Dealing with a liveries that dont like me/making my life miserable

EJP15 said:
If she assaulted me she would be made to go. I heard her talking about moving off so maybe that's why she's suddenly started to be like this? I don't think she would hurt me unless I argued back and got aggressive which isn't something I'm likely to do as I do try to keep the peace. Maybe that's why she likes shouting at me as the other two liveries would argue back?
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Are you genuinely suggesting you'd be prepared to let her assault you - in front of children - so she would be made to leave the yard? Do you think the atmosphere would improve on the yard if that happened?

Because if not, all of this is irrelevant. It doesn't matter why she's behaving as she does. You can't control it, you can only control yourself.
 
EJP15 said:
Thanks I'm going to go in with my headphones on, pretend she's invisible, get cameras, start documenting everything
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EJP15 said:
There's only 3 others and one is her sister and the other 2 she's very close too. I'm the newest on the yard
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I would try the above suggestion first if you really want to stay on this awful yard but if that isn't working then I would leave and preferably for a larger yard ASAP.

This sounds to me like you have walked into a tight knit small set up where the livery from hell has promoted herself to manager. Reading between the lines the livery yard is probably too small anyway to absorb any new personality and ponies into their little kingdom. Too insular and bigoted to ever let you enjoy your hobby, they won't change.

I think a bigger yard with a larger mix of different personalities might be a safer bet, usually it is easier to find your own little niche of fellow liveries, same in any hobby group really. Regardless if you are ND or not, that should not make any difference to how people interact with you. It could well be your ND has nothing to do with the issue you are having, it is a little yard with a nasty piece of work laying down the rules and picking on the newest member in. Move.
 
JFTDWS said:
Are you genuinely suggesting you'd be prepared to let her assault you - in front of children - so she would be made to leave the yard? Do you think the atmosphere would improve on the yard if that happened?

Because if not, all of this is irrelevant. It doesn't matter why she's behaving as she does. You can't control it, you can only control yourself.
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Well I wouldn't try to escalate the matter or cause her to assault me obviously, she actually mocks me for being a people pleaser. However being hit is much easier to get over than mental assault (I've had both more times than I can count)

The problem with mental assault it is harder to prove. All I was saying was if she did assault me it would result in her having to leave and actually the atmosphere would be better as her and her sister would go. I get on relatively well with the two other liveries.
 
EJP15 said:
All I was saying was if she did assault me it would result in her having to leave and actually the atmosphere would be better as her and her sister would go. I get on relatively well with the two other liveries.
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It wouldn't help the atmosphere, I bet the remaining liveries would blame you for her departure and egging her on to hit you. They are almost certainly as bad as her if they are witnessing her alleged behaviour towards you without even trying to help you out on this. They are just a more passive version of the leader and rather enjoy sitting back and following the drama. It happens everywhere believe me.:rolleyes:
 
Mrs. Jingle said:
It wouldn't help the atmosphere, I bet the remaining liveries would blame you for her departure and egging her on to hit you. They are almost certainly as bad as her if they are witnessing her alleged behaviour towards you without even trying to help you out on this. They are just a more passive version of the leader and rather enjoy sitting back and following the drama. It happens everywhere believe me.:rolleyes:
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Well actually she was fine up until a few months ago, she used to have a go at the others but not as bad as she in with me now. I did overhear her talking about leaving so maybe that's why she's suddenly changed 🤔

I'd never egg her on to hit me, I'm not like that at all but if she said she was going to my reply would be okay but I won't hit you back and I will contact the police. I've had to have this conversation with another livery tears ago who kept stealing my things. I asked her to please return my items and her reply was "are you going to fight me for them"

Ps I've not been brought up to fight
 
EJP15 said:
I'd never egg her on to hit me, I'm not like that at all but if she said she was going to my reply would be okay but I won't hit you back and I will contact the police. I've had to have this conversation with another livery tears ago who kept stealing my things. I asked her to please return my items and her reply was "are you going to fight me for them"
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This might sound judgemental but sounds like they have been brought up a bit 'rough'- it doesn't sound like a place I'd like to be.
 
EJP15 said:
Erm yes these people do have a bit of a different upbringing/culture to me
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Yep you just don't fit - and quite honestly I wouldn't want to.

Get moving asap! and keep your head down in the meantime. I'm guessing they probably don't work or don't work much? this usually equates to too much time on their hands - the devil makes work for idol hands.

There will be other places around - once out you'll wonder why you didn't do it years ago.
 
dorsetladette said:
Yep you just don't fit - and quite honestly I wouldn't want to.

Get moving asap! and keep your head down in the meantime. I'm guessing they probably don't work or don't work much? this usually equates to too much time on their hands - the devil makes work for idol hands.

There will be other places around - once out you'll wonder why you didn't do
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EJP15 said:
No no rules I've broken. Like if she thinks I've done something like leave a mess etc she goes mad at me but then when I tell her it was someone else (people she likes) she will walk off and be overly nice to them. I don't get an apology or anything
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Just stay out the way do what you need to and go home when you are done
 
EJP15 said:
I do that anyway? Not sure how that can help with me being shouted at? I already try to avoid the yard if she's there as much as possible
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Earphone and pay no attention? Also look for somewhere else. It’s a fact of life that some people just don’t get on. Not saying it’s pleasant when it happens. Perhaps moving is your best option
 
WuzzBred said:
Earphone and pay no attention? Also look for somewhere else. It’s a fact of life that some people just don’t get on. Not saying it’s pleasant when it happens. Perhaps moving is your best option
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But it's not a case of not getting on. I don't do anything or say anything bad or mean to her. I'm polite, courteous and respectful. One of the things she mocks me about is being a people pleaser.

Not getting on is completely different. I am looking elsewhere but where I live lots of livery yards have or are closing due to being built on. I also have multiple horses with very specific requirements so it's not an easy task finding something suitable
 
WuzzBred said:
Just stay out the way do what you need to and go home when you are done
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I'm also there as a hobby, it's not my job so really I shouldn't have to just do my job's and go, nor should I have to avoid the place at certain times. You are making it sound very straightforward and unfortunately it's not but that's life
 
EJP15 said:
Thank you for your advice and responses etc
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I'm old & I've been on many yards, starting in the 1960s!
In my experience the "mood" and atmosphere of the yard comes from the yard owner. People come & go but the basic feel of the place stays the same unless the YO changes.

I'd start quietly looking at other yards. (Don't mention leaving, it will likely make her worse) Visit them & chat to liveries & see what the atmosphere is like.
 
Goldie's mum said:
I'm old & I've been on many yards, starting in the 1960s!
In my experience the "mood" and atmosphere of the yard comes from the yard owner. People come & go but the basic feel of the place stays the same unless the YO changes.

I'd start quietly looking at other yards. (Don't mention leaving, it will likely make her worse) Visit them & chat to liveries & see what the atmosphere is like.
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Yes you are right there 100%
 
EJP15 said:
I'm already worried I've put too much information on. I'm thinking I should actually delete this thread x
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I am sure you haven't, but if you feel that is what you need to do for your own reasons then perhaps ask for it to be deleted. Seems a shame though as so many forum members have put so much effort into responding and trying to help you and the whole point of this sort of thread remaining is to help others in similar situations that might read the thread at a later date.🤷‍♀️
 
Goldie's mum said:
I doubt they'd recognise you. If you search the forum you'll see there are dozens of threads that you'd generally call "Yard Politics". Yours will be a needle in a haystack.
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Thank you
Mrs. Jingle said:
I am sure you haven't, but if you feel that is what you need to do for your own reasons then perhaps ask for it to be deleted. Seems a shame though as so many forum members have put so much effort into responding and trying to help you and the whole point of this sort of thread remaining is to help others in similar situations that might read the thread at a later date.🤷‍♀️
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ester said:
Please don’t start threads then get them deleted.
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ester said:
Please don’t start threads then get them deleted.
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Maybe I should change my username to something. Sorry sometimes I get overwhelmed with stuff. So like knowing people can see something I've said etc can cause distress especially as I have trouble with being perceived in a certain way.

It's to do with my disabilities (ADHD/Autism)
 
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