Daughter's pony - what to do?

[Polygon]

My 9 (nearly 10) year old petite daughter has been riding on and off for a few years as we have horses at home. Just over a year ago she lost her confidence after the elderly lead rein pony we had on loan proved why she was a lead rein and not a first ridden - she napped a lot and bucked when off the lead rein. After lots of lessons at the local riding school she got her confidence back and we bought a pony a year ago who has been a real confidence giver. He's a 13.2 British Riding Pony, very finely built and looks sharp but he isn't. He's actually not very forward going at all. So she's now loving riding, goes to every pony club rally available (at least 1 and sometimes 2 or 3 a week), has weekly lessons, lots of hacking etc. She'll now happily ride other children's whizzy ponies whereas a year ago she would have been really nervous. The trouble is that her pony does not enjoy jumping. He can and will do it but he just does not get enthusiastic and will run out if he can (I do realise that is my daughter's riding at fault and is a habit she needs to break) and is very suspicious and likes to stop at every fence first time (maybe more than once if it's a plank/filler/skinny). I do think he lacks confidence in jumping (and life generally) and looks for leadership from his rider. Pretty much every PC rally involves jumping and it's such a shame to see them struggling to get round a course of even 30cm jumps. It's not possible to avoid jumping and my daughter does love jumping and want to do it (though she also loves dressage/games/polocrosse and he does all those in his laid back way). She does get good advice from the instructors and they are improving but I don't think he'll ever be one of those ponies who whizzes round the jumps with energy and his ears pricked. They have a great bond, she loves him immeasurably and he has many good points. Do you think a pony like this will ever change? Things we are trying are; riding school instructor has been doing 30 min jumping sessions on him to help him realise he can jump and doesn't need to run out/stop. He did run out/stop with her at first but improved during the sessions. But of course she is a much bigger/older/stronger rider. Also we are planning to hire a local xc course with a confident friend and her good jumping pony (he'll happily jump with a lead from another pony) to try and make jumping more fun for him. He's up to date with teeth/feet/vet/saddler etc.
When we bought him my daughter had never really jumped so it wasn't really a big deal as we needed a pony she could gain confidence on, which he has done in spades. However I have videos of him jumping a small course of very plain jumps with his previous owner (they mostly did dressage/showing) and though he doesn't run out/stop you can tell he is not enthusiastic about it and I truly believe this is not a new problem.
It's worse right now as my younger daughter's 12.2 pony (a true first ridden who is a "point and jump" kind of pony) is out of action for a fair while after surgery on her leg. My older daughter used to jump her so it didn't really matter that her own pony didn't jump. But now her own pony needs to do everything! Do you think we can ever get there with this boy?
Thanks all for your thoughts!

 

[be positive]

In my experience a pony either loves jumping, puts up with doing the minimum or really does not get it at all, the former is obviously going to teach a child, the second may develop as the rider gains confidence but the third, which I suspect your pony is, will never really enjoy it and is best left to do the job it does well, I would find him a good home and move on to something more suitable before he really downs tools and puts your daughter off.
The other option which is probably not realistic is to change direction, PC is great but it does tend to focus on jumping, and find a good instructor who will encourage her to develop her flatwork and do some dressage competing with just a little jumping and polework for fun.

 

[PatchyBabyHorse]

No. Sell the pony and get another. You will get a very good price at the moment for a safe first ridden and then be able to buy something more suitable. I expect you’ll be fighting people off for him.
The pony will always do this and your daughter won’t progress with jumping and will soon get totally hacked off with the whole thing, as well as developing a defensive position because she’s always expecting stops

I’ve taught pony club teams for many years, and there have been many times I’ve wished I could be this blunt with parents. Sorry!

He sounds like a lovely pony, but there’s no point trying to teach a fish to climb a tree. It won’t work, and you’ll just annoy the fish.

 

[J&S]

My first thought is: horses for courses! As BP has said, the pony did a great job at what he was good at, restoring confidence to his young rider. Is it fair to try push him into a different mold? Not all of us are natural athletes, similarly not all ponies or horses are natural and happy jumpers. See if your daughter would enjoy either showing or dressage which is his forte. If not I am sure you will have a string of buyers waiting for a safe and pretty pony.

 

[MidChristmasCrisis]

Put daughters current pony out on loan and you loan a confident jumping pony. Her Pony Club have seen her confidence increase and it’s a great place to loan and swop ponies as the children’s skills improve. A pony who doesn’t fully enjoy jumping and runs out makes it more difficult for your daughter to build on her current confidence levels.

 

[fusspot]

As sad as it is, this lovely pony has probably done its job as a complete confidence giver and it’s probably time to think about moving it on to somebody else that either wants to keep their feet on the floor or do the exact job that it has done for you.
A confidence giving pony is worth it’s weight in gold and especially if in Pony Club, word of mouth finds them a great home.
Our first pony was a Superstar Lead Rein & First Ridden but not a jumper,we had a tiny,lightweight adult that would jump her to see if she improved but she just wasn’t a jumper.
Thats the hard thing with kids ponies,you have a huge bond but your child outgrows or changes the direction they want to go in riding or gain their confidence and you have to swap them.

 

[little_critter]

I’d say if he also refused with the instructor riding then it isn’t 100% your daughters riding, he would rather refuse than jump even when set up well (I assume the instructor gave him the best possible chance of jumping)
it sounds like a good idea to loan out your pony and yourselves loan a pony who will jump.

 

[Shay]

Good advice here - and I know hard to hear. What can help the transition from a much loved confidence giver it so have two ponies at the same time. If you have the land and money it can really help the child move on to have the new pony alongside the old for a while. As time goes on your daughter will gravitate more toward the pony who does better and the things she finds she prefers. (Or you are just stuck with two..its a slippery slope then to 3...4...)

 

[limestonelil]

I agree with all the posters above. BP nailed it for you straight away really. Decisions, decisions!!

 

[Not_so_brave_anymore]

can you pass this 13.2 down to younger sister while hers is out of action, and get a whizzier one on loan for your older one. Either she loves it, in which case great, or else she actually doesn't love it, and she's happy to go back to lovely current pony.

 

[Polygon]

Thank you everyone! We already have 4 horses , my husband and I have one each, the pony I posted about and the 12.2 who is recovering from surgery (so probably won't do any serious work this year and certainly not jumping). My preferred option would be to loan/buy (preferably loan) a good jumping pony alongside and gradually loosen the strong attachment to this pony! I am also afraid of swapping one problem for another (e.g. if new pony is strong or bucks or something and we wish we had stuck with the old pony!). It's actually quite hard to tell how good my daughter's riding is when she's jumping, because of this pony's issues. He has certainly done some very large leaps over some jumps (sometimes from an almost standstill ) which she has managed to sit, and her general riding has improved so much. She rode a friend's very forward pony on the flat the other day and looked like a different child. It really gave me pause for thought.
Is there a market for a 13.2 which doesn't really jump? He is heartbreakingly beautiful and a very unusual colour, which helps I guess!

 

[Polygon]

Needless to say, my husband says "we're not having FIVE horses"

 

[PatchyBabyHorse]

Is there a market for a 13.2 which doesn't really jump? He is heartbreakingly beautiful and a very unusual colour, which helps I guess!

Yes, a very strong market.
It is also a very good life lesson for children, although having three myself I do appreciate how hard it is!

 

[sport horse]

Thank you everyone! We already have 4 horses , my husband and I have one each, the pony I posted about and the 12.2 who is recovering from surgery (so probably won't do any serious work this year and certainly not jumping). My preferred option would be to loan/buy (preferably loan) a good jumping pony alongside and gradually loosen the strong attachment to this pony! I am also afraid of swapping one problem for another (e.g. if new pony is strong or bucks or something and we wish we had stuck with the old pony!). It's actually quite hard to tell how good my daughter's riding is when she's jumping, because of this pony's issues. He has certainly done some very large leaps over some jumps (sometimes from an almost standstill ) which she has managed to sit, and her general riding has improved so much. She rode a friend's very forward pony on the flat the other day and looked like a different child. It really gave me pause for thought.
Is there a market for a 13.2 which doesn't really jump? He is heartbreakingly beautiful and a very unusual colour, which helps I guess!

This is absolutley the right way to go about it. Finding your next one may not be so easy so to keep the exisitng one until its successor is established is a great idea. Yes of course there will be a market for your one that doesn't jump - you bought it and it has done its job perfectly it is now outgown ( not in size but talent).

Sorry husband you are going to lose this battle - 5 it wil be but only temporarily!!

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

Good advice here - and I know hard to hear. What can help the transition from a much loved confidence giver it so have two ponies at the same time. If you have the land and money it can really help the child move on to have the new pony alongside the old for a while. As time goes on your daughter will gravitate more toward the pony who does better and the things she finds she prefers. (Or you are just stuck with two..its a slippery slope then to 3...4...)

If you can afford the time, money and space, now would be an ideal time to get a 3rd pony, while the other pony is out of action and then when the injured pony is back in full work, you could loan the confidence giver to someone else who needs it.

 

[paddi22]

Needless to say, my husband says "we're not having FIVE horses"

I used to get the same from my husband but it's drummed into him now that 2 ponies = 1 horse! so really it's only a half!

 

[Kat]

Definitely try to keep this pony alongside a new one, she may need him to keep her confidence up, and such good ponies are like gold dust. If cost is an issue could you look for a sharer to do a few days a week to help with costs?

 

[Bonnie Allie]

I’m on the other side to everyone else. The pony has never been taught to jump. You say the previous owners were not jumpers and the pony clearly has very limited experience. So teach him.

We had a 12.2 pony for my son when he was 8. He needed something slow and steady to gain confidence so we found Belle. She was a show pony and didn’t jump - apparently.

Same as your daughter, as soon as he gained confidence he wanted to jump. We are lucky that my husband is a professional horse trainer so had the skills to train the pony - but he was too large to ride a 12.2 pony. So he had to teach our son how to train the pony to jump. It was the making of my son as a rider. Lots of setbacks, plenty of disappointments but by age 10 they had their first year of winning everything in jumping. SJ and XC.

Pony is still going at age 21 with a local family who event her at 60cm and 80cm.

You do need a skilled trainer however - not someone who is just going to fire the pony at jumps otherwise you are just teaching the pony to run out and stop.

 

[scats]

Due to previous confidence issues, it would probably be better if you could keep this pony alongside a new one while your daughter makes the transition.
The pony you have sounds like a little gem but jumping doesn’t really seem to be his thing and I think that’s fine. He’s done his job brilliantly and is probably ready to move on to do the same for another little jockey. I think you’ll fetch a good price for a pony like that.

 

[Orangehorse]

If you afford to and have the space, I would hang on to the present confidence giver for a while, maybe temporary loan for PC activities, while you get on with a new pony and see how it turns out. This is also not such a wrench for the rider, the thought of them moving to another home is often much worse than when it actually happens and then if all is well with the new pony you could sell on. Also is you have a new younger pony it is often nice to get back on the old one for a nice relaxing ride.

As everyone says, the present pony is probably worth its weight in gold and you would have a queue of people wanting to buy.

 

[be positive]

I’m on the other side to everyone else. The pony has never been taught to jump. You say the previous owners were not jumpers and the pony clearly has very limited experience. So teach him.

We had a 12.2 pony for my son when he was 8. He needed something slow and steady to gain confidence so we found Belle. She was a show pony and didn’t jump - apparently.

Same as your daughter, as soon as he gained confidence he wanted to jump. We are lucky that my husband is a professional horse trainer so had the skills to train the pony - but he was too large to ride a 12.2 pony. So he had to teach our son how to train the pony to jump. It was the making of my son as a rider. Lots of setbacks, plenty of disappointments but by age 10 they had their first year of winning everything in jumping. SJ and XC.

Pony is still going at age 21 with a local family who event her at 60cm and 80cm.

You do need a skilled trainer however - not someone who is just going to fire the pony at jumps otherwise you are just teaching the pony to run out and stop.

I have taught many ponies how to jump and with some it is fairly straightforward, they get taken through the basics, start to enjoy it and progress but some just do not get it, they sometimes show talent but whether it is lack of confidence, poor training previously or something else causing them to not move on some just never do and however hard the rider tries some ponies will never be jumpers.

I have had ponies that would not jump certain things, one wouldn't even walk over a plain white pole, mixed colours were fine, without a protest, he jumped almost anything apart from the white jump, others have brought their own challenges but life is too short, children are all different so it makes sense to move on sometimes, it is not failing to give up, often it is the fairest thing for the pony as well as the child.

 

[Darbs]

[QUOTE=" life is too short, children are all different so it makes sense to move on sometimes, it is not failing to give up, often it is the fairest thing for the pony as well as the child.[/QUOTE]

I completely agree with this, we have been there with childrens ponies, there comes a point where you have to move on. Our Pony Club DC made an interesting comment about how many children shes seen struggle for a long time on the wrong pony for them, and all along they are missing out on the fun of riding, learning, being part of teams and activities plus of course the most important thing, building confidenece.

 

[Polygon]

Fabulous replies thank you. I would say the cost of an extra pony is less of an issue (husband would disagree but seeing as I pay for all the kids' pony stuff what would he know ) but time (we both work full time) and space (we don't have tonnes of acres at home though at the moment we have far too much grass!) are more concerning, especially in the winter. My daughter would definitely say she is having fun on this pony, it's just the jumping part. My heart sinks a little at every PC rally when it's time to jump, and when it's her turn we're all thinking "here we go again". I feel frustrated for her, though to give her credit she never loses her temper with him or says she doesn't like him/wants a different pony. It's probably heightened by everything being cancelled this year so she's not had the chance to do something else with him e.g. polocrosse tournaments and see if excels at that (in practices he's willing if not exactly whizzy, and does not mind the racquet and ball or close contact with the other ponies but it would be good to try the real thing).
I'd actually give up my own mare to make space for another pony but she's an older lady with her own issues (teeth/digestion mainly but also creaky legs) and she's a wonderful, safe, fun ride so we have a couple of people who take her out hacking and are very fond of her. I don't feel right having her PTS yet - though I am worried about getting her through another winter when she struggles to digest hay/haylage - but equally with those issues I don't feel it's right to loan her out or even put her on retirement livery! She's not a good doer in winter. All so difficult

 

[Equine_Dream]

You could honestly be describing my little gelding with this post. He brought back my confidence from ground zero after loaning a horse that had a nasty habit of bolting (and I mean BOLTING not just tanking off). He will hack anywhere. Will totally adapt to his rider. Can be a whizzy machine out hunting but equally you can put the most tiny child on him and he will carefully plod around with them all day. The one thing my boy does not do however....jump. Unfortunately he was over jumped in previous homes by inexperienced riders just trying to get him over a fence with no care whether he enjoyed it or technique. He has now hates jumping. Yes I can get him over a pole but you can tell he doesn't enjoy it. This suits me fine as to be completely honest neither do I ?‍.
So to answer your question; Yes there is most definitely a market for this fab little pony of yours. Not just for children but lightweight adults to. I will never part with my boy but I've had so many people offer to buy him. Yours won't be for sale for very long, that's of you even get chance to advertise him before he's snapped up!

 

[be positive]

[QUOTE=" life is too short, children are all different so it makes sense to move on sometimes, it is not failing to give up, often it is the fairest thing for the pony as well as the child.

I completely agree with this, we have been there with childrens ponies, there comes a point where you have to move on. Our Pony Club DC made an interesting comment about how many children shes seen struggle for a long time on the wrong pony for them, and all along they are missing out on the fun of riding, learning, being part of teams and activities plus of course the most important thing, building confidenece.[/QUOTE]

Absolutely true, a few years ago I was asked to view a pony for a nervy girl, to my mind the pony was totally unsuitable but I was overruled by her mum and aunt and it was bought, yes she loves it but she has had a horrid time in so many ways, the pony is too forward, tanks off towards fences and slams the brakes on or swerves past, the pony needs a really gung ho kid to deal with this and her other antics, the child needs a steadier more honest pony to help her out, PC camp was a disaster as they soon decided they were not a safe combination so she just stood on the sidelines most of the time.
I hate to be proved right in this way but I could see what was going to happen and my advice was to leave it, that said I gave them support, we really worked on everything but the pony just was never going to help her out and give her any confidence, the right pony would have made her much happier.

 

[AnShanDan]

It's a tricky one as your pony sounds great in many ways, but effectively your daughter has outgrown his ability. I've seen many, many kids at pony club on the wrong pony for them and it is soul destroying for everyone. In your position I'd be looking for something else that will jump willingly. Children only have a short window with some ponies, it's sad but if you want to progress then you have to find a more suitable one.

 

[honetpot]

If you afford to and have the space, I would hang on to the present confidence giver for a while, maybe temporary loan for PC activities, while you get on with a new pony and see how it turns out. This is also not such a wrench for the rider, the thought of them moving to another home is often much worse than when it actually happens and then if all is well with the new pony you could sell on. Also is you have a new younger pony it is often nice to get back on the old one for a nice relaxing ride.

As everyone says, the present pony is probably worth its weight in gold and you would have a queue of people wanting to buy.

This in spades. That pony will sell at any time, finding the next one up is harder. Kids love to jump and if its a good jumping pony it will probably been jumped a lot, and be off the leg and over it, perhaps a bit faster than your daughter may like. We went through the PC, the pony jumped, daughter didn't like to, so we did riding club as well and dressage. I think PC is good when they are younger but it the child or the pony doesn't fit the standard model of what that particular PC wants, especially if they are heavily in to teams, it can be a dog eat dog place, and the child can be made to feel a failure.
There is one thing about keeping the pony, its a life lesson in working and making the best of what you have, and making a partnership in what you both enjoy, and that the pony is not disposable just because its not perfect. I was a livery on a yard where the parents kept spending huge amounts of money, of finding their daughter the perfect pony, later horse. They traded up from a perfectly good ex BS, who did every thing and she was never any happier, and they spent a lot of money on a lot of frogs.

 

[Polygon]

This in spades. That pony will sell at any time, finding the next one up is harder. Kids love to jump and if its a good jumping pony it will probably been jumped a lot, and be off the leg and over it, perhaps a bit faster than your daughter may like. We went through the PC, the pony jumped, daughter didn't like to, so we did riding club as well and dressage. I think PC is good when they are younger but it the child or the pony doesn't fit the standard model of what that particular PC wants, especially if they are heavily in to teams, it can be a dog eat dog place, and the child can be made to feel a failure.
There is one thing about keeping the pony, its a life lesson in working and making the best of what you have, and making a partnership in what you both enjoy, and that the pony is not disposable just because its not perfect. I was a livery on a yard where the parents kept spending huge amounts of money, of finding their daughter the perfect pony, later horse. They traded up from a perfectly good ex BS, who did every thing and she was never any happier, and they spent a lot of money on a lot of frogs.

I do agree with you! In my many discussions with my husband (out of earshot of our daughter) I've said to him that I don't want her to think of ponies as disposable and that if they're not perfect they have to go and we'll get a new one. My daughter has shown nothing but commitment to this boy, she keeps trying with him and never wishes herself on another pony (not out loud anyway!). She did LOVE the little ride she had on the very forward pony - I remember that feeling myself as a child when I got off my lazy 11.3 mare and had a ride on my friend's more forward going 12.3 pony. It was like swapping from a Skoda to a Ferrari . The forward going pony she rode is for sale (though she wasn't riding it for buying purposes) but is pretty green so I'm not sure that's the right next choice.

 

[Errin Paddywack]

If it is financially possible how about buying the green, whizzy pony for her to bring on while keeping her steady pony for now. Sounds as though she is capable of bringing on the green pony and if she isn't it can always be sold. I would be reluctant to part with the steady pony till you are sure she is happy with another one. A friend did that, sold her daughter's sensible pony and took a PC pony on loan. Kid did not really get on with it and virtually gave up.

 

[Polygon]

Wise words again! Definitely lots to think about. I have, of course, asked her instructors for their thoughts and they are very polite. The pony IS lovely and they acknowledge that but do say that he will not take her far in jumping (although she is learning a lot from him in the meantime). I would love to have a seasoned pony on loan alongside for the summer to see which way she leans. I appreciate most keen jumpers are going to be quicker/fizzier/more forward going generally and I need to see if that's something she enjoys. I definitely don't feel ready to wave goodbye to the current pony yet, as he has so many good qualities. Just need to convince my husband....(although I have seen a suitable sounding pony advertised for sale who is the same - unusual - colour as current pony. Can I sneak it without him noticing?)