Feeling despondent (and jealous)

I think it links with the psychology study of nature vs nurture and you'll never fond a definite conclusion.

I'm another with frustration. I got H through the riding school I loaned him off at the time as he became so nervous with all the different riders he couldn't cope and I was offered him so took pity on him as otherwise it would have been an unsure future for him or worse.

He never used to hack alone due to the rs and his own nervousness and I still hold it as one of my greatest achievements with him to get him hacking alone. It was a lot of baby steps e.g. turning back when we were going along nicely before we got to him stopping and going out with someone on foot etc.

However I would absolutely love to take him to the beach as it's one of my ultimate things I want to do with horses, I even think he'd go in the sea as we've been through the middle of the pond at the yard and it was up to his chest. The thing stopping me is he won't box. He won't even go into some of the stables at the yard if they are too narrow or dark so I don't want to mess his brain up and lose the progress we've had over the years to try and get him in the box. I've wanted to try but between not having my own transport and the thought of getting somewhere and him refusing to go back on it I've not tried. So possibly with the work he would have but again I've had to accept it's something he won't do. It is frustrating especially seeing photos of people enjoying riding on the beach.

The not boxing also meant I could never compete. He is also scared of fillers and new jumps. I believe this is partly due to me as I do tense up if we are approaching something different as it will always be at the back of my mind he could stop. We hardly jump now as my confidence has gone. However I believe he would do well in dressage but nope there are none within hacking distance so we can't go.
I would like to have taken him hunting but again there was the thought he would stop, I'll come off and he will go running off in a massive field when I can't catch him at the best of times! Again partly me but also he's put that thought by being so scared of new jumps. Again there is the not boxing issue as there is a meet nearby we could hack to but it's quite a trek.
I agree re Facebook perhaps adding to the jealousy. I see photos of someone out xc schooling and there are some nice small ones near me and he did quite like xc when we had it at the yard (taken away when new fencing was put in) but again it would require boxing so is a no go.
However he has the nicest nature on the ground, doesn't buck or rear and hasn't a nasty bone in his body so I could have something that boxed and went sj but wouldn't have a nice nature.
I do feel some of my motivation has decreased as it does make things repetitive and it would be nice to try new hacking and go exploring but we can't box to do that.
I think if I ever did get another horse I would have a very strict list I would keep to when choosing and would buy more with my head than heart.
 
I've not seen your other posts but you know, some horses are easy and some or just not! Your sister just probably has had some nice easy horses.

I've had a couple of horses who would not have approved off le Trec!! But we're both fantastic hunters and one was a great dressage horse, the other a great show jumper. I like to go in with an open mind and do what the horse enjoys instead of trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.
 
Oh no Kat, don't think like that....you've achieved so much with him in comparison to what he was. He's speshul, that's all. What is there left where you feel like he isn't up to scratch? Hacking alone and maintaining calm at competitions. Well that's nothing....I mean I know it doesn't feel like nothing, but there are lots and lots of horses that do not hack alone and are noticeably different at shows.

Lots of little outings, focussing on one silliness trigger at a time and just keep chipping away. It's not guaranteed to make him perfect, but at least you'll have tried, and probably found out a whole lot more about him in the process
 
Caol Ila said:
I got out of my phase of being frustrated with her by adopting some of her 'could care less' attitude towards dressage, quitting showing, and enjoying her for who she was. Not a dressage specialist, but a great allrounder who can turn her hoof to anything.

There are things about every horse that the best trainer in the world can't change.
Click to expand...

I love this, it rings a bell for me and my mare. Thankyou for putting it into words.

So many times people have questioned and pressured me over 'doing more' with my horse. Why don't we do dressage, or compete? Why don't we go to shows? Why don't I bring out her full potential? It made me feel like I was letting her down, so earlier this year I gave in to that pressure, found a trainer, and we started to try our hand at dressage. My horse HATED it which I knew she would, but everyone from the YO to total strangers upped the pressure ten notches more and kept telling me things like 'you have to beat her, don't let her win.' Three months of tears and frustration and little progress later, I brought in a vet to check for any physical cause to why my wonderful horse had turned into a vicious mule - who had also carted me off a field into a busy road the week before. She was sound as a pound, but the vet gave me advice which at the time felt insane, but months late has been a life saver - she told me to turn the horse out and rest her, and then go back to what made us both happy. When I turned my horse away for eight weeks everybody and his dog had an opinion, mainly that my horse had 'won' and I wasn't a serious rider. And that's the point where I stopped caring.
 
Thanks so much everyone for responding. I'm feeling much better about everything. Ok we aren't perfect but he is a star to me. I hacked him out yesterday (seeing how he felt before vet check-not sure they will see anything as he felt on good form!) and he was his brilliant self, bright, sparky, polite, forwards, he's such a joy to ride. We had one minor melt down 50m from home when he saw a giant black pipe in the back of a builders van (he had already passed this on the way out but on the way home it clearly looked like a black hole into another dimension, so I hopped off and led him past with his eyes on stalks and blowing dragons). We may not have found a hole that fits his firework shaped peg but he's pretty good at a lot of stuff. I wouldn't swap him for all the laid back horses in the world!
 
I feel exactly the same but all my woes are related to his feet and broken bits of body wheb everyone else's horses have been forever sound in shoes (and mine hasn't been)

Except I delight when my boy is on his toes as it means he's feeling good. :D
 
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