Feeling a bit rubbish

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Destario

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Everything seems to be a bit rubbish at the moment. Lunging pretty much everything before riding because everything is suddenly crazy fresh. Managed to jump my gelding a bit yesterday and he was fab but with no one on the ground we were rather stuck with just the one fence to work over. He did really well and quickly got into a nice even rhythm which was fab and a massive improvement but the uprights were all a bit big to face him at and keep the good connection and canter. He could have jumped them, but I didn't want him to lose the plot and revert back to crazy fast so had to leave it. All due physio tomorrow and really hoping it's going to help my mare out who is being a right prat at the minute. I'm a very good rider and she is only 4 but I am just feeling like I'm very useless indeed when on board ended up bailing on the arena and going for a walk down and trot back up our big hill. She was very good so I'm really hoping it's just the out of kilter that makes turning and circles sore. I know she's not herself under saddle but I'm not sure how much is this muscle tightness and how much is her being a prat. She's not as forward on the lunge as usual but I did raised poles with her and she didn't struggle at all - loved it in fact. So I don't know how much I can put down to needing physio (coming tomorrow) and how much is just her being difficult because it's January. I know I'm not pushing her when she strops a bit because she is very tight but I am pushing her through a bit. I'm just feeling very useless and rubbish at the minute. I can hardly go out anywhere as I have to rely on other people for transport and my usually lovely mare is patting about in the arena under saddle. She really needs a good blast but our hacking canters are currently roped off due to the weather.
I'm supposed to be going to my eventing trainer next week for a jump lesson on her but I'm dreading it. I've only jumped her 3 times since I got her and I don't have a jump saddle (borrowing trainer's) and with her being so disagreeable at the minute I don't know what to do. I'm a dressage rider and she is going to be my dressage horse but she's got such a super jump I'd love to get back into eventing. Pop me on a pony and I'll jump the moon, but a horse with scope and talent and I'm quaking in my boots for no reason at all. I used to compete at 1.15m and just ride into a fence convinced I'd be alive at the end but I haven't done a lot of jumping the last few years. I do jump my gelding but he needs retraining so I've got loads to think about, but she just flies beautifully and all you do is have a balanced canter. Maybe there's so little to do I have too much time to think!
She's not even being as horrible as you'd expect a 4 year old to be but it's just so disheartening as she was coming on so well and I was going to take her to her first novice dressage but that's all gone up in flames as I can't even get her to move nicely into trot in the arena without a moment or two. I'm on top feeling sluggish and pathetic and it's just got me feeling so down about my ability. My gelding was coming along great and then I booked him into dressage camp and he's seemingly forgotten how to do everything, though his canter is coming along super. His short girth is a little bit too long but I can't find a shorter one anywhere! He's got 2 lessons this week, one away from home and he hasn't travelled for ages so I'm worried he might Welsh out on me and throw all the toys out the pram getting on the transport.
Mare is her usual self on the ground and has loads of turnout but I know she isn't being worked hard enough, but I don't know if I'm pussying around too much because of her being obviously uncomfortable and tight. I've been lunging her before riding pretty much every time which is fine, and I don't mind her being a bit sharp and hot, but I really don't enjoy her being stuffy and pratting about, especially when I'm riding on my own.
If the physio doesn't improve her mood it's going to be lunging before riding for the foreseeable future and getting my eventing trainer to come and do a lesson with schooling regularly but I don't have enough money for that (I currently have one a month which has always been fine - like I said I'm a very good rider and I love retraining and teaching horses so generally don't need more than that) . I've got so much planned for her this season with the young dressage horse classes and the burghley young event horse and at the minute I'm struggling to get a nice consistent trot around the arena!

I don't really know what I want out of this other than to talk to other horsey people who understand the whole horse thing and that I love riding but I feel like I'm an awful rider at the minute, even though I know I'm not (but my brain is telling me that secretly I'm terrible and I don't know how I've conned so many horses and people into thinking otherwise).

Scones and fluffy kittens to everyone who got this far. Feel free to berate me if you feel it would be helpful, but please bear in mind I'm feeling fragile and useless about my ability so don't be too mean. And I do know she's 4 and they prat around but she's normally very good and just gives collected canter or falls out on purpose or decides to be extra hot and sharp - all things I can deal with. Not so much a confidence crisis I think, more an ability crisis!

More kittens are available on request, however any ocicats or maine coons found in the basket are mine ;)
 
SaddleUpSin said:
Why wouldn't OP be serious? Genuine question
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I guess it's quite a tricky situation when the girth is too long and you're a really good dressage rider but have only ever done show jumping and you have a 4 year old that has a tight back even though you are lunging it before riding every day. I mean, that's bound to help, right? Can't say I know how OP feels though.
 
Ellietotz said:
I guess it's quite a tricky situation when the girth is too long and you're a really good dressage rider but have only ever done show jumping and you have a 4 year old that has a tight back even though you are lunging it before riding every day. I mean, that's bound to help, right? Can't say I know how OP feels though.
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Not sure though really as most of the troll posts don't go so much into detail?

Also, the OP isn't a new account and has posted regarding their horses before, so I'd tend towards giving the benefit of the doubt
 
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Ellietotz said:
I guess it's quite a tricky situation when the girth is too long and you're a really good dressage rider but have only ever done show jumping and you have a 4 year old that has a tight back even though you are lunging it before riding every day. I mean, that's bound to help, right? Can't say I know how OP feels though.
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The OP has posted before about her horses and the slightly confused stream of consciousness posting style is pretty consistent ;)

However I have to agree, set yourself up to succeed OP - buy a new girth so it fits, and then leave mare alone until physio has been if you know she is tight, there's no point carrying on battling through it as you'll just upset each other.
 
SaddleUpSin said:
Not sure though really as most of the troll posts don't go so much into detail?

Also, the OP isn't a new account and has posted regarding their horses before, so I'd tend towards giving the benefit of the doubt
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That's true. OP is clearly feeling rubbish about this and isn't thinking straight. Maybe some jumping and up hill work will help relieve the tension in her back OP? Or try a longer girth, I find that normally helps cool them down so they don't get too stressed, it also makes the saddle fit better so it won't slip.
 
I hope i've followed your train of thought OP as it was a tad confusing!!

If you know your mare is tight and perhaps has some back issues I would leave her alone until you've got her checked out. There is no point in pushing her if she's reacting through pain as you're going to get nowhere. If she is sore or tight you need to find the reason why and try and overcome this. You say you're jumping her in your trainers saddle - do this fit her properly? Youngsters are constantly changing so maybe her saddle is causing discomfort?

As milliepops has said - you need to set yourself up for success.

I feel like a terrible rider half the time but I always try and think of some positives and if there's been a problem I think, what did I do that could have caused that? Were then any other factors? And think how you can try and correct it.

If your horse is acting out of character get the basics checked- back/tack/teeth. Youngsters are always changing so rule out all that first :)
 
ellietotz - many of us change as riders throughout our 'careers' - as a youngster I was a pretty good showjumper, I then completely retrained due to the horse I had and became better at flatwork and went on to be reasonable at that. These days I would probably almost fall off if I attempted a fence!

OP we all go through patches where we feel utterly useless, our horses aren't going well and we can't really work out why. With your youngster - what is she doing exactly? Is she being sticky, ignoring you, bogging off? Most youngsters will go through a phase where they start saying "no, I don't have to" and it can be tough to ride through. She's only 4, so just focus on keeping her moving forwards and off your leg - the rest will come in time if that basic notion is well in place.
 
Also, OP, chin up! :) Not every road is a smooth one, but as long as you're heading in the right direction no matter how slowly, you're doing a good job and far better than those not even trying :)
 
Thanks. Apologies for the truly awful essay of confusion.
My trainers jump saddle fits her great as does my dressage saddle. I don't jump her much as I don't have a jump saddle (saving up). She's being a prat really. Hot off the leg then behind it, baby rears and bunny hops. Nothing awful in the scheme of baby horses. She's definitely tight and physio is due tomorrow, but not so tight that exercise is out. Once she gets moving and gets over the 'don't want to' strops she moves well but you can feel she's tight behind and on the right. I haven't been cantering her under saddle as she is obviously uncomfortable and tries to change leg, but she's fine on the lunge. She needs the stimulation of work or she's a menace - hence why more lunging. She did something in the field a few weeks ago and ended up having 10 days off and stabled due to this and a loose shoe due to farrier mishap. So mini holiday and routine change meant fresh, but it's a very annoying fresh.
The gelding uses her dressage girth but he's lost weight (he arrived a bit portly so this is good) and the girth is on last billet holes. I am very aware that should he spook he may end up with a slipped forward saddle which isn't good, but finding 20" girths is hard. He's coming along nicely, I'm just frustrated we can't get out more and he seems to have gotten a bit stuck.

Mares jump lesson is next week. I'm worried because she's being a prat under saddle at the moment and I'd really like to just have a nice jump lesson because she loves is and I've been convinced to do the young event horse qualifiers with her which will be 1.05m so I really need the practice. Last time I jumped her was November. Saddle still fits, saddler due in Feb to check flocking. Teeth are up to date (canine coming through and slightly wobbly wolf tooth so very regular checks). Physio is monthly, though was super booked up during dec/Jan so having to wait til tomorrow but they do all the racers and eventers in the area and its a busy time of year.

I ride advanced dressage with bits of higher up stuff, capable on lots of different horses and generally do very well with baby horses and ponies. I do go ride a friend's inter trained horse every few months to keep in check and have a variety of trainers. Both of mine are at the bottom end of training (obviously being baby and retraining) but I was working gelding medium and mare was working on elementary stuff with a focus on helping her trot improve. Just feels this last week we've gone back 2 months!

I've been doing lots of cavaletti on the lunge to help loosen her back and build geldings abs and they are turned out overnight so not wound up due to boredom/lack of turnout.

In regards to jumping I used to jump and event competitively in my teens but refocused on dressage through uni and have stuck with it since. I've also started carriage driving with my friend and only recently have I had the money to buy my perfect dressage baby horse. The gelding somewhat dropped into my lap and is a lovely boy to work with. Mare is so clever and has such a good jump that I thought yes let's event, but a decade or so of not much jumping messes with my head, and she's so good over a fence I don't want to mess it up. Dressage wise I'm fine with where I need to get her and how quickly/slowly. My dressage trainer is coming out to me on Thursday for a lesson on my gelding but I might cancel the lesson on the mare as I forsee it being an expensive mess and I'd rather chat about what young dressage classes to aim for than her see my current terrible excuse for a dressage horse!

My apologies for the stream of consciousness style, never think I did an English degree ;) it's the only way stuff like this comes out (aspergers). And I can't bear to read it back and tidy it up for fear of deleting it and feeling even more stupid.

Basically the tl;dr is had a bad couple of weeks, mare being a prat, can't find 20" short girth for gelding and I have no transport. I know what I'm doing but I'm starting to doubt everything I know and feel like a failure. Also don't have enough money to get my eventing trainer to come ride her every week to help me along a bit (rides her beautifully) and I feel a bit useless about it all really. It was all going so well before the new year!

This has also got horribly long. So sorry. Thank you for reading and making some sort of sense out of my insanity.
 
Clarification
Girth and saddle fit mare, padded up at the wither slightly and have reduced patting as muscle built up. Fit is good.
Girth is now too long for gelding but finding a really short short girth is hard. He can feel the slight looseness so isn't being as bold as usual. Sensible boy.

My skills - good dressage rider. Been complimented by quite a few dressage riders and trainers I know including gp level so I know I'm not awful. Jumped very well in teens. Not jumped much since.

Mare is hot and sharp but in a good way (off the leg without exploding but won't let you get away with things) has great sj breeding, bold and intelligent. Numero Uno and Nimmerdor. Would not know she was 4 1/2 until last couple of weeks. Broken in by 4* event rider friend who offered her to me in September. Had a fab start, I'm obviously not a 4* rider. Plan was to get her to at least psg, but now being tempted to event. Trainer thinks she'd make 2* easily. Dressage trainers both see huge potential there.

Gelding is a fun Welsh D. Sharp and sensitive. Retraining, serious scope over fences. Surprising talent for dressage. Dressage trainers both in love with him so we're really focusing on that. Going to event him a bit this season. Clever and brave as a anything.

Both usually well behaved but both throwing toys out pram. Think gelding is because of weather and clip. Mare is a baby and is tight over the hip rather than the back and also in the glutes I think. Trainer rode her 2 weeks ago when my anaemia was playing up and agreed tight behind and to the right and physio the way forward but to keep her in work.

She hacked out yesterday down and up the hill very well, no strops, just occasionally heavy on the right rein in trot and felt a little more hot than usual but quickly chilled out.
 
You are obviously more than capable of riding them both and doing whatever you want to with them but it sounds as if you are getting ahead of yourself and overthinking, get the physio, buy a new girth, it may not be exactly what you want but this came up on google and is 20 in https://www.******.co.uk/HyCOMFORT_..._find=147914&gclid=CI__mPnG6tECFUOT7Qod9E8C0Q

Then take a deep breath and set a few easy goals, baby steps rather than leaps, if she doesn't do young horse classes this year does it matter you can still do dressage, SJ and xc with a few unaff events to get the experience with far less pressure, she is only 5 this time so even if she only gets to a few comps it will do no harm, she can be aimed for BE next season if you get the basics instilled over the next 12 months, long term aims can be made but be flexible if you decide you don't want to jump she can still do BD and climb up the levels she may be slightly behind but will catch up faster if you relax and work with what you have rather than try to do it all and become frustrated, be pleased they are both sound and look forward to getting out and about, the weather at this time of year doesn't help, the horses are fresh, we are fed up and start to panic that the winter has been wasted.

The first link didn't work so trying another, this comes in 18in aswell

http://www.saddlery.biz/old-mill-saddlery-shaped-dressage-girth-cushioned
 
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Get online buy a girth.
On the mare if the Physio finds stuff you need to think if a vet needs to take a look .
If she just being a pratt I would get her leading from another horse ,unridden exercise out and about is a really good thing for young horses it works for all types so it's a good go to problem solver for four year olds .
I think lots of riders go through these down times small issues get on top of you and end up in a why do I do this wobble .
It's a bad time of year in a month you will feel better .
 
Oh bless you...you just sound like you're getting yourself in a bit of a knot and being very hard on yourself.
No training of a young horse goes completely smoothly, you just have to keep plugging away at the little bits, have faith that it will come right, and stop worrying about the big picture.
Training a horse is like painting a picture - when most of the canvas is still blank it can be really tough not to be overwhelmed by focusing too much on what the finished article should be. You have to concentrate on getting each brush stroke how you want it and gradually it will start to come together as a whole. It can be so easy when you have the pleasure of riding something very talented to obsess over how brilliant the trained version will/should be, and it seems like that's what you are struggling with right now.

I know it's a cliche, but take a breath, tell yourself that it will all be OK, and keep doing what you're doing. It will all look brighter in the spring.

Oh, and the girth thing is ridiculous - just go online right now and buy one.
 
Thank you all very much :)

I borrowed a friend's 22 inch girth and it was OK on the top billets so I might go for an 18inch girth so I have some flexibility. Can't find any leather ones sadly (probably useless at googling) and he's sensitive to neoprene which is annoying so found a thorogood one that looks to be just synthetic as opposed to neoprene and its cheap, so I'll get that and save up for a leather one to be made.

Mare had physio yesterday and was agreed very tight behind, loins and over the hips especially. Said to continue lunging long and low and over cavaletti as I have been doing and ride long and low with some good hill work to get her using the muscles and moving forwards to stretch them out. See how she is in 10 days and might need another session or perhaps a chiro if little improvement in tightness. She was a star as it was very uncomfortable for her, but all she did was move forward and back a bit and a little side to side, and twitch her ears back when it was extra sore. Very well behaved for an obviously painful session! I know how she feels as my physio attacked my adductor last week and it was awful. Stayed in last night and looked like she had a really good sleep overnight as well as in the afternoon after her session. She hasn't been having her afternoon nap lately, so obviously feeling a bit better.

Hoping it all starts to pick up a bit now, but I've got an awful sinus cold! Don't think my head has ever felt this hot and I'm achy all over but lunging and schooling tomorrow with a positive attitude.
 
Sounds to me like a touch of the winter blues :)
Do bear in mind that your mares will be entering their transitional period and hormones will be taking over any sense they may have previously had. They can't help it. Its why we love them :)
Chin up as springs on the way.
 
I think everyone hits a brick wall at some point in winter.

The mornings and nights are dark, mucking out is getting boring, horses are starting to feel fresh, and you are battling constant mud, lost shoes, gammy rugs etc.

If it were me, with your mare I would just leave her ridden work now until spring. Let everything settle down, let her think about what you have taught her so far and take the pressue off you both. You haven't had her long so maybe just take her for some in hand walks and some "bonding" time with no agenda or time limit and just breathe, it doesn't all have to happen now, she's a baby and you both have all the time in the world!

I know sometimes it feels like taking a step back, but just sometimes we have to take steps back to move forward!
 
Thank you.

I've just gone to the tack shop and bought the thorowgood girth, smallest they had was 20" but that's better than sliding off. Hopefully he'll behave nicely in his lesson today and we can work on his travers and half pass and that will cheer me up.

Mare had a bit of a holiday over the new year (no strenuous riding just walking about or day off) in addition to her unscheduled box time. I'm hoping she'll be feeling better today when I lunge her and do some cavaletti. She's a joy to watch over them so that will be enjoyable.

It's so windy at the yard im having a dilemma about their turnout tonight. My gelding can get a bit shivery in the cold wind even with a 350g turnout on, and it's too wet to put a duvet underneath... I might try him with one of the short light duvets and see how it sits under the turnout. Doesn't help that everything else is pretty much in 24/7 at the minute!

I think it's the time of year. I'm feeling a bit down, animals are all feeling fresh and I've backed out of comps I had planned because they were all being difficult. At least the awful weather means the chickens have started taking themselves to bed :) nothing worse that grabbing them out of trees in the cold and damp.
 
Update post lesson:
Bop was fab. Trainer hasn't seen him for a couple of months and really impressed with how much better he is going. Worked on our travers and our half pass,said its there just needs lots of work so that is good. Shoulder in in all 3 paces is great. Canter to walk still needs work but less jog. Didn't think totally crazy to be doing medium 76 at camp in April, but pretty crazy ;) still lots to work through and she was really pleased with us. Cheered me up loads. Girth fits with a hole one side and 2 the other which is great. Next time she comes she's going to have a sit because he looks so much fun which is really great :) ponies for the win!

Just have to lunge my mare now hopefully the wind doesn't make too much of an impact!
 
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