Ambers Echo
Still wittering on
Just wondering about something. The other day I went to take off Lottie's rug and she made to nip me. Possibly because we have been doing carrot stretches so she was getting a bit pushy. I automatically reprimanded her with a sharp 'oi' and blocked her with my hand. My hand made contact with her muzzle but more because she was swinging her head into it than because I struck her. But the raised voice and the contact properly panicked her. Head shot up and she ran to back of the stable. I tried to approach and she then skeetered round the edge of the stable to try and get away while I stood still with a non threatening posture. When she stopped I approached gently and she let me unrug her and tie her up for grooming.
As I started grooming she was rigid with tension. It occurred to me that the problem wasn’t really the 'oi' and the contact but the fear of 'what happens now'. I assume she has been beaten. She reminded me of a traumatised child who goes into meltdown at the mildest reprimand because of the fear of 'where is this leading'. I carried on grooming and she slowly relaxed. By the end she was back to normal and did not object in any way to being tacked up. Dropped her head for the bridle. Loaded nicely and gave me a fabulous ride.
So my question is - assuming she has been beaten, how best to manage that? With kids it is easy to tread on eggshells around them for fear of triggering a meltdown but actually they need to learn that a reprimand does not lead to a beating. They need to learn to be ok with mild consequences to poor choices, and trust that they will not be hurt. Is that the same with Lottie? I felt terrible that I had scared her. But maybe it will be important for her to learn that if she does the wrong thing she will have a proportionate consequence. And that’s then the end of it. Rather than tiptoe around her? Similar to the jumping issue - instead of avoiding it I tried to change her experience of it and therefore her perception of it so it is no longer something to get stressed about.
Since then she has been fine again. It does not appear to have set her back at all. If anything she has been a bit more chillled in the stable. And approaches to be caught rather than simply allowing it which is an improvement too.
Any thoughts?
As I started grooming she was rigid with tension. It occurred to me that the problem wasn’t really the 'oi' and the contact but the fear of 'what happens now'. I assume she has been beaten. She reminded me of a traumatised child who goes into meltdown at the mildest reprimand because of the fear of 'where is this leading'. I carried on grooming and she slowly relaxed. By the end she was back to normal and did not object in any way to being tacked up. Dropped her head for the bridle. Loaded nicely and gave me a fabulous ride.
So my question is - assuming she has been beaten, how best to manage that? With kids it is easy to tread on eggshells around them for fear of triggering a meltdown but actually they need to learn that a reprimand does not lead to a beating. They need to learn to be ok with mild consequences to poor choices, and trust that they will not be hurt. Is that the same with Lottie? I felt terrible that I had scared her. But maybe it will be important for her to learn that if she does the wrong thing she will have a proportionate consequence. And that’s then the end of it. Rather than tiptoe around her? Similar to the jumping issue - instead of avoiding it I tried to change her experience of it and therefore her perception of it so it is no longer something to get stressed about.
Since then she has been fine again. It does not appear to have set her back at all. If anything she has been a bit more chillled in the stable. And approaches to be caught rather than simply allowing it which is an improvement too.
Any thoughts?