Coping after horse pts.

mule

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I found what helped most was crying a lot and talking about how I was feeling. Getting all the emotion out really helped me when my mare was pts.
 

ILuvCowparsely

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Last Saturday morning my whole world changed! I woke up to 30 odd missed calls from my YO was woken up to my horse banging at 4am, she went to investigate the noise and found her cast, she got her up but it was immediately clear something was wrong she was colicking she called the vet! As they couldn’t get hold of me, they kept her sedated and comfortable!

I got there at 7am, things were not good bloods revealed lectade levels were very high indicating a strangulated leasion and I was told prognosis was very, very poor and the vet recommended euthanasia and even with surgery the rate of survival was low. She was 25, I’ve had her 18 years! We obviously put her to sleep, at her home with us there and her horsey friends around her.

My world has crashed down, I can’t stop crying, I can’t sleep, feel nauseous, have had time off work, dizzy spells-I literally think it’s the shock.

I’m feeling guilty about not trying surgery what IF she HAD of made it, had of been ok?

I’m lost just have this hole in my day now that I’m trying to fill! I have 2 young children so they are a good distraction but the horsey life has been a part of me for soo long!
I am so sorry for you, I had the same thing as I found a livery horse coliking in the morning and had to call owners, but after trying and loads buscpan. Nothing was working and he was getting worse. We lost him. I too lost 2 to colic.

the hurt never goes, but you know you did the right thing for him. thoughts sent your way :(
 

JJS

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I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my horse of a lifetime in a similar way, in that it also happened completely out of the blue. I got to the stables to find her with a broken leg, and the vet who attended immediately confirmed that it was catastrophic and PTS was our only option.

That was almost five years ago, but all I really remember from that first month was walking around as though I was in some strange grey bubble. I felt like I was completely numb to everything apart from the pain of losing her, and that I couldn't function at all. As cliche as it is, it did eventually get better with time. I will always miss her, and I still think of her every day, but your world does eventually right itself again.

The what ifs are normal as well. I remember wondering all of the time whether turning up 10 minutes earlier would have meant I got there before it happened, or whether it was something I could have somehow avoided. We never did discover how she'd injured herself, but eventually you do come to accept that you did your best.

There comes a day, too, when you think about those final minutes and realise there was not an iota of blame in their eyes. I'm certain my mare knew what was happening, but I also think she was grateful that I made the pain go away. You did the same. You put her needs before your own, which is why you're hurting so much now - because not a single part of you wanted to let her go. That alone should tell you that you acted entirely in her best interests.

Please be kind to yourself, OP. It's an awful thing for anyone to go through.
 

equi

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You put her needs before your own, which is why you're hurting so much now - because not a single part of you wanted to let her go. That alone should tell you that you acted entirely in her best interests.
Sorry OP, not related to the post, but JJS this just made me burst out crying. It made me think of recently putting down my dog who i kept humming and haaing about and really didnt want to pts...but i did it anyway. He could have survived another few weeks maybe months..but they would never be good months. Saving him from that was in his best interests, and your comment has put that into perspective, so thank you. It also harps back to my beloved aunt who was never going to survive and was on life support..as a family we decided enough and i can't quite explain that in words...but again your comment explains it..now im a wet mess :)
 

JJS

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Sorry OP, not related to the post, but JJS this just made me burst out crying. It made me think of recently putting down my dog who i kept humming and haaing about and really didnt want to pts...but i did it anyway. He could have survived another few weeks maybe months..but they would never be good months. Saving him from that was in his best interests, and your comment has put that into perspective, so thank you. It also harps back to my beloved aunt who was never going to survive and was on life support..as a family we decided enough and i can't quite explain that in words...but again your comment explains it..now im a wet mess :)
Sorry for making you cry, Equi, but I'm glad you found it comforting :) It's something I very much believe to be true, and that I think we all need to remind ourselves of from time to time. We'd never knowingly cause ourselves such a degree of pain if our motives for letting them go were in any way selfish.
 

equi

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Sorry for making you cry, Equi, but I'm glad you found it comforting :) It's something I very much believe to be true, and that I think we all need to remind ourselves of from time to time. We'd never knowingly cause ourselves such a degree of pain if our motives for letting them go were in any way selfish.
I believe it to be true too, and firmly even more so now. Ive just never been able to quite put that into words like you did.
 
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Thank you so much everyone! Your words really have helped give me some comfort and support and I am really greatful!

I have her ashes in the car, need to take them up the yard I think and put them in her stable!

Just feels so weird that this is now my new ‘normal’! Finished work at 4pm today and would normally go up the yard get that all done before collecting boys from nursery! I really didn’t know what to do with myself!

Hubby is off this week which has helped having him around x
 

vhf

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I came across a helpful description of grief the other day...
Think of grief as like a ball in a box, with a button on the wall of the box that gives you a shock when it's pressed. At first, the ball is so big, it's always hitting the button. This is why it's hard to think of anything else.
Gradually the ball gets smaller, so the button is hit less, but it's still there, and it still gets hit. When it gets hit, it's still as bad as ever. Every now and again, something happens that re-inflates the ball, and you go back a bit, but the ball will slowly decrease in size again over time. Everybody's box, ball and button are different every time they experience a loss, so no two people will ever experience grief in the same way.
Eventually the ball gets really small, and the button is hardly ever hit, but it still gets you unawares from time to time.

We all have to learn to be patient with our ball, and accept it's different to everyone else's!
 

wills_91

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So sorry for your loss. I have lost 2 to colic. One of which had the option of surgery but at 25 I felt it wasn't in his best interest. It's been 11 years since I lost him and it took me a while to get over the "what if" thoughts about surgery. I 100% believe I made the right decision and for what it's worth I think it sounds like you did to. They are a huge part of your life and when they go its hard. I lost my mare in September and I still feel lost x
 

HashRouge

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Oh gosh OP, I am so, so sorry! I don't even know what to say :(
My mare is 26 and I have owned her for almost 18 years. Thinking about myself in your shoes and I don't know how I would cope :(

Sending you all my love and best wishes xxx
 

F&B

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I really feel for you bm, I also lost my beautiful boy to colic 6 weeks ago. He was also 25 and had been with me for 21 wonderful years. The whole of February was a blur if I'm honest. They are family to us and we love them as such. Be kind to yourself bm and take time to grieve.
 

catembi

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Oh I feel so sorry for you! As others have said, it is very rare to find a situation where you can be 100% certain that you're doing the right thing with PTS. I had to PTS Catembi after a harrowing 6-month battle with an awful disease, & I was absolutely torn apart between did I give up too soon or did I make him suffer for too long? And with my dear, so much loved old Rottie - should I have put him through a lot of tests & treatment? All we can do is our best, and we can only try to interpret the situation that we find ourselves in & try to do what we feel is right. Which, FWIW, is what I think you have done. (((Hugs))) to you.
 
Joined
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I came across a helpful description of grief the other day...
Think of grief as like a ball in a box, with a button on the wall of the box that gives you a shock when it's pressed. At first, the ball is so big, it's always hitting the button. This is why it's hard to think of anything else.
Gradually the ball gets smaller, so the button is hit less, but it's still there, and it still gets hit. When it gets hit, it's still as bad as ever. Every now and again, something happens that re-inflates the ball, and you go back a bit, but the ball will slowly decrease in size again over time. Everybody's box, ball and button are different every time they experience a loss, so no two people will ever experience grief in the same way.
Eventually the ball gets really small, and the button is hardly ever hit, but it still gets you unawares from time to time.

We all have to learn to be patient with our ball, and accept it's different to everyone else's!
Thank you, I read that before on here I think! The ball is still big at the moment.
 

babymare

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Can I put another side. I'm watching my mother die with late stages of dementia. Double incontinent. Can't move. Can't speak. Barely opens eyes. Has to be spoon fed etc etc. If that was an animal I would be prosecuted for cruelty! PTS is hard but in so many cases so kind. The pain just goes to a long sleep. Sadly my mother, and I, linger on x
 
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Can I put another side. I'm watching my mother die with late stages of dementia. Double incontinent. Can't move. Can't speak. Barely opens eyes. Has to be spoon fed etc etc. If that was an animal I would be prosecuted for cruelty! PTS is hard but in so many cases so kind. The pain just goes to a long sleep. Sadly my mother, and I, linger on x
So sorry you are having to see that must be so hard!

My non horsey hubby came up, he doesn’t understand how serious colic is and why she shouldn’t have the operation and we would do it for a person! But we are lucky we can do it for animals and they don’t suffer on x
 

whizzer

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14 February 2009
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I went through this a year ago,had rehomed my mare as broodmare as was unrideable then 3 days after she went found my old boy with colic. Went from 2 to no horses in 3 days! Mine was too bad to even contemplate travelling him but I wouldn’t have put him through surgery anyway. Took me ages to get over it but I just kept reminding myself he’d had a great life,never wanted for anything & went at home with me by his side. I got a crazy rescue dog shortly after which occupied me,then I got the chance to buy a wonderful mare that I’d been riding for someone. It does get better with time,it felt strange this winter without him as he was high maintenance & hard work in the winter whilst the new mare is totally different. I had a lovely portrait done of him plus a canvas of a nice photo that I had got.
 
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