Mule
Well-Known Member
I found what helped most was crying a lot and talking about how I was feeling. Getting all the emotion out really helped me when my mare was pts.
I am so sorry for you, I had the same thing as I found a livery horse coliking in the morning and had to call owners, but after trying and loads buscpan. Nothing was working and he was getting worse. We lost him. I too lost 2 to colic.Last Saturday morning my whole world changed! I woke up to 30 odd missed calls from my YO was woken up to my horse banging at 4am, she went to investigate the noise and found her cast, she got her up but it was immediately clear something was wrong she was colicking she called the vet! As they couldn’t get hold of me, they kept her sedated and comfortable!
I got there at 7am, things were not good bloods revealed lectade levels were very high indicating a strangulated leasion and I was told prognosis was very, very poor and the vet recommended euthanasia and even with surgery the rate of survival was low. She was 25, I’ve had her 18 years! We obviously put her to sleep, at her home with us there and her horsey friends around her.
My world has crashed down, I can’t stop crying, I can’t sleep, feel nauseous, have had time off work, dizzy spells-I literally think it’s the shock.
I’m feeling guilty about not trying surgery what IF she HAD of made it, had of been ok?
I’m lost just have this hole in my day now that I’m trying to fill! I have 2 young children so they are a good distraction but the horsey life has been a part of me for soo long!
You put her needs before your own, which is why you're hurting so much now - because not a single part of you wanted to let her go. That alone should tell you that you acted entirely in her best interests.
Sorry OP, not related to the post, but JJS this just made me burst out crying. It made me think of recently putting down my dog who i kept humming and haaing about and really didnt want to pts...but i did it anyway. He could have survived another few weeks maybe months..but they would never be good months. Saving him from that was in his best interests, and your comment has put that into perspective, so thank you. It also harps back to my beloved aunt who was never going to survive and was on life support..as a family we decided enough and i can't quite explain that in words...but again your comment explains it..now im a wet mess
I believe it to be true too, and firmly even more so now. Ive just never been able to quite put that into words like you did.Sorry for making you cry, Equi, but I'm glad you found it comforting It's something I very much believe to be true, and that I think we all need to remind ourselves of from time to time. We'd never knowingly cause ourselves such a degree of pain if our motives for letting them go were in any way selfish.
I came across a helpful description of grief the other day...
Think of grief as like a ball in a box, with a button on the wall of the box that gives you a shock when it's pressed. At first, the ball is so big, it's always hitting the button. This is why it's hard to think of anything else.
Gradually the ball gets smaller, so the button is hit less, but it's still there, and it still gets hit. When it gets hit, it's still as bad as ever. Every now and again, something happens that re-inflates the ball, and you go back a bit, but the ball will slowly decrease in size again over time. Everybody's box, ball and button are different every time they experience a loss, so no two people will ever experience grief in the same way.
Eventually the ball gets really small, and the button is hardly ever hit, but it still gets you unawares from time to time.
We all have to learn to be patient with our ball, and accept it's different to everyone else's!
Bless you. If you're lucky enough to be around animals a lot , you collect a lot of balls. Kind of like mementos of each one gone I guess.Thank you, I read that before on here I think! The ball is still big at the moment.
So sorry you are having to see that must be so hard!Can I put another side. I'm watching my mother die with late stages of dementia. Double incontinent. Can't move. Can't speak. Barely opens eyes. Has to be spoon fed etc etc. If that was an animal I would be prosecuted for cruelty! PTS is hard but in so many cases so kind. The pain just goes to a long sleep. Sadly my mother, and I, linger on x