Falling out of love with horses..

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BoggyGirl

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I have had crappy luck with horses for years but I have done it all my life, my only hobby and interest. The interest in riding itself wasn't as strong for the last few years as wanting to be around them but I find myself horseless and I don't want to ride anymore. I look back and realise actually I can't remember the last time I enjoyed owning one and feel pretty mortified by the money I have chucked down a hole not to mention the stress of it all when before it was everything. No I haven't had a head injury I can remember...

Obviously the answer is don't get another but silly as this sounds I don't know who I am now. I have always had horses my life centred around the yard my Facebook news feed is full of all things horsey. I have never had a break or imagined myself with out one. I can't get excited about having one and it isn't not being able to afford it I just feel done if that makes sense? I have been offered a lovely horse for free and I don't want that either. I could probably afford one better now than I ever have but the fire is totally gone.

Anyone come out the other side? Suggestions of something new to enjoy maybe?
 
I got to that point once. Horse owning seemed more hassle than anything so I sold my horse and didn't replace him. I think I lasted 18 months before I was desperate for a horse again! I haven't been without one since and currently have 3 but it was so worth having that break to stop having horses as a habit and remember why I loved them.
 
Brownmare said:
I got to that point once. Horse owning seemed more hassle than anything so I sold my horse and didn't replace him. I think I lasted 18 months before I was desperate for a horse again! I haven't been without one since and currently have 3 but it was so worth having that break to stop having horses as a habit and remember why I loved them.
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Thank you that is kind of good to know its a bit of a feeling of being lost! I just am done with the yard drama, cost and heartache its just draining. Thank you.
 
I totally get that. If you don't think you'll want to ride again, is there a friendly yard who would let you come and groom the horses, cuddle them ,maybe fill some haynets etc?
My yard owner has a couple of friends who do that. They don't really want to ride but they miss the whole lifestyle so they come and hang out and help out.
Or is there a horse rescue you could volunteer at?
 
I totally get where you are coming from. I’ve no idea what I’ll do when my last horse goes, but I’d like to see what life without horses is like as I’ve done it for over 30 years . I think I’ll probably always have animals but when I see people who used to have horses walking their dogs for hours, I can’t see the enjoyment in that either.

Is there anything else you like doing? Perhaps something crafty or volunteering? It sort of depends if you like people or not. I definitely don’t so that would limit things.
 
Sossigpoker said:
I totally get that. If you don't think you'll want to ride again, is there a friendly yard who would let you come and groom the horses, cuddle them ,maybe fill some haynets etc?
My yard owner has a couple of friends who do that. They don't really want to ride but they miss the whole lifestyle so they come and hang out and help out.
Or is there a horse rescue you could volunteer at?
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I genuinely have no interest in them even as spending time that is what is so weird. Its like something has totally shifted it makes me really sad but I just feel like I am done. Its bizarre when it is has been your life for 45 years.
 
meleeka said:
I totally get where you are coming from. I’ve no idea what I’ll do when my last horse goes, but I’d like to see what life without horses is like as I’ve done it for over 30 years . I think I’ll probably always have animals but when I see people who used to have horses walking their dogs for hours, I can’t see the enjoyment in that either.

Is there anything else you like doing? Perhaps something crafty or volunteering? It sort of depends if you like people or not. I definitely don’t so that would limit things.
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I don't like people at all that made me spit out my coffee and I wouldn't do a craft either. My dog walking is a chore for me too to be honest. Its something we do every day rather than fun. It is nice to know i'm not alone anyway thank you.
 
I think we have definitely all been where you are from time to time. From my experience, don’t try to make yourself feel anything you’re not. When the time is right to dip your toe back in, you will know. If that never happens again, that’s ok too. I got my fingers burnt last year. Between losing my horse in December and work getting very hectic during lockdown, another horse is the last thing I want. But last month a friend offered me a weekly lesson on her horse. I absolutely love this arrangement. Once a week, I get my fix, help with grooming, feeding, turning out etc, with none of the hassle.

I have used my evenings to start getting fitter. I cycle and run now, and enjoy the feeling of being stronger and healthier. I also read loads and listen to podcasts. It is weird finding a new identity through your hobby, but remember you are still the same person, just doing different stuff.
 
I think it is totally understandable particularly if you have had a tough run with injuries and money sapping issues. Take a break, can you go on some nice holidays and enjoy the extra money and see how it feels to be horse free?

What does stand out though is you seem to lack enjoyment in lots of things you may previously have enjoyed, this is called anhedonia and can be a sign of an underlying depression or mental health issue? I do not want to equate not enjoying being around horses as a mental health issue!!! But just thought I should mention it in case something rings true.
 
Cloball said:
I think it is totally understandable particularly if you have had a tough run with injuries and money sapping issues. Take a break, can you go on some nice holidays and enjoy the extra money and see how it feels to be horse free?

What does stand out though is you seem to lack enjoyment in lots of things you may previously have enjoyed, this is called anhedonia and can be a sign of an underlying depression or mental health issue? I do not want to equate not enjoying being around horses as a mental health issue!!! But just thought I should mention it in case something rings true.
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That is really interesting thank you! I think its just been a really shitty run but worth a thought too. I am feeling very tired as I work for myself I have to work a lot extra for these animals and its been miserable for a very long time. Chuck in Covid and endless yard politics and vets bills and I guess an idiot would be excited by it. It seems scary to step away from it which is silly really. I don't want it anymore.
 
I'm another one who says take time out and see how you feel in say 6 to 12 months.
If nothing else you could take the winter off and see how you feel in the spring.

I have lots of hobbies and interests but I mostly dip in and out of them as it's hard to find time alongside horses. Some of my other hobbies & interests have had to fall by the wayside over the years for this reason. Here are some suggestions of other things you could try. I'm not sure of your age and fitness level etc but I tend to mostly go for outdoorsy active stuff and most of the below are accessible at all levels.

Yoga
Wild or Open Water swimming
Kayaking ( we have an inflatable one)
Dragon boat racing
Running,/ Jeffing / Park run
Walking/hiking/ rambling
Cycling/ mountain biking
Barbecuing/ smoking

If you have a dog
Agility or Canicross or flyball

There are Facebook groups dedicated to most of the above where people will help you get started.

If nothing else it's an opportunity to have some fun trying new things.

I think you should try a new hobby every week and then come back and post to tell us how you got on ?
 
Flicker said:
I think we have definitely all been where you are from time to time. From my experience, don’t try to make yourself feel anything you’re not. When the time is right to dip your toe back in, you will know. If that never happens again, that’s ok too. I got my fingers burnt last year. Between losing my horse in December and work getting very hectic during lockdown, another horse is the last thing I want. But last month a friend offered me a weekly lesson on her horse. I absolutely love this arrangement. Once a week, I get my fix, help with grooming, feeding, turning out etc, with none of the hassle.

I have used my evenings to start getting fitter. I cycle and run now, and enjoy the feeling of being stronger and healthier. I also read loads and listen to podcasts. It is weird finding a new identity through your hobby, but remember you are still the same person, just doing different stuff.
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Thank you. I did used to really enjoy the gym running might be a good idea while all this Covid stuff is still going on I mihgt try that next week.
 
JulesRules said:
I'm another one who says take time out and see how you feel in say 6 to 12 months.
If nothing else you could take the winter off and see how you feel in the spring.

I have lots of hobbies and interests but I mostly dip in and out of them as it's hard to find time alongside horses. Some of my other hobbies & interests have had to fall by the wayside over the years for this reason. Here are some suggestions of other things you could try. I'm not sure of your age and fitness level etc but I tend to mostly go for outdoorsy active stuff and most of the below are accessible at all levels.

Yoga
Wild or Open Water swimming
Kayaking ( we have an inflatable one)
Dragon boat racing
Running,/ Jeffing / Park run
Walking/hiking/ rambling
Cycling/ mountain biking
Barbecuing/ smoking

If you have a dog
Agility or Canicross or flyball

There are Facebook groups dedicated to most of the above where people will help you get started.

If nothing else it's an opportunity to have some fun trying new things.

I think you should try a new hobby every week and then come back and post to tell us how you got on ?
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Ha ha I like that! The dog stuff could work well I am sure they would love the clubs and its probably as sociable as I like to be!
 
You seem to be feeling guilty about not liking something anymore that used to fill your life. But life is not static - we all move forwards, change and find something different that makes our heart sing. That does not devalue what went before or imply that we have "wasted" that part of our lives.
Life is not much fun for anyone just now so don't be too hard on yourself. Give yourself permission to take a complete break from horses and just stay open to any other interest which might come around. Sometimes studying something new gives that bit of discipline to embark on a new interest rather than just trying something out but whatever you do it sounds as if a rest and re-set is in order!!
 
@BoggyGirl if you like running and have dogs have a look at Canicross.

It can be quite social if you find a local club. I started by joining my local club's social runs on a Sunday morning. They had a big kit bag so I got to try out kit before buying my own and I've made new friends and done a couple of events. If I didn't have the horses I would definitely do more of it.
 

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I’m just thinking- from your replies to other posters, if you’re not enjoying walking the dog or being around the horses, could it be that the way you feel across the board is that responsibility is weighing on you and squashing the fun or pleasure out of your animals? This year has been tough to say the least, there is a huge shift in what is considered ‘normal’ and there are a lot of people reacting in different ways to that. A break might be perfect!
 
Tally05 said:
I havn't got anything else helpful to add the only thing that pops into my head is have a baby ? or travel? Pick a random place on a map and plan a trip there. Theres a whole world to explore ?
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A baby made me howl. I have a child never again one is more than enough of those! I think trying something new is on the cards!
 
Lexi2009 said:
I think it’s a normal feeling every equestrian gets . Covid has effect people mental health massive if your not enjoying walking the dog could you be feeling a little bit depressed.
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I think just totally burned out is more it. I am fed up I put endless animals and kids first and don't do anything much I want to do its more duty. I think the horses have just become part of that thing I feel like I must do. Now I get I don't have to do it at all. I am also a single parent it is just a lot I think I probably need to be kinder to me and stop running at a thousand miles and hour.

Really helpful guys thank you.
 
BoggyGirl said:
I think just totally burned out is more it. I am fed up I put endless animals and kids first and don't do anything much I want to do its more duty. I think the horses have just become part of that thing I feel like I must do. Now I get I don't have to do it at all. I am also a single parent it is just a lot I think I probably need to be kinder to me and stop running at a thousand miles and hour.

Really helpful guys thank you.
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That’s a lot of responsibility for a single parent . I can understand how you are feeling burnt out. My mother is a single parent so I understand how difficult it can be doing everything yourself.
 
During lockdown I really enjoyed cycling every day, having had horses all my life I'd never had time to spend on another hobby. I really enjoyed it and it was a novelty being able to get off the bike, put it away without feeding / fussing it and not having to worry about whether it was lame or not lol. Saying that, I'm really enjoying being back to hacking again now, probably even more so after having a break.

I wouldn't worry about giving up horses if that feels right, do something you really enjoy and you can always come back to it in the future if you miss it.
 
I was also going to suggest you may be suffering from depression. Take a break, be kind to yourself and try to stop putting so much pressure on.
I'm also struggling with depression at the moment, I've joined an online "Wellbeing Club" to try to help myself out of it, but I just cannot motivate myself to enjoy anything very much. I feel like there's a weight sitting on my chest when I think about simple things like going to cook the dinner, I just don't want to do anything. So I'm not being much help, except to know you're not alone.
 
I stepped away from horse owning after having my lass PTS a few years ago. I occasionally think should I own again but that thought is brief. I still follow the horse scene and enjoy sites such as this one. But I won't own again. ?
 
Ever since I can remember I have been obsessed with horses. I had my very first, own pony as a teenager. Fast forward 20 years and I lost my horse of a lifetime. At first I was completely lost, and hadn't got a clue what to do with my time (or money for that matter!). However, I flung myself into work, university, then children came along. I always had the passion for horses, and it has never left me.

BUT, I don't miss the yard politics, the cost of horse ownership, drudging through the wet, muddy winter months, vets bills (and the stress that goes with that), not being able to have a lie-in....the list goes on and on.

I do miss horses in general - not particularly the riding, just being around them and looking after them. I love being on this forum, and my DH works in horsey stuff, so I do still get a bit of a 'fix' that way! Having said that, I really don't think I would want to venture back into owning my own again.

Now my children are older, I have found something else to learn and do in a volunteering capacity. Whilst I 'like' doing this, it is not a passion. However, like many things, this has virtually stopped during lockdown, and I can honestly say it has not bothered me in the slightest. If this was to do with horses, then yes, it would have bothered me.

Also, being a parent is hard - especially when you are on you own. Please don't try to be superwoman - us mum's are constantly running around after everyone, and it is a rare treat to have 5 minutes to yourself.

Lots of other posters have offered some good advice (as they always do :cool:) - but please remember, there is no 'right' way to feel. Follow your instincts and your heart, and do what you want to do, and what feels right for you.

And above all, please be kind to yourself. :)
 
The thing is, horses will always be there. You can go back to them now, in 8 months, 8 years, or never again. So you don't have to stress it.

I've no idea how people describe this whole horse thing as a relaxing or stress relieving hobby. To be, it causes stress! ? But I still look forward to interacting with my money pit... I mean horse, everyday.

Since I'm a people phobe for the most part, I enjoy solitary hobbies such as hiking, kayaking, painting, home improvement projects, gardening, and working out. So try a few things and see if anything lights your fire.

It's a change going from something that can suck so much time, energy, and money out of you. So it's fine to feel a little lost along the way. Don't be hard on yourself.
 
I'm kind of where you are myself, after a lifetime of varying degrees of horsiness (mostly 100%+), it's now kinda run out and won't be looking for another one. I have given up horses completely for several years before (I'm over 40 years in the horse business), but always come back to it refreshed and re-energised. I really think that won't happen now for me, but you never know.
 
I spend most of my horsey time riding other people’s horses rather than my own and have decided that’s how it’ll stay should anything happen to him. They’re a huge drain. It’s normal to want a break.
 
I've got my own but I've hit that point now.

He's 22 with issues so I'm not getting rid of him but he won't be replaced. I dont mind mucking out but I'm tired of all the other chores that come with it- hes kept on livery so things like poo picking when it's not just him in the field, filling troughs etc its just a grind but there's no way I could afford full livery and I wouldn't want the loss of control over how he is managed.
I dont even enjoy riding anymore. No one else at my yard hacks so I'm always on my own and as he wont box I can't even go explore new routes go to the beach etc. I look back at FB memories and years ago some of the yard helpers (who've now.moved on) used to lease some of the horses and I'd ride with them and we'd mess about jumping/ doing gymkhana games/ riding through the pond etc and we had great fun. Now its just the same old routine.
And the cost. If its not one thing its the other. Eventually I want a baby, im 30 now but there's no way we can afford it with the horse.
I thought id never lose interest in horses so it is weird but it's just hit a couple of years ago and I've never got that joy for it back.
Like I say I'm not getting rid of him or putting him down for my convenience but I won't be getting another unless I have a lottery win and can have my own yard and a select few liveries who hack.

I'd possibly once I dont have my own, dip in and out of "special " horse things to do eg id hire a hireling and go drag hunting. Id go to a place that does beach rides. I'd have the odd school master lesson.

Op how about reading? I can lose myself in a good book and would like more time to be able to read. If the local football supporters club for the club I follow is still running when fans are allowed back ill probably go to a couple more games with them as i currently only have the funds for 1 a season

Im another who doesn't like people!!!
 
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