Confidence!

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dillonbibbon

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30 November 2023
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Hi all. New user here, long time rider though. I'm in a massive funk and can't get out of it. I got a new horse last year after retiring my two oldies and he's a lovely oversized Connie, big jump, but I've lost my confidence. I won't hack on my own anymore, I don't like schooling if no one is around and the horse has done nothing that any other horse does and that I'm used to.

Help. I'm bloody ready to give up.
 
Confidence is an all or nothing thing. It feels like a stretched skin on a drum- working just great & you're not even thinking about it until a little hole appears and it all pings away so you can't even find the edges to put it back together.

Don't rush. There isn't a magic answer that will make you wake up better one day. In my experience you need to start again at the bottom & use all the help, support, company, neck straps, low jumps - whatever you need to re-build slowly.
 
Don’t set yourself up to fail by doing something too hard. Start right at the very beginning and don’t let anyone even suggest pushing you out of your comfort zone. Your horse doesn’t care two hoots if he is a champion or a much loved pet. Build up a bond on the ground - grooming, leading, playing games anything that you both enjoy. If you want to ride him then remember he doesn’t care if he’s sat on for two minutes or two hours - hopefully he has decent turnout. He’s your horse, your friend and you’ll do things your way and in your own time. Start today or wait for better weather - your choice.
 
Goldie's mum said:
Confidence is an all or nothing thing. It feels like a stretched skin on a drum- working just great & you're not even thinking about it until a little hole appears and it all pings away so you can't even find the edges to put it back together.

Don't rush. There isn't a magic answer that will make you wake up better one day. In my experience you need to start again at the bottom & use all the help, support, company, neck straps, low jumps - whatever you need to re-build slowI've evented to 3*.
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I do hope not! I've evented to 3*.
 
Above the snowline said:
Don’t set yourself up to fail by doing something too hard. Start right at the very beginning and don’t let anyone even suggest pushing you out of your comfort zone. Your horse doesn’t care two hoots if he is a champion or a much loved pet. Build up a bond on the ground - grooming, leading, playing games anything that you both enjoy. If you want to ride him then remember he doesn’t care if he’s sat on for two minutes or two hours - hopefully he has decent turnout. He’s your horse, your friend and you’ll do things your way and in your own time. Start today or wait for better weather - your choice.
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Not enough turn out. I have to ride.
 
Do you know why you lost confidence? was there a particular turning point or is it just the new horse? If you're on a yard can you just arrange to hack with others for now and not worry about going alone. Can you book the school at busier times when there are people around, Not just watching but on the yard as back up incase?
 
Can you let somebody else ride him for a bit so you don’t have to and then see how you feel. Have a few weeks/ months off whilst the weather is rubbish.
Watching someone else ride him may spur you on? Or you could teach another rider on him.
I enjoy watching my horses under saddle, it gives me more info.
 
McGrools said:
Can you let somebody else ride him for a bit so you don’t have to and then see how you feel. Have a few weeks/ months off whilst the weather is rubbish.
Watching someone else ride him may spur you on? Or you could teach another rider on him.
I enjoy watching my horses under saddle, it gives me more info.
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Good idea. I've had that in the back of my mind but needed to be told. Thanks
 
dillonbibbon said:
Hi all. New user here, long time rider though. I'm in a massive funk and can't get out of it. I got a new horse last year after retiring my two oldies and he's a lovely oversized Connie, big jump, but I've lost my confidence. I won't hack on my own anymore, I don't like schooling if no one is around and the horse has done nothing that any other horse does and that I'm used to.

Help. I'm bloody ready to give up.
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I use a bit of CBD oil it really helps me when I am having a moment.
 
Set yourself small , manageable targets.
Setting a target that's schooling for 45 minutes in all paces on your own probably isn't achievable right now. But setting a target of getting on and walking once around the arena on your own might be.
Same with hacking. Maybe hack to the end of your lane or drive and back on your own?
Set yourself up to succeed by setting achievable targets , and then give yourself credit for achieving them.

If there's no riding related trigger to how you're feeling , I wonder if you're feeling generally anxious? My riding confidence definitely goes hand in hand with my general anxiety levels.
 
Sossigpoker said:
Set yourself small , manageable targets.
Setting a target that's schooling for 45 minutes in all paces on your own probably isn't achievable right now. But setting a target of getting on and walking once around the arena on your own might be.
Same with hacking. Maybe hack to the end of your lane or drive and back on your own?
Set yourself up to succeed by setting achievable targets , and then give yourself credit for achieving them.

If there's no riding related trigger to how you're feeling , I wonder if you're feeling generally anxious? My riding confidence definitely goes hand in hand with my general anxiety levels.
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This. At one point, my goal was to tack up, get on, then get off again.
Once I was on, I felt better, so walked a lap of the school & got off. Little more each day.
 
I know how how feel. I have an oversized NF who is the most beautiful safe boy but I watched my confidence drain away when my riding buddy (aka my daughter!) left for uni. Suddenly I was left with a new horse, to ride alone and at 53 my confidence left the room. So I stopped worrying about dressage, and proving anything. I did short safe rides alone and hacked with friends on longer rides. I gradually built up my confidence on him. It’s taken a year. But this week we rode alone, cantered around a field and popped a log. A year ago, I would have walked around the field….. and the log wouldn’t even have been on the radar! You’ll get there, stop putting pressure on yourself. Find a hacking buddy who wants to chat not race! And if you are female and over 40 might be worth having your hormones checked. Mine were all over the place and some of my anxiety stemmed from this. Now on HRT and not constantly in a heightened state of fear about everything. Not for everyone I know, but it might help explain why your confidence is low. It may be nothing to do with your horse…..
 
dillonbibbon said:
Hi all. New user here, long time rider though. I'm in a massive funk and can't get out of it. I got a new horse last year after retiring my two oldies and he's a lovely oversized Connie, big jump, but I've lost my confidence. I won't hack on my own anymore, I don't like schooling if no one is around and the horse has done nothing that any other horse does and that I'm used to.

Help. I'm bloody ready to give up.
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Are you female and a certain age? Menopause will do this. Go to the Dr and discuss getting HRT if you are.

I suspect if the above is applicable and you evaluate other aspects of your life you have changed. There is a really good thread on FB in the Twittereventing group.
 
Sossigpoker said:
Set yourself small , manageable targets.
Setting a target that's schooling for 45 minutes in all paces on your own probably isn't achievable right now. But setting a target of getting on and walking once around the arena on your own might be.
Same with hacking. Maybe hack to the end of your lane or drive and back on your own?
Set yourself up to succeed by setting achievable targets , and then give yourself credit for achieving them.

If there's no riding related trigger to how you're feeling , I wonder if you're feeling generally anxious? My riding confidence definitely goes hand in hand with my general anxiety levels.
Click to expand...
This you have to go back and not expect to be doing things how you did before.

Sometimes I just think right I'm gonna do 15 minutes if walk and trot some days I just walk.

I also arrange to ride with friends in the school it really helps as my horse is calmer with company, and I don't think about things too much as we often are chatting away.

We often just have a hack around the school for 20 minutes together.
 
jules9203 said:
Age, hormones, other stress all have an impact on confidence. I found getting someone else to ride my horse a few times helped. My anxiety came out of nowhere and had no obvious cause but HRT hugely reduced it. Not sure if that's any help.
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This completely!

I had a huge wobble last year and thought I'd be giving up riding as it was debilitating at times.

It was a HHOer that mentioned menopause to me. I've been to the Drs and I'm perimenopausal - the joys!! But after a couple of weeks on a herbal supplement I've almost back to me old self. I've backed my 3 rising 4 yr old and I'm hacking round my fields independently. Before I couldn't hack my old faithful. Hormonys are horrible!
 
VRIN said:
Look up Karl Greenwood. He is great at helping with lost confidence.
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Sossigpoker said:
This !!
His methods have helped me so so much!
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Folks I had to hop on to say a MASSIVE thank you for this recommendation! I went down a rabbit hole listening to his podcast before I went to the yard today. It was such a great help to get over a schooling hiccup I was having.

Really enjoy his sensible approach and I'm pretty sure I'll be listening to him daily. Thanks again!
 
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