Feeling guilty for not wanting to sell horse to loaner.

[bouncing_ball]

^I can understand both you and your loaner's feelings on this, but this is the opinion that resonates most strongly with me. As someone who was permanently gifted my first horse but had loaned before, the loans were never the same. I couldn't let myself love them as much knowing that, however well I looked after them, one day their owners might change their minds and I could lose them. There are other people in the world who will love and care for your horse just as well as you can, and by the sounds of it your loaner is one of them. Maybe it's time to trust that someone else can have the control that ownership brings without it ending badly. As someone who was granted the gift of being given the horse I adored, I can tell you that no one except her first owner loved her more or looked after her better in her lifetime. She didn't suffer in any way because her old owner, who was struggling due to severe arthritis, let go; she thrived.

This. I have loaned multiple horses and bought most of them.

I think the loaner often cannot truly love a loan horse, that may be taken back at any time. You can be very fond of them, and do all the right things for them. But the level of relationship and bond when you have certainty that you control their long term future is different.

My relationship with the three loan horses I have bought changed when I bought them. Before that I was holding back a bit to protect myself.

I suspect your loaner is falling for your horse, as a horse that could be her horse of a life time. And she wants to protect herself from the risk of you taking him back / things changing.

I understand you love your horse and want to protect him.

I think perhaps the question is what is best for your horse long term. It might be to have one long term home, with a relationship where is very much loved. However that might be delivered?

It isnt easy being a loaner, once you fall for the horse you have on loan.

 

[milliepops]

Could you not change your loan agreement to have wording so that the loan agreement was for the next 20 years (long enough to outlive the horse) and would only be ended if the loaner wished it to be or if the owner had serious cause for concern about the horses welfare. That might give your loaner a little more stability? It gives you a 'get out clause' just in case.....

This sounds like an excellent idea.
I was a loaner who walked away when the owner would not sell. It broke me because I loved the horse but I couldn't cope with the doubt at the back of my mind about when/if the owner would want him back. She was quite within her rights of course but it was very tough at the time.
OP, I would have said to prepare yourself for the same to happen to you, until you responded to say you could make it a more permanent arrangement.

My horse is on permanent loan from a charity and it feels very secure, much like an agreement worded as above would do.

 

[dogatemysalad]

This was an indefensible act, my only hope is that the men responsible find that the local equestrian community refuse to do business at the centre.
If we're waiting for the police, along with CPS and courts to administer justice, hell will freeze over first.

 

[Inthemud]

This is absolutely your decision.

When I was in a similar position, with a horse I adored, but I wanted to give up riding (whole sport, not just that horse). A horsey friend I really respected, gave me some great advice. She said that really good homes were very hard to find and that if I found someone who loved he horse as much as I did, would look after her as well as I would and who could promise my mare an active and lovely future, I should grab it with both hands. I did and have never regretted it.

Good luck with your choice.

 

[Tern]

Your horse so your decision is what you want it to be.

I personally loan my old boy and have done for 5 years since he was 22 years old (He's 27 now) and his owners known where he is - see updates over Facebook but never once have they wanted to come and just check him because they know us and know he is fine. We treat him like our own and they know that when we think he is ready to go he will be simply because he still LOVES going on his hacks once in a while. Personally I know that he is (basically) my horse.. They got given him and agreed to never sell but loan - they have no use for him so that is why he came to us..

Good luck with whatever you choose.

 

[SatsumaGirl]

Thank you for the replies, everyone. They're all much appreciated. Sorry I haven't replied for a few days- had a lot on.

I think the point about extending the loan agreement for a number of years, is a good one.

Got lots to sort through and talk about with my loaner- just hope she's happy enough with the outcome.