Feel so guilty all the time

[Circe2]

I feel guilty because at my (old) age I do not have any desire to get cold and wet riding in January weather. In years gone past it never bothered me at all and I would say how I enjoyed a good "tail wind"! When we have a dry sunny day, maybe some time later next month, I will tack up and take them round the village for a leg stretch and then hopefully get going again. In the meantime they have food, water, a field that is not too muddy and a dry bed at night so I am trying to over come any guilt at my lack of enthusiasm.

I think especially this year we can all be forgiven for lacking enthusiasm..

Let’s all take a moment to tell our guilt to F off, and remember the whole world’s been put on hold. The horses won’t mind!

 

[CanteringCarrot]

I feel like proper shite mentally! No sun, wet or frozen, and dark. Bleh!

Today I went to the yard but thought I shouldn't ride and stay long because it was supposed to snow more and my car isn't too keen on making it up snowy hills to get home. So I did some lunging and got my feeding done then left. I feel guilty because I did not ride. I only rode once this week; yesterday. Of course the impending snow did not come and driving would've been fine! Guarantee if I were riding a full blown blizzard would've commenced and the drive home would've been perilous at best. Now I feel guilty!

 

[meleeka]

Why guilt? The horse is probably thinking “I’m so pleased my owner hasn’t forced me to share my field or made me stand in a stable all night. I’m not sure why she wasted money on a shelter, but I suppose it could be good in the summer”. You’ve given her the choice and she’s made her feelings clear.

 

[Cortez]

What is this guilt you all speak of? I must have missed out on the allocation.....

 

[CanteringCarrot]

Why guilt? Because we are overthinking humans that already (possibly) were keeping it together mentally with bandaids and one piece of thin thread then along came COVID, lockdown(s), and January.

Or is that only me? ?

That and I'm just bummed I've stalled out a bit. Hard to get regular lessons without moving yards...which has many complications including distance and the fact that this yard suits horse well. Which is all that matters in the grand scheme of things.

 

[Winters100]

I don't think you need to feel any guilt at all. Pony doesn't want company and likes to stand in the mud, well you have tried to provide a companion, and she has somewhere dry to stand - nothing to feel guilty about. Of course I know that it is not that simple, but try telling yourself this whenever the guilt seeps in.

I also irrationally hate seeing mine standing in the wind / rain / snow / ice, and I can honestly say that I get much more satisfaction from being there in the evening and leaving them in their boxes in a nice warm stable rug. BUT they are horses, and they are probably much happier left in the paddock. They irrationally stand in the muddy part, even though the upper part is dry(ish) and has a nice field shelter, they look miserable standing with their backs to the wind, but I can only think that they must be fine as they do use the shelter if it is truly awful, so clearly they know it is there! Forecast is for -20 celcius by Saturday night, but they will still go out during the day, and it is probably me who will suffer (from worrying) much more than they will!

 

[iknowmyvalue]

Another one on the guilt train! Struggling to find the motivation to ride (combination of work being mental, finishing late, cold/dark/wet, me being tired...), feeling like I'm wasting him. Also feeling guilty because his under-rug slipped back and he's got a pressure sore on his wither (happened in 24hrs, I check under his rugs daily, and he'd been wearing that rug for about 2 months with no problems. It's now firmly in the bin...). Feel guilty that I can't hack him more (can only ever hack on the weekends and if I'm not on call)...

But sounds like you've given her everything she needs, she clearly doesn't want a companion and would rather stand in the mud! (Mine also does that!)

 

[Not_so_brave_anymore]

You're all such a lovely bunch! Your kind words have made me feel much better ?

I think *possibly* some of this permanent guilt/anxiety is not directly pony related, and it might have *something* to do with failing to home school 3 primary aged kids whilst simultaneously failing to stop the kamikaze toddler flinging herself off high surfaces at any given opportunity ?

Objectively , the pony seems basically fine- she's eating and drinking well, she's dropped just about the right amount of weight from the autumn, and she generally just mooches around calmly all day. If that changes then I'll reconsider the whole companion issue, but otherwise I think I'll just let sleeping dogs lie.

Thanks again!

 

[poiuytrewq]

Except she's completely on her own ?

She’s pretty much chosen to be, you’ve tried and she said p off in no uncertain terms.
Horses are great at the guilt trip. Go easy on yourself x

 

[laura_nash]

Despite the obvious science/equine psychology, I have known a handful of horses who deviate from the norm and want to be absolutely alone, and horses who’ve been totally impartial to having company vs no company (like my boy - couldn’t care less). I think if she’s showing you that she’s happy the way she is, let her be, regardless of the guilt you might feel. They’re individuals like we are, and have their eccentricities. That said, just because she currently feels that way, she might not feel that way forever - so I would let her be for the moment, and if her behaviour changes (clinginess, lack of appetite, moodiness, increased anxiety above the sharpness one can expect in the winter), I’d look at trying to introduce a companion again.

Agreed, whilst I'm generally very anti keeping a horse alone, and there are a few around here that are clearly thoroughly miserable being alone given their reaction when they see mine, I've also known a couple of horses that didn't seem to care either way and one that actively preferred it.

OP - I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about, you are doing your best in the circumstances and she's probably a lot happier than many that are currently stabled full time or only get a few hours out on a pocket-sized mud pit. Sometime, maybe in spring when things are more relaxed, it would be good to test her reaction to meeting another horse (e.g. walk her past a field with one in). If she's ecstatically happy to see one and clingy about leaving it, then you can revisit the companion options then. If she's really not bothered, you might well have one of the rare ones that just prefers her own company.

 

[FinnishLapphund]

FinnLap - is this the same horse that won't celebrate before it's crossed the creek?

Well spotted!

 

[Elno]

Svensk i storbritannien här! ? infiltrerar så klart, mycket roligare än tidningen ridsport...!

(Promise to stop hijacking the thread for compatriot bonding time now)

Svensk här å som råkade komma över detta forum när jag googlade efter något för ett tag sen, och råkade fastna tillräckligt för att skaffa en användare! ?

I can relate to feeling guilty. My horse is currently a glorified expensive hamster, pasture puff, field ornament or what ever you want to call it, since a couple of weeks back. - 20 C and metres of snow doesn't exactly tickle your fancy to bring out your tack, tack up your horse and go riding exactly ?

 

[JJS]

Honestly, OP, stop beating yourself up! Yes, it’s never nice to see our horses out in driving rain or standing knee-deep in mud, but it’s pretty much inevitable come January.

If it makes you feel better, my three have done practically nothing since I broke my foot in October. The three year old hadn’t even been out of the field for 12 weeks until her last farrier appointment on Wednesday, because bouncy baby horses and broken bones are not a good mix! Did it stop her being an angel for the farrier or negatively impact her in any way? The honest answer is ‘no’.

Sometimes life happens, and with the best will in the world, there’s nothing we can do about it. I know my horses were checked daily, had access to fresh water and hay, and enough space to stretch their legs. In the case of the 28-year-old, he was still rugged, medicated, and brought in every day too, even when I was hopping around on crutches.

I managed to meet their needs, despite doing absolutely nothing with them this winter, and that’s all that really matters. I refuse to waste energy beating myself up about it ??‍

 

[Shysmum]

You are doing the very best that you can. That's all that all of us can do. *hug*

 

[Lipglosspukka]

In terms of killing her companion. I prefer to be on my own and have my own space but this does not mean that I don't want to have an occasional chat with the neighbour over the fence or feel there are others close by should I need help.

An alone horse who cannot even see another must feel somewhat vulnerable. I think you should experiment with company and not give up on her finding a friend.

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

You're all such a lovely bunch! Your kind words have made me feel much better ?

I think *possibly* some of this permanent guilt/anxiety is not directly pony related, and it might have *something* to do with failing to home school 3 primary aged kids whilst simultaneously failing to stop the kamikaze toddler flinging herself off high surfaces at any given opportunity ?

Objectively , the pony seems basically fine- she's eating and drinking well, she's dropped just about the right amount of weight from the autumn, and she generally just mooches around calmly all day. If that changes then I'll reconsider the whole companion issue, but otherwise I think I'll just let sleeping dogs lie.

Thanks again!

Stop feeling guilty about home-schooling, too. Home-schooling is media spin on what should be happening. Schools are talking about 'home-learning' which is very different.
Your children's teachers will have set work for them to do, either online or in some other way. Set the oldest one the task of working out what each one is meant to be doing and depending on age, roughly working out a time-table for them to whatever they need to do/use the devices/TV for doing their work. Let them all read to each other at some point during the day, it will be good for them all. If they work well, they can take turns at choosing what is for lunch/tea (from a limited choice) and they can help to prepare it/set the table. Little one can help to count the knives and forks and listen to all the stories. The older ones could help the toddler to do art/craft work, if you set it up. Your job is to make a quiet(ish) space available for the older ones to do their work and referee any arguments.

 

[canteron]

Oh get a couple of pet sheep - they are the best fun and will keep your pasture sweet.
Keep them apart for a couple of months, but then I am sure they will get on. My old grumpy girl uses our sheep as duvets on cold nights ? and in her eventing days occasionally jumped them!
And, in the Winter, when there isn’t to much damage, they can always tootle round the garden ?
Ps - look up Valois black nose sheep!!
Pps and if it doesn’t work you can always eat them ?!

 

[pansymouse]

My first pony liked being on her on; a admittedly small number of horses do. My experience is those who don't like being on their own will make it very clear. Horse logic is horse logic it's far from the same as human logic. If choosing to stand in mud seems bizarre to us it probably seems perfectly normal to a horse in much the same way as spooking at a squirrel and ignoring a tank (the moving military kind) does.

 

[Carlosmum]

Having just skimmed through the thread ( apologies for not reading all the posts) I feel much better, I am not the only one! Pony is naked in muddy field, I sent his companion home just before Christmas. He has a pile of hay in the mud, the field is a mess, I am not riding its too wet & roads are awful, his saddle is at the saddlers, but as every one says IT WILL GET BETTER.

So I am cleaning the oven instead!

 

[Scotsbadboy]

I currently feel guilty my horse is on his own! He is new and i know he would love a field companion but i just dont want a livery and i really dont want a companion that i'll also have to look after. He has companions either side of him (neighbour collects horses and ponies!) within touching distance over the fence but i can see he still yearns for the company and it breaks my heart but i just cant find the energy or motivation to add to the mud, add to the mucking out, feeding and looking after of a second one!

I do sometimes feel randomly guilty that he chooses to stand next to the field shelter in mud than in the field shelter or even better on the yard where i have an open yard/ stable policy but hey ho, im a bit over that already!

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

I'm not surprised you feel guilty. You shouldn't have bought the horse to keep on its own. Either ask the neighbour if you can borrow companion, or find one some other way. I'm afraid the extra work is just part of having a horse at home

 

[Scotsbadboy]

I'm not surprised you feel guilty. You shouldn't have bought the horse to keep on its own. Either ask the neighbour if you can borrow companion, or find one some other way. I'm afraid the extra work is just part of having a horse at home

Wow, thats a whole new level of ar**hole, thanks!
Im pretty sure the hundreds of people in livery yards up and down the country with there horses on individual turnout thank you for that little pearl of wisdom as well!

 

[Lipglosspukka]

Wow, thats a whole new level of ar**hole, thanks!
Im pretty sure the hundreds of people in livery yards up and down the country with there horses on individual turnout thank you for that little pearl of wisdom as well!

By your own admission, you admit your horse is yearning for company but you simply can't be bothered with the hassle of having a second horse.

It isn't the same as someone who only has the option of sole turnout due to livery restrictions or whose horse tries to deck others making it complicated to give them company.

 

[Scotsbadboy]

By your own admission, you admit your horse is yearning for company but you simply can't be bothered with the hassle of having a second horse.

It isn't the same as someone who only has the option of sole turnout due to livery restrictions or whose horse tries to deck others making it complicated to give them company.

Yes thought you might want to join in! There is very little difference to be honest between my set up and a livery yard who only offers individual turnout apart from i dont deal with rude people like you on my own property and that people on livery only have to look after their own horse whilst working full time and with limited other options and not be told they should have two horses! I wish i'd not bothered posting now to help sympathise with the OP and others when there are people like you and the other one on this forum! Lesson learnt.

 

[Annagain]

NSBA - I'd love it if mine would STAND in mud .







The serious point to this is as much as it infuriates me, he's choosing to do that - just as your girl is choosing to do what she wants to do. She has options, the fact that we don't really understand the choice she makes is irrelevant. She's happy and healthy that's all that matters.

 

[GoldenWillow]

I have my shetland companion on loan as he is dangerous to turn out with other shetlands and can be a problem with bigger horses bigger horses but has been fine with my cob since he put him firmly in his place on first being turned out. With other shetlands he'll fight, and properly, causing damage, or he run will run them through fences. He'll also go through fences to get to the other shetlands. I know it was mentioned to use sheep as a companion but be cautious as my shetland will also go for sheep and run them so please be aware of this possibility.