the feeling of dread anymore.
I used to get an adrenaline rush before getting on and also get that feeling of dread when Osc used to be naughty, but as I got him through that phase and he started to become more reliable then that feeling went away and now I don't get it at all.
Good luck!
 
yeh i guess i never do much else-not atm...i did jump him tonight.

i HATE the getting away from me thing/bolting that is my biggest fear riding due to the fact obviously its not nice and iv had a nasty bolting experience. A buck or something necessarily isnt so bad if you can stay on, or if they are not ebging really nasty.

i guess like others have aid if you can just set small goals, if you dont want to make an arguement dont yet ...i know what you mean about not wanting to end up fidnign out that you wont win the battle!
 
I wouldn't class it as an irrational fear really, your mind has good reason to make you cautious if he went over with you.
How about just doing really short, easy sessions with him, say walking and poles, to start with, until you feel that you want to do more with him in the school. Include that gradually and try and finish on a good note, with no arguements. In no time at all you should have enough good experiences to be able to confidently block out the bad one?
 
If you've had a session where you've had some nice work, then next time you go into the school remember what that felt like, how good it made you feel, what you did to get it, then try and recreate it all again. If you can do all that then you should be busy enough and therefore shouldn't have much time to let any negativity creep in.
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re: "everyone here (as in my jump trainer and my flat work trainer) are always on at me to ask him questions and have an argument because the work you get afterwards is so amazing, but I don't like arguing with him as I feel one day I might not win"

gosh, don't know quite what to say about that, other than your instincts are absolutely right. confrontation with a horse like him is to be avoided, if you can get there by guile, i believe. i'd ask questions very tactfully, making sure he has a very obvious 'escape route' (i.e. doing the right thing!) so that he gets out of the habit of being confrontational. it's all very well for other people to say things like that, but they haven't got to cope with the consequences of the battle!
my very difficult but talented mare taught me SO much - if you confronted her, you'd get absolutely nowhere... it was all a case of tact and encouragement, and then she'd do anything for me.
this is the mare who booted me on the instep with a hind foot - first attempt, perfect shot - when i tried to insist on a rein-back once...! very eloquent, i'd say...
 
Well you're not on your own there MH! Mine is not sharp at all when he goes out and about and is okay to hack (although he has his moments) but is so sharp in the school its stressing me out!! Last week I even got off and i've never done that before!!
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Its strange I would rather ride W in the field (even after he was just broken). God knows why i'm school phobic!!
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Just got to keep plodding away though, but I'm fine if there is someone in there with me, its just I think that there's been a few near misses too many!
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See thats how I normally ride him, and we get some 'nice' work. However my trainer rode him and had a really argument with him and the end result was WOW. I got on and he talked me through it and the trot work we got afterwards was out of this world, made his previous work look awful (which it wasn't
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Took him to a dressage comp the next day with strict instructions to ride him the same and after 15minute he was out of this world. so I know her methods work, and I feel confident asking him questions like that in a strange arena, but cant do it at home.

I don't know which is best, to settle for second best without confrontation, or go for the wow factor
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I think, in my opion you have to ask yourself what has happened in the school to make you feel sick? Easier said than done.... do you remember a time when you did not feel sick? If so, when..what has changed? What are you thinking about when you go into the arena at home? Why argue with your horse? Maybe a different look at it.....what kind of argument did you have? Was it really an argument or lack of communication? Do you hate confrontations yourself? I only ask this because I do!!!! I try and think of my training as communicating with my horse..... if he does not respond, I try a different way...... or ride a little stronger.... argument screams "non positive" whereas riding a little stronger, or asking in a different way puts a more positive look on it.....??!!!!!!
 
By argument I mean, asking and asking until he say OK I'll do it your way, before i was taught this I would just ask very quietly and he would sometimes say fine, other times he would say no, and we would muddle along like that, occasionally getting nice work, but with a lot of unnice work thrown in too. Once he has given in and submitted you get no bad work, he is lovely to ride, soft, light and listening, a completely different horse really. My trainer (who had him for 5 weeks when I broke my leg) said she found this was the only way to get the really good consistent work out of him.

Argument is maybe the wrong word, just kind of sums Jerry up as when you get on he is just asking for a battle, everything you ask on the flat he works out an evasion unless you get through that argumentative stage, if that makes sense.


He has gone over backwards with me in the school once when he was coming back from illness, but he has never so much as thought of doing it since. But obviously I still remember it
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personally, i'd settle for second best without confrontation for now, to get him relaxed and confident in you enough to not NEED the battle to give his best work. you should be able to ask nicely and get the brill stuff, not need to bully it out of him, imho... but maybe i'm being naive, and obviously i do not know the horse.
 
See that was my original thought before he went away when he broke my leg, I don't know, its hard when you have more experienced people telling you one way, when you are used to doing things differently.

Lincs isn't too far from Suffolk...maybe you should come and have a sit
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MH, so sorry to hear this, I think most of us have times like this but it's interesting what you say about your instructor having the tussle with him because Boo was ridden by Aaron yesterday and for the first time my instructor was there to see how he was getting on, he basically said that we both get the same end result but Aaron is tougher while I am nicey nicey (his words not mine) I don't like Boo getting cross and bucking and kicking out at my legs, he is quite stuffy to the leg, whereas Aaron gets on gives him a hefty kick when he backs off the leg and gets a huge buck for it
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He even rode without stirrups yesterday and didn't move in the saddle when Boo did an all mighty buck
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As for the confidence thing, I personnally think you should avoid situations that make you doubt your horse and yourself UNTIL you have bonded properly, as I don't think you have yet and you will only transfer bad vibes to him. You can school on the roads to a certain extent. Other than that, you'll have to put it all behind you and not think about it and just do it, which is hard. Just go in the school for very short periods, i.e 10 mins max, then do something he likes or that you are confident with after.
 
I totally agree with that, I was always taught that codology was the way forward with difficult horses. Take Sov for example, he has a little evasion we call 'reverse' he can do this for (longest time) upto 40 minutes, it is not something I provoked out of him, but it is his reaction to things he doesnt agree with, now if I picked an issue every time I rode, I would spend my life going in reverse!!!!
Dont let them take the mickey but certainly dont pick a fight just because.
When you are ready to move up to more difficult exercises, they will be much more enjoyable for both of you if there is less struggle.
 
I think I picked the wrong word when I said argument. When my trainer rides him she is very subtle but just asks ans asks and asks and gives him question after question and does not allow him to say no I cant. If that makes sense. Where as I am happier just getting ok work without all those questions, which I don't think will actually help him progress
 
haha, i'm game!
seriously, my trainer (who walks on water as far as i'm concerned) just won't let me get confrontational with a horse, more like quietly insistent... although that's not really the right word, cos it has undertones of annoyance, which isn't what i mean. quietly repetitive until it works, would be a better description. if i get stronger or confrontational, he stops me immediately with "WHY?"... i know he's right, now, but it took a while to totally change my mindset.
some horses can take the pressure without getting it in their head to fight back/go up, etc... some can't. with the ones that can't, it can be downright dangerous to be fighty with them. this isn't avoiding the issue, it's being smart and winning without the battle.
from what you've said on here, i think of your lad as the slightly arrogant skinhead at the bar, the one you really really don't want to p*** off, but who can be brought round as long as you're polite and ask nicely...!
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ahhhh... ok.....so maybe it is your recollection of this that makes you tense??? Feel sick????

So, on my little knowledge of psychology!! you associate the place with this bad experience.......????? Never happend to you when out hacking,out at a show etc....... hence no fear??
 
also to add I agree with the others that some horses you can ask and ask in the same way, with others, you have to ask in a different way ie, change your approach to the problem.... we are the brains and the horse the brawn....its all about having many tools in our box as such.....not to say that you or your trainer are not using the right ones..... dont get me wrong!! We all come on here to see if anyone has a different approach that we can use!!!!!

My boy can be a little "pipe and slippers man" but once you say leg means go.. and get yourself in the right position on board........he goes!!!! Otherwise he can be quite a "yawn"... whats next kinda man!!!!
 
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