Do non horsey friends & family really understand the commitment?

I understand your frustrations and feel your pain, though not quite as unpleasant reactions from my family / friends.

Most of them have all now come to realise that I can't just make plans at the drop of a hat and try to plan accordingly.

My Mum hilariously, every year for the last god knows how many years, has always been mortified that I have to go to the yard on Xmas day.

As much as I would love the horses to be able muck themselves out so I can have a lie in and bucks fizz, it doesn't actually work like that!
 
It is not anything to do with horses though is it.
Your relatives are just being rude and unreasonable.
I would preempt their demands by inviting them for an evening.
If they didn't come I wouldn't try again.
 
Your family sound like right pieces of work, OP! Especially Aunt!

Whilst I understand that people that don't do horses simply don't get how long it takes to care for them (even when mine lived out 24/7 there was always something to do), it doesn't sound like your horses are necessarily the sole problem in your case. It sounds like you'd be onto a loser with them whatever you were up to. At work, shopping, having your hair done, cleaning the house - you'd always be expected to drop everything and cowtow to their whim.

Set some ground rules, as others have said, and if they can't respect those, well I'd remind them what you'd said, then tell them politely to **ss right off. I feel your pain, OP, and hope you can 'enjoy' the rest of their stay!
 
This would really wear me out, poor you!

I'd maybe try once more, say that you were sorry you couldn't make it last time, you need more time to prepare with an hours/2 hours notice or you just aren't going to be able to make it next time either! Dit nie so moeilik nie!
 
Mt few relatives pull a face and make mildly sarcastic comments when I say i need to be home at a certain time for the horses. They are on quite a high maintenance regime which is for their welfare and i think relatives should be respectful of others' commitments.
 
OP, remind the Aunt about the wasted day of annual leave, because of her cancelling without telling you, then tell her she has no moral high ground left. People only continue to behave badley if it gets them what they want!
 
Sprat said:
Well doesn't he sound like a delight?!
Click to expand...

but what made it worse is he made me feel like I was the one in the wrong! apparently I should have changed everything about myself to make him happy! how fun would that be! he also spent a year and a half thinking I was going to change my mind about not wanting kids, expect he didn't tell me that's what he was thinking!

I'm well shot of that one!
 
As someone who is a bit of an oldy and also only four years into my horsey addiction. My family and non horsey friends, think I am mad. My priorities have changed, my horses come first and have needs that are far more important to me than a whole Sunday pm spent on lunch and drinking at the pub. My elderly parents, tut and if I mention the yard, make a loud tut. Obviously I love them but the conversations about what so and so said to so and so, really does bore me to death.
My children have grown up and are making their own way in the world. The thought of spending my free time, watching TV. decorating another room or just weeding the garden, are all a thing of the past.
I am very happy and sometimes I think this is also resented by others. I do sometimes feel a bit guilty and do try and get a bit of balance with family and friends, maybe once a week. haha
 
I have 7 ponies and 3 dogs, I show them all and I am self employed. I also live alone and don't have an OH (or anyone else who helps me). Someone (non-horsey) asked me the other week, 'So what do you do in your spare time?' I did not understand their question...
 
My family do understand to a point but there are times when I could tear my hair out. The "get together's" are always difficult as I also work at the weekend. It always seems that I'm being difficult if I can't make a date that everyone else can but I do try. Last year was a nightmare as we were trying to make hay, the weather wasn't playing fair and the chap making it for us was being a pain in the proverbial!

I feel guilty at Xmas as we go to my parents, kids want to see their cousins and my mum cooks for everyone. But it means I have to rely on other people to do my ponies. We do simplify it though and leave poo picking, however, it's not the same. :(

I am very lucky that my friends just think I am a lunatic and my hubby is very understanding.
 
My OH uses my horses as a reason to escape from family things early.

"We have to go now, she has to do the horses!"
"There's plenty of time, we don't have to rush off if you don't want...." "SHE HAS TO DO THE HORSES!" bustling me out the door.

His family are lovely, but the whole lot of them packed into one house on a Sunday can be a bit much!
 
Kezzabell2 said:
my ex hated the horses and dumped me because he thought I loved my horse more than him! I don't know why he only thought that, he should have known it!! He also thought that I should have my old girl PTS so I could use the money to buy a tiny 1 bed flat with him! AS IF! glad I had a lucky escape from him
Click to expand...

I had one like that - all you love that horse more than you love me; in the end I just narrowed my eyes, hissed at him "love you, I don't even like you" and sent him back to his ghastly mother.
 
Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply and I am so glad its not just me !! However reading though these I totally agree that this is not actually a horse based issue - I think its an issue full stop. It would be an issue be it horses,kids,boyfriends....
Their behavior is actually completely and utterly unacceptable and rude.
I have decided that enough is enough after last night.....
My other Aunt ( who is adorable) was bereaved tragically last November when my Uncle died in an awful accident. They had been together for 48 years. This is the first time the SA family have been over since he died and even though they have been here 2 and a half weeks they haven't been to visit her. So she took the bull by the horns last night and said she would pop over to see them - its a 50 min journey each way.
When she got there bang on time at 7 last night their was a note on he door saying " Gone to Dinner".....
So Im done as is most of my family to be honest - Its not just me and my commitment to the horses - its their arrogance and rudeness that is the problem and I for one feel lighter and happier that I will no longer have to play these silly games.
I think most of my family are lining up to offer lifts to the airport.
Thanks again everyone xxx
 
Biglets Mummy said:
Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply and I am so glad its not just me !! However reading though these I totally agree that this is not actually a horse based issue - I think its an issue full stop. It would be an issue be it horses,kids,boyfriends....
Their behavior is actually completely and utterly unacceptable and rude.
I have decided that enough is enough after last night.....
My other Aunt ( who is adorable) was bereaved tragically last November when my Uncle died in an awful accident. They had been together for 48 years. This is the first time the SA family have been over since he died and even though they have been here 2 and a half weeks they haven't been to visit her. So she took the bull by the horns last night and said she would pop over to see them - its a 50 min journey each way.
When she got there bang on time at 7 last night their was a note on he door saying " Gone to Dinner".....
So Im done as is most of my family to be honest - Its not just me and my commitment to the horses - its their arrogance and rudeness that is the problem and I for one feel lighter and happier that I will no longer have to play these silly games.
I think most of my family are lining up to offer lifts to the airport.
Thanks again everyone xxx
Click to expand...

Omg really? That is so, incredibly rude! How on earth did they explain themselves?! I would be livid with them!
 
HashRouge said:
Omg really? That is so, incredibly rude! How on earth did they explain themselves?! I would be livid with them!
Click to expand...

Honestly - this is what happened !! No explanation or apology at all given - just " well you should have rung us and then you could have joined us in the restaurant !!!!!"

Its appalling. Seeing them both in a very different light this morning.
 
Woolly Hat n Wellies said:
My OH uses my horses as a reason to escape from family things early.

"We have to go now, she has to do the horses!"
"There's plenty of time, we don't have to rush off if you don't want...." "SHE HAS TO DO THE HORSES!" bustling me out the door.

His family are lovely, but the whole lot of them packed into one house on a Sunday can be a bit much!
Click to expand...

My dad does the same, he brings mine in for me during winter but it's surprising the massive whoppers he tells during summer. He apparently needs to leave to get her in even though she lives out and he doesn't set foot on the yard for over 6 months of the year.

Your relatives' behaviour last night was appalling, you can't blame different cultures for that. Self important idiots.
 
Last edited:
pansymouse said:
I had one like that - all you love that horse more than you love me; in the end I just narrowed my eyes, hissed at him "love you, I don't even like you" and sent him back to his ghastly mother.
Click to expand...

:D:D:D been there!

OP, sounds like absolutely the right decision. No point in wasting any more of your time or emotional energy on them. Onwards & upwards, and it's kind of reassuring that everyone else in your family feels the same.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top