Do I give up? Buy another? Share?

[webble]

After 2 pretty awful vet visits it has been decided that my heart horse will be pts in the next few weeks. He has arthritis, bone spurs and deformities and come winter will be a very uncomfortable and unhappy person. He is only 9 and this has come as a complete shock, I thought we would retire together.

I don't know what is next though, after the winter we have just had and the way things are going with livery yards closing I'm not sure I want another, its only 3 years since I had my last one pts (he was a head shaker) and I don't know I can keep putting myself through this emotionally or financially. That said horses are a way of life and I dont know what life looks like without them. I know there are riding schools shares etc but that just wouldnt feel the same somehow. Does anyone have any words of wisdom or advice please? I feel completely lost at the moment

 

[SaddlePsych'D]

No words of wisdom on what to do next but just wanted to say I am so sorry that you are going through this with your horse.

I think be gentle and patient with yourself, and have no pressure on the decision about what next while you are moving through this process now. Feeling lost just now seems entirely understandable because of the loss. Hopefully in time and when you're ready, things will start to feel a bit clearer.

 

[Glitter's fun]

You are not on your own. We have all been through this.
Don't make any permanent decisions- you don't need to right now.
You need to be kind to yourself, take some deep breaths, do the crying, wait for the mist to clear.

The only thing I would definitely do, from my experience, is keep fit and accept the kind offers of a ride that you will get a lot of from friends. It will make you feel better and if you do eventually decide to go round again it's harder from a starting point of having become very unfit.

 

[Tiddlypom]

I’m so sorry to hear this . You’ve put so much into finding out what was wrong with him.

Horses get into our blood.

My way of dealing with multiple broken/retired horses has been to get riding again at a really good trekking centre. It might well be something that you can’t contemplate yet, but it might be a thought to park for the future. Many of the regular riders are previous horse owners. I’m hugely enjoying it, despite being very fussy about where I ride.

Hugs and best wishes at a rubbish time.

 

[Equi]

I’m so sorry you have to go through that.

Like you I find horses a way of life. I’ve shared and loaned/owned but I found sharing a little difficult. Things I really didn’t like needing to be done (I’m talking about things like bedding I hated, cheap feed I wouldn’t have fed etc) but it eventually lead to me buying the horse soo

I would put yourself out there and ask around for a share to see if it’s viable..so many share because they can’t actually control their horse (but they’re a saint horse!!!) and expect the sharer to put manners in them so avoid any that say they can’t show you the ride cause they have a bad back/swollen left toe and so on.

I wouldn’t rush into buying until you have things settled with your current unless you find something you really love. It can be a nice distraction but can also make you feel guilty a fair bit too.

 

[dorsetladette]

I'm really sorry to hear you news. Your horse is lucky to have an owner who puts his welfare first.

I wouldn't make any rash decisions now just try to enjoy the time you have with current horse.

sending hugs.

 

[Fjord]

Nothing useful to add, but I'm sorry you are going through this.

 

[mustardsmum]

So sorry, life just seems so unfair with horses sometimes doesn't it and you certainly have been through it. I don't think I would make any plans atm, just get through the next few weeks spending time with your horse and then, allow yourself time to grieve. See where you are, sometimes a bit of space is good. You don't have to rule out getting another, give yourself time to think about what you want. Its normal to feel lost at this time. Knowing you have to go through the lost of a horse (or any animal for that matter) is emotionally overwhelming and just concentrating on that will be enough. Sending hugs.

 

[poiuytrewq]

Really sorry to read this.

I'd take it as it comes. don't rush, ride what your offered now and then and wait for the right horse or time to come to you.

Huge hugs

 

[Hormonal Filly]

So sorry to read this.. I agree with the other posters, take each day as it comes. I rushed into getting another after I lost mine, exact the same colouring and it made me realise I'll never find another heart horse like him.. she'll never be him. Horses are such heartbreakers.

Hugs

 

[Sealine]

I'm so sorry you are in this situation. I can empathise as I'm in a similar situation and am feeling equally lost right now. My 22 year old horse with hock spavins was semi-retired but has now injured his check ligament. I've refused to do box rest and rehab and I'm just going to leave it and see what happens. If it heals and we can just plod around the village that's great. Otherwise he will be retired as long as he is field sound or PTS if not. I really don't want to get another horse. I've been offered other horses to ride but I really don't have the motivation. Maybe that will change. You're having a rough time and you need time to process what's happening and I'd suggest not making any rash decisions. The right horse may find you.

 

[I'm Dun]

Nothing has to be permanent. I've given up, but always have the option to get another. I found cold turkey easier. I don't want to ride other peoples horses. If I cant have my horses I don't want to know, but you might be different.

I do admit to be super smug this winter when I didn't have to deal with horses in that weather! I've easily found things to fill the gap, there's always things you can do.

 

[webble]

Nothing has to be permanent. I've given up, but always have the option to get another. I found cold turkey easier. I don't want to ride other peoples horses. If I cant have my horses I don't want to know, but you might be different.

I do admit to be super smug this winter when I didn't have to deal with horses in that weather! I've easily found things to fill the gap, there's always things you can do.

Yes I am looking forward to the winter smugness!!

 

[SEL]

YEs I am looking forward to the winter smugness!!

I did winter smugness and then came along Spring and the itch started - its an addiction you can't quite get rid of.

At the time a friend needed a rider for her 13h pony which she showed in hand but needed someone short to keep it fit, so I got my pony fix for a fair while courtesy of him. When we relocated though the itch came back very strongly and along came one horse, then she needed a companion, then the companion needed a companion................... (there's a reason I'm skint)

But see how you feel. Grief is a funny thing - I've known friends go out and impulse buy a totally impractical horse - and you may find you just need time to adjust.

Your point on livery yards is closing is the reason I stretched myself to buy my land though. Its awful around here. Another housing development has just been given the go ahead after going all the way to court because the land usage wasn't in the neighbourhood / council plan - was waived through anyway.

 

[canteron]

Give yourself space to decide, it sounds pretty brutal.

One option, put the money you would spend on a horse aside to put towards riding holidays - there are some great ones out there. - but this means if another tempting option comes along in the meantime you have a pot of money to play with!!

 

[Flame_]

I'm really sorry to hear this

I lost my last horse suddenly when he was nine. He was so good and special, and it was an absolute emotional thrashing, but I know myself, I'm actually obsessed with riding/ training, etc.

I set out to get another straight away, knowing I need the "progressing somehow" thing going on, assuming no way could I get lucky a second time, but I did. My current horse is also lovely, also ticks every every box and has gone on to be even better suited to me.

There's still plenty of yards, plenty of horses needing good owners, plenty of people in the industry depending on us to remain mad and pouring money into horsecare.

Some horses are destined to have short lives, and no doubt because of you, your horse's will have been a happy, comfortable one. There's nothing disloyal about you moving on to your next chapter after losing a horse.

Saying all that, if you're a bit sick of mucking out and stuff, take a break, take up doing something different, or embrace the freedom and run away with a circus or something.

 

[Nonjumper]

I'm so sorry. Losing a horse is never good, but when it's unexpected it's a particularly hard blow to bare.

With regards as to what the future looks like, I'd honestly take time out and see how you feel once some time has passed. Giving yourself time to grieve will help you to decide whether you'd like to carry on and get another, or draw a line under the horsey aspect of your life.

I had to gave up horses some years ago, and it was a seismic change for me as I'd owned horses for over 20 years and had 5 at the time. Like @I'm Dun I went cold turkey.

As my life completely revolved around my horses I was worried about what I'd do once they were gone, but something did come along that filled the gap, it always does.

 

[maisie06]

Really sorry you are going through this - I went through something similar with my beautiful welshie who went far too soon with very similar issues. Don't rush into buying another like I did, I couldn't bond as I was expecting too much of him, I ended up selling him and giving up riding - although the riding side was partly to do with weight issues, I don't have horses now but I still do for friends when they go away so keep a hand in.

 

[maisie06]

Nothing has to be permanent. I've given up, but always have the option to get another. I found cold turkey easier. I don't want to ride other peoples horses. If I cant have my horses I don't want to know, but you might be different.

I do admit to be super smug this winter when I didn't have to deal with horses in that weather! I've easily found things to fill the gap, there's always things you can do.

I took up gundog training!! that keeps me out of trouble!

 

[TinseLeneHorse]

I'm another one potentially facing this. My old girl can't seem to cope with being out in the field any more and I don't think being in a stable 22 hours a day with a couple of hours of sand pen turnout is any life for a horse.
I feel for you because your horse is a lot younger and you had been hoping to grow old together. It is like facing a void as they take up such a large part of our lives. As everyone above says, take your time and don't rush into anything. Will your yard keep your box for you or would you have to give it up straight away?
I am 99% sure I won't get another horse but when she's gone and the emptiness hits I don't know how I'll feel. It is just so hard and my thoughts are with you

 

[webble]

@LeneHorse I haven't spoken to the yard yet but I think they will, we try to keep at least 2 empty stables for emergencies so an extra one won't hurt

 

[Snow Falcon]

So sorry you have this to face. Having lost my homebred 12yo two years was heartbreaking. In hindsight, I may not have rushed into buying a youngster but I did! Personally, I would advise giving yourself some breathing space. Horseownership seems to be getting harder with the changing climate and economy.

 

[splashgirl45]

As others have said take some time to deal with your horse now, make his last days special and spend as much time with him as you can. It’s a horrible thing to deal with when they are old and much worse if not so you will need time to grieve and I would do a few things that is difficult when owning a horse, maybe a holiday or pamper weekend at one of the spas . Take up another hobby just to keep busy, tennis, squash, badminton, swimming just something to make you go out each week . Hope all goes well on the day

 

[scats]

So sorry to hear this.
I’d be tempted to not make any decisions straight away. Can you keep your stable on for a while afterwards while you decide what to do?

 

[blitznbobs]

Try 6 months without a horse - tell yourself you aren’t even going to consider a horse til next March — then if u can’t resist Horsemart, horse quest and dragon driving etc etc then you might have an answer.

Equally if your car is clean, your house is tidy, decorated and amazingly organised and you’ve been on 3 short breaks to somewhere sunny you still have your answer…

 

[catembi]

Sympathy here - I've had one thing after another & lost one in May that I had high hopes for (wobbler - he was only 12) so I know exactly how it feels when you simply can't catch a break.

I got another one straight away but that's me (fuelled by ADHD...) so you should do whatever's best for you. There's no right or wrong answers - do what you feel like doing and if that changes - do that instead.

(((hugs))) for losing yours because it's horrid, especially when they're not old.

 

[Lucky Snowball]

So sorry to read your post. Don’t rush into anything, see what happens. Really feel for you and your horse.

 

[pistolpete]

I lost my horse of a lifetime four years ago to colic. He was 22 and we’d had 11 years together so not the same but the heart break oh my goodness. I can cry now just thinking of it. He was so so special. I just adored him. I already had another so I focused on him but regret not getting another to stay with two as the younger one then went lame! So within six months I went from needing a sharer to having nothing to ride.
I tried about a million share ponies. Got very despondent with it all. Like you worried about the rising costs and finding decent yards. We’d moved house in amongst all the turmoil. I really felt totally fed up and just wanted to turn the clock back!
Now however I have two share ponies both utterly gorgeous and lovely to ride. I don’t have to worry about yard politics or mucking out and my retired boy is in a field walking distance from my house. It will work out. Sometimes it takes time. I’m only just feeling able to sell Pete’s stuff. Be kind to yourself and cry buckets. You can get through it. Take loads of photos too. Mine are such a comfort. Miss him but looking at his image still makes me smile.

 

[I'm Dun]

I took up gundog training!! that keeps me out of trouble!

Lure racing for me, or will be if I ever get my act together! And refurbing a 75yr old boat. I also want to do some agility or something with the young dog now hes 2. I don't know how I ever fitted horses in to be honest.

 

[I'm Dun]

I lost my horse of a lifetime four years ago to colic. He was 22 and we’d had 11 years together so not the same but the heart break oh my goodness. I can cry now just thinking of it. He was so so special. I just adored him. I already had another so I focused on him but regret not getting another to stay with two as the younger one then went lame! So within six months I went from needing a sharer to having nothing to ride.
I tried about a million share ponies. Got very despondent with it all. Like you worried about the rising costs and finding decent yards. We’d moved house in amongst all the turmoil. I really felt totally fed up and just wanted to turn the clock back!
Now however I have two share ponies both utterly gorgeous and lovely to ride. I don’t have to worry about yard politics or mucking out and my retired boy is in a field walking distance from my house. It will work out. Sometimes it takes time. I’m only just feeling able to sell Pete’s stuff. Be kind to yourself and cry buckets. You can get through it. Take loads of photos too. Mine are such a comfort. Miss him but looking at his image still makes me smile.

Gorgeous picture, but in my head you were blonde!