Do we give up on horses too easily?

I'm one that never gives up, because I don't like selling them on. And because I'm a sucker for a 'misunderstood' horse, it's been stressful at times. Usually the long standing behavioural issues have some underlying physical trigger. Some have come right and some haven't, however when one comes good and you've had a hard slog to get to that point, it's the best feeling in the world. Tbh though, I'm not sure you can progress competitively with that approach, unless you stumble across a real gem.

I'm fairly sticky, and not had one yet that would get me off, if I was a newer rider I don't think I'd take the same approach - I wouldn't put myself unnecessarily at risk. I still don't think I would sell on, perhaps get someone in to school it and take a lot of lessons. There are few people at my stable who have sold on for really minor things that would have been well within their ability to overcome. Some get a new horse every year, which I would hate. There's a couple of people though that have horses that are perfectly nice, but not really capable of the level they want to ride at, but they don't want to sell on, and they end up getting frustrated at the horse, and it stops being fun, which doesn't benefit either horse or rider. I think it's just finding the right balance, as with all things.
 
I vote getting some help all the way - I sent one of mine away for schooling and he came back like a different horse. It cost me a lot but I didn't feel I was dealing with the issues on my own; We was just both making each other worse (me panicking he was going to do something, him panicking because I was panicking) He is much more focused and less spooky and I don't fret getting on now so help is definitely the way forward.
If getting help doesn't work - well at least no-one can say you didn't try eh! I love all my horses too much to part with any of them; got two crazies in the field that I refuse to ride ( and so did the riding instructor) so they're retired. Couldn't bear that their behavioural issues meant they kept getting passed on and on.
......Sometimes when im poo picking I wish I could be more ruthless though :-)
 
tinkerflight said:
I have a mare currently who I adore, and she hasn't done anything wrong except she is very forward going and I am now at the stage that I am too scared to even bring her in from the field and groom her (there is no chance of me riding her). I have had her for a year and it's been a gradual process of me losing my confidence (a lot of it in my head to be fair).
I am thinking of selling her as I just don't think we get on and I think we might both be happier if she found a more suitable home. I am very aware, however, that I am just giving up on her but on the other hand I am miserable keeping her. I dread going to feed her and am miserable just mucking out all the time and it's costing me lots of money to be miserable.
I know it's not the best time of year to sell horse and it might take a while but I think I will try to find her someone better to live with. Not sure if I'll ever get over the guilt though, so I have to decide whether it's better to be miseable or feel guilty!
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Good heavens, why feel guilty? There are plenty of horses out there - go get the one that suits you!
 
I think horse owners fall (broadly) into 2 groups, those who have horses as pets (although they may ride them and compete them successfully, that isn't their main function) and those who have horses primarily to ride and / or compete. The second group ( in my experience) tend to be more pragmatic and know when to cut their losses if a horse isn't suited to what they want it for.

Sadly, I fall firmly into the first group and, my ever expanding herd includes an oldie who has been retired for over 10 years, a mechanically lame pony and a quirky but talented home bred who loves to make her rider work far harder than herself.
 
Don't feel guilty, as long as you've tried all you could to make your partnership work then you've done more than most!! And if you stick it out to find her a good new home (someone who likes to go a bit faster maybe) then you've definitely done all you can. But if you can afford help, I do recommend training - That said some horses like and need to be worked... if she is that sort and you cant work her then it will exuberate the issues and a new home would be the best thing you could do for her and you.
 
Well said!! Im definitely pet category! If I cant ride.. they still bring me lots of joy just giving them hugs and putting them to bed at night. Sad eh! haha Wish I could squeeze them in my bed with the cats n dogs :-)
 
I feel guilty as I feel I have failed her and myself. And worry that if I sell her she'll be passed around and have a hard life. I need to make sure I find her a good home and the right home for her. I dream of having a horse that I can go pottering around the countryside on. I have no ambitions to compete, I would just like a happy hacker!
 
tinkerflight said:
I feel guilty as I feel I have failed her and myself. And worry that if I sell her she'll be passed around and have a hard life. I need to make sure I find her a good home and the right home for her. I dream of having a horse that I can go pottering around the countryside on. I have no ambitions to compete, I would just like a happy hacker!
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Why is it that we'll end a bad marriage with relative equanimity (I'm going on statistics here...) but hang on to an unsuitable horse until the bitter end?
 
Iv got a horse everyone has told me to give up on he rears and boxes if scared or feels threatened and theres been times i wanted to call the vet to pts three years on still can only be handled by most experiened or quick people. But one day he will be normal balanced horse so i keep telling myself.
 
tinkerflight said:
I feel guilty as I feel I have failed her and myself. And worry that if I sell her she'll be passed around and have a hard life. I need to make sure I find her a good home and the right home for her. I dream of having a horse that I can go pottering around the countryside on. I have no ambitions to compete, I would just like a happy hacker!
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Ahh, I dream of one of them too. What ever happened to all the good sturdy happy hackers who you could leave for a month then get on and its like you rode yesterday!! They are scarce. My trainer told me to lunge mine first before getting on... its not the happy hacker I dreamed of either :-/ Have you tried that before you ride? My anxiety was making my horse much worse behaved too, it took me paying someone else to see that though... Has someone else ridden for you or anything.
 
Ibblebibble said:
sometimes a horse and rider just don't click, we don't get on with every person we meet in life so i can't understand why people think animals should be any different, in those cases then it is never too soon to make the decision to part with the horse and try to find an owner that does click. With all other issues it really is such an individual thing that I don't think you can generalise on how long someone should try to right things. Of course, as has been highlighted very recently, there are those that will pass on a horse as soon as it becomes 'useless' to them, those people don't deserve the honour of having a horse fullstop!
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As above, it is a completely individual thing. I have found that the horses I have worked with that were "easier" I have tended to sell as other people liked them because of that. Mainly they have stayed in those homes for a very long time. and I am pleased they went to the right home.

I do tend to prefer to keep the more difficult horses although it is often not intentional when I buy them. I enjoy a challenge and love to see how horses can change through good management, consistency and work (and love).

It is very difficult to find a horse that you completely click with (like people) but I now draw a line if I feel I am on to a loser and going to be seriously hurt (old age and can't sit a buck like I used to!).

So many horses change when you move them, particularly when the environment is completely different to what they know and they are adapted to. But I would always ensure they had correct conformation so the physical risks were minimised and that I could get on with them.

It is a responsibility that some people seem not to understand. You can't always give them back so better to be wary when you taken them on.
 
My anxiety is making my horse worse so it's a vicious circle. My instructor had risen her a couple of times and she is fine although she's not really done anything wrong with me either. I can lunge her but I'll never tire her out our slow her down. That's just how she is
 
I don't think it's necessarily about giving up too easily - I think the problem arises when people decide not to carry on with their horse, for whatever reason, and then want to pass it on as quickly as possible. There are lots of horses who get passed from pillar to post because people just 'want rid' and they don't care who the horse goes to. I think if you are overhorsed, or if you don't 'click' with your horse or your horse can't do what you want to do, there is nothing wrong with finding the horse another home - just so long as you pay care and attention to where it goes and that the new home is the right one.

I myself tend to 'click' with a certain type of personality best and I know this, so when I am in a position to look for another I know exactly the sort of thing I would be looking for. If the partnership turned out not to work, I would not feel guilty about selling on to the right home.
 
tinkerflight said:
My anxiety is making my horse worse so it's a vicious circle. My instructor had risen her a couple of times and she is fine although she's not really done anything wrong with me either. I can lunge her but I'll never tire her out our slow her down. That's just how she is
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That's exactly how I was. Is she young, would she grow up a bit with time? Mine is naturally a worker, very forward going, looks at everything and that used to put me on edge but ive kind of had to just embrace his nature as he hasn't (touch wood) tried to buck/rear/bomb off. Definitely don't feel bad - If, the relationship doesn't work and you've tried to make it work then you cant feel bad about that.You clearly care very much about her. I couldn't part with mine as id worry always about what happened to him and that's an awful burden I know I wouldn't be able to settle with. Some people can sell on and not glance back and wonder; I do feel for you and having to make the decision but nothing worse than riding a horse, panicking and not enjoying the experience either. My friend has herbal remedies before she rides to calm her, says it works wonders, you could try that maybe...sorry not much help.
 
Wagtail said:
I don't think Ibblebibble was referring to you, but perhaps to the same person I was referring to?
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no definitely not referring to you Tinkerflight!

tinkerflight said:
My anxiety is making my horse worse so it's a vicious circle. My instructor had risen her a couple of times and she is fine although she's not really done anything wrong with me either. I can lunge her but I'll never tire her out our slow her down. That's just how she is
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you are not suited and there is no guilt in that, find her a home where speed isn't a problem and find yourself something you can enjoy, it's an expensive hobby and we should be enjoying it. i tired to make it work for 6 years with one i owned, I did the guilt thing , convinced myself no one would love him as much as me etc etc, until yet another fall made me realise that he was just never going to be what i wanted and it wasn't fair on either of us, i was causing him stress by trying to turn him into something he isn't.
 
That's a lot of help Thank you and I have realised that I have completely taken over this post too. My mare is the same age hasn't done anything bad but I really feel like she might. She feels on edge all the time and is always ready to go up a gear. I have tried hypnotherapy and herbal remedies and calmers for her. I buy my animals to keep them for the rest of their lives and so don't know how I'll deal with letting her go but it's pointless me keeping her in the field doing nothing, it's a waste. I am so torn, I feel very selfish selling her.
 
How about looking for a lwvtb tinkerflight, or even just full loan to begin with, to stay at current yard even, so you can make sure whoever takes on your mare is definitely the right person before you make the decision to sell? It does sound like you and your mare are simply not right for each other, and there is nothing wrong with that - I sold on a pony years ago who I had struggled to make "mine" for about 3 years and never enjoyed him, it was a chore to do him and we just clashed. I too felt guilty about "giving up" on him, until his new owner tried him and it was clear from the start that they clicked, I didn't have a moments doubt about selling him to her
 
I would do a short term loan with a view to buy but am wary of loans as you hear so many bad things. It's complicated where e keep mine as I can only have one out at a time as I can't leave one on its own so that restricts someone riding if my daughter is out and I don't want to take on another one.
 
I think its down to you Webble you will know when you have had enough.
As some peeps have said be mindful that you dont knock your confidence if this problem is something you are comfortable dealing with then carry on for as long as you want to
I have a horse at home that i battled with for 3 years it turns out he has a hip injury but it still took me 3 years to find the problem. The physio says he can keep him happy with lots of physio but i decided not to go down that route and he is semi retired and does in-hand stuff now
many of his previous owners just thought he was being naughty, he probably got quite alot of beatings in some homes as a result he can be difficult to handle at times but if you met him he has forgiven everyone and is a lovely boy. He is doing veteran showing now, to me he is happy and doing a job others would have him PTS
I hope this is a good example of what suits you might not suit everyone
Good luck i hope everything turns out well
P.S the horse im talking about is Harvey [my avatar]
 
I think it depends on the situation.
Some people over horse themselves so giving up is probably the best way out for them and the horse.
Also time and money play a big factor especially money. Sometimes the wisest thing to do is admit defeat and deal with the situation in the best way possible for horse and rider.
A lot of problems can be associated with incorrect training or mishandling in the past. If only horses could talk, what tales would they tell and wouldn't it make our lives easier.
In this day and age we expect instant results with little effort. It doesn't work like that. You only get out what you put in.
Everyone thought we were crazy when we bought B and they saw how she behaved when being ridden. She was actually dangerous but only when ridden, she is a dope on a rope when inhand. After checking out all the physical aspects and treating/correcting a couple we started from scratch with her. It has taken nearly 2 years of blood, sweat and tears but we are getting there. If she had gone to some of the other people I know, she would not be alive today, they would have taken her to the slaughterhouse and all because someone forced her to do things she was not ready to do and she lost all her confidence in her rider and herself. She still has her moments of panic but they are getting less and less and it is amazing to see how my daughter and her have developed into a team.
My daughter (Four Seasons) often posts in Competition riders about their progress so please feel free to look at the video clips from almost 2 years ago to present day.
I am very very proud of them and very very grateful to have had a very experienced classical dressage couple help us. We didn't give up and are now reaping the benefits.
 
Horses are for fun- if it's not fun it's time for a change for me! I sold Calv as I really couldn't get to grips with him, probably a year too late. He was a lovely character and I really liked him, but I'm relieved now I have something more suitable even though I was sad to see him go.
 
charliecrisps said:
Ahh, I dream of one of them too. What ever happened to all the good sturdy happy hackers who you could leave for a month then get on and its like you rode yesterday!! They are scarce. My trainer told me to lunge mine first before getting on... its not the happy hacker I dreamed of either :-/ Have you tried that before you ride? My anxiety was making my horse much worse behaved too, it took me paying someone else to see that though... Has someone else ridden for you or anything.
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I must have them :)
I will admit....I bought my Arab knowing he would be hard work...there were times I felt physically sick at the thought of riding him.
I must be a stubborn old git...I wanted to succeed when others said they was no chance. Well he's still not perfect and we've a way to go but he had far surpassed my expectations..
Sometimes I think I should have got me a nice steady horse..but actually we also have two of those and although I like riding them it doesn't set me on fire...
I guess some of us like a challenge...but you have to weigh up when the challenge becomes dangerous...
 
hello,
I've got a 17.2 mare who is very difficult. she is dangerous to turn out as barges away and sometimes is out with the bridle left on, and recently I have not been able to catch her in the field as she refuses to come in.
she is also lame, and out the 5 years I've had her, she's been diagnosed with kissing spine & had other lamenesses after all the investigations of MRI, xray, ultrasound, etc - no diagnosis.
so with a lame horse that looks uncomfortable in the field & behaving badly, I'm asking myself is she doing this because she is in pain? is she scared of being box rested knowing she is injured?
so I am now considering making the decision to PTS as I feel this is the most humane thing and she will finally be at peace
 
lme said:
I think horse owners fall (broadly) into 2 groups, those who have horses as pets (although they may ride them and compete them successfully, that isn't their main function) and those who have horses primarily to ride and / or compete. The second group ( in my experience) tend to be more pragmatic and know when to cut their losses if a horse isn't suited to what they want it for.

Sadly, I fall firmly into the first group and, my ever expanding herd includes an oldie who has been retired for over 10 years, a mechanically lame pony and a quirky but talented home bred who loves to make her rider work far harder than herself.
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I'm in the first group to! My horses are pets first. I persevered with my lad for three years trying to click with him but I couldn't. I now have a new horse ( I might have mentioned him a couple of times.....Kevin :D ) I am so much happier. I put my other lad out on loan, he recently has returned but that doesn't matter I will find him another placement. I still love him ( horrid little git) but he not for me. A TB stuck in a cobs body!!!
 
webble said:
I have been having some behavioural issues with my mare on and off for a while. After all the usual checks, different calmers, saddles and instructors I have the vet coming tomorrow to discuss if it could be hormones or ulcers or pain related. I have had a few people say I should just cut my losses and get rid and that does seem to often be the advice on here. I'm just wondering if we give up on horses too easily?
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Sometimes yes, I was told to give a horse four seasons before you know it's true nature. However that depends on the horse and the owner. Some
horses have health issues some owners have management issues...That is not aimed at op.
 
I have specific things I want to do with my horse and while I do give it plenty of time to see if it will work, I have been around horses long enough to know when it is time to call it a day. I exited eventing for 5 years as my then new horse just never took to XC (and I could cheerfully throttle the next so called expert who was so adamant they could sort his problem out). I went SJ but missed eventing so badly that I finally called it a day and sold him for DR and SJ which he was good at. Happy horse who wasn't second best, upset owner (me) but better for both of us. I have sold on a horse after 5 months who went through a huge character change once he got his feet under the table and shot up hugely. Sold him to a very large man to go hunting. Now I have a horse who I adore and will be another one of my lifers. He has ERU which is horrendous but he is perfect in every other way. Despite having been on 5 days of 4 hour shifts to get medication to his eyes.
 
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