Feel so guilty all the time

[Not_so_brave_anymore]

I just wrote out a whole massive, self-indulgent, life-story post, but I think I can just boil it down to this: does everyone feel miserable and guilty and generally shitty in January?!

I've got a pony just stood out by herself (I tried a companion, she kicked the crap out of her on several occasions, the vet recommended keeping her on her own. To be fair, the pony doesn't seem fussed being on her own, but it doesn't sit at all well with me) in the mud (half the field has lovely thick old grass, but she insists on standing in the one section of knee deep poached mud) and rain (we've got lovely thick hedges on all four sides of the field, and a brand new wooden field shelter- pony insists on standing right in the middle of the field). Kids aren't even riding atm because there's nowhere to ride in the winter, and I've got no transport (thanks COVID)

It's got to the stage where I avert my eyes when I walk past the window, because it makes me feel so bad seeing her stood out there by herself like that ?

 

[Kizzy2004]

You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink

My pony is the same, it can be absolutely lashing it down and she’ll stand in the wettest part of the field ?‍

It’s a rubbish time of year for riding and weather wise but I just tell myself it’s getting slightly lighter earlier every day now so spring is on the way.

 

[AShetlandBitMeOnce]

Yes. Completely feel this!

 

[Slightlyconfused]

January is pants all round for everyone. Most of my friends give their horses January off.

Also if she has the option of shelter and chose to stand on her own then it her choice.

Is she completely on her own or is there anyone over a fence?

 

[Bambelina]

Absolutely feel this! We have a field shelter and a couple of trees down one side of the field too, ponies will still stand in the gateway (luckily the only muddy part) looking miserable, even though there’s another 7 acres of thick grass and they get a pile of hay at least once a day.

 

[vhf]

Yes, and more. Worse than usual this year because of everything else going on. It WILL get better. (I hope.) Don't be hard on yourself. You've done everything to make the pony comfortable, and she clearly is, because she's doing exactly what she's choosing, regardless of your actions

 

[irishdraft]

I think most of the population are feeling miserable and fed up , crap weather not able to go anywhere or see anyone. I have a pony here who also will not tolerate any company in with her but she does have others next door . If she seems happy let her get on with it .

 

[Circe2]

I feel guilty about everything anyway, but I can confirm that the winter is making me feel extra (irrationally?) guilty:

- Guilty for my boy only working 3 days a week because of the shit weather

- Guilty I sometimes feel too cold to ride

- Guilty his field is a swamp

- Guilty he’s had to endure all the fireworks

- Guilty he’s not getting more hard food, as he’s not getting worked particularly hard (but LOVES his food)

- Guilty I haven’t clipped him this year, as some days when the temperature fluctuates he must get quite warm (albeit when it’s freezing, at least he’s snug!)

- Guilty we’ve given up working towards any of our dressage goals during lockdown (more guilty with myself for this one - boy couldn’t care less that lessons have been suspended and he’s not getting revved around a boggy arena!)

- Guilty I’m only riding when it’s bloody dark outside. Boy’s gonna turn nocturnal or something..

- Guilty we’re not hacking very much, because there are too many irresponsible plonkers out on the common now with lockdown in place (dogs chasing, kids screaming, bikes plinking, joggers barging)

So yeah... you’re not alone ?

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

Ours are currently standing out in the snow with their bums under a wall. They could just as easily be standing in the shelter eating hay. We provide what they need and then it's up to them whether they make use of it or not. If anything we feel bad for the times we kept them in because of the weather before we had the shelter but actually that was mostly older, softer horses, who were affronted if they were expected to go out in the rain..

 

[Pippity]

Absolutely, but largely because I had a lesson last night, and my horse is so much worse than when I bought her two years ago. I keep telling myself that she's had a lot of time off with various niggling issues, and I spend far more time hacking than I do schooling (because she hates schooling, which means I don't enjoy it) but it's still depressing.

I'm just counting down the days to lighter evenings and being able to hack after work.

 

[Not_so_brave_anymore]

January is pants all round for everyone. Most of my friends give their horses January off.

Also if she has the option of shelter and chose to stand on her own then it her choice.

Is she completely on her own or is there anyone over a fence?

No, she's completely on her own, no horses within a 3 miles radius (although there are sheep next door, and cows the other side when they're out) and I feel absolutely awful about it. When I first got her I was renting 2.5 acres, but soon after I returned the companion pony I also lost that rental field. So now I've got my pony in just my own 1 acre paddock.

I can't keep on trying out other people's ponies and seeing whether she beats them up (speaking to previous owners, it's very much not just a one off that she didn't get on with this particular companion) . So if I were to try again, I'd have to get two minis and work on the assumption that they would always be kept separate from my mare. But then I wouldn't really be able to rotate/rest any part of of the field ever. I don't mind feeding hay year round, but I desperately don't want to end up with a whole acre of mud, with no opportunity for it to ever recover, and nowhere to put what would then be 3 ponies. And I feel hideously guilty for not foreseeing this scenario. Ugh, stress stress stress.....

 

[fredflop]

Would a sheep work as a companion

 

[sherry90]

I feel the same/similar. I have rationalised my bad feelings with the below:

It’s always crap in January
It’s mostly always wet, snowy or muddy in January
This year is even worse as there is nothing going on at the moment due to lockdown
Spring WILL come, lockdown or no lockdown, Boris doesn’t control the weather, seasons or nature ?
We are closer to spring than autumn now....

Hold on in there!

 

[Cortez]

Guilty? Why? You've provided everything that's required to keep a horse properly, the horse has chosen what suits itself, so happiness all round.

 

[Not_so_brave_anymore]

Would a sheep work as a companion

I've thought about this as well. I've got a lovely neighbour who would lend me a few sheep. And I could make a little electric fence "escape pen" in case she turned on them as well. But I'm scared to put that plan into action in case it also blows up in my face, and I end up damaging (or worse) my neighbour's sheep. I feel like my mental health is on such a knife edge that I can't risk rocking the boat and making everything even worse ?

 

[Not_so_brave_anymore]

Guilty? Why? You've provided everything that's required to keep a horse properly, the horse has chosen what suits itself, so happiness all round.

Except she's completely on her own ?

 

[Frumpoon]

A couple of goats?

 

[Cortez]

Except she's completely on her own ?

By her choice. I also have a horse that prefers not to have company; he kicked the shit out of every companion that he's been introduced to. I think you're beating yourself up needlessly - is your horse happy? If the answer is yes, then you can be happy too, and give yourself a big red Horse Owner's rosette.

 

[Not_so_brave_anymore]

By her choice. I also have a horse that prefers not to have company; he kicked the shit out of every companion that he's been introduced to. I think you're beating yourself up needlessly - is your horse happy? If the answer is yes, then you can be happy too, and give yourself a big red Horse Owner's rosette.

You're very kind, and you've made me feel much better.

 

[Circe2]

Except she's completely on her own ?

Despite the obvious science/equine psychology, I have known a handful of horses who deviate from the norm and want to be absolutely alone, and horses who’ve been totally impartial to having company vs no company (like my boy - couldn’t care less). I think if she’s showing you that she’s happy the way she is, let her be, regardless of the guilt you might feel. They’re individuals like we are, and have their eccentricities. That said, just because she currently feels that way, she might not feel that way forever - so I would let her be for the moment, and if her behaviour changes (clinginess, lack of appetite, moodiness, increased anxiety above the sharpness one can expect in the winter), I’d look at trying to introduce a companion again.

 

[FinnishLapphund]

I totally get that some months are just more difficult than others to get through. That it happens in January for you isn't strange, as have been mentioned, the months with more dark hours is more likely to cause a downwards drop in people's mood.

You've provided her with plenty of options with what seems to us like more comfortable, nicer choices, having company, standing on grass, having shelter, but her choices is still her choice. Like Kizzy2004, and I'm sure others, too, it made think of the saying You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

Why not try looking out through the window, shake your head, and simply tell yourself: What a stubborn lady!


Or if you like a more unscientific suggestion, have you heard about Ley lines? If you believe in that sort of thing, perhaps there is something in the energy from the ground that attracts her to the muddy parts of the field, and repels her from the areas that you view as nicer.
My mum who usually very rarely becomes angry, has made my dad digg down thin brass pipes, that is covered by some white outer protecting stuff, and around 1,5 cm in width, in more than one garden, on spots where she couldn't sit without becoming angry. She feels that the thin pipe changes/diverts the energy, and if she had been in your shoes, she would probably make someone digg down such a pipe in the nicer area of the field where you wish your mare spent more of her time.
As I said, it is an unscientific suggestion, feel free to take it serious or not.


Anyhow, so your mare likes to stand alone, in mud. Well, it could be worse, she could like to lay down in the mud...

 

[Circe2]

I totally get that some months are just more difficult than others to get through. That it happens in January for you isn't strange, as have been mentioned, the months with more dark hours is more likely to cause a downwards drop in people's mood.

You've provided her with plenty of options with what seems to us like more comfortable, nicer choices, having company, standing on grass, having shelter, but her choices is still her choice. Like Kizzy2004, and I'm sure others, too, it made think of the saying You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

Why not try looking out through the window, shake your head, and simply tell yourself: What a stubborn lady!


Or if you like a more unscientific suggestion, have you heard about Ley lines? If you believe in that sort of thing, perhaps there is something in the energy from the ground that attracts her to the muddy parts of the field, and repels her from the areas that you view as nicer.
My mum who usually very rarely becomes angry, has made my dad digg down thin brass pipes, that is covered by some white outer protecting stuff, and around 1,5 cm in width, in more than one garden, on spots where she couldn't sit without becoming angry. She feels that the thin pipe changes/diverts the energy, and if she had been in your shoes, she would probably make someone digg down such a pipe in the nicer area of the field where you wish your mare spent more of her time.
As I said, it is an unscientific suggestion, feel free to take it serious or not.


Anyhow, so your mare likes to stand alone, in mud. Well, it could be worse, she could like to lay down in the mud...

This is hilarious, I suspect you might be a fellow Nordic..?

When I see horses in mud, of course, my first reaction is ‘eek, mud, must be cleaned off’. But then I think about how much joy it brought us as kids - that innate love of jumping in it, walking through it and feeling that gooey pull.. the same feeling of absolute liberation and fun a horse would feel, rolling on its back without a rug on. And I instantly feel sort of pleased for them.

That said, mud fever is no joke, so maybe invest in some good mud boots if she’s going to stand in that corner day in, day out ? or slap on a fair bit of mud guard, just in case.

We always have to remind ourselves that just because we think it feels/looks grim and cold out there, our horses very often don’t feel that’s the case at all.

 

[vhf]

Except she's completely on her own ?

But, by her own choice. Imagine how you'd feel if you had your own little place exactly how you wanted it, and some well-meaning person kept insisting you share it with someone when all you want from life is to live on your own by your own terms. Seems to me like she's told you her feelings on the matter! When everything is rosier, you can experiment with her opinion on other scenarios, but right now she's clearly happy, so take that as a compliment to your management and think about changing things another day.

 

[EASTIE17]

I think too often we think of horses and ponies as being like us, even though rationally we know they are not. For example, having unclipped connemaras getting rugged and feeling all guilt if they are out and the rain is hammering off the windows. Some of them spent the first 3 or 4 years of their lives on the side of a mountain living off boggy grass and did perfectly fine. There was no-one running up the hills with rugs They tell us when they are not happy, much like with issues under saddle the best advice is to listen to them, so same applies here.

 

[FinnishLapphund]

This is hilarious, I suspect you might be a fellow Nordic...?
...

I'm a Swede, in Sweden, who somehow stumbled over HHO in an internet search way back in 2008, and here I am all these years later...

 

[JackFrost]

I totally get that some months are just more difficult than others to get through. That it happens in January for you isn't strange, as have been mentioned, the months with more dark hours is more likely to cause a downwards drop in people's mood.

You've provided her with plenty of options with what seems to us like more comfortable, nicer choices, having company, standing on grass, having shelter, but her choices is still her choice. Like Kizzy2004, and I'm sure others, too, it made think of the saying You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

FinnLap - is this the same horse that won't celebrate until it's crossed the creek?

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

Totally understand the guilt and this time of year is crap it has not stopped raining here my fields are under water, I have hard standing but they are preferring to stand in the mud and one has mud fever now, so they came in last night and I am keeping the mud fever one in as I was just getting on top of it, tbh he really is not that bothered and my other horse will stay out for most of the day on his own, to top it all our power went off today it was a planned repair which we were not told about, oh had decided to work from home so he couldn't really do much and it's flipping freezing it's just come back on so got the heating on full blast.

 

[Circe2]

I'm a Swede, in Sweden, who somehow stumbled over HHO in an internet search way back in 2008, and here I am all these years later...

Svensk i storbritannien här! ? infiltrerar så klart, mycket roligare än tidningen ridsport...!

(Promise to stop hijacking the thread for compatriot bonding time now)

 

[J&S]

I feel guilty because at my (old) age I do not have any desire to get cold and wet riding in January weather. In years gone past it never bothered me at all and I would say how I enjoyed a good "tail wind"! When we have a dry sunny day, maybe some time later next month, I will tack up and take them round the village for a leg stretch and then hopefully get going again. In the meantime they have food, water, a field that is not too muddy and a dry bed at night so I am trying to over come any guilt at my lack of enthusiasm.

 

[Pippity]

Oh, additional guilt! I was going to force myself to school tonight, but I've just had a message from the YO saying the arena is too wet to ride, so now I'm feeling guilty about being relieved.

Roll on, lighter evenings and more daylight.