Ending a share agreement

abbijay

abbijay

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Does anyone have any experience as an owner of telling a sharer "thanks for their time" but you want to move on.
Current sharer has been doing it for 3 months, has seen a contract but never signed it and has only paid one month's money - I haven't really asked for it because I never felt it was an ideal arrangement not that she hasn't offered. There isn't a problem as such - I just still don't feel comfortable with her, usually I quickly develop confidence in a sharer this time (for no real reason) I have constant reservations.
I'm aware I'm probably being a bit ****ty but he's my horse so I feel I should be able to choose who I have to ride him. I know I should be honest as possible but saying "I've had 2 better offers" just feels wrong - or is there a way I can say it nicely?

Shortbread & tangfastics for anyone who doesn't tell me I'm a meany for this!
 
abbijay said:
Does anyone have any experience as an owner of telling a sharer "thanks for their time" but you want to move on.
Current sharer has been doing it for 3 months, has seen a contract but never signed it and has only paid one month's money - I haven't really asked for it because I never felt it was an ideal arrangement not that she hasn't offered. There isn't a problem as such - I just still don't feel comfortable with her, usually I quickly develop confidence in a sharer this time (for no real reason) I have constant reservations.
I'm aware I'm probably being a bit ****ty but he's my horse so I feel I should be able to choose who I have to ride him. I know I should be honest as possible but saying "I've had 2 better offers" just feels wrong - or is there a way I can say it nicely?

Shortbread & tangfastics for anyone who doesn't tell me I'm a meany for this!
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I have sharers, and they are valued part of helping with and enjoying my horses.

I would be upset if any of mine left, and work to try and make them feel valued and appreciated. And to curb my OCD and control freak tendencies!

Most move on when circumstances change.

However over the years I have had a few that haven’t worked out.

I think you need to communicate a clear reason that sharer can understand.

Perhaps that you feel that she and the horse aren’t the right fit.

There must be a little bit more to why you don’t feel they are right?

My sharers must like my horses, and want to do right by them instinctively – so helping if injured and actively looking out for horses best interest and welfare, rather than being out for what they can get riding wise.

Someone not empathetic with my horses, and not fond of them wouldn’t work. Sharing for me, is sharing love of my horses. And I try to tread softly on my sharers emotions, and to support them building bonds, and to respect this.
 
abbijay said:
Does anyone have any experience as an owner of telling a sharer "thanks for their time" but you want to move on.
Current sharer has been doing it for 3 months, has seen a contract but never signed it and has only paid one month's money - I haven't really asked for it because I never felt it was an ideal arrangement not that she hasn't offered. There isn't a problem as such - I just still don't feel comfortable with her, usually I quickly develop confidence in a sharer this time (for no real reason) I have constant reservations.
I'm aware I'm probably being a bit ****ty but he's my horse so I feel I should be able to choose who I have to ride him. I know I should be honest as possible but saying "I've had 2 better offers" just feels wrong - or is there a way I can say it nicely?

Shortbread & tangfastics for anyone who doesn't tell me I'm a meany for this!
Click to expand...

I would just say you don't want to loan him out anymore as you want more time with him. Rather than try to explain "sorry I just don't like you." Sort of telling a white lie can avoid the sharer feeling hurt and you avoiding the awkward confrontation. Then look for another sharer and if she offers again eg if she sees an add or fB post. I would just pretend you've found someone else. (I know alot of others will say tell the truth but there's no honest way to tell it without someone getting their feelings hurt.) You are his owner and have every right to make a decision based on your gut instinct.
 
If you can't put your finger on a specific reason to tell her then just say your circumstances have changed and you no longer require a sharer
 
rowan666 said:
If you can't put your finger on a specific reason to tell her then just say your circumstances have changed and you no longer require a sharer
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I think given its a small horse world and that OP has already said has two better offers, and is planning on replacing sharer, lying isn't a good idea. I get that white lies can save feelings, but think odds are ex-sharer will find out and will be more upset.
 
wingedhorse said:
I think given its a small horse world and that OP has already said has two better offers, and is planning on replacing sharer, lying isn't a good idea. I get that white lies can save feelings, but think odds are ex-sharer will find out and will be more upset.
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I've been a sharer more than an owner in my life, I've also offered to loan/ride a horse I used to own (albeit for less time than your sharer has shared yours!) that I gave to a family member, who found another instead of me. That stang, even though it was totally the right call and well within her rights. To be made to feel inadequate is awful no matter the intention, but lying and finding another without a genuine reason isn't fair. Even if its not their horse they may have strong feelings for him, so please tread with care. You are well within your rights, its your horse and your choice. It might be best to just flat out tell the truth. That's the harder option but the most genuine one. "I really appreciate your commitment to my horse and help over the recent months, but a friend has expressed interest in sharing him and I would like to offer the share to her as I know her more personally, I hope you will understand." It'll still be a blow, but one that will heal over when not so fresh, rather than being underhanded. :)
 
SaddleUpSin said:
I've been a sharer more than an owner in my life, I've also offered to loan/ride a horse I used to own (albeit for less time than your sharer has shared yours!) that I gave to a family member, who found another instead of me. That stang, even though it was totally the right call and well within her rights. To be made to feel inadequate is awful no matter the intention, but lying and finding another without a genuine reason isn't fair. Even if its not their horse they may have strong feelings for him, so please tread with care. You are well within your rights, its your horse and your choice. It might be best to just flat out tell the truth. That's the harder option but the most genuine one. "I really appreciate your commitment to my horse and help over the recent months, but a friend has expressed interest in sharing him and I would like to offer the share to her as I know her more personally, I hope you will understand." It'll still be a blow, but one that will heal over when not so fresh, rather than being underhanded. :)
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Thank you, that is an excellent suggestion. I genuinely don't want to upset her - hence asking for help on here - and I realise this is almost impossible.
One of the people who has offered is someone who I've been on yards with for years and our horses were in the same small herd but her boy has been retired off. Also, my boy has been diagnosed with arthritis so I really want him out hacking which I can't do in the week in winter and current sharer wants to work on her schooling so only hacks once a week or fortnight - friend is looking to hack out only.
Thanks!
 
abbijay said:
Thank you, that is an excellent suggestion. I genuinely don't want to upset her - hence asking for help on here - and I realise this is almost impossible.
One of the people who has offered is someone who I've been on yards with for years and our horses were in the same small herd but her boy has been retired off. Also, my boy has been diagnosed with arthritis so I really want him out hacking which I can't do in the week in winter and current sharer wants to work on her schooling so only hacks once a week or fortnight - friend is looking to hack out only.
Thanks!
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See, your reasoning is genuine, fair, understandable and your intentions are good. I think the hardest bit is excepting that it's going to sting for her, but not letting those thoughts cloud your judgement - you're not being btchy unless you're a btch about it! :)
 
abbijay said:
Thank you, that is an excellent suggestion. I genuinely don't want to upset her - hence asking for help on here - and I realise this is almost impossible.
One of the people who has offered is someone who I've been on yards with for years and our horses were in the same small herd but her boy has been retired off. Also, my boy has been diagnosed with arthritis so I really want him out hacking which I can't do in the week in winter and current sharer wants to work on her schooling so only hacks once a week or fortnight - friend is looking to hack out only.
Thanks!
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That's a perfect and understandable reason. Say this, and takes sting out of it.
 
That makes it easier- You say you have decided to retire him to hacking only and an old friend of yours is keen to do that and you want to help her out and feel your current sharer would benefit from something bigger and better, thank you so much for your time, goodbye
 
Absolutely. I have had to end shares when the sharer (or more often the parents) were not really working for us. My daughter's slightly outgrown PC competition pony has sharers and with only 1 exception the have all been kids. If you think ending it with an good reason and a (hopefully) reasonable adult is hard - try ending it with a child who is heartbroken and a parent who was unreasonable to begin with!

I would never advocate lying. It will come back and bite you. There are ways to express the truth of course and there is no need to be rough. But be truthful, be straightforward and be determined. It feels horrible at the time - and much better afterward!
 
wingedhorse said:
I think given its a small horse world and that OP has already said has two better offers, and is planning on replacing sharer, lying isn't a good idea. I get that white lies can save feelings, but think odds are ex-sharer will find out and will be more upset.
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I agree with this .
But it's not easy OP just has to try to be honest while being nice .
 
SaddleUpSin said:
See, your reasoning is genuine, fair, understandable and your intentions are good. I think the hardest bit is excepting that it's going to sting for her, but not letting those thoughts cloud your judgement - you're not being btchy unless you're a btch about it! :)
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Agree! Be straightforward about it, you can still be pleasant and thank her for her time to date.

I had to end a share while I was at uni. It just wasn't working out - teen sharer was more inexperienced than I was led to believe and there were a few accidents that could have gone badly wrong. My tack got damaged too and not replaced, all that kind of stuff. I had not asked for any money as it was time I was lacking really and I didn't want to feel like they had a hold over me *just in case* it didn't work out. WHen I tried to explain that I didn't think they were a good fit for each other, the girl's parents became very unpleasant indeed, I'm not sure why they were happy for her to keep having little whoopsies and I certainly wasn't happy about it.. Takes all sorts.

BUT don't let that put you off OP, I think they were rather odd people! I was bloomin glad when I'd broken it off though!
 
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