Confidence - Where does it Vanish too?

3Beasties

3Beasties

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Do you ever wonder where your confidence vanished too??

I've never been a confident person but was always fairly confident around horses. The last couple of years though my confidence seems to have faded away, to start with it was just about riding in front of others (now I avoid it at all costs) and trusting my judgement/opinion on certain matters. Now I am doubting my ability to do a lot of things.

It's really silly but an example would be bandaging. I can bandage a horse no problem, they don't always look perfect but I can put them on correctly and they do the job they are suppose to do without moving. I bandage most times I school, I know I CAN bandage but if I've got a horsey person with me I will tend to throw the bandages at them and get them to do it for me in case they think I'm doing it wrong!?! :o (There's lot's of other examples like that too!)

Last week it suddenly hit me that I've bought a 5 year old! :eek: I hadn't thought about it before, it was the age I'd planned to buy but I hadn't really thought any further then that! I've never had a 'proper horse' that age before and so I started thinking 'what makes me think I'm qualified/experienced enough to deal with? I'm not regretting buying her for one instant, I'm growing more fond of her daily despite some hairy moments but I just can't help thinking CAN I do it.

I'm not as confident riding as I used to be, no idea why as nothing has 'happened' that I can think off *touch wood that nothing DOES happen* but I think/worry about getting on strange horses now whereas I never would have before. I am still getting a few butterflies in my tummy as I'm about to get on Missi (the new mare), they vanish as soon as I'm on and I feel quite happy on her. Even when I nearly hit the deck yesterday, I got off (to put the saddle back in place) and then jumped back on and started back where we'd left off, when there is an issues I deal with it. Weirdly after that ride (worse since she's been here) I felt more affection for her rather then less (thankfully!).

I keep thinking of all the things I want to do in the future with her but coupled with those thoughts are 'who can I get to do that for me first?' I bought a young horse because I wanted something that I could learn with, we could start small and work our way up the levels together, so why am I looking for an easy way out? I'm NOT going to get someone else to compete her for me, the only thing I would possibly get someone to do for me is take her hunting for the first time but that's it. The rest I want to do myself and I know that if someone else did it for me it wouldn't make it any easier as I'd still be just as nervous/worried when I had to do it myself!

There's no rush with Missi, once we've built our trust up in each other I'll start taking her out in the box, schooling, lessons, or just somewhere different to ride and then I'll build up from that. At least she's not done it all before so she won't mind taking it slow and starting small. The thought of competing terrifies me but I know that once I start doing it my confidence will hopefully grow and we'll start having some fun :)

I think there's probably more to it then just lacking in confidence around horses, it's me as a person and I need to have more trust in myself. I never thought I'd be able to drive a lorry, the thought of it terrified me, but I did it and I did it quite easily (apart from the test part!!). I try and think back to that and give myself a kick up the backside and tell myself that I CAN not that I CAN'T!!

So yer, where does confidence go and can you ever fully get it back?

*Jelly tots for getting to the end!*

PS. This is NOT a feel sorry for myself thread, I'm absolutely fine and don't require sympathy, hugs or people to tell me that I can ride and can do this and that etc, it's NOT what this is for. It's just a general musing about how my confidence has been affected at the moment and the climb I've got ahead of me to get it back to be able to enjoy what I do.


(Don't even know why I'm positing this really or what I expect to get from it but hey ho!)
 
Mine got dented when I got a horse that tested me beyond my real abilities and made me realise I wasn't that great. Now I am constantly fazed by my daughters ponies, see thread re Calling all games people. Age and having kids has something to do with it too, also fact I have no qualifications.
 
3Beasties said:
Do you ever wonder where your confidence vanished too??

I've never been a confident person but was always fairly confident around horses. The last couple of years though my confidence seems to have faded away, to start with it was just about riding in front of others (now I avoid it at all costs) and trusting my judgement/opinion on certain matters. Now I am doubting my ability to do a lot of things.

It's really silly but an example would be bandaging. I can bandage a horse no problem, they don't always look perfect but I can put them on correctly and they do the job they are suppose to do without moving. I bandage most times I school, I know I CAN bandage but if I've got a horsey person with me I will tend to throw the bandages at them and get them to do it for me in case they think I'm doing it wrong!?! :o (There's lot's of other examples like that too!)

Last week it suddenly hit me that I've bought a 5 year old! :eek: I hadn't thought about it before, it was the age I'd planned to buy but I hadn't really thought any further then that! I've never had a 'proper horse' that age before and so I started thinking 'what makes me think I'm qualified/experienced enough to deal with? I'm not regretting buying her for one instant, I'm growing more fond of her daily despite some hairy moments but I just can't help thinking CAN I do it.

I'm not as confident riding as I used to be, no idea why as nothing has 'happened' that I can think off *touch wood that nothing DOES happen* but I think/worry about getting on strange horses now whereas I never would have before. I am still getting a few butterflies in my tummy as I'm about to get on Missi (the new mare), they vanish as soon as I'm on and I feel quite happy on her. Even when I nearly hit the deck yesterday, I got off (to put the saddle back in place) and then jumped back on and started back where we'd left off, when there is an issues I deal with it. Weirdly after that ride (worse since she's been here) I felt more affection for her rather then less (thankfully!).

I keep thinking of all the things I want to do in the future with her but coupled with those thoughts are 'who can I get to do that for me first?' I bought a young horse because I wanted something that I could learn with, we could start small and work our way up the levels together, so why am I looking for an easy way out? I'm NOT going to get someone else to compete her for me, the only thing I would possibly get someone to do for me is take her hunting for the first time but that's it. The rest I want to do myself and I know that if someone else did it for me it wouldn't make it any easier as I'd still be just as nervous/worried when I had to do it myself!

There's no rush with Missi, once we've built our trust up in each other I'll start taking her out in the box, schooling, lessons, or just somewhere different to ride and then I'll build up from that. At least she's not done it all before so she won't mind taking it slow and starting small. The thought of competing terrifies me but I know that once I start doing it my confidence will hopefully grow and we'll start having some fun :)

I think there's probably more to it then just lacking in confidence around horses, it's me as a person and I need to have more trust in myself. I never thought I'd be able to drive a lorry, the thought of it terrified me, but I did it and I did it quite easily (apart from the test part!!). I try and think back to that and give myself a kick up the backside and tell myself that I CAN not that I CAN'T!!

So yer, where does confidence go and can you ever fully get it back?

*Jelly tots for getting to the end!*

PS. This is NOT a feel sorry for myself thread, I'm absolutely fine and don't require sympathy, hugs or people to tell me that I can ride and can do this and that etc, it's NOT what this is for. It's just a general musing about how my confidence has been affected at the moment and the climb I've got ahead of me to get it back to be able to enjoy what I do.


(Don't even know why I'm positing this really or what I expect to get from it but hey ho!)
Click to expand...

My mind tells me im still 18 but my body tells me I am alot older! When I was younger nothing bothered me, rode regular without a hat on a Stallion and loads of other stupid stuff but as you get older you relise the danger. My fear is getting too old to ride or even keep horses especially Stallions. I just think its a stage us horse people go through. You are not alone!
 
you are def not alone... i have had horses for over 40 years, competed successfully at riding club level, didnt go higher as had no transport , or money and also lack of time as worked full time(not in horses). felt i was a competant rider and would get on anything and was not fazed by anything. fast forward to age 55 when i bought a new horse and she scared the s...t out of me and i lost my nerve big time.... would ride her in the manege but was scared to go out of walk anywhere else, so really very nervous...was going to sell her but was too fond of her so decided i had to get over my problem....i moved her to somewhere with more turnout and no menage and..i hack out everyday now and am now happy to do any pace, she is less spooky because of the change of msanagement and also i think she feels that i am now relaxed and not clinging on like a twit......you dont sound half as bad as i was so im sure with little steps your confidence will grow,, lots of luck and have we seen pics of your youngster?
 
horsemadmum1 said:
Age and having kids has something to do with it too, also fact I have no qualifications.
Click to expand...

That's what someone said to me. I have the age thing, not the kids. I used to jump on anything and now the very thought of a horse spooking with me is too scary. :( I hope it is only a stage, bloody long one, really hope my confidence comes back. :o
 
Glad to know I'm not alone! It's just weird that nothing has actually happened for me to get like this, I'm still young (25) and haven't got kids yet so it doesn't make sense really!


Splash, there's been photo's but any excuse to share! :p

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I think confidence is a funny thing too 3Bs. Maybe it's not actual a lack of confidence but more self doubt that creeps in. Out of nowhere I feel more worried now about hacking out on my own these days but until 2 years ago it never crossed my mind and having battled with my pony the first year I had him with napping the fact that we have been able to go out by ourselves for the last 7 years if I chose not to hack with others was an achievement. Just today with no-one to ride with I nearly bottled out about hacking but once on and out was fine. But the confidence level is just different and sometimes I can't explain it to myself (resorted to squirts of Rescue Remedy on occasion!).

I think when all sorts of different things change in your life (eg, job/finances/friends/living location) and maybe more unknowns you are juggling that can have an effect as you think more across all the things in your life. Most things in our lives are all intertwined somehow. For me I'm actually craving a crystal ball on some of my horizons, just so I know how some things are going to pan out and then I can ease up and not sweat the small stuff :) and I'm sure I'd feel more relaxed riding again. Where I keep my horse is also different from how it used to be and so I know that's having an impact too. But I do believe confidence will return again :)
 
I can really really sympathise with this, I have been riding for 20 years and as a child would have thought nothing of going cross country bare back but as I get older my confidence is slowly disappearing. I have had a few moments that would explain my knocked confidence but I am really struggling to regain it in some areas. I am determined not to let my nerves beat me, but still can't bring myself to jump even though I really really want to. My horse now is so well behaved (last Sunday he was a nightmare but well put this down to a bad day)

Everyone I have spoken to has said take it slowly, I know I'm getting better, a year ago I would get butterflies leading a different horse in from the field, now I'm starting to hack alone again and think nothing of schooling or going for long canters round the fields etc.

Regarding the bandaging and doubting your ability, again I can completely relate to this. I am moving to a different yard in 2 weeks and am beginning to panic that I won't be able to cope without people around me that I know, and people to fall back on, I've come from a yard where our very experienced YO really helps us all out so I haven't really had to think for myself. I know exactly what I'm doing but just don't trust myself and worry what people will think if I get it wrong!!
 
Somone else feels the same as me!!!! A slightly different situation, as I am a complete novice. I had lessons, and I've worked a little at a couple of yards, but the reason I left those position was the nerves slowly taking over! I've never had a bad accident or anything that might have triggered this, I think it's a general lack of confidence in my life, plus at one of the yards, already a bit nervous, being asked to do jobs I wasn't comfortable with. But for example, I've stuffed a thousand haynets, but I still worry I can't do it right, or leading from the field, oh god will I cope?! Of course I can, I've done it loads of times! And I haven't ridden regularly in a long time, I want to start again but don't want lessons (just want something relaxed to regain confidence); when I have ridden, I've been scared beforehand, but as soon as I'm in the saddle I feel at home. It's not fear of horses, I love them, it's more fear of my perceived inability?!

Basically, I know how you feel (from the novice's perspective!).
 
I was joking the other day saying I would have to call the YO to make sure my Haynet wasn't too heavy, this was an extreme example and obviously I was joking but this is the kind of thing that bothers me! I have no confidence that I can actually do it, when in reality I definitely can and I have dealt with quite a lot and managed fine eg helped a struggling mare foal, provide first aid to a horse who had sliced open an artery, infact that happened twice, so no idea why I don't think I am capable of doing it with my own horse!! Finers crossed once I'm forced to do it myself at the new yard I will realise I can cope! And if all else fails ill just post here and get advice!!
 
I lost my confidence with my old lad when he left me (unhurt) at the side of the road and went home without me. Lots of work (via self denial) and I started hacking again and competing but only at competitions held on the yard.

I now have a nice boy on part loan, he is testing me a little on and off but nothing I've not been able to handle so far.

My lack of confidence manifests itself in seeing people loading up for fun rides, beach rides, competitions and thinking to myself "yes, they can do it but it's not for you". I have never had horse transport and when I took this lad on at the beginning of September I looked up wagons available to hire locally so we could go out and have fun but that little voice is beginning to whisper!

Now I keep thinking I'll have my own again in a year or two and I'll tackle the getting out and about and having fun then. I really have to tackle this NOW with this horse or the pattern will continue, or even worse I will persuade myself I can't have my own horse again.

(That makes me sound completely loopy - I'm really not!).
 
I have wondered the same, I have decided it lives in the same place as lost socks :(

I used to want and was able to ride every horse from nutter to happy hacker!!!

Now a 3 legged mule would strike panic in me, so advice as well please :)
 
Lol Emily, maybe we should start a clique :p I get the whole haynet thing too, if I help anyone else with their horses they must think I am a complete numpty as I ask so many questions, which brush do you use for this, where does your saddle sit, how tight do you do the noseband, how full do you want your haynet? Like you I'm so worried about getting it wrong!

MD you may be right about self doubt, maybe lack of confidence isn't the right way to describe it!
 
Is it just a horsey reduction in confidence or are there other areas of your life within which your confidence has altered? Or are there other areas of your life that aren't quite as you'd like them to be? Not enjoying your job, not happy in your relationship, still living at home but want to be independent etc... Anything like that might be affecting your horsey life without you realising!
 
So nice to see others have similar problem! I think I started to feel it with onset of menopause! Think hormones can affect confidence if you are "that age" :)
 
I have always lacked confidence in other areas of life so I guess it was only a matter of time before it reached me when I was riding!

The only thing I would say maybe made me feel worse was going 'back to school' last September and feeling really stupid compared to everyone else! :o

I just as that kind of person, always worrying about what people think, not wanting to hurt peoples feeling, no self believe and a hang up about talking out loud in a group! Someone shoot now :o
 
It's completely the opposite for me, I love my job and have recently got a promotion I would be described as assertive by most people and I have no problem speaking my mind! For me is just with horses, no matter how many times I am forced to deal with something as soon as I'm of the horse I doubt that I can do it! I feel stupid when people talk horse sometimes like I don't really know anything, but the way I look at it I don't need to know every bone or muscle on his body to know how to look after him! I think anyone I know would be really surprised to know how much I doubt myself with horses, just wish I could get over it, I want to enjoy my boy not panic whenever I have to do anything, the stupid thing is as soon as I'm on and riding I realise how much I love it and don't want to get off!!
 
I know what you mean about speaking in public. teaching has cured me of that but I had to draw on undiscovered reserves when I had to deliver some peer training in the summer!
 
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