Confidence trick

[TarrSteps]

'Confidence' is an oft discussed concept on here but I'm curious to know how people really understand the term.

How do you get it? How do you lose it? What methods build it? What experiences dent it? Is it 'all in your mind' and, if so, what practices have helped you? What role does competing play? How do other areas of your life impact on it?

What about horses - do you give much thought to building and maintaining your horses' positive outlook? What sort of work do you do? Are there things you avoid? If it is purely a mental exercise how does that impact on a horse?

Thoughts?

 

[Wheels]

How do you get it?
by things going right for you, by learning from mistakes, by knowing you can deal with the situations, by not getting hurt - possibly a combination of all of these & more!!!

How do you lose it?
opposite from above

What methods build it?
Thinking things through logically, what's the worst that can happen attitude, knowing how to deal with a tricky situation, something going wrong but person has been able to rectify afterwards

What experiences dent it?
getting injured, thought of getting injured, being humiliated, thought of being humiliated, sometimes other people's cruelty can wear someone down

Is it 'all in your mind'
yes, but in some cases your mind can make you have a physical reaction

what practices have helped you?
practise, relaxation techniques, learning to deal with previously disliked or scary situations, realising that I do actually know what I'm doing, learning to read situations and people and horses more appropriately

What role does competing play?
good benchmark of improvement (or not as the case may be), shows holes in training that can be worked on, gives something to aim for

How do other areas of your life impact on it?
big effect - lacking in confidence is sometimes an overall issue, not just related to horses


What about horses - do you give much thought to building and maintaining your horses' positive outlook?
A lot

What sort of work do you do?
Spook busting, groundwork, in hand work, hacking out, going to new places, ensuring horse trusts me, working slightly out of comfort zone on a regular basis


Are there things you avoid?
No but some things may be left for another day if progress is going backwards or earlier lessons need to be reintroduced

If it is purely a mental exercise how does that impact on a horse?
Depends on the horse - most of mine have ended up more spooky if I have lost my nerve for whatever reason


Thoughts?
Won't go into too much detail but I lost my confidence in normal every day life after a certain incident that happened to me which I will never forget. I was traumatised and went into my shell completely. The horse I had at the time was a life saver for me in some ways but had always been sharp and my riding confidence slipped too. With the help of a good instructor and sheer determination I have managed to overcome it but it was a long, dark and twisty road!!

However - I now have my confidence back, it's not quite as good as it once was but I have managed to this year back and ride away my 4 yr old without any problems apart from the odd butterfly, something I wouldn't have been able to do a few years ago

 

[milliepops]

It's a fascinating subject to think about IMO, and one I return to often because I lose my confidence on a (roughly) weekly basis
Not feeling very eloquent today though.

I definitely work hard on keeping my horse's positive outlook though. In fact, I think that's how I lose confidence so easily, because I worry about worrying her Although at 16 years old and with tons of experience under her belt, I think that's fairly unlikely now.

Something that occurred to me recently was that I had the wrong trainer and she was eroding my confidence - despite me really respecting and trusting her, it's a funny thing to put into words.

Are you just talking about brave pants confidence, or self-belief type confidence? I lose both regularly!


Just read Wheels' post. See what you mean about different people's understanding of the same thing- I'm not worried about being injured or being humiliated, I'm really really worried about screwing up my horse though!

 

[dafthoss]

I lack belief in my self, but I'm like that in lots of areas not just riding. Its not what we do that worries me, I don't get nervous as such before I compete about the thought of what we are about to do, I don't walk courses going eek that's big/we cant do that. But I do worry that I'm not doing my horse justice in the long term or that I'm going to ruin his confidence.

I had a massive confidence crisis a few years ago, not about getting on the horse and doing what ever but about who I rode in front of after a bad instructor that I had no choice over riding with. I'm getting better, I still get a bit nervous about new instructors but I have normally forgotten it by the time I get on and say hello now.

I can get a bit eek when the fences go up but that's more a mustn't get it wrong than any thing else (getting better though thanks ). Never used to worry me but a comment from some one has stuck with me, which is annoying as last year we were schooling happily at the level I now go eek at. I'm fairly confident I can get it back by just doing it more though.

The pony is often more nervous than he lets on, he is naturally a careful and spooky soul and rather than leaping about with an obvious display he shrinks. But he is improving and now he has started to understand his job competing his confidence has come on in leaps and bounds. To try and keep his confidence I don't ask him any thing he isn't ready for when competing, will take a learner if I think its a question he isn't ready to answer correctly so he hopefully feels like he has always got it right. He goes out schooling at various venues a lot and he has often schooled round a venue before competing, which although not a long term solution I'm hoping will build his confidence so that he can go to new places and be as confident in the future. He also needs me to be 100% behind him and committed when jumping, the contact has to be right and I have to be there with my leg at all times.

 

[TarrSteps]

Added question . . .

What place does 'self-awareness' play in getting/keeping confidence? Does being honest with yourself about your situation/abilities/horse help? Or is it better to stay ambitious? Or a combination of the two?

 

[Wheels]

Well in some cases people with confidence issues can seriously underestimate their abilities.

I will use myself as an example - I couldn't bring myself to jump 50cm a couple of years ago yet I had competed the same horse previously up to 1.20m and jumped higher at home

I couldn't bring myself to canter on a hack yet I used to ride out racehorses for a living on gallops and over fences

So - it wasn't my ability that was stopping me....

I think you have to stay ambitious (within limits of course) otherwise you will never push yourself to get over a confidence crisis!

 

[milliepops]

Added question . . .

What place does 'self-awareness' play in getting/keeping confidence? Does being honest with yourself about your situation/abilities/horse help? Or is it better to stay ambitious? Or a combination of the two?

That's a knotty one to tag onto the end

Depends on whether you are really self aware or just think you are! I always thought I had good self awareness but actually I'm coming to the conclusion that I have actually got a very loud self-critic I had labelled it as self awareness when really it was just me telling myself I wasn't good enough. I thought I wasn't good enough, so being aware of that was a good thing, right?

Actually, in some areas I probably am reasonably competent. But it doesn't fit in with my shouty inner critic so I find it very hard to remember this. So I'm really NOT self aware, am I?!

I'll go away now as I'm getting my brain in a muddle

 

[milliepops]

I killed this thread

Bumping it as I'm interested in how other people answer the questions!

I think you have to stay ambitious (within limits of course) otherwise you will never push yourself to get over a confidence crisis!

^^ this is how I use competing. It's a gamble because if I have a bad day then it feels like the end of the world, but it's so useful to go out and show yourself you can do it after all

 

[quizzie]

Added question . . .

What place does 'self-awareness' play in getting/keeping confidence? Does being honest with yourself about your situation/abilities/horse help? Or is it better to stay ambitious? Or a combination of the two?

I think too much 'self awareness' can lead to a destructive cycle of negative thoughts, but equally, misplaced over confidence/ambition can lead to disaster too!

What I really need is a way to "bottle" the feeling after a good xc round to "feed" on before the next one.....but definitely the more good experiences one can put in the "bank" , the better for the confidence, especially if you tend to the over-analytical!.

I find that I tend to take most confidence from having had the right instinctive reactions during a competition, regardless of the paper result, ie: doing the right thing in the given situation for me & my horse

 

[DabDab]

That is an interesting set of questions...

I am, by and large, very confident within the bounds of my life as it is currently. However, I will attribute that mostly to the fact that I was an incredibly nervous and shy child, so I worked through it all at that point in my life. When you deal with nerves as a kid you do not do it think that there is something wrong with you, you do it thinking that it is normal and something that you just have to deal with - and that is a powerful mind trick in as much as it stops you obsessing. I also have parents who were very much 'man up and get on with it' sort of people, and there's a lot to be said for that approach.

In terms of what I do these days when I get nervous before big occasions, such as a job interview, the only thing I do suck it up, slap a smile on my face, and walk on in. I don't meditate or visualise because the key with me is not to give my mind the opportunity to obsess on the 'what ifs', or the 'if onlys', or even on the nerves themselves, and the only way I can manage that is by getting my mind busy on something else.

It is interesting what people have said about instructors though, because I have always been very very picky when it comes to choosing people to teach me. I have to have seen someone teach a lot before I will let them have a go on me, not because I think I'm brilliant, but because being taught by someone is a deeply personal thing. I think that comes down to knowing yourself and your horse well enough to know what is right for you, and that is something that you can always get better at.

 

[kerilli]

Ooh, good questions. Confidence is a very personal thing, obviously. It's tied-in hugely with ones ego (which doesn't last long around horses!)

My confidence in my own system/trainer etc is not at all the same as my confidence at x time on x horse, that is a totally different thing.
The latter depends entirely on how well I know the horse, how talented it is, and what I am intending to do with it that day.

So, belief in own system/trainer etc took years to gain, and years of 'did x, y, z and got the result I intended (or not!)' kind of thing. Developing feel for what works, what the results will be, when to kid along, when to be lenient, when to push.

Confidence on the day relies on having implemented the above, with patience (prob too much by most people's standards!) and sympathy, and knowing we are up to the test, hopefully.

Lose confidence? Getting injured... it took a really really LONG time till I could sit on a horse that was seriously pratting about and actually LAUGH instead of grabbing the neckstrap and thinking "OMG my kneeeeee".
Experiences that dent it... seeing a misser, being told off for a misser (I am already beating myself up, i do NOT need more of it, I need telling how to do it better next time!)

Competing... hmm. Doesn't play a lot of part I guess. I don't need the validation for myself. I enjoy it so I intend to keep doing it, but I do it entirely for me, not for other people, iykwim.

A lot of it is in the mind, yes. Visualisation helps. Talking to friends helps. Having really good people around you and raising your game helps. Even having good facilities helps!

Other areas of my life impacting on it... hmm. Emotionally, definitely. If I am having a torrid time elsewhere I KNOW I am not in the right frame of mind to be 100% fair on the horse, so I ask a lot less. This is a deliberate self-managing/limiting mechanism BUT it means we tread water for a while... which is not the worst thing in the world for a horse.

Re: horse's confidence, yes, definitely. I am totally paranoid about keeping their confidence, probably over-protective of it to most people. I have W/D, more than once, because there was ONE fence on a xc course (higher level, not low level) that I KNEW my horse was not 100% equipped to deal with at that point. In both cases the fence in question caused multiple problems and horse falls and I felt totally vindicated in leaving my mare on the box. She didn't know what she hadn't done, iyswim. For me, no ego at all in that scenario...

I am not always very strict with my horses. I allow them leeway to express themselves, within given boundaries. Maybe it's to do with having had lots of mares... imho if you are mega-strict with them all the time they can get resentful and decide to down tools in a spectacular way. So I work on the art of what a nagsman friend of mine calls 'kidology'. We kid each other along. I pick my battles carefully. There are some things that are non-negotiable, obv (e.g. go over the fence first time) but other areas where I allow slack. I can't even say what because it is depends on the horse and the circumstances.
I totally realise that that might sound REALLY inconsistent to a lot of people, but it seems to work for me.

Things I avoid... hmm. Tricky. Only head-on battles, I guess. I'd rather get there with polo mints and guile...

Self-awareness. Hmmm. Another tricky balance. I am VERY self-aware, always have been. I know my strengths and weaknesses as well as I can. I work on knowing them, a lot. I think it's only fair to the horse whose neck you are putting on the line, to know these things, acknowledge them, and work on them.
I absolutely deplore dishonest and delusional riders. To the utmost. It is so stupid and SO unfair.
But... in my ambitions, I am probably still pretty delusional. i totally admit that. In an 'aim for the stars' kind of way. Long-term. It got me a long way before. Because I am never impatient and I am VERY careful about never overfacing a horse, I hope that I can be forgiven the long-term delusion. I laugh at myself for nurturing it but equally I know that it's the only thing that keeps me going...

So, a weird balance of total honesty about my faults, abilities, weaknesses, and the horse's, and a bit of long-term delusion about where we might get to.

Oh, and I totally agree with DabDab's final paragraph.

 

[Baggybreeches]

How do you get it?
I think a certain amount of confidence is inherent in us from children, some are naturally outgoing, others are more shy and reserved. Confidence is by and large something that is given to us by our parents/guardians.

How do you lose it?
Usually by being conditioned into a mindset, either by circumstance, associations or surroundings. Sometimes it can be lots of little negative experiences other times it can be just one big event/occasion that causes the loss of confidence.

What methods build it?
Repeated success (or desired results) all borne out by the good feelings associated with achievement and fulfilment.

What experiences dent it?
Usually as above any 'crash and burn' type incidents or sometimes just misjudging things, negative feedback amongst many other things.

Is it 'all in your mind' and, if so, what practices have helped you?
Definitely without a shadow of a doubt, 20 years ago I went out competing and I expected to win, and I won more often than not. The reasons were sometimes to do with capability and ability, but also to self belief and PMA, I don't think I was particularly scientific back then but I was very well prepared and preparedness instils confidence.

What role does competing play?

Competing was/is hugely important to me, I come from a very competitive family, whether it's horses or skiing or football, the expectation is high. I struggle for motivation if I don't have competition goal and my horses are currently field ornaments while I concentrate on my business, I don't feel the need to ride for riding's sake (shoot me now fluffies!) because I have been competing for 30 odd years and I really don't want to just go for a trundle round the arena or the field it's not what floats my boat.

How do other areas of your life impact on it?
See above!

What about horses - do you give much thought to building and maintaining your horses' positive outlook? What sort of work do you do? Are there things you avoid? If it is purely a mental exercise how does that impact on a horse?

I am quite happy to 'kid' horses along to a certain extent if they come up with the goods in competition. My horses once 'established' will usually just do whatever keeps them ticking over and sweet enough to perform with the odd intense tune up every once in a while (but again I have been doing this a long time not everybody can work like that & I would probably be much better if I practised more). I do believe too many people make their lives far more difficult than it needs to be by fitting their lives around the horse/s than fitting the horse around them. Horses should be fun not a burden.

 

[spookypony]

'Confidence' is an oft discussed concept on here but I'm curious to know how people really understand the term.

How do you get it? How do you lose it? What methods build it? What experiences dent it? Is it 'all in your mind' and, if so, what practices have helped you? What role does competing play? How do other areas of your life impact on it?

What about horses - do you give much thought to building and maintaining your horses' positive outlook? What sort of work do you do? Are there things you avoid? If it is purely a mental exercise how does that impact on a horse?

Thoughts?

Wow, what a cool thread! I was a very confident rider for a long time, because my self-image was of "the girl that doesn't fall off". This self-image was supported by a certain amount of statistics: I think I fell off about 5 times in total before I stopped riding to go to grad school, and I've fallen off 6 times in total from horses that are not the Spooky Pony. I've lost much of that confidence simply by falling off the Spooky Pony about 15 times---that's not a lot, really, in the greater scheme of things, but has involved 4 or so A&E visits and one (short) hospital stay. It's largely in my mind, though there's a certain amount of guilt involved, that I haven't done all I could possibly do to prepare the horse for every situation---I do tend to over-think things!

I'm a performer, and have suffered from performance anxiety in the past. That has improved vastly simply through successfully performing many times; so I'm hoping that repeated success in worrying riding situations will re-build my confidence there, too. A down-side is that as a performer, I'm very well aware of the relationship between preparation and performance, and I find it very easy to feel guilty and self-sabotage, if I know deep down that I could have done more to prepare me or my horse for a situation.

In competition, I feel horribly nervous before, but especially when jumping, I get terribly competitive, and suddenly everything becomes automatic: what might freak me out in a schooling situation simply becomes a side-tracking on the way to the next jump, so I generally deal with it without even thinking about it.

As to the horse, having a rather worried pony with, apparently, a complicated state of mind has taught me that I really need to take the time he needs to understand something. I'm still avoiding big fields (and beaches!), other than when my competitive ambitions get the better of me. The latter isn't all bad, as success there can really help me see that he isn't worried about fields at all (why would he be?); it's me. He's probably just wondering what's so scary that I'm so tense, and considering that perhaps the best thing to do is to run away from the scary thing!

As to self-awareness...well, I'm inside the hamster-wheel, making it difficult to observe...

 

[TarrSteps]

Interesting replies guys, thanks! It does confirm that we don't all think about 'confidence' the same way!

 

[sam1am]

On phone so can't do a detailed reply, but what a fab thread on something I really need help with.
My take on it is confidence is so easily dented and not always from falls or other incidents but simply being around the wrong people.
I spent a lot of my competitive career around 'good' people.
International riders, top trainers etc.
Now in my own yard I am surrounded by low level riders, and people who jumping or competing is a big deal.
My own confidence seems to be knocked by this.
Also coming out of a bad relationship and having my confidence knocked albeit nothing to do with horses seems to have affected my riding..
Any help much appriciated and watching this thread with huge interest!

 

[TarrSteps]

I think that's an really pertinent point, s1a (love the name, btw) - the people around you can have a HUGE bearing on how you feel about your own riding, even if they aren't actively saying or doing anything to you.

I have thoughts on the subject (obviously) which seem to be quite different from a lot of what has been said thus far but want to collect them up into a coherent stream before I inflict them on anyone.

In the mean time, thanks to the people who have answered so far and looking forward to more replies . . .

 

[lyndsayberesford]

same really, my confidence increases with other good life events, as well as being surrounded by confident people.

For example, i have ridden on farm rides with people that would say "ooh thats a little bit big for my horse" which in turn then makes me doubt my ability too, so has a negative effect, then i have another friend that rides really positively to everything and he brings out my confident side as off he canters to a bigger jump and i think nothing of it then also!

I am different again when it comes to competing. I look around at the calibre of riders (at local BS shows) and there can be some really good pro's and then i think i am not good enough or that people are going to think im not good enough. Falls dont really dent my confidence, but a round of showjumping where it feels like it doeesnt run smoothly does dent it. A nice smooth round can do wonders for me.

I am sure my lack of confidence affects my horses confidence too.

Confidence has diminished more and more as i get older (only 30 now but say compared to when i was 15 or 16).

I am hoping to have a session of NLP this week to eradicate some of the confidence issues.

I love this post! So interesting to read the replies!

 

[LEC]

I do not really think of things in terms of confidence but more about mind set and feelings. Overall I think I am a pretty outgoing and 'confident' individual but I have issues I build up in my mind so I have over the years learnt to control that mind set and be able to rationalise my feelings towards it.
I never have fear, more that I want things to be as good as possible and to do well. When I am stressing out because I cannot see a stride Sjing its not because I am scared or lacking confidence more that I am pissed off that things are not coming together.

I know what I like, what works for me and how to achieve what I want (gained mostly through mistakes!). Sometimes I just hit bumps along the way which affect how I think about them but I have done A LOT of work on my mindset which has helped.

 

[Gamebird]

Interesting replies guys, thanks! It does confirm that we don't all think about 'confidence' the same way!

Indeed, as I said to you before (a tiny bit facetiously but with more than a large chunk of truth) my answer is that I don't have a problem with confidence because I choose not to think about it. By which I mean that I see myself as neither over nor underconfident. I don't mean that I am never nervous or think about how to get the best out of a situation, I just leave confidence out of the equation.

 

[TarrSteps]

I would say I feel similarly Gb. It's not reall .something I consider as it's so amorphous and subjective a concept to me. But people seem to talk about it all the time here/now and I'm curious to know what they actually mean when they say it.

 

[Bernster]

An interesting thread, and confidence comes up time and again on this forum.

To add to the debate, what about overconfidence - does that help or hinder?

Was at a jumping comp at the weekend, one rider had a terrible seat, horse was all over the shop and I had my heart in my mouth the whole time. Bit of car crash at times but they were doing a puissance type thing, and horse managed a hell of a jump (over 5 feet). You could tell the ride had ba**s of steel and was not lacking in confidence despite not being the most secure or balanced rider. I on the other hand have a reasonable seat/balance but am a complete chicken at times, which stops me doing stuff that most people find no problem at all.

 

[Molasses]

I think i’m in the don’t think about it camp
Purely due to growing up in a “just blinking get on with it” world
I confess I see a confidence thread and do just want to reply “just blinking get on with it”

But if I think about it when it comes to horses I’m hugely influenced by the horses confidence. If something is pulling me into a jump with Joie de vivre then by all means keep adding poles and ditches. If something is green and wobbly I have to dig deep to fill the confidence hole. So I guess I equate it with enthusiasm. Is that wired?

Outside of horses I’m the same though, if I have to give a presentation to a group of like minded interested people I’m all for standing up in front of 100 people. If I have to present to negative people who won’t like what I’m saying I’m very stressed. I’ll still stand up in front of 100 people but not at all with the same feeling inside.

I guess I’m saying I’m a total parasite and my confidence feeds off the situation and who/what/where I’m interacting with. I can be the worlds most confident person or least depending on the situation.

 

[BeckyD]

That is an interesting set of questions...

I am, by and large, very confident within the bounds of my life as it is currently. However, I will attribute that mostly to the fact that I was an incredibly nervous and shy child, so I worked through it all at that point in my life. When you deal with nerves as a kid you do not do it think that there is something wrong with you, you do it thinking that it is normal and something that you just have to deal with - and that is a powerful mind trick in as much as it stops you obsessing. I also have parents who were very much 'man up and get on with it' sort of people, and there's a lot to be said for that approach.

In terms of what I do these days when I get nervous before big occasions, such as a job interview, the only thing I do suck it up, slap a smile on my face, and walk on in. I don't meditate or visualise because the key with me is not to give my mind the opportunity to obsess on the 'what ifs', or the 'if onlys', or even on the nerves themselves, and the only way I can manage that is by getting my mind busy on something else.

* This *

I am still shy by nature but I have a job that doesn't allow me to be myself like that. So I become someone else who isn't shy and can command difficult meetings etc, and that person I become has gradually permeated my life so much that I can slip into most of the time. I don't allow myself to notice how I am feeling - I just get on with things. I think I can partition better than many people!

But I watch my riding videos and quite honestly I could cry. I'm this useless heap of a rider who sits wonky and like a sack of spuds and it's so at odds with the rider I feel that I am. It can seriously hammer my self-confidence and I just want to never get on board a horse again as it's so shameful how I ride. Other times when I give myself a good talking to, I look for the positives and try to minimise my reaction to the weaknesses, whilst acknowledging that they are "areas for improvement". I work hard on my position but at the moment I'm going through a low mental phase on that as no matter how hard I work, it seems to just get worse and worse.

So, for me confidence to do things i.e. hack out a sharp horse on a windy day somes half from knowing that the chances are I can handle most things that are likely to crop up, and half from a bit of daring - testing myself to see if I CAN handle the things that actually crop up. I have always loved exams and I see riding confidence in the same way - I like to be tested and of course you rarely get tested in your comfort zone. I have lost confidence after the odd really scary ride where I have felt utterly unprepared for the task.

Self-confidence for me is a state that I create in myself otherwise I'd be crippled. It is very fragile and is damaged by me seeing photos/videos in which I am not riding in the way that I want to. It is also damaged by comments from others but in a sort-of roundabout way. The sly remarks are the worst, or backhanded compliments. I have had the odd lesson over the years where I have been told the gut-wrenching truth about my lack of ability and it has made me pretty but generally I have always bounced back stronger and more determined.

My self-confidence has been severely dented by riding a horse like Bill for whom my instinctive reponses are at odds with his requirements. I have since realised that this doesn't necessarily make me a bad rider and that I must stop letting it affect my self-confidence. I simply need to train myself to ride in a different way. We all ride in a different style and I have always had a calming influence over lively horses, compared to my friends who had "hot seats" and could get a tune out of the lazy horses. When I get it right now (which is becoming more frequent but still a long way to go), it is a massive buzz and it is worth the hard work.

I think the horse's confidence is utterly critical. Some horses have confidence to spare whereas others are more "parasitic" to quote another poster, and they feed off of us. With this sort you have to be so wary of getting into a feedback loop that is negative. I have learnt this the hard way It is far harder to give a horse confidence than a rider, I think!

 

[rachel_s]

Isn't confidence about having "trust" either in yourself, someone else or the horse ( or combination) which is slightly less ambiguous.

So either experience or feeling gives confidence ( or both) - and the feeling has to be more than in the head - so the physical body language which can be either a positive or negative influence but rarely neutral.

So if I and the horse have done x course umpteen times and not had a problem, then I will have more trust in our combination to get around than if I've attempted the same course umpteen times and never got around. The two experiences are likely to result in a different physical and emotional experience which I am likely to recall when next approaching it. Experience can be transferred - I was good at this so will be good at that - again, both positive and negative.

I was quite intrigued by someone writing about the woman's all around gymnast at the olympics and how her coach had managed her career to peak at the games, by giving her enough exposure at big meets without using her highest skills - just so she had only ever known going in and nailing the skills because they were easy in comparison to her training. So when it came to the one time chance, her experience gave her the " confidence" to nail it.

 

[Charmin]

How do you get it?
-By doing something and getting positive results. This could be approaching a jump and getting over the jump, which can then lead to doing the jump more stylishly and better than before. Personally I get a mental block about certain things, eg a filler I percieve to be spooky. However if I get over that filler I am then fine with those types of fillers - I draw on past experience and go 'well I was fine here with a similar filler' and can push past nerves. The first time attempting things is when I'm likely to have a confidence wobble, if it goes reasonably I then 'get over it' and can try again and actually do it decently! Repetition, more exposure and sometimes pushing myself helps build up my confidence.

How do you lose it?
-Trying something that goes dramatically wrong. Putting myself in a position where I feel unable to act due to fear. I only suffer from lack of confidence when jumping, never on the flat or out hacking. Then I take anything on and am often put on the stupidest horses as I can cling on and ride through it. However my mental block comes in with regards to jumping. I lose it when I feel overfaced and subsequently pass this onto the horse via defensive riding. I had a sensitive mare once who I just didn't get on with for this very reason - she needed you 100% and I couldn't promise this. My mare now can't really tell the difference between my true confident riding and a bit of a bluster, which suits me perfectly.

Also trainers who may put you down and gradually erode your self belief. These can be harder to get over.

What methods build it?
-For me, repetition. If my horse goes perfectly through water out training, I expect this is competition. I ride as though I expect it, and thus it happens. If horse is repeatedly fine through doubles I ride expecting it, and we can do it. Thus when I had a dirty stopper, I expected it, so it was more likely to happen.

What experiences dent it?
-Repetitive bad experiences, if horse reacts very violently to something. This was seen in dirty stopper case; she began stopping at the most stupid things when everything seemed perfect, take off, leg on etc. This knocked my confidence more than anything else.

Is it 'all in your mind' and, if so, what practices have helped you?
-No, I don't agree it is at all. I see confidence as a partnership. My confidence can wane sometimes, and the sensitive mare I had couldn't deal with me riding slightly differently to some fences. So she stopped, which affected my confidence and it was a vicious circle. However my homebred now is a totally different character. She's very much more independently thinking and less reliant on me, so I have the confidence to put my leg on and ride properly.

I also find exposure to a vast amount of things helps me. I have excessively schooled pony over ditches, taken her hacking etc which has given me the confidence that I am comptent enough. Your horse has to have faith in you, getting things right at a lower level makes it much easier to progress upwards. I believe in never over-facing a horse, keep everything easy and fun and keep them on side. I'm learning not to fight at everything but rather choose my battles.

What role does competing play?
-The adrenaline rush out competing makes me a lot more confident. I can walk around a course and go ooo that looks big, however remind myself that sitting atop pony will make it feel small. I get very nervous before SJing however little pony is helping me overcome this and I feel more in control than jelly legged like I used to be. Competing consolodates my confidence. I aim to school higher than I compete at so it feels easy and within mine and pony's confidence levels.

How do other areas of your life impact on it?
-I'm natually actually quite a confident person, albeit subject to a little stage fright. So feeling nervous like I do competing is a bit of a strange thing to go through.

What about horses - do you give much thought to building and maintaining your horses' positive outlook?
-Yes, it is essential. If horse is confident if I have a wobbler they're more likely to be honest and go anyway. I always keep things in her safety zone, establish the basics so it's easier for her.

What sort of work do you do?
-Lots of tiny jumps with a variety of 'spooky' things, lots of trips to different schooling venues to see different fences. Start small and build up slowly. Avoid working her when she feels tired as this is when she's likely to make mistakes.

Are there things you avoid?
-As soon as she feels slightly tired jumping, I stop. This is when she's likely to make mistakes and it's not worth it.

Really interesting thread, keep the replies coming guys! Such fascinating replies.

 

[Smitty]

Hmm, I'm in my 50s and confidence is fragile.

In my teens I used to jump, 3'3” really being the limit of my comfort zone. In my early 20s, I bought a cheap TB type and joined a RC who ran a couple of jumping lessons with Bina Ford . I borrowed my sister's JC and how the hell she got me over what she did I will never know (Bina, pony was a gelding!) It was certainly larger than 3'3”!

Many years later, approaching 50s, many gaps in riding due to being scared and another RC and another jumping lesson, this time 2' looked absolutely massive but the instructor got me over a few times. She had been round Badminton so as far as I was concerned, what she said was gospel.

So I must take confidence in the fact that the instructor can do it. This is demonstrated to a lesser degree in flatwork, where I use my sister who has won Mediums on 3 different horses, 2 of which she broke in herself. Whilst I'm not utterly convinced all the time, I would rather have her than somebody whose track record I know nothing about. She also used to SJ to Foxhunter very successfully, but I would not go near a jump with her teaching me.

I'm tempting fate to say this but I have never had a bad fall, ie broken anything or ended up in hospital, despite having been overhorsed on my second pony which ended up being one of the best JA's in England (not with me!!) he often took me over gates etc that I aimed at to stop him, but I dread falling off and hurting myself as I live alone. I now have a youngster that I bred myself, intending to sell her as a foal but my illness got in the way, she didn't sell as a 4YO and so I now have something that is a bit dodgy soundness wise, that chucked me off (for the first time in 30 years) but I actually trust her, weird as I normally nearly come off on average approx 3 times over an hour!

Lessons and competitions: well I live in hope. I have had one lesson on her in a school and am still here, have booked one with the RC on the 12th. Don't know if I can cope with the bouncing around in the beginning and dreading it.

One small incident can dent confidence in my case, nervous of riding in the wind after a tree fell on the indoor school I was in during a lesson.

I cope with Gelsemmium, hours in the saddle (on anything) and a weird belief in myself that I can handle it.

The spoken word can do so much though, as my last horse was seen by a physio who told me to walk him in hand for 2 weeks. Another livery asked if I was too scared to rider him, well up to that point I hadn't been ...

 

[dieseldog]

Here is a confidence trick

[youtube]f0kccKemI-A[/youtube]

Interesting choice of post title. Is riding a sham, a con, are we the marks and the horse the grifter, or the other way around?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confidence_trick

 

[Cortez]

Just do it.

 

[loobylu]

I lack confidence in my ability to avoid knocking the horse's confidence with regards to jumping. (I'm not scared I'll get hurt, or get a fright, these things are a given once in a while. I fear making a mistake which lands the horse in say, an oxer and then causes stopping) So for me, the horse's confidence is the most important to maintain- I can fake it, the horse can't.

Confidence comes from getting it right more often than not- the pennies in jar analogy works for me- you have to put ten in to take one out. Or sometimes it seems to be cleverly disguised ignorance....

 

[loobylu]

Actually, my 'faking it' comment above is very useful to me- I'd never tell anyone, while actually on/ handling a horse, that I was feeling a bit wobbly. Years of practicing means that I can use this effectively on naughty/ young horses- I can be completely calm and keep my heart rate right down while being aware of the fact I'm about to be in a tricky position!