Falling out of love with horses..

Cortez said:
I'm kind of where you are myself, after a lifetime of varying degrees of horsiness (mostly 100%+), it's now kinda run out and won't be looking for another one. I have given up horses completely for several years before (I'm over 40 years in the horse business), but always come back to it refreshed and re-energised. I really think that won't happen now for me, but you never know.
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This is me too . After a lifetime dedicated to our horses and numerous other animals I am now down to 2 ponies and 2 dogs , all in their late teens , and once they are gone we won't be replacing any of them . I have had a fantastic time over the years , eventing in my younger days and then moving on to dressage and showing in later years , and I don't regret a day of it . But having so many animals at home ( up to 6 horses + various dogs , chickens and cats ) meant that we rarely did much else , never mind going on holidays or the like . My OH has been extremely supportive , fully hands on with the horses and driving me up and down the country to compete without ( well - with very little !) , complaint , but we've seen it , done it , been there - and got the embroidered team jackets and rugs to prove it ! The two ponies we currently have are sound , healthy and totally rideable but I just reached a point about 5 years ago when I realised that I seemed to have lost my mojo . I carried on riding but I just wasn't enjoying it anymore and it felt like a chore rather than a pleasure . What do you actually DO if you don't do horses ?
My OH has always been into endurance sports - marathons , Tough Guy , Iron Man , Triathlon etc and I would go and support him when he competed but would never have even considered doing such a thing myself . I was the girl who always skived off PE and I had never even run for a bus - my mantra was ' God invented horses so that I don't have to run .' Until , that is , the day of a family bbq when I had one glass of merlot too many and , for some reason I still cannot fathom , I bet my entire family that I would enter , and complete , a triathlon .
And to cut a long story short - that's what I did , and ( Covid aside ) I'm still doing it . Triathlon is my new passion . If anyone had ever told me that I would actually enjoy ( mmm - maybe not always the right word ? ) training and going to the gym I would have thought they were mad , but here I am ! One thing I have realised along the way that I am very goal orientated and that if I'm not working towards something ( a competition or race basically ! ) then I really struggle to stay motivated . I need a ' passion ' in my life !
So , as things stand today , the ponies are now more or less field ornaments and much loved pets , I am fitter than I have ever been in my entire life , and I can see the way forward to a life that goes beyond the animals . My OH and I have great plans to travel once we are free of responsibility ( animals ) and , hard hearted though it may sound , I am actually looking forward to that phase of my life .
You only get one life , do the things you enjoy and don't sweat the rest .
Much ( VERY VERY much ! ) though I have loved them , there IS a life after/alongside horses .
 
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BoggyGirl said:
...when it is has been your life for 45 years.
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Without wishing to be indelicate, is there any chance that it’s menopause/perimenopause?

For years sport was my life and I competed up to international level in both open and masters categories. 5 years ago I lost all interest in it almost overnight and haven’t gone near it since. No rhyme nor reason ... until I put two and two together.

I felt very guilty and confused about “giving up”, “quitting”, “losing my bottle” and all sorts of other things folk were saying. Just try to roll with it - do what makes you happy ??
 
Forget about horses over the winter. Winter is never fun with them and see where you are in the spring.

I always say to people to borrow a Shetland or offer to help out a stud by playing with foals or going to shows with them. The Shetland community is a friendly place for the most part. Bonuses - they aren't yours so no financial responsibility and they rarely get ill.
 
Elf On A Shelf said:
Forget about horses over the winter. Winter is never fun with them and see where you are in the spring.

I always say to people to borrow a Shetland or offer to help out a stud by playing with foals or going to shows with them. The Shetland community is a friendly place for the most part. Bonuses - they aren't yours so no financial responsibility and they rarely get ill.
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If the OP is anything like me, then nope. No interest.
 
I went through the same sort of thing as many here have. A large part of mine started when a bad fall fractured my pelvis. I drifted out of horses and ended up becoming involved in dog sports. Now, all of these years later, if I had the time and money I wouldn't mind getting involved with the horses again.
 
In all honesty you are a working single parent with dogs, and until recently with horses. I would say that the first thing you need is a jolly good rest. Don't worry about whether or not you want another horse, just tell yourself that if you find that you are missing it and want another then you will find one. If you can then put aside some of the money that you would have spent on horses and use it on yourself. It doesn't matter on what, it might be on weekends away, language classes, opera tickets or a new sport - anything that you want to do but perhaps have not had time or money to do in the past. The only thing that I would advise against doing is doing nothing. If your mood is low then staying home might well make you feel worse. You are not 'giving up' anything, it is always easy to get back into the horse world at any moment. Maybe you will when the time is right, or maybe you will find something else that you want to do. Chin up and enjoy having a rest from the responsibilities of horse ownership!
 
BoggyGirl said:
That is really interesting thank you! I think its just been a really shitty run but worth a thought too. I am feeling very tired as I work for myself I have to work a lot extra for these animals and its been miserable for a very long time. Chuck in Covid and endless yard politics and vets bills and I guess an idiot would be excited by it. It seems scary to step away from it which is silly really. I don't want it anymore.
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So maybe what you do next is take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. Sounds like you have had a tough time lately. If it was me I would do things like visiting a physiotherapist for the niggling aches and pains that usually get ignore because there is horse to do, and buy some new clothes because if they are practical for the yard is no longer a factor so it is pure choice, get cozy blanket and dvd box set or films for the winter months, go on holiday, use the horse costs to start a new beauty regime because there is time now, join a leisure centre gym or spa try different classes or treatment, do a college course in a subject that sounds interesting. Focus on getting happy again, like breathe a sigh now the drama is over. I think yard drama is the worst part of owning horses. I am thinking if you stop being battered by life and having to keep on keeping on because that is the way it is with animals, and start properly looking after yourself then who you are now will naturally come out? Feels like Coronavirus has battered everyone even if they did not catch it.
 
I’ve gone through this too. Had been riding since I was 11 then in my 40’s I fell out of love with with all. I felt my life wasn’t my own and I was always so stressed to juggle everything. I sold her and never regretted it. I took a big step away from horses having nothing to do with them whatsover. However 10 years later and 2 years ago I bought my next horse and it feels as if I’m 11 again.

If you’re not enjoying horses anymore then go with that feeling
 
Awww OP you have a stressful job in being a single parent...never mind all of the other stuff.
FWIW I have MH issues along side chronic pain and fatigue conditions, it can be downright hard work some days.
Take a break, relax and find out a bit more about yourself. Gave a dabble in everything that takes your fancy...it'ssurprisingthe things that are fun that you didn't think would be. Depending on the age of your child maybe you could find a fun hobby with them..???
I have had horses again for nearly 10 years after an 11 year break. I love them to pieces but I'm careful not to throw myself all in, I have other hobbies and interests that keep my brain occupied. I keep my horses on very local field livery which suits me as people are not my thing....much less stressful than a livery yard..!!!
I have dogs, been involved in parrots in many different ways since I was 17 (I'm 40 next year) and various other furry critters, I do needle felting, cross stitch, resin, reading etc.
We all feel like throwing in the towel sometimes but a change is as good as a rest (do they say,). You never know, you might miss it more than you think....or never look back. Either way, I hope you find your "thing" ??
 
Don't feel guilty or bad if you feel like doing horses isn't for you anymore. Life really is too short to be doing what doesn't give you joy.

I'm sending from your posts though that you might be feeling a bit down in general- if you haven't already, please do speak to your GP about your mood in general. I've had depression and anxiety on and off for years, medication has really helped me although I know it's not for everyone
 
OP I agree with others who say maybe you could do with a bit of a rest. I would take all pressure off yourself, don't feel like you immediately have to replace horses with another hobby. Take some time just to relax, maybe try out a few different hobbies (they don't necessarily have to be outdoorsy or terribly physical either!) and see if anything sticks.
I
 
BoggyGirl said:
I don't like people at all that made me spit out my coffee and I wouldn't do a craft either. My dog walking is a chore for me too to be honest. Its something we do every day rather than fun. It is nice to know i'm not alone anyway thank you.
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I loved walking my dog.She died very recently and I am bereft.Looking for another.
 
Hi ,Please don’t be offended but could you be suffering from nervous exhaustion? Sounds like you need a break from doing anything, I think you need to be kind to yourself and give yourself space to rest ,just be ,recover your energy and then things may become clearer. Don’t feel guilty about having a break.
 
eahotson said:
I loved walking my dog.She died very recently and I am bereft.Looking for another.
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i am sorry for your loss. Perhaps insensitively put. I have young kids that kick off an almighty fuss to walk mine at weekends when I wrote that we had just done battle. I walk them three times a day in whatever weather and they are very much loved. Much more enjoyable when people are at school though.

i am totally over loaded I see that now reading back. I get very little sleep and no time for me at all. I need a rest. I work more than full time hours and yes the joy in things is pretty non existent right now. It feels good to think of not having to cover the cost over the winter and drag kids to the yard who don’t want to go. When I work out how much I was spending it’s an insane amount of money to not find that is a nice thought in itself. As someone else put trying to be superwoman and just strung out.

Winter totally off I think and try some of you ladies ideas. I am not fit at all and have got the corona spread when having always been fit and well I think that is a good starting point right there to feel better. I own no clothes of course my horse had the best so that could be a good start point too!

Thank you for everyone’s kind thoughts and words I really appreciate them.
 
Trouper said:
So please don't stop there - check back in with us and let us know how things are going. I am glad you have decided to have a rest - your schedule made me exhausted just reading it!!
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I think I need to write it down sometimes to see it. I am totally exhausted. Not medically depressed just worn out and really fed up with the huge schedule I’ve set myself! No one else to blame but me ?. I am not someone able to relax and do nothing but the incessant flogging needs to stop.
 
I had a little break when one was too old and one retired. For 2 years I played golf - it was ok but I came back to horses. The nice thing is I am now an ok ish golfer - not great but not embarrassing, so I know if ever I feel lonely or missing company I can join a golf club and on holiday I can play on some seriously beautiful courses (keeps OH happy).

So, what I am saying is why not learn a life skill that you can also pick up and put down as suits!

Oh lord just read your last post ... maybe meditation may be more useful that golf!!
 
OP I'm 'inbetween' horses at the moment but honestly im the same as you and i dont miss them. I've friends offering me rides but I've never been one to ride other peoples horses anyway and i just dont want to. Like as selfish as it sounds, if i wanted to ride i would buy my own!

I have land and stables sitting empty and out of habit look for horses for sale but its just habit an deleting FB off my phone has really helped stop the searching out of habit. Like you when i do go on social media its just full of horsey stuff ....

We've just invested in a Pelaton Bike so if anything i will get fit over the winter and enjoy not slogging through those few months we all dread.

No right or wrong answer, do what you need to do :)
 
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