Developed 'The Fear'

[ArklePig]

Hey,

I've been thinking about writing this thread for a while- sorry if it turns into an essay. I'm just looking for some help really/advice from people who've had the same.

I had two falls in February, fairly innocuous really but I really hurt myself (concussion on the first and bulging disc in the second). Both of those falls were completely my own fault on a safe pony-first was just a loss of balance through inattention, and the second well, I should have lunged before I got on.

It took me a couple of months to feel 100 percent again. I've since started a share with a cob, some of you might have seen my threads about him. He's amazing, he's super laid back, never dangerous or stupid, nothing beyond the odd spook and even at that his spooks are never scary, can just get a bit looky. He has never given me cause for concern.

When I started riding him I was fine and up for it,despite the back injury, but recently I have developed absolute fear and I have a complete lack of confidence. Particularly regarding cantering. He's quite heavy in the hand and likes a strong contact which has taken me some getting used to after coming from a riding school, but he doesn't tank off or ignore the brakes or anything like that. I was recently on holiday and did a few long hacks-one even on a Clydesdale! And two on highland ponies and I was absolutely fine but when it came to being asked if I wanted to canter I couldn't let myself say yes. So it's not like I'm afraid of getting in the saddle, just can't bring myself to do much when I'm in it.

I feel like if I don't feel safe with him I'll never feel safe with anyone. I am taking regular lessons with an instructor I trust and like, but I can't get past my mental block. Sorry if this is a bit rambling. It's really got me down to the extent that I'm thinking of ending the share/giving up riding all together. Has anyone experienced this or similar and how did you push through? I just feel ridiculous having no confidence on an 18 year old chilled out cob-it's not him, it's me. Any advice gratefully received.

Thanks

 

[Snow Falcon]

I had a couple of accidents with my horse when I was 19. Lost my confidence, tried to claw it back, had lessons, spoke to my instructor etc but it wasn't enough. I sold him and started a search for a schoolmaster. Nothing seemed to fit the bill. Not sure whether it was because I was apprehensive or if they just weren't the right one. I gave up and got myself a NF yearling with the idea of having him as a companion for the schoolmaster. That never materialised so NF stayed and became my riding pony years later when I backed him myself. Having a break did me the world of good. Don't put pressure on yourself. Don't canter if you don't want to. Maybe you need a bit of breathing space for a month or two? February wasn't that long ago and that could be in the back of your mind.

 

[Equi]

Sometimes you make things worse by beating yourself up for not doing it. You need to change your strategy - you have a fear at the moment of cantering. That’s perfectly fine. That’s perfectly valid. So don’t canter. Work on the other things, take your time to really know the horse and get comfortable. You have the choice to canter or not. Eventually one day you may feel well today I want to do two strides then stop, and that’s ok. Build up to it slow and steady and the horse will reward you.

 

[ycbm]

What kit are you wearing AP? I find my own confidence is hugely improved by wearing an air vest. Just having it on makes me less likely to fall off ?

I second everyone saying forget about cantering. One day it will just happen by accident and you'll be happy cantering again.
.

 

[Lamehorses]

Definitely don't canter until you feel ready, don't give yourself unnecessary pressure.
Meanwhile work on your position, lunge lessons or a mechanical horse session are no pressure ways of helping

 

[milliepops]

I agree, i think if you tell yourself you're not cantering deliberately then you remove the pressure you are feeling. See how it feels to set a time span on that, like, I'm not even going to consider cantering until Christmas. And then you'll reassess (not necessarily canter). Does that help? if not then leave it open ended.

And then... perhaps, one day you'll spontaneously feel ready to do it. Perhaps not. it won't matter because you have no expectations.

Are you still riding at the RS or is it just the share horse now? i was wondering if it would help you to try in an environment where you felt safe previously.

When I've had confidence wobbles I have found that steady repetition of small things helps to re-normalise my feelings. Perhaps if you remove the heap of pressure regarding cantering from your shoulders you'll begin to settle back into enjoying your riding and then it'll become less of a *thing* anyway. Basically, be kind to yourself about it rather than calling your feelings "ridiculous" because you can only really chip away at these things from a positive frame of mind.

 

[Griffin]

I went through a period about twenty years ago where I was terrified to canter. I had a few falls in quick succession and it just sucked the joy out of riding for me for a long time. I must admit, I booked a course of private lessons to just relearn how to canter and desensitise myself to it. I would say that I still get butterflies about canter beforehand but l don't worry about it and I enjoy it once I am cantering.

A useful phrase I have been taught in CBT is "Thoughts are not facts" and when I am thinking about everything that can go wrong, I tell myself that just because I think it, doesn't mean it's going to happen.

 

[J&S]

Years ago, in the New Forest, I rode a horse at a livery yard. One of the other horses there was a good looking chunky cob. He belonged to a chap who had one leg amputated below the knee. This horse went for miles over the forest with his owner and also with the grooms and he never went into a pace other than walk or trot. Be happy with the pace you are at home with and the horse will be happy too.

 

[Jumoro]

I had a major loss of confidence a few years ago after a couple of rather nasty falls. I'd echo what others have said - take the pressure off and take your time. Cantering is not mandatory (I suspect your horse could not care less about cantering). Riding within my comfort zone most of the time and gently pushing outside it with an instructor I trust worked for me. It took a a while but I'm loving my riding again! I also now wear a body protector for everything - even flatwork - which has saved me a few bumps & bruises and I suspect makes me feel more confident.

 

[Annagain]

Where's the law that says you have to canter? If you're not ready to canter, don't! I've had my boy a year now and after a bit of a wobble due to the odd tiny buck going into canter I got a bit worried about the transition. Canter itself didn't bother me, just going into canter. I didn't canter for about two months in the winter. Then, one day out hacking, I wanted to, so I did. After doing that a few times we started doing it in the school again. He's never bucked since and we're now cantering happily. Don't put any pressure on yourself and you'll get there.

 

[Antw23uk]

Echoing what others are saying, don't canter until you want to, there is no pressure, there is no rule book to say you must canter on every ride or every week, you do you, the cob sounds like he'll happily stay at walk and trot until you are ready. DO NOT give up this share, he needs you just as much as you need him.

I like what Griffin says "Thoughts are not facts"

I can build a whole tragic story in my head in seconds if i allow myself to! Its ridiculous, honestly i used to despair but now i laugh, push them from my head (literally say to myself, 'no, no no, out of your head, out!') and then i visualise what i want to happen instead and those thoughts take up my mind space and are welcome thoughts. It takes practice, you have to want to be the 'glass half full' person ... an acquaintance of mine isn't, she is always a 'glass half empty' type, there is no hope for her until she changes herself, we no longer try and give her confidence boosting pep talks or mind exercises because she is too doom and gloom and doesnt seem to want to change!

Work on your mindset and pushing past your mental block, save the cantering until next year or whenever you fancy it

 

[Coblover63]

I've suffered terribly with high and low confidence over the years so I can totally understand how you are feeling.

I always think of confidence being like a brick wall..... it can be knocked down in an instant, but you have to re-build it brick by brick.

Remember that it's meant to be fun and enjoyable. Don't set yourself targets, just go with the flow of how you feel.

 

[Bernster]

Am loving the positive replies so far! I’ve had confidence wobbles over the years and it takes time to get over them, taking it step by step and setting yourself up for small successes, doing a bit more whenever it feels right. I’m taking it super slow with my new horse in the school and we don’t canter yet. I feel encouraged by these replies. I’m not putting any pressure on myself to do it - I’ll wait until it feels right. Until then, I am doing canter work out hacking where he’s more balanced.

 

[ArklePig]

Thanks so much everyone, there's a lot of food for thought here!

First off- you are all right, there is absolutely no rule that says I need to canter, if I don't feel like it. I do need to be a bit nicer to myself. I'm going to tell my instructor this weekend that I don't want to, and I'll let him know when I'm ready. I really don't want to give him up, he's class and his owner is really nice and normal, which from reading threads on here seems like I've won the lottery of shares!

I really like what has been said about be happy where you're at and the horse will be happy too, and 'thoughts are not facts'. I need to internalise all of these things. To answer some other questions- I always always wear a body protector(was wearing one when I had my disc injury so I shudder to think what would have happened if I wasn't) and a skull cap as I have a fear of fixed peaks.

Someone asked me if I was still riding at the riding school, no, but I've got the same instructor I had at the riding school (not the riding school I had the loan pony from for those of you who remember those threads....but the one I was at pre lock-down). It might be worth going back there and riding the old faithful mare and seeing how I get on with her!

I think I'm going to put cantering totally off the table for now, and maybe if I feel up to it start to prepare for a walk/trot dressage test so I still feel like I have an aim. It's frustrating to feel like I'm going backwards, but I've cantered happily before, I'll do it again at some stage. And I'm pretty sure he doesn't care what we do as long as he gets his post-ride treats.

Thanks for not making me feel terrible about it, i've been afraid to speak to anyone at the yard or the horses owner as I am by far the most novice person about. I'm going to speak to his owner and let her know how things are going and that we'll be taking it slow for a bit. I think she is happy with how I look after him generally, so hopefully she won't mind. To be fair, she has never put me under any pressure to do anything with him that I don't want to.

Thanks again

 

[ArklePig]

Just wanted to pop back on here and tell you all how much I appreciate the advice given. I had a really really good lesson today, outlined my fears properly to my instructor and we have just parked the canter for now. We're going to work on an intro test and see how I get on. At the end of the lesson I said 'he was in great form today' and my instructor said, was he in great form or were you in great form? Which sums it up really, I've let go of the pressure I put on myself and hopefully it's up from here.

 

[Rumtytum]

Am so pleased for you AP!
There are people on here more experienced than I am who would agree with me that doing a good Intro test can be more challenging than a Prelim.
I’ve been out of the country and unable to ride for 3 months, first time back at my RS next Tuesday and I’ll do what I’m comfortable with. Canter? Maybe, maybe not ?

 

[ArklePig]

Thanks Rumtytum! Enjoy your lesson

 

[numptynovice]

Have also experienced the same canter fear after a nasty fall a few years back - and I still get it sometimes if I haven’t ridden for a bit or if I’m not sure of the horse (I am at a riding school).

If I’m not feeling confident I decide I tell the instructor I’m not cantering. They say - “sure, we can decide later, see how you feel”.

Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t, sometimes I decide to canter while doing the exercise. Take the pressure off and the general anxiety around riding should gradually reduce. Good luck

 

[Annagain]

I had a lesson last night. It was a riding club lesson so in a group, I shouldn’t really have been in that group as it was too advanced for us but as the organiser, if the numbers don’t work, I always put myself in the inappropriate group. It was a new venue for us, a huge arena with lots of young stock in the field next door. They were all galloping about just as we arrived. Charlie was high as a kite. I had to walk him round for 5 minutes before he calmed down enough for me to get on. I told the instructor(it was my first lesson with her) that I wouldn’t be cantering today and she simply said “there’s plenty to work on in trot, that’s fine”. We didn’t canter but got some of the best trot work out of him that I’ve had, once he’d calmed down. I was really pleased with him and know next time will be much easier. One of the other people in the lesson was really supportive but the other (who is very opinionated) told me I needed to be braver. I just smiled and said I was far braver getting on an excited green, horse in a new environment than she was cantering on her calm, easy 18 yr old that she’s had for six years.

 

[daydreamer]

You might like to listen to the confident rider podcast by Jane Pike. She has some interesting and different ideas. I listened to episode 80 and thought it was fascinating.

 

[millikins]

I just wondered, as it seems to be the one specific thing i.e. cantering that you are getting a block about whether a couple of sessions of hypnotherapy might help?