dont judge someone for asking advice RANT!

T

tuppence's fortune

Well-Known Member
Joined
1 September 2010
Messages
255
Visit site
just want to say that just because someone asks for advice about something (maybe because they never had it happen to them before) or just for some re-assurance, not to judge them for it. i have seen people nearly at breaking asking genuine advice about a certain subject and getting ridiculed for it. also friendly advice that turns into either a slagging match or someone saying that, for example, you shouldnt be owning horses or dogs ext. unless you are asking a very stupid or offensive question and your animal is getting neglected there is no need for it! just because someone doesnt know something or is asking a question they are not really quite sure of doesnt mean they dont deserve certain things. no one has the right to judge people that way, unless you have ACTUALLY seen the animal they are referring to or the comment is that offensive. i just think that some people need to stop judging and realise that the animals may be very well looked after and the questions asked are because they want what is best for them ,,,, not because they want a argument with people they dont know, and they dont know them:mad::mad:
 
While I agree with you to a certain point, there is no excuse for lack of basic knowledge which should be learnt or known by anyone before they even think of buying a horse or a dog of any type.
It's a big step taking on something like a horse or dog, a living animal, which you haven't even bothered to read or learn about first. It's no wonder that some get annoyed when basic questions which should have been learnt long before even thinking of taking on an animal, are asked. It shows no respect for the animal at all.
There are umpteen good books on horse care available plus all of the internet if they're too idle to read a book; there is absolutely no excuse for basic care not to be known by anyone owning or caring for a horse if they really care for horses, they shouldn't have to be told to read a book, it should be second nature to want to learn as much as possible before they take a horse on.
 
I think we all make mistakes with horses but how we react and what we choose to learn and to do about those mistakes is the most important part regardless of whether we're beginner novice or experienced.

Anyone struggling but willing to learn, asking questions and doing their best will always be better than anyone with the wrong attitude ie blaming the horse and should be supported and encouraged as much as possible.
 
agree. even people that have had horses/dogs along time still have problems they have never had before. and sometimes advice or opinions are needed by other horsey/doggy people. but some people do not give them advise they just make "comments" which are of no help and or will upset people that have sought the advice.

myself and alot of other people i know look after there horse's and dogs very well(if not too well sometimes, being spoilt rotten) and do still need advice. and get some people telling them that they should not own thoose animals due to comments made on certain posts. or that because they are unsure about something they are basically stupid or ignorant. i can think of a few threads i have read and commented on over the past few days/weeks where i have seen these.
i do agree before buying you should have enough experience with said animal to tackle most things that crop up, however some times advice is needed from a clear perspective without the fear of judgement. x
 
We do, all of us, still need advice sometimes no matter how long you've been involved with horses, you never stop learning but my point was about absolute basic care questions being asked, not so much run of the mill questions that you might have forgotten the answer to and just wanted a shove in the right direction - which we all need now and then and I agree, no need for the horrid replies some give at all; I hope I haven't been to blame then!
 
Better to ask than not at all.

I've watched a couple of owners who genuinely know next to NOTHING and they will not for some reason take any help or advice let alone ask for it, it is absolutely heart wrenching to see the horse ruined.
 
Yep I know what you mean and I have to say I sometimes have questions and I wont post to ask them on here because you know the lambasting you are going to get from some people....

I believe though with horses there are many different ways to achieve the same result and just because the way someone does it is different to how you do it it does not make it wrong or mean you are neglecting your horse or putting them in danger.
 
tuppence's fortune said:
just want to say that just because someone asks for advice about something (maybe because they never had it happen to them before) or just for some re-assurance, not to judge them for it. i have seen people nearly at breaking asking genuine advice about a certain subject and getting ridiculed for it. also friendly advice that turns into either a slagging match or someone saying that, for example, you shouldnt be owning horses or dogs ext. unless you are asking a very stupid or offensive question and your animal is getting neglected there is no need for it! just because someone doesnt know something or is asking a question they are not really quite sure of doesnt mean they dont deserve certain things. no one has the right to judge people that way, unless you have ACTUALLY seen the animal they are referring to or the comment is that offensive. i just think that some people need to stop judging and realise that the animals may be very well looked after and the questions asked are because they want what is best for them ,,,, not because they want a argument with people they dont know, and they dont know them:mad::mad:
Click to expand...

This place can be intreasting as there is no way of knowing the experience etc of the poster in real life we just go on what you write down.

I dont want to make this to personal but if you look at your post about pimpimg out your stally and my responce you might see what i mean by that.

I answered your earlier post based on what I saw and read from the first post.
It was in casual tone,very little detail bar you had a stallion that your broke friend wanted to breed from.
As you continued to update i could see more to the scenario than.. just you have a stallion your friend has a mare lets irresponsibly breed them etc....but i didnt know that initially so went with the broad responce ....all considered the vast majority of responce were not to harsh.I imagined people on here would rip you to shreds for that post but it didnt happen.Most likely because you updated with more imformation.

For all we knew you had a uncut colt you bought from the sales that you were going to bred to a mare whose owner was in finacial difficulty :P

People dont tend to research the poster we just repond to the initail question based on what we read.

Im sorry if i gave offence by the way,but based on the initail post Id still put down the same answer.

But in general asking for advise on here is a minefield.Take what you want out of it and dont take the harsh comments to heart.There is a lot to pick up form here,there is a hugh range of experience and knowledge on the forum but not everyone follows the same ideals.So there can be clashes.there can be brutal honesty and some just harsh posting and sometimes misunderstandings involved at times.But it is a fun forum to be involved in :)

Have to admit I do feel for some of the posters when the tide turns against the though.But thats the way this place works.If you dont want to hear everones opionions asking for them may not be a good idea.But when you do ask you may get some very good advise so it does tend to be worth it in the end...
 
Maesfen said:
While I agree with you to a certain point, there is no excuse for lack of basic knowledge which should be learnt or known by anyone before they even think of buying a horse or a dog of any type.
It's a big step taking on something like a horse or dog, a living animal, which you haven't even bothered to read or learn about first. It's no wonder that some get annoyed when basic questions which should have been learnt long before even thinking of taking on an animal, are asked. It shows no respect for the animal at all.
There are umpteen good books on horse care available plus all of the internet if they're too idle to read a book; there is absolutely no excuse for basic care not to be known by anyone owning or caring for a horse if they really care for horses, they shouldn't have to be told to read a book, it should be second nature to want to learn as much as possible before they take a horse on.
Click to expand...

This is an interesting point. What do you class as basic? What about if someone buys a horse suitable for a novice, knows little but has a good support team that can help them and they simply want to ask on here for reassurance?

To be honest, if I can answer a question, then I will regardless of what it is. If I can't, then I'll say nothing but keep an eye on the thread to learn further.

I can't think of any questions that I think, oh that's basic. Anyone should know that.
Not having a go, when I saw the word "basic", it made me ponder (a rare occurance):D
 
I suppose what seems like a complex scenario for one person might seem like a very basic question for another. As long as we are all open and willing to learn, then I can't see how any question should warrant a response other than one which is constructive and in the best interests of the horse and the owner (not 'you shouldn't own a horse').

True, as has been suggested in this thread, sometimes we don't always read the question properly, or maybe not enough information has been put forward to give a clear picture - always difficult with forums like this. But then maybe it is up to the person responding to try to elicit a clearer picture, or to add the caveat 'From what it appears by your post...' or something like that.

I also don't think that one or two word responses are particularly helpful, as they don't really invite much in the way of dialogue (which, let's face it, is why we are here in the first place, because we like interacting with others who share an interest with us).

I think I'm starting to ramble a bit... all I will say is that we've had a couple of liveries on our yard who have started out incredibly novicey, with horses very unsuited to them. One particular friend of mine spent most of her first three months of horse ownership on her rse on the floor. However, she never stops asking questions, reading, having lessons, finding stuff out - she and her horse competed in their first dressage competition a couple of weeks ago and did really well. He's a different horse and she's a different girl. So yes, her questions were novicey, but that's how you learn.
 
The problem is not that people ask for advice, it's that some people will not TAKE any advice despite asking for it in the first place. Admittedly there is some rubbish advice on offer on HHO but when something makes SENSE and is backed by experience why do some people just find a string of excuses to justify NOT doing what is recommended? It seems that some people come on here wanting others to support the course of action they've already decided to take and when this is a welfare issue, then it is unbelievably frustrating.
Back when I was a teenager and pony mad, I read every book I could get my hands on about horse care and riding. I felt it my duty to inform myself as well as I could. Seems like people these days just can't be bothered and what's worse they won't be told.
 
Aru said:
This place can be intreasting as there is no way of knowing the experience etc of the poster in real life we just go on what you write down.

I dont want to make this to personal but if you look at your post about pimpimg out your stally and my responce you might see what i mean by that.

I answered your earlier post based on what I saw and read from the first post.
It was in casual tone,very little detail bar you had a stallion that your broke friend wanted to breed from.
As you continued to update i could see more to the scenario than.. just you have a stallion your friend has a mare lets irresponsibly breed them etc....but i didnt know that initially so went with the broad responce ....all considered the vast majority of responce were not to harsh.I imagined people on here would rip you to shreds for that post but it didnt happen.Most likely because you updated with more imformation.

For all we knew you had a uncut colt you bought from the sales that you were going to bred to a mare whose owner was in finacial difficulty :P

People dont tend to research the poster we just repond to the initail question based on what we read.

Im sorry if i gave offence by the way,but based on the initail post Id still put down the same answer.

But in general asking for advise on here is a minefield.Take what you want out of it and dont take the harsh comments to heart.There is a lot to pick up form here,there is a hugh range of experience and knowledge on the forum but not everyone follows the same ideals.So there can be clashes.there can be brutal honesty and some just harsh posting and sometimes misunderstandings involved at times.But it is a fun forum to be involved in :)

Have to admit I do feel for some of the posters when the tide turns against the though.But thats the way this place works.If you dont want to hear everones opionions asking for them may not be a good idea.But when you do ask you may get some very good advise so it does tend to be worth it in the end...
Click to expand...


agree which is a fair point. however even after i ahd posted more info certain others were not so casual in there tone. but as i said it is not just my post i have seen it on there have been quite a few on here that have had it and much worse than mine.

as for my boy he has good blood lines and was bought by me as a 4 year old stallion and i make sure he is not overly used and all mare covered have been checked ext along with all my others he is one of my pride and joys and i look after them all equally and care for them probably alot better than i care for myself, so it does insult me when i read people telling me thing like i shouldnt have horses. or i read someone has sold a horse to someone and it was "novice" and it was actually forward and the poor man / woman gets a stern word of people along the lines of your just stupid then and it is your own fault if you cant handle a horse why bother buying one ext ext and it makes me mad. (obviously you have to be able to handle a horse to certain extent, but if it is dangerous or very spooky i very much doubt it is there fault)... sorry for rant people it has just really p****d me off :) thank you all for you comments by the way it is good to know i am not alone in my thinking.
 
i still read books and do internet searches ext all the time and i have had horse for over 25 years i still feel like a novice sometimes when something comes up or things change. eg. when i first started riding and having lessons everyone thought that horses should just be turned out in winter without rugs ext with just hay or sometimes just straw to eat through winter :eek: and over the years things have changed horses are now (pretty much all of them) are rugged up with heavy weight turn outs or brought in on a night ext. my dad used to turn mine back out into the field and take there rugs off if i ever brought them in or put rugs on them when i was (alot) younger and told me not to be daft as they already had coats on. :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek: and dogs lived outside as dogs protected the house not lived in it! :eek:
i dont think any of mine would handle the cold without rugs, there all whimps! lol. even the shetlands refuse to move till they have a rug on sometimes.

if you did that now a days people would have heart attack and the rspca would be round in a flash!

if my dad was still with us he would be spitting feathers at all the, what he would call,"mollycoddling" we give our horses and dogs lol. like people have said everyone has an opinion. and sometimes it is just deciding which one to take. even people like my dad started to learn again before he died and started to rug up ext. and i knew things he didint.
asking questions never does any harm. not asking them might x
 
Echo Bravo said:
Sorry but where has all this vitrol come from. In one sentance you said you shouldn't judge if you haven't seen animal???????? How can we see said animal????
Click to expand...

vitrol??? i have pics of mine on my profile and anyone is welcome to come have a look.

this is the judgement bit.... some people assume because you write a certain thing that you should not have said animal/s but unless the comment is neglect ext what gives them the right to say that. unless they have actually seen said animal and it is neglect ext.. does that make sense. basically a few threads/posts doent mean you know the person or how they treat there animals so try not to judge on the little info you have. unless you no said person and animal/s dont judge how fit they are to own them.
hope that makes sense? lol
 
Echo Bravo said:
But owning horses,doesn't mean you know everything, I've owned them for 40 years or more and still learning and I've been happy to take advice from someone 1/2 my age.
Click to expand...

Agree with above. I've had some good advice on here, although I don't know the age of the people supplying it and I only have 20 years experience compared with Echo Bravo (which means I'm probably about half her age!! LOL). In fact I regularly exchange PMs with a member on here who is about fifteen years younger than me, but has far more experience and knowledge that I will ever be able to get!
 
tuppence's fortune said:
vitrol??? i have pics of mine on my profile and anyone is welcome to come have a look.

this is the judgement bit.... some people assume because you write a certain thing that you should not have said animal/s but unless the comment is neglect ext what gives them the right to say that. unless they have actually seen said animal and it is neglect ext.. does that make sense. basically a few threads/posts doent mean you know the person or how they treat there animals so try not to judge on the little info you have. unless you no said person and animal/s dont judge how fit they are to own them.
hope that makes sense? lol
Click to expand...

the thread I posted on Tuppence's fortune was re your stallion. You were thinking of letting a friend use him to cover her mare. It came across in first part that she didnt have money to pay for covering? despite been incredibly late in the year for covering which in all honesty if you own a breeding mare or stallion you should think of the environment the foal will be born into?
Its flipping cold outside right now well chances are it will be this cold in 11 months time! not much fun for a foal and wouldnt be the sensible option?
you then told us how your friend had just paid for flight tickets-this then became a way for you to justify letting your stallion breed with your friends mare regardless of the advice people offered. The comment you shouldnt own horses did appear to be an off the cuff remark by the poster as you were still thinking of breeding regardless of weather,season,money and as you thought your stallion was the beez neez? and he maybe a lovely horse but at the end of the day a breeding post on the forum of late with uninterest in the animals welfare was gonna get you a response of sorts??;)

Echo Bravo said:
But owning horses,doesn't mean you know everything, I've owned them for 40 years or more and still learning and I've been happy to take advice from someone 1/2 my age.
Click to expand...

Ive owned horses,ridden,copmpeted,rescued,rehomed and seen out the old and the sick when it was their time. Id be an absolute flipwit to think I know everything about horses! even this week Ive been totally flabbergasted by speedibeet!!! 10 minutes to soak and then feed!!! all thoose years I had to wait until the next day!!!:eek::rolleyes:
 
As per your title, I totally agree, I get fed up of people on their high horse spitting nails at people.
I have had horses for over 20years and am still learning, as we all are, point being, people do get on there high horse when 'helping' on here sometimes
I feel this is not about people who ask for advice then dot take it. Perhaps I have missed something vital here, I have not seen your other post if there is one.
There is helping and then there is patronising.

Like yourself and others have said. I for example have very little knowledge on DDFT damage in horses as have never had one suffer from anything like this and would hope I could get advice here if needed. I would possibly sound like a complete numpty if I asked about such a condition as I do not really know about it.
Ask me about laminitis however and I have more knowledge to share :D
I often come here for advice or simply a POV as its nice to hear what others say.
But yes, people need to think before they speak/type
Thats my opinion anyway!
 
Echo Bravo said:
Sorry but I'm still confused about your post. Has somebody had a go about how you keep your animals, sight unseen???
Click to expand...

had very nasty pm last night which really upset me. i can not put it on here as it will without doubt get removed! person in question i will not name but went along the lines of. "you and alot of other brain dead idiots on here talking about horses dogs and dont deserve them. i have read your threads post and can honestly say you and others alike on here are some of the most cruel and neglectful people i have ever had the displeasure of reading about. your thin and starving horses in the pictures should be took off you and u should be murdered in your sleep, better yet burnt alive for what you are doing to them!" and it goes on and on. but all my horse are very well cared for and i love them to bits and anyone can see they are defo not thin or neglected in the pics! made me so upset that someone could send that to me. i have taken horses from rescue centres and they come and visit every 3 months to check them over and not once have they had one complaint to make. so i wrote this post as i was mad and upset. :(:(:(

everyone and anyone is welcome to come see my animals i have absolutly nothing to hide.
evryone needs advice from time to time, i have had some great advice from people on here who are probably a hell of a lot younger than me and it has been very gratefully received and used. fair enough some threads posts are not explained in great detail to get a full picture but nothing merits a pm like that im not evil :(
 
I can see both sides really at my ante-natal classes people were eight months pregnant and asking THE most basic questions it drove me mad! But I was glad for their children they had. You could say they shouldn't have them but you can't stop it. So helping them is the only way.
As you can tell I treat my animals like babies and visa versa. (right or wrong)
 
Echo Bravo said:
I take it or hope that you have reported to FCT about your PM
Click to expand...

yes as soon as i had got it. but it has been doing my head in all day just stewing away at me how someone could write something like that? my worst enemy in the whole world wouldnt get a word like that about them. i bet even lex luther didnt write stuff like that to superman! lol . sorry shouldnt joke about it but i didnt really think it was very fair.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top