Feel embarassed & defeated

[Jazz2304]

Sorry - long long post.

So, I feel embarrassed and disappointed in myself. At 29 years of age I feel like I'm still in the same place I was - plus now more scared - than I was as a teenager.

I dont have my own horse. I ride at a well known riding school. I had a scary fall out on a large group hack around 2 weeks ago now and ended up in hospital as a precaution as he was 17.2hh and the fall was at speed. Fortunately I didn't break anything but hurt my hip/leg and lost some of my memory temporarily afterwards - had no idea what day it was or where I was and very confused.

The whole time the horse I was riding was jogging, desperate to be in front. I ride him frequently in the school and he's actually a bit of a plod in there, but found out he's also a hunter. I was nervous, and not used to this on a hack - I've always had someone in front and there were a lot of people with us.

Everyone kept telling me the worst he would do it trot / jog, but I knew he wanted to go. I should have been more vocal. So yes, we got to an open field and they wanted to trot. Of course, I lost control. No brakes, heading for a fence, I managed to turn to try and stop but I was already so exhausted from holding him back (plus nerves) I ran out of energy and fell.

So, naturally, I'm now scared of open spaces and hacking. But mostly, I'm ashamed, upset and embarrassed. If I can't hack / enjoy hacking - what's the point? I've always found the thought of hacking alone to be scary, which is why I've never managed to transition to sharing. Ive been on plenty of amazing and fast hacks before, but I've always had someone experienced with me. I'm more than capable of all other aspects of sharing, but most sharers want hacking - which I understand.

The whole point of me even doing this hack was to join a club to make horsey friends, and that backfired massively, as I'm now to ashamed and embarrassed to show my face. I feel fine about going back in the school, but I just feel sad and defeated.

Literally what do I do next? Do I give up? I've been in riding schools forever. It's so hard to make horsey friends when you're older, I'm so sad I never did pony club or have horsey parents. I often wonder if things would have been different if I'd got into riding when I was really young

If you made it this far thanks ??

 

[blitznbobs]

Ashamed of falling off? When a horse was a plonker? Why? It’s part of the sport. Name me a professional rider and I simply Guarantee you that they have all fallen off in much more embarrassing ways than that. its nothing to be ashamed of it’s simply what happens sometimes if you put something with a (very small) brain and a flight reflex between you and the ground.

 

[PapaverFollis]

It does *feel* embarrassing to fall off... but it isn't actually shameful. So I understand why you feel like that but I very much doubt that anyone else is looking at it the same way that you are.

I've been riding a very long time and I fell off my very safe and steady cob a few weeks ago when he had a waaaaa-hoooooo moment while trying to have a steady canter... but he didn't want to be behind the other horse, got a bit silly and off I pinged! It happens.

As for moving forwards. Take your time. Don't quit yet. I promise that that feeling passes too! Go back to doing stuff you feel comfortable with. Once you feel a bit better can you book a 1 to 1 hack with an instructor both on quiet horses? That would be a good place to start.

 

[OrangeAndLemon]

You have no reason to feel ashamed. Riders fall off horses, it happens.

How long ago did this happen? It feels from your post like it was recent and I wonder if you need to give yourself a bit more time to process. I'd be tempted to give yourself a little break then get back in the saddle.

Have you replaced your hat? The memory loss makes me wonder if you banged your head so that hat has to go in the bin. (My old hat isnt in the bin, it's wedged in a tree to be used for nesting birds)

ETA: I nearly fell off last week at halt. I was trying to reach a gate, it was a bit downhill and I was on my 17.1 tank. He saved me from falling.

 

[Abi90]

Okay, so I got on a strange horse needing a wee before at a viewing. Horse was far too sharp for me and I fell off… winded myself, wet myself and split my jodpurs as well as making an ass out of my riding! Lesson learned, always have a wee before you get on a horse!

It’s totally normal to feel upset, embarrassed and worried. If you don’t like hacking alone, then don’t do it. You will find a share that works

 

[catembi]

Don't feel bad! You were put in a situation that really wasn't very nice. You had a bad feeling about it from the start. There is absolutely no shame in having fallen off that horse. It sounds as if you did well to manage him for as long as you did.

Is there a super, super safe horse that you could hack out on? If there is, even if it's a horse for total beginners - please hack out on him/her so that you can enjoy yourself. It should be fun & relaxing, not terrifying.

 

[Equi]

I once fell off my horse in walk, that’s embarrassing. Falling off a Hunter going for a fence and not listening is definitely nothing to be ashamed of.

I think they were a little careless with you, and understand it will have been very scary for you but don’t give up something you love. Go back and have a few quiet rides on the plods and see how you feel x

 

[Jazz2304]

You have no reason to feel ashamed. Riders fall off horses, it happens.

How long ago did this happen? It feels from your post like it was recent and I wonder if you need to give yourself a bit more time to process. I'd be tempted to give yourself a little break then get back in the saddle.

Have you replaced your hat? The memory loss makes me wonder if you banged your head so that hat has to go in the bin. (My old hat isnt in the bin, it's wedged in a tree to be used for nesting birds)

ETA: I nearly fell off last week at halt. I was trying to reach a gate, it was a bit downhill and I was on my 17.1 tank. He saved me from falling.

Was 2 weeks ago and I haven't got back in the saddle yet. Yeah thats what everyone has said to me except my head didn't hurt at all - I've hit my head falling off before and remember the feeling. My hat also had no marks on it :/ so weird. I was told that it could have been shock - apparently that can happen.

Ps I'm glad he saved you from falling!

 

[CMcC]

First of all absolutely no need to be ashamed or embarrassed. Honestly, everyone who rides has been there. I managed to fall off in a competition, in front of an audience at halt! No one is laughing at you, everyone understands and are probably just glad they weren’t on that horse. Also praise yourself that your instinct about the horse was right.
Secondly, not surprising your confidence has taken a bit of a bashing. Again we have all been there. After a fall out hacking I broke my wrist and lost my confidence. When I got back on I had to have my instructor take me round the arena on a lead rope. Half way round I was fine, but I was glad she was there!
So, go back to where you ride and continue enjoying your riding and making progress. Get back to hacking on a different horse. Maybe one you have ridden before, or seen ridden out who seems safe and sensible.
You don’t have to solo hack ever if you don’t want to. I don’t. Because I like having a gossip with my friends.
Good luck and get back on and have fun.

 

[blitznbobs]

Was 2 weeks ago and I haven't got back in the saddle yet. Yeah thats what everyone has said to me except my head didn't hurt at all - I've hit my head falling off before and remember the feeling. My hat also had no marks on it :/ so weird. I was told that it could have been shock - apparently that can happen.

Ps I'm glad he saved you from falling!

If you lost your memory you hit your head… new hat = essential.

 

[Jazz2304]

If you lost your memory you hit your head… new hat = essential.

Yeah you're right - better to be safe than sorry x

 

[Flowerofthefen]

I'm sorry you hurt yourself and I hope your feeling better but for goodness sake don't feel embarrassed. These things happen every day to professional and every day riders. Horses are not machines and sometimes rides don't go to plan!! I'm sure your feeling apprehensive about trying again but could you ask to ride a real plod just until you decide what you would like to do going forward. It would be a real shame to give up a passion . Hope you feel better soon xx

 

[Gift Horse]

Everyone falls off. If you enjoy riding put it behind you and crack on

 

[Flicker]

All of what the other posters have said. The riding school had a duty of care to you and if they saw you struggling with the horse, they should have kept everyone in walk.
Falling off is part and parcel of horse riding, and you have absolutely nothing to feel ashamed of. It is the riding school that should feel bad that they have potentially set you back due to their inadequate assessment of the risks of that particular horse on that particular hack.

Now, on to your feelings of depression, sadness and hopelessness. You may be interested to know that these are very common after a concussion, which is a brain injury. If you lost your memory, it is highly likely you have suffered a concussion and therefore probably actually a good thing that you have not been back riding. You also may need a little bit of time just doing things quietly, until any bruising and swelling goes back down. And yes, you will feel very sad and very hopeless and very depressed, which is physiological and very normal.

So, don’t make any rash decisions. Don’t decide to hang up your riding boots forever, until you are starting to feel a bit more like yourself. Just be very gentle with yourself, get lots of rest and give yourself time to heal. When you feel you are ready to get back in the saddle, take it slow and in your own time. You may not want to hack, that’s fine. After one nasty fall I had (from walk, warming up for dressage) my friend and I just walked our horses round the school together until I felt ready to do something more. There is no rush. Take your time.

 

[JackFrost]

Horse should be embarrassed and ashamed to show his face, not you.

 

[Griffin]

I have been riding since I was very young (my parents has no money but my cousin's lived on a farm, so I rode their pony) and I have still had times when my confidence has taken a nose dive when I have fallen off (or even just had a bad ride). No one will have thought you were silly, they will have just been concerned that you were hurt.

I agree with @Flicker just take your time and don't rush. I would book in with your GP/nurse practitioner to just get yourself checked to make sure you can ride again. Then I would have some private lessons to gain your confidence or join some quiet lessons with a sympathetic instructor.

 

[Archangel]

The person leading the ride should have noticed that your control was ebbing away and managed the situation better. Absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. The horse might not have been ridden much the day before so was on his toes and all the people out just blew his mind a bit. 17.2 is a lot of horse to manage.

I have been on a beach ride where we galloped for ages and one girl fell off as we stopped (that is a classic time btw - you lose your seat and your balance and off you go) as she was so exhausted. We all really felt for the girl - she was embarrassed but actually quite a few people were face down in the mane at the time.

To cheer you up I have:
been run away with for 45 minutes, round and round a circular track.
fallen off a mounting block and ended up under the horse
fallen over lunging (horse celebrated by bunny hopping and doing headstands so everyone saw me)
given myself a black eye doing up a girth
fallen off at the walk
been eliminated at X in a dressage test (we passed X walking on our hind legs then bounced off the walls for the rest of the time)

 

[Leam_Carrie]

Don’t give up. Get a new hat and have a lesson doing whatever you feel most comfortable doing. When you’re ready go for another hack on a horse you feel safe on.

All riders fall off. And I’ve embarrassed myself plenty of times. Including bursting into tears at the end of my first dressage test aged 39! Felt a bit sheepish going back to that venue.

Generally we feel much more conscious of what has happened than others do. Hope you rediscover your love of riding ?.

 

[AntiPuck]

Don't give up! And don't worry about what the others will think, if anything having a fall can give you all something to giggle and bond over (as long as you are now safe and can see the funny side - no one should ever be laughing at you, only with you!). No one in your group, who is worth their salt, will be thinking negatively of you for having a fall. Everyone falls off at some point, and usually at many points over the years!

Take it easy and be kind to yourself - being nervous after a fall is an entirely rational and natural reaction.

 

[Jazz2304]

Thank you so much everyone for being so lovely ? good to know I'm not alone. Have ordered a new helmet just to be on the safe side and will ease myself back into it x

 

[Abi90]

Thank you so much everyone for being so lovely ? good to know I'm not alone. Have ordered a new helmet just to be on the safe side and will ease myself back into it x

There’s no shame in taking it slowly either.

a good point was made about concussion. I was depressed and kept crying spontaneously after landing in my head. You may feel a lot more positive once that clears

 

[Emilieu]

I fell off taking a selfie and broke my finger. Had to text the yard to say horse was loose on the road and there were about ten people running / driving about looking for us. THAT was embarrassing. You have nothing to feel embarrassed about and everyone who owns / rides horses will know the feeling of having your confidence knocked. I love hacking (although I no longer take selfies…) and if I was looking for a sharer I would be thrilled if they wanted to school and leave the hacking to me- you definitely shouldn’t rule out a share! I had my first horse share when I was 29 and bought my first when I was 30.

 

[myheartinahoofbeat]

if you're on Facebook, join this group 'shiteventersunite' it will make you feel better about falling off.

 

[ArklePig]

Take it from a girl who got a concussion because she lost her balance while mounting (while the horse stood like a rock) you have nothing to be ashamed/embarrassed about! I hope you feel better soon. When you're up to it, see if there's anywhere nearby you can go on a light walking or walk trot hack with horses whose only job that is. I found that really helpful.

 

[Kat_Bath]

Please don't give up. Maybe have a break, but please don't give up. I've been where you are, about a month ago (and I'm 33, for the record, in case it makes me more relatable!).

I was at the riding school I go to and I ride every Wednesday, at their adult riding club. Short story is I was over-horsed, he was looky and then, literally 5 minutes in, spooked, squealed and spun round at a slow-moving Land Rover passing the school. I had a meltdown and got off. They had nothing else for me to ride so I cried for half an hour and then waited for my friend to finish the lesson and drove us home.

The following week, I nearly didn't go back and it wasn't to do with confidence actually (makes a change!) - I was embarrassed. But I did, I went back and when asked if I was OK, I just said "yes thank you - I really appreciate you asking - it was just too much for me and I'm super embarrassed, but I'm back and I'm going to try and enjoy today" and I loved it again. Everyone at the end said how much they were glad that I had come back.

Life's too short to a) make rash decisions about giving up something we love but also b) to ride horses that are too much for us. At the same time, I'd really recommend having a really, really good cry and letting it all out! I'd love to have confidence in bucket loads, that would allow me to ride "better" horses, but the reality is, it's not for me and I quite like it that they know that now and put me on horses I'm comfortable on. I can always build on that, if I choose to, in the future.

I also know that in the future, I'll probably have more meltdowns, more confidence issues and more falls, but each one is a learning curve, an experience and makes me who I am and, at the end of the day, I love being around horses and riding and aint no one gonna take that away from me!

Here if you need someone to lean on, or if you want a chat, or a pep talk - you're not alone.

 

[atropa]

Okay, first of all there is nothing to be embarrassed about having fallen off.
The riding school put you in a situation you were not entirely happy with and it ended badly, if anything they should be the ones feeling ashamed.

I have fallen off getting on my horse before, I also regularly THROW myself off when I feel things getting out of hand out hacking. Hacking is actually a tremendously underrated test of horse and rider skills and relationships, and you are right not to take it lightly, but again another reason not to be embarrassed. It takes practice, confidence, experience to make a happy hacker and there are so many private horse owners who struggle with this, let alone riding school riders.

9 years ago I took up riding again after a 6 year break. 5 years ago, I was out regularly competing over 80cm SJ and WH courses, pushing for times and loving it. Nowadays I am currently terrified at slowly cantering over 50cm single jumps. Your riding journey and career will not be linear, there will be peaks and troughs, and thats okay. It is normal to feel like you are not progressing and moving forward. You just have to keep pushing.

Taking on a share horse can actually be a great way to make fantastic horsey friends. I wouldn't let this put you off looking for a share. Definitely prioritise something which is a bombproof hacker, perhaps someone with more than one horse who would be happy to escort you out at your own pace until you gained confidence. If you're in Central Scotland you would be welcome to come share my horses.

 

[Willowbankstables]

Thank you so much everyone for being so lovely ? good to know I'm not alone. Have ordered a new helmet just to be on the safe side and will ease myself back into it x

As everyone else has said, don't give up! I've been riding since I was 4 but have had loads of ups and downs with confidence over the years. I had a fall where I tried to get back on my horse after getting off to lead him past some scary cows. I stupidly picked a wobbly wall to get back on, he decided to full pelt bugger off as I was half way on and I landed on his bum rather than the saddle, to which he promptly bucked me off into the middle of the road (it was a quiet country road, but it still hurt!). When I got up, he was no where in sight and I eventually found him in the barn at the yard eating the hay. He'd run back there (we were only a few mins up the road when I fell off). I was really embarrassed at the time as everyone from the yard was there, but looking back I really had no reason to be. I didn't get back on for weeks after this and when I did, I asked my friend to walk with me with a lead rope. I didn't think I would ever get my confidence back, but I absolutely have.

Also, I think there are probably more people than you think who would be happy to hack out together with a sharer if they have more than one horse. We are currently looking for exactly that as we have two horses but need someone to ride with when the other is at work/ doesn't have childcare.

 

[Dave's Mam]

I fall off most days.

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

Thank you so much everyone for being so lovely ? good to know I'm not alone. Have ordered a new helmet just to be on the safe side and will ease myself back into it x

I came off a 17.2hh RS horse, called Tiny(!) when I was 19 on a jumping hack, he veered off the usual track at a canter and swept me off under a tree branch. Fortunately I had no serious injuries, as the brambles and nettles broke my fall! One of the staff told me afterwards that he did that to everyone - thanks for warning me. I have never been keen on CB's since but I have had my own hotrse for most of the last 40 yrs, there is honestly no need to give up.

 

[throwawayaccount]

please don't feel embarrassed or defeated, we have all been there! and its even scarier when you lose your memory- 17.2 is a long way to fall! a few years ago I was on a hack with my gelding, he was already fresh and had the wind up his bum a bit (it was feb/march so quite cold!) I'd already sat a few broncs and pushed him for a canter on the way home. he yeehaw'd right up and down and i fell off, hit my head really hard and he zoomed off home. i jumped up straight away and chased after him, then realised my head was hurting and i was bleeding. it was my own fault for chancing it when i already knew he was fresh- but horses are risks full stop, we can miminise them and play safe though.

i'd recommend finding a quiet/safe horse and seeing if you can go out for a gentle plod- an actual plod, not a jog- and maybe see if someone can walk with you?

I agree its harder to find horsey friends in your 20s, i'm in the same boat. if you're in the north west feel free to send me a PM!

don't give up x